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On August 31 2011 19:48 elimzkE wrote:
Funnily enough, the smarter people who refuse to have meaningless sex or unprotected sex are less likely to pass on their genes due to accidental pregnancies.
Anyway, I'm a virgin myself and I'm too confident of a person to care what anybody thinks about my sexual status. Obviously it doesn't help my stereotype as I'm a programmer and competitive gamer, but when it comes down to it I'm a perfectly happy person with some great friends and a supportive family. Sex isn't a part of my happiness, and although it could be, it doesn't make me any less of a person. How does refusing to have meaningless sex an indication of your intelligence?
I agree with the rest of your post. You shouldn't be embarrassed if sex is something you do not desire.
But I cannot fathom why you would say people who do desire sex are less intelligent?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having casual sex, I would be very interested to hear how you can justify otherwise.
People who do not practice safe sex are dumb and I am quite offended that you lumped those people in with those that enjoy regular casual sex.
On August 31 2011 20:45 pyrogenetix wrote:
Sex is definitely overhyped as this glamorous, hallmark event that only rich, cool, successful people get to experience, and if you aren't getting any then you are immediately cast into the other end of the spectrum. Yeah this is pretty much true. Everything is advertised with sex which just reinforces this so much.
It's put on this pedestal by everyone. Religion makes it something sacred. Media makes it the most desirable situation. Peers make it a challenge and a goal.
It's truly just a physical activity. There are risks involved but all you need is two willing participants and the necessary protection and you can partake and hopefully enjoy yourself. I do not think there is much that feels better physically.
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In my opinion people who look down upon or call others who havn't had sex "losers" is probably that themselves and know it to a certain degree. That does sound kinda cheesy like I guess "those who need to cause pain to others are in pain themselves" kinda thing.
But the fact is, if someone has the need to look down on someone for something they got, and the other don't, it very often is an indication that whatever that "thing" is, is among the few things that make such a persons life valueable.
To take quite a stereotypical example imo at least:
The popular "gangsta" dude who smoothtalks and parties and all, and consequently gets laid.
He then mocks a decently handsome guy with good grades, good morals and no bad habits (like smoking, drinking etc).
Because if we look at the "gangsta" dudes other achievements they are usually slim, at best.
He got poor grades, loads of bad habits, no hobby he is great at (at least not one that is good); Basicly among the very few socially considered values (in most cases) he got, is getting laid.
And because this is possibly his only true positive social value he needs to underline, and emphasize and just make it ten times the deal it is.
So to summaries:
-Having had/have sex is a positive social value
-Being a "loser" is when your summed up social values give a low score.
-For the above reason, those who call people that haven't gotten laid for losers often do it to try increase their own social value as to not be classified a "loser". Since getting laid possibly is their only one, and if that is your only positive social value, you are a loser in general (there are exceptions)
-Not having had sex is no reason for being a loser regardless of age.
-Sex is only one out of countless many social values that exist, by having other values instead you can easily climb out of the "losers" bracket
-SC2 jokes are awesome, see last point for refrence :D
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On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote:
In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool.
Not to meaning to use your post as the "class example", but you bring up various points that are good to explore.
For example, look at your second point: "2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls." What if you did not desire to hook up with friends or random girls? In fact hooking up with random people seems downright stupid to me (keyword being "me"). You should look at this point from the opposite perspective; not desiring to hook up with random people.
Another point you make is that people who do not desire to have sex with random people are strange. Does stating it like that make it sound, I don't know, strange to you? If not I have no way of understanding how your thought-process works. I for one feel that it would be strange to have sex with multiple people I didn't know well. That does not mean I don't want to absolutely pine every hot chick I see. Understanding now?
What you have to understand is that the main difference in many cases is pure self control. This is shown in the way that many young men will attempt to fuck all girls that they know. Any opportunity they have will be used trying to get that girl to bend over for them. On the other hand those of us with self control are perfectly happy just hanging out. Unfortunately due to the nature of many young women, they find this apparent lack of attention as a signal they are unwanted.
You say that getting laid is the easiest thing in the world if you have social skills. It's generalizations such as this that allow societal preconceptions to continue. Sure, sex is easy to get, it just depends on the girl. For example there is a girl at my work who is unmarried, has a 6 year old at home, has another girl due in three months, and has already told me she would be trying harder to fuck me if she were younger, oh and she also said that the fact I'm not black is made up for by the fact I'm "cute". Is sex difficult to get? No I could honestly walk out my door and have it within ten minutes by going to any social scene and pretending to care about a girl for an hour.
To sum up my post I would have to say that sex has a lot to do with maturity. If you are 16-24 and think that virgins are probably losers, you need to grow up a little more because you will reach a point where you realize sex is easy and relatively boring unless you are with the person you care about.
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Most of Asian still a virgin when they hit 21-25 so nothing wrong with you man
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On August 31 2011 22:13 ForlornHope wrote:
Most of Asian still a virgin when they hit 21-25 so nothing wrong with you man
Then why is Asian porn so abundant? 
Lol just joking. Yes and I agree that nothing is wrong with it, as long as you accept it as being okay. Like most things in life, everything comes down to how you feel, and not what others project onto you. I know that for many people it can be hard sometimes to face peer pressure, especially when coming from friends. But then again, if the pressure is coming from their side, one should not even consider them as friends.
In today's world there is just too much corruption that I would even go as far as to stress about what my sexual status is. I really do not care, for I do not want to invite more bad things into my life as it is. For some it may not be bad, but overall the best choice would be to wait until marriage to have sex with someone you can trust, and with whom you can share that experience. That is just better in my opinion.
Porn also plays a huge role in this stigma, and I really wish that it would not be the case. Too many people get involved in porn at a very tender age, thereafter practicing sex at a similar age; and ultimately projecting their views onto others. That is probably why we have this stigma, because of just an overwhelming lot of people doing silly things which then in turn creates a perceived "norm".
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On August 31 2011 22:27 NeThZOR wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2011 22:13 ForlornHope wrote:
Most of Asian still a virgin when they hit 21-25 so nothing wrong with you man Then why is Asian porn so abundant?
More importantly, why are there so many of them? :D
On August 31 2011 21:50 blAke139 wrote:
I don't think sex is overrated.
I'm sorry, but it's just one of the greatest things that exist opinion. Not only because it's needed to create new human life, but because it's just a shitload of fun opinion based on personal experience. Neither of the two assertions propped up actually imply that sex is 'one of the greatest things that exist'.
It's in our instincts to "want sex". If you don't want it, that means your instincts are broken (that's a joke, actually) because of society. We are meant to have sex, we were "designed" to reproduce (that's serious though).
We were not meant for anything. Every person is souveran and can decide for him or herself what he chooses to value and participate in. Moreover the argument that simply because our brains are hardwired for any kind of tendency we should engage in said activity is really poor. We are also hardwired to be hostile against people outside of our tribe. imagine everyone engaging in that.
But ALL of that does not mean that you're weird if you don't want sex yet making an assumption that at some point such a state will be reached. Even if it's sounds like it. Society made sex to something fun and cool (which it both is), if you don't want it just for that, that's totally fine. You don't even have to like it. But at some point in life, every single one of us will start desiring sex baseless claim. Not because we wanna be cool too, just because our instincts tell us. All of that also applies to women, actually.
Fortunately, we don't need a club (you know, cudgel, mace, whatever) anymore to force women into having sex contradicts your own 'tendency is hardwired = do it faggot' argument from before. Ironically, we can go to clubs to make it easier though.
If this was an essay, you would have got an F.
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+ Show Spoiler +On August 31 2011 22:08 Atreidz wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2011 18:50 Cel.erity wrote:
In my opinion, being a virgin at 20 means two things:
1. Never been in a serious relationship.
2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls.
Of course, there's always the religious fanatic/asexual option, but we're not really talking about that considering the tone of the OP.
When someone tells me they're a virgin, my opinion of them as a person doesn't exactly change, but in basically all cases it's because they are antisocial or in some way strange. I have plenty of antisocial/strange friends. However, wanting sex is the most natural thing for human beings, so the only two options for a 20-year old virgin are that they don't want it (strange) or they can't get it (not strange, but unfortunate).
I think the OP's point is that most people assume virgins are all in the second category, and that is true, because most people can't imagine someone who doesn't care about sex. Therefore they assume you really want sex like they do, and call you a loser for not being able to get it. There is some merit to this point of view, since getting laid is pretty much the easiest thing in the world if you have any social skills.
Note, I don't think you need to troll clubs and sleep with 10 women a week to be cool, but having one or two committed relationships would also make you a non-virgin, and even more cool. Not to meaning to use your post as the "class example", but you bring up various points that are good to explore. For example, look at your second point: "2. Not desirable or sociable enough to hook up with friends/random girls." What if you did not desire to hook up with friends or random girls? In fact hooking up with random people seems downright stupid to me (keyword being "me"). You should look at this point from the opposite perspective; not desiring to hook up with random people. Another point you make is that people who do not desire to have sex with random people are strange. Does stating it like that make it sound, I don't know, strange to you? If not I have no way of understanding how your thought-process works. I for one feel that it would be strange to have sex with multiple people I didn't know well. That does not mean I don't want to absolutely pine every hot chick I see. Understanding now? What you have to understand is that the main difference in many cases is pure self control. This is shown in the way that many young men will attempt to fuck all girls that they know. Any opportunity they have will be used trying to get that girl to bend over for them. On the other hand those of us with self control are perfectly happy just hanging out. Unfortunately due to the nature of many young women, they find this apparent lack of attention as a signal they are unwanted. You say that getting laid is the easiest thing in the world if you have social skills. It's generalizations such as this that allow societal preconceptions to continue. Sure, sex is easy to get, it just depends on the girl. For example there is a girl at my work who is unmarried, has a 6 year old at home, has another girl due in three months, and has already told me she would be trying harder to fuck me if she were younger, oh and she also said that the fact I'm not black is made up for by the fact I'm "cute". Is sex difficult to get? No I could honestly walk out my door and have it within ten minutes by going to any social scene and pretending to care about a girl for an hour. To sum up my post I would have to say that sex has a lot to do with maturity. If you are 16-24 and think that virgins are probably losers, you need to grow up a little more because you will reach a point where you realize sex is easy and relatively boring unless you are with the person you care about.
Very insightful post indeed. Exploring on those ideas definitely proved a point, and a point with which I mostly agree.
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People will call you a loser for pretty much -everything- these days, so if you value your sanity it's probably a good idea to just ignore those people. One day you'll be with someone you care about and you'll just feel that you want to have sex with them, and you'll feel that you're ready to, and there is the right time to do it.
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Nothing wrong with not having sex, but as you get older being a virgin will become a bigger and bigger deal. Having awkward sex is way easier when you're a teenager than when you're middle-aged and almost every woman in the world has experience. If you don't get some experience when you're younger, it will turn into a mind-fuck that will make it hard for it to ever happen.
Main bullet-point: Even if you don't see the need/desire for sex now, you should probably go for it relatively soon if you ever plan on having sex. The movie 40-year-old-virgin is not reality. It will be horribly, horribly awkward for you to lose your virginity when you're 35.
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I believe that you should follow what you desire.
If in fact you wish to have sex its possible. I recommend a meaningful relationship, as for me the mental aspect of that is better than just raw im lonely sex.
If you don't desire sex or a relationship then that is cool also, my best friend is 27 and a virgin. He is like a genius but either does not take the risk with girls or just more comfortable in his own element. This approach would mean less confidence around women you are attracted to and an ever increasing chance as you get older that your skills with women in a romantic and relationship department are decreased.
So, if you ask me what the ideal situation is, I would say. Have some relationships that might not have sex in them if unless you think that girl is the one, which love might tell you that but you gotta think about if she really is. IMO nothing in the world is better than finding "that girl" and spending your life with her. Not every moment is perfect because nothing is perfect, but you find perfection in understanding and consideration of problems, which positive minded people can find out of virtually any decent situation.
I would add when I was young I was a virgin on purpose, but people tried to make me do everything I didn't do, like drink or smoke. So for me I wanted to prove that I could be stronger and do what I wanted to do against all standards or odds, and i'm not even religious. I just believe in being strong.
So it is the belief that you are doing something better than others that is in fact OP. I actually think it would be harder to be a chick when your young dealing with all those emotions and wondering what it would be like, but getting tons of pressure. At least you can be chill about it and make your own decision.
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Hi,
You should not view Sex within the 'Porn' context or the "Oh god I'm a looser because I'm still V..." context.
If you chose to not be apart of that group of stereo type, you shall not care of what they believe.
In our current modern society, teenagers tend to become more and more anti social, 'we' don't go out as much as we used to be, having that basketball game with mates, or the movies night on friday and the clubs straight after...
I guess what I'm trying to say to you from my own experience is don't focus on Sex, instead, GO OUT and Socialize with PEOPLES, Sex comes right afterwards. *Trust Me* 
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Use this line, you know why my penis is called Basketball?
because it makes bitches dribble. HEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOo
instasex brosef
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Conversely and applicable to sympathizers in this thread; why do you use the phrase slut with a negative connotation to describe someone that often partakes in sexual activity?
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SEX can be seen in diffrent perspective by diffrent people. Those who belive that beeing any age and still virgin is weird or even a reason to mock others usually do it due to fear. basicly fear of the fact they dont understand your point of view or personality.
I really like sex, yet i only had it with one girl in a 4 year relationship. However thought all that relationship sex was a priorty for me, as much as many other priorities.
Everyone chooses his path, and everyone pays for the mistakes they make.
Everyone can decide what "a mistake" is by themselves :D.
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I have some friends who were virgins up into their twenties and never thought any less of them nor has anyone else as far as I know. People are different. Some start having sex when they are 12-13 others not untill they are 40. It doesn't really matter.
In any case if someone is giving you shit for not having had sex at 20 yo that says more about them than it does about you. What are you doing hanging around people like that in the first place?
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On August 31 2011 22:48 motiust wrote:Hi, You should not view Sex within the 'Porn' context or the "Oh god I'm a looser because I'm still V..." context. If you chose to not be apart of that group of stereo type, you shall not care of what they believe. In our current modern society, teenagers tend to become more and more anti social, 'we' don't go out as much as we used to be, having that basketball game with mates, or the movies night on friday and the clubs straight after... I guess what I'm trying to say to you from my own experience is don't focus on Sex, instead, GO OUT and Socialize with PEOPLES, Sex comes right afterwards. *Trust Me*
+1
I see so many people around me who just stick to 3 or 4 good friends, and don't meet anybody. This is not intrinsically wrong, but these 3 or 4 friends are usually college friends/work friends (aka people you just "had" to live with for some time.. and you stuck with them).
Point is, people are scared to meet strangers (hence the success of online dating/social networks).
Something that saddens me a little bit: I have not seen anywhere in this thread the good old "carpe diem" argument. I have seen, however, people praising "success", "school", "becoming good at something", etc. Not that I despise these things, but I do think people focus too much on long term planning. Many people I know are super career focused. And if for some reason (disease, crises, accident, etc) it goes down in the toilet, well... I'm pretty sure they will regret this focus.
Carpe diem does not mean "have sex with every one", but more "you don't have to become a super hero, please enjoy your life right now". I know a lot of "smart" people, and I see them getting happier when they let go their worries a little bit, and do stupid/fun things (talk to strangers, spend their money on fun activities/sports/trips, enlarge their social circle, etc). And, back to topic, doing this can often lead to having sex with all these new people you live life with...
So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex?
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On August 31 2011 23:05 Yenticha wrote:
So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex?
The implication being that if you are a virgin at 20+ you must not be exploring life. Failpost is made of aids.
User was temp banned for this post.
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On August 31 2011 23:09 DisneylandSC wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2011 23:05 Yenticha wrote:
So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex? The implication being that if you are a virgin at 20+ you must not be exploring life. Failpost is made of aids.
I see what you did there regarding sleeping around causing aids.
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I really don't care!!
I'm still a virgin though, but my "friends" keep trying to set me up with someone(and they aren't trying hard, if you know what I mean), but urgh....
Today's world is too much of a rush. I'm 40 hours at university a week and weekends I have to learn and relax(SC2, which I haven't played in 3 weeks!). A girlfriend is just gonna hold you back(just like my two friends). "Get rich, get laid!" - siut guy in How I met Your Mother
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On August 31 2011 23:09 DisneylandSC wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2011 23:05 Yenticha wrote:
So, put very simplistically, if you're still a virgin at 20+, maybe you should start exploring all that life has to offer? Including sex? The implication being that if you are a virgin at 20+ you must not be exploring life. Failpost is made of aids. User was temp banned for this post.
what's wrong with wearing condoms? And "including" means that sex is only a part (a little one) of what life has to offer... I know my post was long, but if you are to reply to it, please read it entirely.
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EPT
