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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 15 2013 16:05 DrakanSilva wrote:
Hehehe nice stuff around here. There's almost everything a gossip writers need to start his own love story section on any magazine. For sure will make people laugh, cry and smile.
Fuck, I wrote a lot of shit and just deleted everything... I'm going to make a blog later this month.
Anyway, I'm now dating with a Russian girl, I'm living in China (I don't have Chinese parents or any Chinese relationship, my father do business with this country since 1999, it just happens that I decided to do some stuff of my own and visit Europe, Asia, Sea, Etc. in the next 5 years of my life. From here is easier, cheaper and faster to get money).
I'm used to other kind of women so we kinda fight a lot for stupid things and I still don't measure well my words, I'm too direct for her, she always takes it the bad way and usually she is in a defensive stance, anyway she's learning that I'm not offending her and she's learning to understand me. I think that my skills with words are quite good so we talk a lot about life values, points of views and many other things, quite interesting talks, but when we are drunk we try to avoid this kinds of discussions because they always end up in stupid discussions and she is AWFULL to hear others when she's drunk hahahahaha, I don't leave her because I find her fascinating, pretty, smart, dance a lot, fun in bed, and family caring, add some many others but it would be a TLDR (if it isn't already).
Anyway, weird experience, I wasn't expecting to date anybody in this part of the world just yet but she's just too pretty, nice and smart, many things in common. Meanwhile I'm enjoying it, not fully committed and I don't want to... I've been extremely committed the last 7 years with 3 VERY different girlfriends (1 South Korean/Business Woman in China, 1 Very Hippie Girl in Chile, 1 Folkloric Ballet Dancer/Cultural/Political/News-reporter in Chile) and the last one totally destroyed my life for a few months (we both got totally wasted, it wasn't even a cheating problem, was more of a "do we marry?" problem... huge story, don't mind sharing but it's too long). So now I'm happy the way I am, working, playing dota, caring a lot for her well being but also trying to have my own time... Sometimes she complains that I don't care about her, but that's because she don't do many things for herself, too much free time, so then, most of her time = times with me, and most of time = time with me, for my personal development as a professional business man in China, World traveler and esport lover. Maybe she will get tired of that, or get used to that, anything that happens it's fine for me as long as it is the best for herself and doesn't fuck up my head. I'm totally our of love problems, at least for a while... although we do fight but that's part of this relationship. Before I hated to fight and for me was a terrible situation, but now I'm more cool about it, I also get angry, I don't go cheating on her or looking to other girls, I just get in a bad mood, try to forget, and go back to her, or she comes back to me and we are all good again... If she mess up hooking up with another guy she's gone, I love her and like her but I'm out of committing myself like before. At least for a few years and she knows that. The good thing is that we both trust each other a lot, I'm selfish and she's extremely proud of herself hahaha... we even joke about our fights. And I hope (and I think) that if something happens and the relationship goes to hell, I will not be very affected by it and be able to talk to her and even make her feel more calm about it... in someway that I can't explain shortly. So that's about it. Now it's saturday afternoon 3PM, I'm at office working and now just chilling, to have a fresh mind sometimes you need to fade away for a few hours, and fuck it, it's saturday and today is the first open air rave party of my city! Can't stop thinking about it, I'm about to tell everybody in the office to go home but I still need to receive some answers later today.
Well, I hope I didn't bored you guys too much... hope you enjoyed and any thoughts about it or continuation of this I have no problem to share with you guys.
Peace
The blogger is strong in this one!
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Hahahaha free time for the win and too many freaking new experiences all around... sorry for the TLDR hahaha.
And yeah hehe, I do like to write, sometimes I just write shit but I couldn't care less about it, I might be selfish, but I'm not a proud bastard that wants to imbue my thoughts into others. I actually love healthy discussions, argumentation and life experiences.
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On June 14 2013 14:55 jrkirby wrote:Alright. Tomorrow I'm going to go up to the cute chinese girl I've been talking to at work and say: Translation: Do you want to go get food with me tomorrow? Hopefully I don't fuck up the pronounciation too bad... Wish me luck!
On June 15 2013 13:57 jrkirby wrote:
Nailed it. I now have a date with a cute chinese PhD student tomorrow at 1. The only problem is that it's not explicitly a date, just implied (as I specifically invited her and did not invite anyone else). If lunch goes well, maybe I'll take her to sneak into some practice rooms at a nearby university and play piano for her. Or take her to ice cream. I don't know, I'm not an expert at dating yet. But I'm an extemporaneous guy, so I'm sure I can always play the next move by ear.
How did I not notice the ring? God I'm such an idiot. Oh well, at least I got to hang out, but no sweet kirby-kisses  .
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On June 16 2013 08:37 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On June 14 2013 14:55 jrkirby wrote:Alright. Tomorrow I'm going to go up to the cute chinese girl I've been talking to at work and say: Mingtian, ni xiang gen wo yiqi qu chifan. Translation: Do you want to go get food with me tomorrow? Hopefully I don't fuck up the pronounciation too bad... Wish me luck! Show nested quote +On June 15 2013 13:57 jrkirby wrote:
Nailed it. I now have a date with a cute chinese PhD student tomorrow at 1. The only problem is that it's not explicitly a date, just implied (as I specifically invited her and did not invite anyone else). If lunch goes well, maybe I'll take her to sneak into some practice rooms at a nearby university and play piano for her. Or take her to ice cream. I don't know, I'm not an expert at dating yet. But I'm an extemporaneous guy, so I'm sure I can always play the next move by ear. How did I not notice the ring? God I'm such an idiot. Oh well, at least I got to hang out, but no sweet kirby-kisses .
Ouch - thanks for the follow-up though.
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Northern Ireland26225 Posts
McBengt, I am back from my long (well only a month) absence from TL. How the fuck are you son?
Towards the spirit of the OP, how do you get through to a friend that what they're doing is wrong in terms of appearing attractive to the opposite sex? I have a friend who should be drowning under the cumulative weight of women after him - if he acted remotely similarly around them to his behaviour around the guys.
Usually I just link somebody to Youtube clips of the Milhouse-Bart dynamic, and say 'You don't want to be a Milhouse do you?' and this generally works, but alas not.
He's a good looking, humourous guy and a lot of fun to be around as a guy, when he zones in on a girl though he's a whiny fucker. Appealing to people's pity is not a particularly good way to achieve anything life imo, but I am struggling to convey this in a non-offensive way if you get what I mean?
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On June 16 2013 12:42 Wombat_NI wrote:
McBengt, I am back from my long (well only a month) absence from TL. How the fuck are you son?
Towards the spirit of the OP, how do you get through to a friend that what they're doing is wrong in terms of appearing attractive to the opposite sex? I have a friend who should be drowning under the cumulative weight of women after him - if he acted remotely similarly around them to his behaviour around the guys.
Usually I just link somebody to Youtube clips of the Milhouse-Bart dynamic, and say 'You don't want to be a Milhouse do you?' and this generally works, but alas not.
He's a good looking, humourous guy and a lot of fun to be around as a guy, when he zones in on a girl though he's a whiny fucker. Appealing to people's pity is not a particularly good way to achieve anything life imo, but I am struggling to convey this in a non-offensive way if you get what I mean?
His problem is easily solvable, literally just tell him to act like she's a dude. The right girl for any guy has some dude inside of her, no matter how deep, the right guy brings out the dude inside of a girl. I'm serious, just tell him to act like a guy around them, and eventually he will evolve to treating girls in a way that gets him the girl, he will curb his bro-ness for a smoother pickup in time, For now, just tell him to be a bro and act like one in front of the lady-bros.
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On June 16 2013 12:55 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2013 12:42 Wombat_NI wrote:
McBengt, I am back from my long (well only a month) absence from TL. How the fuck are you son?
Towards the spirit of the OP, how do you get through to a friend that what they're doing is wrong in terms of appearing attractive to the opposite sex? I have a friend who should be drowning under the cumulative weight of women after him - if he acted remotely similarly around them to his behaviour around the guys.
Usually I just link somebody to Youtube clips of the Milhouse-Bart dynamic, and say 'You don't want to be a Milhouse do you?' and this generally works, but alas not.
He's a good looking, humourous guy and a lot of fun to be around as a guy, when he zones in on a girl though he's a whiny fucker. Appealing to people's pity is not a particularly good way to achieve anything life imo, but I am struggling to convey this in a non-offensive way if you get what I mean? His problem is easily solvable, literally just tell him to act like she's a dude. The right girl for any guy has some dude inside of her, no matter how deep, the right guy brings out the dude inside of a girl. I'm serious, just tell him to act like a guy around them, and eventually he will evolve to treating girls in a way that gets him the girl, he will curb his bro-ness for a smoother pickup in time, For now, just tell him to be a bro and act like one in front of the lady-bros.
While this friend is clearly trying too hard in terms of acting, I'd also consider trying to convince the friend to stop trying/ acting, period. If his redeeming qualities emerge when he's laid back and comfortable, maybe he should stop thinking of girls as "outside of his comfort zone" and just stick to his normal behaviors. Perhaps this means thinking of girls as guys, as docvoc suggested, or perhaps this means simply treating the girl as a friend first. (I think the two are pretty similar, especially since there are plenty of similarities between guys and girls... but there are still enough differences that it may be important to recognize their existence.)
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Northern Ireland26225 Posts
I think many of the problems people have with girls stems from them being well, girls.
With members of your own gender (unless you are homosexual), you tend to be a lot more laissez-faire in striking up friendships. Interactions never have that added element of sexual attraction among the gender you're not attracted to!
I find a lot of my friends and people I know really overvalue girls based on nothing in particular. My attitude is more 'if they were a guy, would we be friends?', and if the answer is no I never really cared. There are definitely people I know who are 'friends' with girls as either keeping them in their social circle for a future hooking up, or by having them be a gateway to knowing more girls, good luck getting people to admit that though. Sometimes I'm thought a bit aloof, but a fringe benefit to that is that a bit of aloofness doesn't exactly harm your chances with the ladies.
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It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that wants me, I don't want.
Sigh
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On June 16 2013 13:52 sambo400 wrote:
It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that wants me, I don't want.
Sigh
So true
I was kinda mad at my crushes like "how can they not see i like them soo much"
Now that one has crush on me and i feel nothing for her i know the feeling and i understand both parties now. Life sucks.
Just got to go on to uni and forget everything.
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I told a close friend that I like her. She said she'll think about it. She's not a very forthcoming person so I elected that. That said, how should one go about hastening a reply (it's been a few days)? While part of me is content to letting her think, Im not going to wait forever.
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On June 16 2013 20:47 levelping wrote:
I told a close friend that I like her. She said she'll think about it. She's not a very forthcoming person so I elected that. That said, how should one go about hastening a reply (it's been a few days)? While part of me is content to letting her think, Im not going to wait forever.
have faith my brother .. we the same situation right now... and for me its been a month .. she still wont answer me T_T.. im in no position to give advice but im gonna give you the advice that all my friends gave me .. this situation should be dealt with care .. dont stay away .. keep a close distance but dont force her to answer you .. keep the pressure but not too close they tend to be repulsed when they are held on the neck .. you get what i meant right?
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On June 16 2013 18:44 inimenesc wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2013 13:52 sambo400 wrote:
It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that wants me, I don't want.
Sigh So true I was kinda mad at my crushes like "how can they not see i like them soo much" Now that one has crush on me and i feel nothing for her i know the feeling and i understand both parties now. Life sucks. Just got to go on to uni and forget everything.
its not life sucks .. from what i learned from them .. as what my female friends told me .. they tend not to notice that you like them unless you tell them not necessarily directly but let them know .. be sure they understood and dont be subtle
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On June 16 2013 13:52 sambo400 wrote:
It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that wants me, I don't want.
Sigh
Story of our lives!
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They dont notice my fkn ass.They dress up and look basically naked nowadays and overly cute with make up and 1000 other female products ( my head literally started acheing when I went in woman's isle in a hyper-market , so many fkn prodcuts to make them llook perfect ).
And what is all that for?To attract mates. U mean to tell me they dont notice when a guy likes her?Bull fkn shit.A guy notices instantly if she makes the slightest gesture, and if she just does it to tease him instead of letting him know she is into him, then fuck her she aint worth the time.
I remember a few years ago I had my first girlfriend and she basically came on to me and then I had to step in and seal the deal.I didnt play games, I didnt text my 100000 friends and tell them bout it so they can judge her and shit ( like girl do ), I fkn too the situation for what it was and it worked out.
That was a few years ago tho.Now I think more than ever, its hard to actually meet someone new on your own.Everybody is stressed, everybody is indiferrent on the street or w/e u go.Every decent girl is already in a relationship or they are hard to find ( my experience ), or hey they might just not like you.Another thing is 90% of girls I see are either buried, and i mean fkn buried in their piece of sh*t phones or have music in their ears every god damn second of the day.
Not to mention im not a badass who treats them like shit.So that is already a -, tho I cant change who I am and I like myself this way.
My last experience with a girl was when she told me she doesnt have time for a "this".( tho in my language is sounds a bit more abrasive than this ). Then 1 month later I see she posted new photos on facebook with her and her new boyfriend eating one another's faces.
Yea , dating sucks atm. I dont particullary care for it tho, as I think way too many people put way too much importance on always having a boyfriend/girlfriend, instead of bettering one's self.Or just fkn be alone for a bit. I mean my sister hasnt been alone one single day since she was ~12 ( she 25 now and married and has had prolly 30 boyfriends+).I find that sad tbh, the fact that someone cannot live their life even for a month withiout searching for someone new.Like is that how interesting your life is?
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On June 16 2013 21:24 goody153 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2013 20:47 levelping wrote:
I told a close friend that I like her. She said she'll think about it. She's not a very forthcoming person so I elected that. That said, how should one go about hastening a reply (it's been a few days)? While part of me is content to letting her think, Im not going to wait forever. have faith my brother .. we the same situation right now... and for me its been a month .. she still wont answer me T_T.. im in no position to give advice but im gonna give you the advice that all my friends gave me .. this situation should be dealt with care .. dont stay away .. keep a close distance but dont force her to answer you .. keep the pressure but not too close they tend to be repulsed when they are held on the neck .. you get what i meant right?
My good sir,
While I certainly hope nothing but the best of fortune in your endeavours, one whole month might just be slightly excessive. Perhaps you should take a more confrontational stance? I am of the opinion that if she does not realize that a decision is expected from her, she will not take any action. After all, she now enjoys your company as a close friend, but none of the commitment that comes with a relationship. Indulging in this might lead to the rather perilous position whereby she only sees you in a commitment-free light. That said, you would be best positioned to know what she is like, and I only make this small comment as a helpful point of consideration.
Myself, I would think 2 weeks would be as far as I go. Thereafter I am going to try to ask her for dinner and then invite her to give an answer.
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If she is "forced to make a decision" you're playing it wrong in the first place. The idea is that you take the responsibility for escalating towards a more physical and intimate relationship, not pretend it's up to her to make it happen.
If a woman can comfortably tell her friends "Well, we were out this one night and it just somehow happened..." you know you did everything right.
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On June 16 2013 21:53 goody153 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2013 18:44 inimenesc wrote:On June 16 2013 13:52 sambo400 wrote:
It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that wants me, I don't want.
Sigh So true I was kinda mad at my crushes like "how can they not see i like them soo much" Now that one has crush on me and i feel nothing for her i know the feeling and i understand both parties now. Life sucks. Just got to go on to uni and forget everything. its not life sucks .. from what i learned from them .. as what my female friends told me .. they tend not to notice that you like them unless you tell them not necessarily directly but let them know .. be sure they understood and dont be subtle
I dont think there is anything more understanding than "i like you alot" 
Well, atm i am just keeping my distance from everything until i have decided if i move to England for university. No point in wasting my heart and soul atm i guess.
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On June 16 2013 22:51 Diavolo222 wrote:
My last experience with a girl was when she told me she doesnt have time for a "this".( tho in my language is sounds a bit more abrasive than this ). Then 1 month later I see she posted new photos on facebook with her and her new boyfriend eating one another's faces.
have you ever stopped to think that perhaps you're just not attractive at all and probably need to change the way you are entirely, and not just for women?
personally that's a huge red flag to me, just from reading your post.
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On June 16 2013 21:59 Orangered wrote:Show nested quote +On June 16 2013 13:52 sambo400 wrote:
It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that wants me, I don't want.
Sigh Story of our lives!
Hell yeah.... :<
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EPT
