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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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sambo400
United States378 Posts
On June 17 2013 10:57 JeanLuc wrote: It seems like every girl I want doesn't want me, and every girl that I don't want also doesn't want me Sigh lol | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
On June 17 2013 11:47 white_horse wrote: lol at all of you rushing to defend gaming as a legitimate hobby. Debating whether it's "legitimate" or not is useless because it's a matter of personal opinion. You may think gaming is constructive while watching TV shows is BS; another person will flip that opinion 180 degrees. It's personal opinion. The truth is, some people think gaming is a waste of time...why you let them affect you makes no sense to me.. I don't really see that here at all, and I mean we are on a website all about gaming so it would stand to reason that most accept it as a legitimate hobby. I was, and I believe others previous to me were more referring to girls who do game, or have hobbies and hide them away for fear of others having negative opinions on them. I see it all the time, girls act as inoffensively and blandly as possible, but on the flip side there's a real sense of satisfaction and privilege I guess when a girl drops the facade and lets you into her world. I went with this girl once, knew of her and got talking at a bar, we were cracking jokes about her reputation as an easy lay amongst other smalltalk. Few days later she called me up for a pseudo-date as a surprise, took me to a museum and gave me lots of cool information about various aquatic creatures. Turns out her dad was a pretty respected marine biologist, went to conferences all the time and she'd picked up the bug. Pretty cool when stuff like that happens, you feel you unearth a gem from the rough so to speak. That said I wish girls were (on average) a bit more forthright when it comes to their interests and passions. | ||
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Matoo-
Canada1397 Posts
On June 09 2013 03:03 ROOTCaliber wrote: Met a girl randomly at IPL5 and we started talking almost everyday afterwards. We've been together for about half a year now and it has been an extremely delightful experience! The long distance aspect is rather unpleasant, but we are making it work. She is flying out in two weeks to visit and I am overjoyed in anticipation. Happy for both of you  it always warms my heart to see people making long-distance relationships work. Despite what some people say, it's completely manageable, as long as each one believes the other is worth the added trouble.There's one pitfall one should be careful about though: it's being too focused on the immediate aspect of making the relationship work, and forgetting that time still flies by. For a long while I felt that everything was fine as long as we were strong enough and in love enough to make it work; but suddenly one day I realized it wasn't fine at all because every passing month was a month we'd never get back. It may seem obvious said like that, but it's suprisingly easy to forget. Anyway, it's too early for you to worry about that yet, just wanted to give a small piece of advice for later if your relationship sticks. Enjoy your time together next week! | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 17 2013 08:28 VayneAuthority wrote: Very accurate, if I applied that to my current friends I would have very few female friends...they just aren't that interesting besides their sexual attraction. Then the truth Is, you have very female friends, and a number of girls that you're simply interested in. On June 17 2013 14:05 Wombat_NI wrote: I don't really see that here at all, and I mean we are on a website all about gaming so it would stand to reason that most accept it as a legitimate hobby. I was, and I believe others previous to me were more referring to girls who do game, or have hobbies and hide them away for fear of others having negative opinions on them. I see it all the time, girls act as inoffensively and blandly as possible, but on the flip side there's a real sense of satisfaction and privilege I guess when a girl drops the facade and lets you into her world. I went with this girl once, knew of her and got talking at a bar, we were cracking jokes about her reputation as an easy lay amongst other smalltalk. Few days later she called me up for a pseudo-date as a surprise, took me to a museum and gave me lots of cool information about various aquatic creatures. Turns out her dad was a pretty respected marine biologist, went to conferences all the time and she'd picked up the bug. Pretty cool when stuff like that happens, you feel you unearth a gem from the rough so to speak. That said I wish girls were (on average) a bit more forthright when it comes to their interests and passions. Girls are generally more social than men are, and therefore more likely to hide their uncool interests in order to better fit in with the rest of the female herd. If you want girls who are more forthright, then your best bet are the girls who are less likely to hang out with popular female social circles, such as introverts, tomboys, etc. Unfortunately, these girls also tend to be less physically attractive, but that's just the necessary tradeoff. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7031 Posts
On June 17 2013 11:47 white_horse wrote: lol at all of you rushing to defend gaming as a legitimate hobby. Debating whether it's "legitimate" or not is useless because it's a matter of personal opinion. You may think gaming is constructive while watching TV shows is BS; another person will flip that opinion 180 degrees. It's personal opinion. The truth is, some people think gaming is a waste of time...why you let them affect you makes no sense to me.. A lot of people play games without identifying as a gamer. I don't identify myself as one despite playing maybe one title a month. I think it's much like the nerd label. I despise it and would never wish to identify as one, despite having largely 'nerdy interests', however in today's culture people have seemingly reclaimed the label and now they positively identify themselves like this. I think when people play games they might not want to be seen as a gamer because it comes with so much cultural baggage, but it's sad if this also extends to being afraid to admit you are playing games. (sorry for any bad grammar, really tired ;_; ) | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
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inimenesc
Estonia374 Posts
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On June 18 2013 04:47 inimenesc wrote: How to be as polite as possible while telling not interested :D Simply telling her straight up? 'I'm sorry, I may be wrong about this, but I think you may be attracted to me. If so, I cannot return feelings of that level, but if I ever start to think otherwise I'll let you know' Usually girls, especially if they're your friends appreciate straight up honesty and being upfront about it. You could also just ignore her approaches until she loses interest, but I prefer option number one if you are quite sure she's interested. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 18 2013 03:42 TOCHMY wrote: 2GD giving advice on girls http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=aSaNAw30AQY#t=1116s Solid basic advice. I would add to it that if you don't love yourself already, then you should work on yourself to become the kind of person that you do love. Then you can be truly self-confident and confident in what you have to offer, instead of merely faking it. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On June 18 2013 05:45 Ahzz wrote: Simply telling her straight up? 'I'm sorry, I may be wrong about this, but I think you may be attracted to me. If so, I cannot return feelings of that level, but if I ever start to think otherwise I'll let you know' Usually girls, especially if they're your friends appreciate straight up honesty and being upfront about it. You could also just ignore her approaches until she loses interest, but I prefer option number one if you are quite sure she's interested. Option 2 so good though. I find women get even more disheartened than men when the people they like don't respond to their feelings/gestures. | ||
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jrkirby
United States1510 Posts
On June 18 2013 07:43 sunprince wrote: Solid basic advice. I would add to it that if you don't love yourself already, then you should work on yourself to become the kind of person that you do love. Then you can be truly self-confident and confident in what you have to offer, instead of merely faking it. "You have to love yourself, that's what you're saying." "Daily." "Multiple times daily even." Hotbid, you so funny. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On June 18 2013 07:43 sunprince wrote: Solid basic advice. I would add to it that if you don't love yourself already, then you should work on yourself to become the kind of person that you do love. Then you can be truly self-confident and confident in what you have to offer, instead of merely faking it. Yeah, I that's solid advice to add. Too often I see guys trying to make up for their short-comings through a myriad of girls. All of their relationships end quickly and poorly, and often enough dramatically. Guys who are confident in what they can provide the girl from start to finish end their relationships usually just as sad, but less dramatic and more stable in the end. In the end, if you don't love yourself, you don't always have enough love for another person too. | ||
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yOngKIN
Korea (North)656 Posts
On June 17 2013 14:05 Wombat_NI wrote: I don't really see that here at all, and I mean we are on a website all about gaming so it would stand to reason that most accept it as a legitimate hobby. I was, and I believe others previous to me were more referring to girls who do game, or have hobbies and hide them away for fear of others having negative opinions on them. I see it all the time, girls act as inoffensively and blandly as possible, but on the flip side there's a real sense of satisfaction and privilege I guess when a girl drops the facade and lets you into her world. I went with this girl once, knew of her and got talking at a bar, we were cracking jokes about her reputation as an easy lay amongst other smalltalk. Few days later she called me up for a pseudo-date as a surprise, took me to a museum and gave me lots of cool information about various aquatic creatures. Turns out her dad was a pretty respected marine biologist, went to conferences all the time and she'd picked up the bug. Pretty cool when stuff like that happens, you feel you unearth a gem from the rough so to speak. That said I wish girls were (on average) a bit more forthright when it comes to their interests and passions. I can game like a regular junkie, but I manage to be socially awesome despite the fact! I just make sure not to bring it up in public or around girls unless the are legit geekies as well | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On June 18 2013 09:32 yOngKIN wrote: I can game like a regular junkie, but I manage to be socially awesome despite the fact! I just make sure not to bring it up in public or around girls unless the are legit geekies as well There's actually not too much of a problem just bringing it up now and then as an interest you have. If you're not embarrassed about it, it does carry over to other people. Sure, bad idea to talk about it excessively around people who don't care for it much, but maybe bringing up that you had a really great game of *insert game here* without using any terms too technical is fine. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 18 2013 11:35 Wombat_NI wrote: As long as you're not a complete idiot about expressing your passions, I find from personal experience that girls prefer guys who have some kind of interest or hobby, over those who don't, even if they don't share the interest. The thing is, some specific passions are considered "uncool", regardless of how you express it. Most girls want to fuck/date/marry guys that they can brag about to their girlfriends, and while they'll be happy to share how they banged a rock band member, they'd usually rather not say that the guy they banged was a gamer. Personally, I usually get way better responses from girls when I share that I'm a grappling champion and a mixed martial artist, than when I share that I'm a skilled gamer. Exceptions like nerdy gamer girls exist, of course, but those are the exception rather than the rule. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On June 18 2013 11:45 sunprince wrote: The thing is, some specific passions are considered "uncool", regardless of how you express it. Most girls want to fuck/date/marry guys that they can brag about to their girlfriends, and while they'll be happy to share how they banged a rock band member, they'd usually rather not say that the guy they banged was a gamer. Personally, I usually get way better responses from girls when I share that I'm a grappling champion and a mixed martial artist, than when I share that I'm a skilled gamer. Exceptions like nerdy gamer girls exist, of course, but those are the exception rather than the rule. I don't think either of those are the right way to express a sort of hobby. Sure it might help for your girlfriend's (and your own) bragging rights, but that should come secondary to being comfortable with one another. See, take these two examples instead "Oh man, in my last match, I got a really good hit in on this guy and just kept on pressuring him. It was a really awesome win for me". vs "Oh man, my last game, two kills right at the start and I just kept on dominating. My team was praising me the whole game". I find both of these have a much smaller gap compared to the titles "martial artist" vs "gamer". What's the difference? In one, you're not really saying anything about your hobby and just letting people use their imaginations for it. In the other, you're transferring over a bit of the feeling to the other person to let them know why it was good and what exactly happened. This works really well for ongoing relationships, as the more you do it, the more you allow the other person to understand more and more why you enjoy your hobby. And now, here's why gaming is the better hobby than sports for things like relationships in many cases. Gaming is a much better social experience for people who aren't at similar skill levels. You also have much more flexibility. It is so easy to introduce someone to an easy game like say Mario Kart, but introducing someone to soccer takes a lot of time, and can end up being not as enjoyable for the other party if they're not doing well. You have so many games to choose from, and may have a very light=-hearted feel that lets you get into it even if you're not doing well. Even if you're not in an actual relationship and are only friends, you can still usually convince them to try out whatever game you have should they be hanging out with you at your house. Sports and such, a bit harder. I hope this post actually does make some of the gamers in this thread a bit safer in sharing their hobbies. Just remember, don't come on too strong with it, it is still important to ease people into it, despite it being the better one when people actually accept it. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
'Gaming' isn't even a hobby tag I would tend to use. I play a bit of games, but far more focus on multiplayer/competitive games and nowadays pretty much just Starcraft. The mentality of somebody like me is entirely different from other people who play games, probably even more different than say a fan of hardcore slasher films vs those who like romantic comedies. Yeah there's status to it, and a certain hierarchy of interests, but equally, people get impressed by high levels of competence in a hobby, even one they perceive as niche. As long as you don't make it the focus of your interactions, but instead a facet of it it's really not that important what it is. Too often I find people try to find commonality along things that aren't sufficient foundations to sustain relationships. Things like compatible music taste, film taste and all of those kind of things that people put importance in, only to find that they really DON'T make that much of a difference to personal relationships in the long term. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 18 2013 14:06 Wombat_NI wrote: That's more of a relationship-building tool, i.e sharing your interests and passions with your other half. I just don't share sunprince's somewhat bleak image of the female species and their rationales behind finding certain types of people attractive, especially with gaming being something that the majority of people in the 18-30 bracket all indulge in to some degree. The point is that women are attracted to social status. That means that activities which generally carry higher social status will generally attract women, and the opposite is true of activities which generally carry lower social status. Generally is a key word here, since social status can be contextual so something which generally lowers your status may raise it among certain crowds. Gaming might be something that the majority of young people engage in, but there's a substantial difference between Angry Birds and StarCraft. All of those studies we see in pop media about how girls are a majority of gamers now or whatever completely overlook this difference. Further, being a progamer isn't exactly a status marker for most people, compared to, say, being a professional athlete or musician. On June 18 2013 14:06 Wombat_NI wrote: 'Gaming' isn't even a hobby tag I would tend to use. I play a bit of games, but far more focus on multiplayer/competitive games and nowadays pretty much just Starcraft. The mentality of somebody like me is entirely different from other people who play games, probably even more different than say a fan of hardcore slasher films vs those who like romantic comedies. This is quibbling over semantics territory. The point I'm making is that the majority of girls will feel less attracted to you, not more attracted, if they discover that you are a top StarCraft player. On June 18 2013 14:06 Wombat_NI wrote: Yeah there's status to it, and a certain hierarchy of interests, but equally, people get impressed by high levels of competence in a hobby, even one they perceive as niche. As long as you don't make it the focus of your interactions, but instead a facet of it it's really not that important what it is. They do, but my general point still stands. On June 18 2013 14:06 Wombat_NI wrote: Too often I find people try to find commonality along things that aren't sufficient foundations to sustain relationships. Things like compatible music taste, film taste and all of those kind of things that people put importance in, only to find that they really DON'T make that much of a difference to personal relationships in the long term. While you may be right, most girls (and guys) do not base their attraction on compatibility or anything like that, they merely use them to rationalize their attraction ex post facto. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 18 2013 12:40 Dark_Chill wrote: I don't think either of those are the right way to express a sort of hobby. Sure it might help for your girlfriend's (and your own) bragging rights, but that should come secondary to being comfortable with one another. See, take these two examples instead "Oh man, in my last match, I got a really good hit in on this guy and just kept on pressuring him. It was a really awesome win for me". vs "Oh man, my last game, two kills right at the start and I just kept on dominating. My team was praising me the whole game". I did not specify how I expressed hobbies. I'm just making the general point that regardless of how you express it, some hobbies have higher social status than others and are therefore more attractive to girls than others. On June 18 2013 12:40 Dark_Chill wrote: I find both of these have a much smaller gap compared to the titles "martial artist" vs "gamer". What's the difference? In one, you're not really saying anything about your hobby and just letting people use their imaginations for it. In the other, you're transferring over a bit of the feeling to the other person to let them know why it was good and what exactly happened. This works really well for ongoing relationships, as the more you do it, the more you allow the other person to understand more and more why you enjoy your hobby. Again, I didn't suggest that I go around identifying with certain labels. I'm simply using those terms for the purpose of succinctness in this conversation. On June 18 2013 12:40 Dark_Chill wrote: And now, here's why gaming is the better hobby than sports for things like relationships in many cases. Gaming is a much better social experience for people who aren't at similar skill levels. You also have much more flexibility. It is so easy to introduce someone to an easy game like say Mario Kart, but introducing someone to soccer takes a lot of time, and can end up being not as enjoyable for the other party if they're not doing well. You have so many games to choose from, and may have a very light=-hearted feel that lets you get into it even if you're not doing well. Even if you're not in an actual relationship and are only friends, you can still usually convince them to try out whatever game you have should they be hanging out with you at your house. Sports and such, a bit harder. I hope this post actually does make some of the gamers in this thread a bit safer in sharing their hobbies. Just remember, don't come on too strong with it, it is still important to ease people into it, despite it being the better one when people actually accept it. Girls don't really care if your hobbies are better for relationships. Attraction is not based on whether a person would be good for relationships. | ||
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