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On September 01 2011 02:41 ZerglingSoup wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 02:36 Scrimpton wrote:On September 01 2011 02:32 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 02:22 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 01:46 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 01:19 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 01:04 chrissummers wrote:On September 01 2011 01:02 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:
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That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one. Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless. That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE. Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other. But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything. I'm pretty sure if you have a strong, committed and intimate emotionally relationship, it will influence the sex more than it will be influenced by the sex. In fact, I can already tell. I think your perspective lends somewhat to the point the OP was trying to make. It's given way too much importance in our primitive-minded culture. There's more to life, and way more to my relationship with my girl. Just keep in mind; you're disagreeing with people who have experience you don't have. It's like a teen girl telling her parents "BUT MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM HE REALLY LOVES ME! HE'S DIFFERENT TO ALL THE OTHER BOYS! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY!?" That's you bro. You're that teen girl trying to preach to others who are wiser. We've been there, done that. You haven't. Learn from it. Bingo. Sex has only ever strengthened relationships ive been in (current being 8 years now) I'd feel awful denying my partner a lifetime of sexual fulfilment.. quite cruel It's not a lifetime, it's a few more months until we get married. And I'm not denying her anything. It's our decision and we are both pleased with the results.
Lifetime prison sentence is like 30 years, good behaviour you'll get out earlier.. coming up to 27 you said?
Not entiely accurate i suppose..
We are animals with tools.. and then we die.. it's a shame to throw a lot of possible pleasure out the window.. especially when there's no real drawbacks to engaging in said pleasure (unless she's fat and sweaty).
anyway good luck sir... first time you get your tip wet will feel pretty good.. probably think yourself a bit of a fool to put it off that long afetrwards though.. considering how theres no negatives and only positives in a normal relationship.. shame to put it off for a tradition that has absolutely no resemblence to it's inception and is only really used as a piece of paper to make taking your money easier!
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Go have sex if you want to. It's fun. But if you don't want to, then don't do it. It's the same for every leisure activity.
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On September 01 2011 01:46 hypnoxide wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 01:19 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 01:04 chrissummers wrote:On September 01 2011 01:02 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one. Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless. That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE. Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other. But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything.
Only if you or your other puts an emphasis on it. If you both find it casual, then you can have sex one day and not know each other the next. It all depends on how much importance you place on it. The more important to you, the more life changing each change is.
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To be honest I didn't take the time to read all 36 pages of this i did the old page 1, page 2, last page.
That being said this is like a thread built on strawman fallacy.
The advantage of people who have had sex is that they have likely had relationships where they have and have not had sex, while those who haven't have only experienced half of this.
Yes you can be happy without sex, but to argue sex is overrated or what have you with no basis or experience to back it up by saying you're perfectly happy without it is what we call a straw man fallacy, and isn't really a valid argument.
I will tell you how it is from my perspective. The first 50-100 times you have sex are wild and perspective changing. I had a friend like you (OP) who was a virgin til he was 20 and after he lost it he told me he was a fool to ever question my lifestyle.
After that, sex is mostly the same but it is always exciting to see a new girl with no clothes on and furthermore sex ALWAYS completely changes the dynamic of the relationship and therefore the magnitude of it's effect as well as the act itself is not overrated.
To argue you're having great results as a virgin is not to say you could be having even better ones not being one.
I've had sex hundreds of times now (that's not to say with hundreds of woman) and I will tell you the first 10 times with each girl radically define your relationship, in some ways for the better, and sometimes for the worse.
TL;DR Sex changes everything for better or worse and therefore IS a big deal and should be treated as one
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On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote:
Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak.
Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it
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On September 01 2011 03:00 rackdude wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 01:46 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 01:19 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 01:04 chrissummers wrote:On September 01 2011 01:02 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one. Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless. That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE. Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other. But you don't understand how a relationship DOES and WILL change after sex is added to the relationship. You say it's not fundamental to your relationship but it is. If you were to have sex tomorrow you'd find the relationship dynamics are drastically different. By your logic absolutely NOTHING would happen. Nothing positive, nothing negative. And I think people who have had sex can attest to you being wrong, sex can change everything. Only if you or your other puts an emphasis on it. If you both find it casual, then you can have sex one day and not know each other the next. It all depends on how much importance you place on it. The more important to you, the more life changing each change is.
Sex changes relationships. If you're having sex with a random there's no relationship is there?
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I am 20 years old about to hit 21 and am still a virgin. What is the point of the said statement?
Well to an avg-dimwitted tool, I would be considered a "loser."
Is this a valid assumption?
Society puts a lot of pressure, especially on pre-teens, on the idea of you must have sex else you are just a loser. They portray that you can't achieve a fulfilling happy life without it/everybody is doing it, and supposedly it is easy as 1,2,3.Despite there being studies showing both men and women who have engaged in sexual activity despite not wanting to or feeling "ready."
20/21 year old virgin is an acceptable age. It depends a lot on your social frequentation and activities. I wouldn't care too much about a number.
I do wish someday to experience it (ultimately to have kids and raise a family) however I do feel that people are raising the point up too frequently and giving it too much value. Is it really something that should be highly regarded where if you fail to achieve such feat then you are looked down upon?
is the topic of sex overrated?
discuss??
That is especially true to men in almost every social circles (and slightly to women in some).
Also you should know that losing your virginity is no feat, you could pay a hooker for all I know. The thing is many men brag about losing it but they still suck at sex. When you look at it men that have healthy relationships on a constant basis and that do not suck at it are a lot less to brag than just losing their virginity.
On a side note, I have often met people for whom the first time was the hardest and I wouldn't advice to turn down an occasion BUT the best would be a mid/long term relationship with a girl not shy about it. THAT my friend is the best way to learn and enjoy it for your first times.
Now is sex overrated, I would say yes. I feel media convey a non healthy ideology about it. Sure sex is great and you should definitly do it but some ideas conveyed are very bad and I feel we are seeing only 2 extremes nowadays: the religious and the whores. There is room for a very strong debat here though and I'm not really in a mood to make a long post.
Remember, meeting someone has a lot to do about your social activities and 21yo is not that late.
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I was a virgin till I was 25. Don't sweat it man, just let it come. Men are like wine, we get better looking as we age and sometimes it takes women awhile to see just how good looking we are.
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In the end nobody really cares.. and if anyone decides to wait.. for whatever reasons.. its just meh.. Trying to prove a point? But people who've had sex know that relationships arent only about sex.. it's a very nice addition.. so what point is there to make?
Adding an arbitrary time limit on things doesnt make them mean more. Working on them and putting effort in makes it mean more. Bonding through experiences lived through, not lack of experiences.
Nearly a decade on and thousands of times later, for us we've found a perfect mix through being open and putting in the love/effort to make each time just as meaningful as the previous time. (was blooody good to start off with too  )
If for whatever reason we haven't done it for a while, it doesnt make the next time mean more either, we just say "wait, why didnt we do this for the last 2 weeks?" and things go back to normal
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On September 01 2011 03:04 -orb- wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote:
Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak. Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it
Those 2 things are not really worth comparing to each other. One is a fully legal action between two people - which is often times super intimite and emotional... The other is an illegal "drug".. Even though tons of people do it - and it seems harmless, this is not even worth comparing to sex...
On topic: I don't know if I would say it's OP... Lost my virginity shortly after hitting 15, and I'm happy I did it. Mostly for my GF, so I had at least some experience - and for myself since it's nice to be allowed so close into your current girl.
Try it. Not much else to say. If you're a virgin, it's fine. I wont judge. However like you feel you're being bashed by society - you shouldn't bash society back without having experienced, what society is actually talking about
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ZerglingSoup
Is just trolling guys, it's quite obvious. He's having the time of his life defending his imaginary super-weird relationship, stop trying to persuade him or w/e you're trying to do.
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On September 01 2011 03:19 lyrlian wrote:
ZerglingSoup
Is just trolling guys, it's quite obvious. He's having the time of his life defending his imaginary super-weird relationship, stop trying to persuade him or w/e you're trying to do.
Yeah, the no kissing bit was a bit blatant 
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Depends entirely on your attitude about it
If you go about bitching that you havent been laid you're gonna be seen as a loser who wnat it really bad but can't have it.
If people dont act desperate about it and just talk it out you're out just fine, and if people still fuck you up, you probally dont want these people as your friends anyways.
Quite simple to me. And thinking about it, there were some girls where I probally coulda gone with - if I had had any feelings for them, personally I dont want my first time to be some random girl I dont know at all..
@ Orb
Alot of the people who knock away marijuana in that attitude also knocks away sex (by that it might be accesible, but they're not gonna try it out), that's how it is in my society and I walk with ALOT of marijuana smokers, even though I dont smoke it (had a headache last time I tried waterpibe for instance, so I figure marijuana wouldnt do me good)
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On September 01 2011 03:04 -orb- wrote:Show nested quote +On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote:
Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak. Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it
Don't pretend to be stupid.
Weed smells fucking awful to non smokers, and people who smoke a lot of it are *typically* of a variety that don't bring much to the table in a public environment..
I'm now a somewhat regular(?) smoker (2-3 times per week) but having grown up never smoking it just smelt disgusting, and it would be unpleasant to walk past anyone who was smoking it.
Sex which has nothing to do with public space.. and drugs which cause kids to stink are quite different in nature.. and can't really be used as a 'point' the way you were trying to use it..
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Banging a 30 year old virgin must be extremely awkward if the other person is normal and has had loads of experience.
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On September 01 2011 03:19 lyrlian wrote:
ZerglingSoup
Is just trolling guys, it's quite obvious. He's having the time of his life defending his imaginary super-weird relationship, stop trying to persuade him or w/e you're trying to do.
In my day trolling meant something. There's a difference between trolling and lying.
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imo
sex is sex. Whether it's important, or not, it's a part of human nature that there will always be pressure to have it. The only reason there were the "taboos" against it anyway was that lifespan and lifestyle changed and having kids young became a mostly bad decision but there wasn't the protection nowadays. Now there is the protection, but the taboo still remains, even though it's starting to crumble.
If your asking is too much emphasis placed on sex in a media/social meaning, YES. Simply because it has that taboo thats been around for a few hundred years it's become a big deal. If there had never been such a taboo, the "sex" argument would be more along the lines of "did you go to the store yesteraday?" in a casual life. Whether you had it, wanted to wait, or whatever, it would not be a big deal.
If your asking whether it's wrong to retain virginity or slow down in relationships, NO. It's mostly a personal choice, becuase if you really wanted to have sex you could, unless you were the ugliest person on earth and didn't have any money at all. I'm no catch, but if i wanted to get laid, i'd know where to go, what party to go to, how to get the attention, and therefore the lay. I don't really want to do that now, so i choose not to (recently).
Whatever raises your flag to salute is what works for you. Thats all that matters.
oh btw. There is also a difference between casual sex and making love, for those who will mention something relating to that.
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I'm religious, 23, and still a virgin and proud of it. The media has created a hypersexual society, what once was private is now public and many people have a skewed and or perverted outlook on sexuality. I haven't even masturbated since I was 18. I went on a mission to teach religion and I taught abstinence before marraige by having two hershey's kisses in my pocket, one with a wrapper on and one without. And asked people which one they wanted, usually got the message across. So sex before marraige I believe is wrong, however after marraige it becomes a commandment. One of the leaders of my church has said that God gave us sex for more than just procreation, and that is to express deep emotions of love that with our partner we cannot express with words. Should sex be taboo? no. Does it bug me when I hear a guy talking about how many partners he's had? kind of. But still, I stick to my guns and I'm happy. Save yourself until you find a girl who you treat right and who treats you right then marry her and go at it like rabbits...
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On September 01 2011 04:42 meatybacon wrote:
I taught abstinence before marraige by having two hershey's kisses in my pocket, one with a wrapper on and one without. And asked people which one they wanted, usually got the message across.
"If you wanna make an omelette you have to break a few eggs."
I do enjoy meaningless and unrelated metaphors being used to prove a point.
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On September 01 2011 03:23 Scrimpton wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 03:04 -orb- wrote:On July 22 2011 11:41 UniversalSnip wrote:
Can't knock it till you try it.
You know... so to speak. Huh. Doesn't seem to stop the millions of judgemental people "knocking" "drugs" like marijuana when they haven't even tried it Don't pretend to be stupid. Weed smells fucking awful to non smokers, and people who smoke a lot of it are *typically* of a variety that don't bring much to the table in a public environment.. I'm now a somewhat regular(?) smoker (2-3 times per week) but having grown up never smoking it just smelt disgusting, and it would be unpleasant to walk past anyone who was smoking it. Sex which has nothing to do with public space.. and drugs which cause kids to stink are quite different in nature.. and can't really be used as a 'point' the way you were trying to use it..
Not true at all. I dont smoke, and I love the smell of weed. If I could burn it as an in-since(dont know how to spell that) I would.
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EPT
