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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
We texted today about something and she got mad at me for implying that she was young (something she didn't like me bringing uo when we were together since I'm 4 years older than her) really something that one should not get upset about. If anything, I should be able to shrug it off and be like "im happy i dont have to deal with that shit anymore" but no... I feel sad for making her angry/sad T_T | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14081 Posts
On June 18 2013 22:35 TOCHMY wrote: I hate that I love my ex, still after almost 1.5 years T_T We texted today about something and she got mad at me for implying that she was young (something she didn't like me bringing uo when we were together since I'm 4 years older than her) really something that one should not get upset about. If anything, I should be able to shrug it off and be like "im happy i dont have to deal with that shit anymore" but no... I feel sad for making her angry/sad T_T You are not responsible for someone else's emotions, especially not their happiness. | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On June 18 2013 22:37 r.Evo wrote: You are not responsible for someone else's emotions, especially not their happiness. I know man. I know. It's hard to tell your own emotions that though. But I'ma try my best! Ganbatte TOCHMY-CHAN! | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27230 Posts
On June 18 2013 22:24 Broetchenholer wrote: I do believe that there are levels of shy that are a weakness. If you have a mad crush on a girl but can't force yourself to approach her at all, yeah, then maybe you sould work on your shyness. I can approach people that i like. However, i cannot find out whether i might like people in the first place. Once i am in a group of people that i know and that know me, i am cracking jokes. However, i would never approach a girl that looks attractive and start a conversation because i might like her. So yeah, maybe in 7 months that new girl joins my club and i get to see her from time to time after games together with my teammates and her teammates. And then i realize that she might be worth a try. I am confident that i would approach her. So, yeah, i don't think that shyness is my weakness, it's more that i don't have a lot of opportunities to meet new people or, more precisely, don't force myself to meet new people. The biggest spike in the dating-profile of this date-site is "more introverted". Edit: Fuck no, it's "more sloppy". That is bad! I'm vaguely similar albeit I go to pretty hardcore extrovert/overly opinionated mode with folks I do now. It's not necessarily a shyness thing that makes you not approach people you're unfamiliar with. I mean, to be honest I don't like being approached by strangers in bars who try to strike up inane conversations, so I extend others the same courtesy as a rule unless I have something to actually talk about/introduce myself with. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On June 18 2013 22:32 inimenesc wrote: How about I cant approach her because i went on a date with her sister? Feels kinda wierd, pro tip, dont go out with your best friends sister. Wait... how is your best friend a girl you went on a date with, I'm very confused. Also, about the shyness bit, you have two choices, I went through a shyness phase compared to actually being really shy, and of course it depends on the situation, but what I did was follow one of the two ideas at any given time. I found out that the more hobbies I had and the more time I spent with my friends the more outgoing I became. I also found that cooking is the fastest way to open someone's mouth and after that it's the fastest track to a girl's heart. The other thing is to drop what you are doing and go out to a part of the city you've never been to and strike up conversations about it with servers there. Go into a restaurant and have a short convo with one of them and you'll be surprised how fast it makes you open to new conversations with new people. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 19 2013 01:21 docvoc wrote: Wait... how is your best friend a girl you went on a date with, I'm very confused. Also, about the shyness bit, you have two choices, I went through a shyness phase compared to actually being really shy, and of course it depends on the situation, but what I did was follow one of the two ideas at any given time. I found out that the more hobbies I had and the more time I spent with my friends the more outgoing I became. I also found that cooking is the fastest way to open someone's mouth and after that it's the fastest track to a girl's heart. The other thing is to drop what you are doing and go out to a part of the city you've never been to and strike up conversations about it with servers there. Go into a restaurant and have a short convo with one of them and you'll be surprised how fast it makes you open to new conversations with new people. I believe what he is saying is that the girl he has a crush on happens to be his best friend. Also, he's previously dated her sister. Contrary to popular belief, it's actually hilariously easy to initiate sex or a relationship with a female best friend. The information you have on them is immense, which means it is a very simple matter to perfectly tailor any sort of seduction approach to them. On top of that, you already have common interests, a multitude of opportunities to hang out, and the necessary comfort to touch them far more than most girls (which you can gradually ramp up). The real problem is that guys who end up in this so-called "friendzone" in the first place tend to be those who are not equipped with the social skills to get out of it. But as pretty much every sexually successful guy with female friends can tell you, it's not a problem if you know what you're doing. My female best friend and I don't date because she prefers exclusivity (while I'm polyamorous), but when we hook up now and then, it's one of the easiest and most natural things in the world because all of the abovementioned elements are already there. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 18 2013 22:48 Wombat_NI wrote: I'm vaguely similar albeit I go to pretty hardcore extrovert/overly opinionated mode with folks I do now. It's not necessarily a shyness thing that makes you not approach people you're unfamiliar with. I mean, to be honest I don't like being approached by strangers in bars who try to strike up inane conversations, so I extend others the same courtesy as a rule unless I have something to actually talk about/introduce myself with. Would you dislike being approached by an attractive woman who tried to strike up inane conversations? I doubt that most girls in bars would mind being approached by a mesmerizing, attractive, and interesting male stranger. Maybe the problem is that you don't feel you are that type of guy, but that's something that can be worked on. | ||
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corumjhaelen
France6884 Posts
On June 19 2013 02:39 sunprince wrote: Would you dislike being approached by an attractive woman who tried to strike up inane conversations? Wait, you wouldn't ? | ||
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Shiori
3815 Posts
I thought I was the only one. Inane conversations are fucking boring. | ||
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corumjhaelen
France6884 Posts
On June 19 2013 02:43 Shiori wrote: I thought I was the only one. Inane conversations are fucking boring. Oh, if they are funny, I don't mind if it's not too often. With people I've at least befriended a bit before though... | ||
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Twiggs
United States600 Posts
Dont worry fellahs. You'll meet the girl, or boy (if you prefer), of your dreams. She will be kind, and sweet and hot as shit. She will be there, you just got to wait. PS when you do meet her, go for it man. Thats your girl and she is gonna make you the happiest dude ever, dont be a pussy :D <3 you TL | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
I would generally make the assumption that they were just engaging in small talk to try to start up a dialogue so that they could hopefully create some sexual interest. A little awkward, sure, but I certainly don't mind an attractive woman making the effort even if the execution isn't the best. As guys, most of us know how hard that can be for someone inexperienced to approach (and attractive women do tend to be inexperienced with approaching). | ||
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Betelgeuse
Canada210 Posts
On June 19 2013 02:52 Twiggs wrote: For all of those single guys out there, like me, that just got out of a bad relationship. Fuck the bitches, play starcraft! :D And go to the fucking GYM (or at least start workout at home or run outside). It was one of the best things I did after I got dumped. Not only do you start to look better but you really do feel better. Nothing heals better than time but staying active and motivated in life can really numb those painful feelings. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland27230 Posts
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CustomKal
Canada749 Posts
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 19 2013 03:26 Wombat_NI wrote: If anything sunprince I have a crippling problem of too much self-esteem, especially relative to my tangible accomplishments in life thus far. The fact that you consider your self-esteem excessive relative to your accomplishments suggests that it isn't actually ridiculously excessive. Perhaps the issue is that you are confident in your potential and expect to accomplish much more in the future, but you aren't proud of what you've done so far. On June 19 2013 03:26 Wombat_NI wrote: There are rare exceptions, but I keep to myself or my group for the most part when I venture out, which is increasingly rare anyway I find that most people do this; personally, I generally don't hit on girls when I'm with a group of people unless they initiate first or at least solicit it with an non-verbal invitation of some sort. But if you're interested in meeting girls, then it might be a good idea to venture out alone more often. Anyone who's ever been to a new environment like a new city on their own can probably tell you how they met a lot more people than usual. | ||
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Broetchenholer
Germany1964 Posts
On June 19 2013 02:39 sunprince wrote: Would you dislike being approached by an attractive woman who tried to strike up inane conversations? I doubt that most girls in bars would mind being approached by a mesmerizing, attractive, and interesting male stranger. Maybe the problem is that you don't feel you are that type of guy, but that's something that can be worked on. I am with wombat on this one. Small talk is boring. Someone coming to you and trying to get a conversation going for the sake of getting a conversation going is really awkward. Just imagine someone would do that from your own sex. The only reason people are tolerating it is because they have some expectations from it. So, that girl you are talking to at a bar might evaluate her desire to get laid by you and if that sound interesting to her, she might play along. If you try the same thing at a place no one is thinking about meeting people in the first place, your chances should diminish. Obviously these tactics still work, but the first thing you have to do is overcome the annoyance you are. That said, i might consider these thoughts when not talking to a girl, but i also consider the fact that i am terrible at flirting, am shy and fear to get rejected  So you got a point as well. | ||
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Salazarz
Korea (South)2591 Posts
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Shiori
3815 Posts
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On June 19 2013 04:24 Shiori wrote: Honestly, I find very flirty women (even if they're physically attractive) a pretty huge turn-off if they approach me randomly somewhere in the fashion we're talking about. The reason for this is that I don't really want a purely sexual (or even primarily sexual) relationship. Someone who introduces themselves in an obviously sexual or sexually aggressive way simply has different priorities than me, and therefore I tend to be less interested. Of course, this is why I stay away from bars and other such places where these approaches are considered more normal :p. Perfectly valid strategy, and a good example of effectively choosing your locations carefully: go to places where you're more likely to find the type of girls you're looking for. Don't go to bars to find nerdy gamer girls, and don't go to comic book stores to find alcohol-loving party girls. | ||
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