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On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid.
And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
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On September 01 2011 00:16 ComaDose wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. I'm glad it worked for you. I find it difficult to believe you never kissed your girlfriend? can I ask why?
We haven't!
It's just something we decided on our second date. I'd seen couples do this before and they all had and still have strong relationships. I was a little timid to suggest it, but then she brought it up and it turned out we were on the same page! We committed to it without knowing what to expect, but it's been a great challenge to us. Something we can support each other in, despite our frustration. I feel like it's good practice in case life gets legitimately tough in the future.
Plus, all that time we might otherwise have spent just making out, we've spent communicating and learning about each other! Struggling together also opens us up more and makes us more vulnerable. It wasn't long before we could talk about anything without being uncomfortable.
To avoid torturing ourselves, we find stuff to do that ends up being alot of fun. We go on a lot of walks and picnics in interesting places. We've started a garden with all kinds of heirloom veggies. Last week we went berry-picking, then made pancake sauce out of the fresh blackberries. Our relationship stays fresh and fun, which I'd like to think it's a good habit that we are building.
There are all sorts of other little reasons it has worked so well for us. In short, it has enabled us to build a relationship that is well worth committing too.
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sex messes shit up with friends unless it is serious, some people try to brag about it, but many are covering up for them, knowing their relationship with that person it pretty much gone.
unless you are serious about a person, it just messes crap up :/
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On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment.
That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
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@zerglingsoup: making marmelade or love with the girl a of your dreams... WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ONE OF THOSE 2. Just finish your picnic and then go crazy :D
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On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together.
But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
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On September 01 2011 00:30 chrissummers wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. Even though I believe you to not be serious ( never kissed your GF????? ), I gotta say the illusion that postponing sex until you married makes it more meaningful or is saying anything about the relationship, is quite naive. Only because you don't eat a donut until you are married, it does not make the donut any better or more valuable when you eat it afterwards. There might actually be people that think so, but this special treatment of sex is totally unnecessary and only brings harm. Oppressed desires do not lead to anything good.
I am not counting on it to make sex more meaningful. But I expect it will make our marriage more meaningful, which is of greater importance to me.
And there is nothing wrong with delayed gratification. Certainly we don't see it much anymore in any context, but I often enjoy a doughnut much more if I've been thinking about eating one all morning.
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sex is not purely gratification. sounds like the pope is talking to me -.-
I guess there is no point in argueing, our povs are too different.
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On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
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On September 01 2011 01:02 ZerglingSoup wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one. Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless.
That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
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On September 01 2011 01:01 chrissummers wrote:
sex is not purely gratification. sounds like the pope is talking to me -.-
I guess there is no point in argueing, our povs are too different.
And whatever else it is will also be a part of our marriage commitment, making it something that we've only shared with each other.
My end goal is to have a marriage that will endure adversity and to have a wife that will always want to be the other half of me. I want that more than sex.
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On September 01 2011 00:34 HeavenS wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:30 chrissummers wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. Even though I believe you to not be serious ( never kissed your GF????? ), I gotta say the illusion that postponing sex until you married makes it more meaningful or is saying anything about the relationship, is quite naive. Only because you don't eat a donut until you are married, it does not make the donut any better or more valuable when you eat it afterwards. There might actually be people that think so, but this special treatment of sex is totally unnecessary and only brings harm. Oppressed desires do not lead to anything good. agreed.
Unless they're personally responsible for keeping the human population up--why does it matter when they have sex?
From a purely aesthetic standpoint, from a purely pleasure based standpoint, what's wrong with them waiting?
There's a reason you don't eat candy until you puke or that you don't stay drunk 24 hours a day. Candy is delicious and getting hammered is fun--but we choose when we can and cannot have those things in order for them to be more meaningful.
I don't necessarily agree with withholding sex. But waiting until some arbitrary time to do it be it "When we're old enough" or "When she's off her period" or "When we can afford condoms" or whatever, those are okay.
The act of choosing to wait is not a flaw in the individuals themselves--it is simply a reflection of societal norms inherent in their immediate social sphere. Societal norms are arbitrary and numerous in numbers. For example, monogamy is a societal construct--but so are orgies. Marriage is a social construct--but so is casual sex. (Being that marriage hinges on having kids or not more times than not one can argue it's more "natural" than casual sans-baby sex)
We should not judge people for having variant social norms than us.
As for the OP--as I've already said earlier in the thread--people make fun of virgins due to misogyny. It's not the sex that is praised, it is the domination of the woman that is praised. That is why females are called sluts if they sleep around with other men but are fetishized and objectified when they sleep around with other women.
Sex is treated in America as a male activity and more specifically as an activity where a female is dominated and subjugated. If a male does not dominate his female then he is seen as weak--even more so when he doesn't have a female. If a male respects the woman he's with--he's seen as pussy whipped. This is also visible in the way females are treated.
When they have sex all the time (in which case the sex is their choice and not the male's choice) then they are called sluts.
When they don't have sex all the time (in which case it is their choice and not the male's choice) they are called cold hearted or frigid or even lesbian.
Sex in America is a bastion of misogyny. Not the church or the media's control of it--but the way normal everyday people use it and think about it is one of the most misogynistic forms of social structuring in the modern age. If there was no church or media outlets--it would still be one of the most misogynistic sections of modern times.
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Don't worry about it too much.
However (and I was guilty of this once upon a time) don't think about sex as a purely physical act of gratification. If it's with someone that you trust, it's the moment where you really put all your faith in that person. You're both showing each other something no-one else has ever seen, and you're expecting each other to lose some of that self-control maintained in public. That's just my personal opinion, of course, and I have nothing against people that get laid on a regular basis with any number of partners for social reasons.
Giving advice about something like this is always dangerous; the person listening might actually take that advice, and it might not apply to their situation. Always listen to other's people's advice (especially about something this important) while remembering that individuals differ.
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On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one.
Yeah I almost think that if he were born in another time, he'd be on the other extreme pushing for sexual liberation.. He such a fucking romantic lol.
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On September 01 2011 01:04 chrissummers wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 01:02 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:55 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:53 ZerglingSoup wrote:On September 01 2011 00:44 hypnoxide wrote:On September 01 2011 00:06 ZerglingSoup wrote:
26 year old virgin.
Will be until I am 27.
My girl and I have chosen to wait. We want the experience of sex to be connected to the bonds of our marriage, so that our commitment will be that much more meaningful and therefore more durable.
Never kissed a girl either, we're saving that too.
It isn't easy.. certainly the temptation is intense for both of us, but in the end it is making us a much stronger couple. I would recommend it to anyone.
I am glad I have saved myself for my her and she for me. Our relationship couldn't be any more solid. And then you'll have sex and think to yourself "Wow, was that it?" I wonder how your relationship will be after that moment. That's kinda the point. Sex isn't what our relationship is about. If it sucks, then oh well. It isn't what we are fixated on. We've taken the time to discover something in each other that is far more valuable than sex. All the wonderful things that make her special to me are set in stone. I'm sure sex will be awkward and weird for us at first, but I'm guessing we'll get used to it eventually. It's all part of experiencing life together. But by deliberately abstaining from kissing and all sexual contact you are indirectly making a big deal about it whether you realise it or not. Your sex life, or lack thereof, is in a way, a bigger deal in your relationship than in a normal one. Perhaps that is true, I can't attest to other relationships. My point is, that sex isn't foundational to our relationship. So whatever sex ends up being, it doesn't matter. Our relationship will be exactly what it was, regardless. That is something you don't know and you cannot know when you are a virgin. That is what you HOPE.
Nonsense. I can know I have a strong relationship with her without having sex. This is my point. We've found lots of other things to value about each other.
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Sex is an incredibly important aspect of any romantic relationship. Saying "we don't want to make sex that important" is essentially claiming a denial of human nature, most likely based upon ingrained religious convictions that human sexuality is somehow harmful or immoral or dangerous...
If you go to a marriage therapist or counselor, I'm sure one of the most common and basic questions they will ask you is something along the lines of "what is your sex life like?" Because it is an extremely vital and important aspect to a loving, healthy romantic relationship, it's one of the most powerful ways to express and experience your love for someone.
On top of that, you should always test drive the car before you buy it. How do you know you two will even be sexually compatible? Maybe one of you will have a completely different sex drive from the other, or maybe one of you will have desires the other considers disgusting, and that can breed resentment or diminished respect on both sides.
It's not as simple as convincing yourself that "you will choose not to make it that important." Sorry, but it really is that important.
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On September 01 2011 01:20 jdseemoreglass wrote:
Sex is an incredibly important aspect of any romantic relationship. Saying "we don't want to make sex that important" is essentially claiming a denial of human nature, most likely based upon ingrained religious convictions that human sexuality is somehow harmful or immoral or dangerous...
If you go to a marriage therapist or counselor, I'm sure one of the most common and basic questions they will ask you is something along the lines of "what is your sex life like?" Because it is an extremely vital and important aspect to a loving, healthy romantic relationship, it's one of the most powerful ways to express and experience your love for someone.
On top of that, you should always test drive the car before you buy it. How do you know you two will even be sexually compatible? Maybe one of you will have a completely different sex drive from the other, or maybe one of you will have desires the other considers disgusting, and that can breed resentment or diminished respect on both sides.
It's not as simple as convincing yourself that "you will choose not to make it that important." Sorry, but it really is that important.
We know about each other's sex drives, and desires. We talk openly about this stuff.
I'm not saying it's "not that important." I know it's important. It's not foundational. There is a difference in terms there. It can wait, because it isn't the basis of my purchase decision.
In India, people sometimes don't even see each other before the day they get married. I've been there and seen plenty of those couples who have strong, healthy relationships. All that they have experienced, physically speaking, has only existed between the two of them. It's just better that way, if your goal is a strong marriage.
If your goal is fun and pleasure and freedom of self. Then I can understand why great sex is important. You have to be able to maintain that same level of pleasure with your one partner for the rest of your life.
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sex feels really really good.
As long as I'm with a person I trust and didn't just meet like an hour before, I'm always ready 
and use condoms...
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@Zerglingsoup: you gotta be a fan of burkas? that way, not even the visual impressions disturb you from growing a healthy relationship that is the basis for a good marriage.
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On August 31 2011 19:39 lyrlian wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2011 17:21 positron. wrote:
I wish that 40/40/20 spit were true. The guys who place sex and party ahead of school are dumb. We all should be thankful that they are that dumb. There will be way less competition later on. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." How do you make money without resorting to the way of Tony Montana? Be good at school.
You don't actually believe this, do you? Sounds like you're saying that going to a party and/or having sex makes you a bad student.
What? For a lot of the times it is true. Nobody is stupid enough to make blanket statement like if you go to party and have sex you must be a bad student. Stop taking things too literally.
Should getting the hottest women be the goal of your life? Probably not but I just laid out the plan for any guy who wants to get the hottest women they can. Sure what Tony Montana said might sound shallow but it is true. Who is banging Gisele Bunchen right now? Tom Brady.
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EPT
