You don't have to chase after it if you don't want to, but basically all of human history has taught us that you will be in an extreme minority if that's the case. It is as definitive a force as gravity on our lives, whether we engage in it regularly or not.
Just look at this thread! It keeps us dumb and makes us brilliant all at once. Don't worry too much about not having sex; that'd be the least sexy thing you could do :p
On July 23 2011 01:56 ToxNub wrote: Sex is definitely OP. It's a cultural obsession, which I think, ironically, would go away if people just got laid more. People would be more relaxed about it, stop making it such a big deal, and then we could all go on with our lives. As long as people are trying to construct rules about who/how/when it should happen we're only going to make people want it more. We're wired to want it, and complicating it only makes us want it more. I'm not as understanding as the rest of the thread. If you're 21 and you haven't been laid, then something is wrong. Not morally wrong, just that you're a statistical outlier. Ok, so maybe you haven't met a girl worth it yet, fine. But, also, maybe you're just chicken, or bad with women, or whatever. Not all reasons are equally valid It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
Maybe your just an ass-hole?(I'm juuuuuuuust kidddding sheesh) But I don't need to post that on a forum do I
I really just wanted to ask what statistics am I outlaying from? I thought like 100% of all statistics on the internet were true.
Average age is 17, and 47.8% of US high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.
And you believe what teenagers put on those tests....................... I live in the U.S. probably participated in that, could have lied and said I was black, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and smoked weed. Nothing to prevent me from putting that shit down. NOTHING. Its not like they go through them all with a biological profile of your life history and go "well thats not accurate!" If you ever went to middle school you know thats bs, half the kids lie about dumb things and some of them just find it funny to put redic information down, which means that any good information your getting is crap too.
Certainly some people will lie, but you're the one that is going to need to provide statistics to say that most or all of them would, if you're basing your argument on that. I lost mine at 19. My girlfriend was 17. Most of my friends lost it before that. You can believe it or not, it doesn't matter. I don't think it's a big deal either way. What really matters if you are sexual yet or not. If you do have sexual urges, but you're not having sex, why? Are those reasons healthy? If yes, great. If not, then figure out how to get help. This is the same thing any counselor or psychologist will tell you.
No I don't your statistic says that at LEAST half of those kids aren't having sex, making me the majority. And I think kids are more likely to lie about having sex than lie about not having sex on an anonymous test.
"What really matters if you are sexual or not yet?"
What kind of question is that? Or is it a statement saying I should be sexual because you think that way? Out of you and everyone else I don't think anyone has said one thing bad about not having sex, besides your not having sex.
On July 23 2011 04:16 Dagon wrote: Oh, one more thing.
It actually is good to abstain in some cases. One of them is when you are a practitioner of Chineese internal alchemy. Apparently they live ascetic lives and abstain from sex and masturbation and use their semen to create the "golden elixir" in their bodies, with witch they can achieve immortality!
But for the sake of this thread I will assume you are not in this situation so, again, you should try it as it is definately a fun activity..
Ahahaha thats awesome. You are the Golden Child!
You are 21, it shows that half of kids have sex while in high school. So you are not the majority. It doesn't matter what you think, you need to provide evidence if you are going to dispute other evidence. You asked for my evidence, now I ask for yours.
Not that it matters. You are young, and confused, and you haven't yet grasped what I say in my posts. I will say it again one last time, and I hope you will read this time. The sex does not matter, your reasons for having or not having sex matter. Make sure they are good reasons, either way.
ya, as of right now, I haven't heard a reason i consider legitimate enough to engage in sex.
I would be interested to hear your reasons why you don't want to.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
This is actually completely not true. Not only does consistent sex increase have tons of correlational evidence that would support the fact that sex increases life expectancy, decreases stress, decreases risk for cancer and heart disease.
In other words you get a lot from sexual activity. It's not only part of your biology but it obviously has helpful effects as well.
Besides I'm not sure what risks are involved in having sex with your girlfriend. If you think she has an std then condoms and dental dams are the way to go. If you're worried about the risk of pregnancy then once again, contraceptives are the key. 99.9% success rate with avoiding pregnancy is pretty good.
On July 23 2011 06:11 Arnstein wrote: After the first time I had sex, when I was 17, I was quite disappointed. It's not all that. It's sex, that's it. It's not going to change your life. If your life sucks, sex is not going to make it awesome. Sex is sex.
I do enjoy occasional sex though.
Exactly what I'M trying to say... sex is (apparently) enjoyable, but not that go-get-em thing you need to add to your life.
For example, food. You need food, although ya it's fucking tasty most of the time, it's usually not why you're eating it. Which is why I don't do things just because I can (or b/c it's just fun).
I play Starcraft because it enhances my multitasking ability as well as it being a challenge, and I like challenges.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
This is what I said to my girlfriend: "Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship ... bazinga!"
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
If your only goal is to be a multi-millionaire, then you probably won't ever understand why people like sex just for the sake of having sex.
There's no logical answer to your question. What advantage does sex have? Well, it has some nice side effects like releasing endorphines when you orgasm and other biochemical stuff like that, but that's probably not what you're talking about when you ask for why sex is good.
It just feels good and is one of the most fulfilling things that most humans can do. For you it isn't like that and money is probably more fulfilling to you, and that's fine, that's just the way you are.
But there's no need to argue about it since nobody will be able to explain it to you. How would somebody explain to you how strawberries taste if you haven't ever eaten a fruit in your life?
FINALLY! Someone who else who sides with the FACT that sex only adds physical pleasure to your life.
Now, not saying I wouldn't MIND the pleasure, but the risks involved, the time it takes to find "the one" and the little gain you actually get from it, not worth it IMO.
This is actually completely not true. Not only does consistent sex increase have tons of correlational evidence that would support the fact that sex increases life expectancy, decreases stress, decreases risk for cancer and heart disease.y
Increased life expectancy because of what... reduced stress? Reduced stress because it releases the same chemicals in your brain that can be obtained elsewhere Decreased risk for what kind of cancer (prostate?) Decreased heart disease because of physical activity, not because you had sexual intercourse. Both get blood flowing which naturally decreases heart problems.
On July 23 2011 03:38 MadVillain wrote: I honestly felt the same way as the OP did... until I lost my virginity. There was a girl I liked, told myself to stop being a pussy, talked to her a month or so later she was my girlfriend and we had sex. It was great, we had a lot of sex and I think I've learned some valuable skills.
90% of the time when people say they don't want/need sex they are just bullshitting themselves, I know this from personal experience. I told myself over and over, it doesn't matter you'll do it when the right girl comes blah blah bullshit bullshit. These are people who, like me, weren't confident enough and were too much of a pussy to try and get it. Sex is fun, it is stress relieving, it gives you confidence it really is all positive.
Abstinence is silly in my opinion. Humans naturally have an innate drive to rub there genitals together and denying this really doesn't do anything. The thought that it will be more special if sex is saved for marriage is complete crap.
Sex like all things takes practice to be good at, you think your first time having sex when you're 30 and you just got married is going to be some magical moment? No, it will be a hilariously awkward affair, not knowing foreplay, cuming in 10 secs etc.
Sex is good for you, do it.
but... WHY is it good... what benefit do you get from having sex besides not looking like a dumbass when you finally do get married?
edit: you mentioned a few things: stress relieving, fun, and confidence.
1. I am stress free already. 2. I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary. 3. I am self-motivated and confident enough in myself that I need not participate.
Now, if you worked a 9-5 job that your boss was always harping on you about, you come home to a shitty financial situation, and the most fun you can have is by watching some prime-time TV, then ya, go at it. But my problem with this whole "oh, it's great for you!" is that all the so called "benefits" are things that just counter the negatives in one's life. When one (aka, me) has no negatives that it can counter, why do it?
I get your point. But... it is a point spoken like a true virgin.
I have enough in my day that I don't feel the need to add something unnecessary.
Are you really saying that you're too busy to have sex? You're too busy to engage in a very personal, visceral, intimate activity with another human being? Are you saying that you feel nothing when that girl you like walks by looking sexy?
This is the mindset of someone who has talked themselves into THINKING they don't want sex. Love-making with someone you care about is anything but unnecessary, it is a very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
And you're right, you might not NEED sex. I'm not saying anyone really NEEDS sex, but the benefits I mentioned come ON TOP of what you already have in your life. You might be confident in some respects like your work, school etc, but what about talking to people, talking to girls? Your fitness etc?
What I'm saying is I believe sex can enhance your life, even if you think your life is already good.
No i'm definitely not too busy. Yes I do "feel something", but don't care enough to go after it.
ya cool, sex can add things to my life (things you listed), but how does it help me achieve my end goal at either a faster or more efficient rate (be a multi-millionaire)?
well then maybe it goes even deeper than that... (which is getting off topic) which is that I see no use for a girlfriend either. Not saying I'm not attracted to women (which holy shit yes I am), just that there isn't enough of a persuasive reason to get a girlfriend. My friends have one because they want that emotional attraction, which I don't feel.
My only real problem with your arguments, aside from the fact that--as a virgin, a 20 yr old, and someone not in a long-term [rd 3+ yrs] relationship--you are arguing from a purely theoretical position (hence my earlier post), is that you could apply them with equal success to any argument.
After you've had passionate sex with someone you adore, after you've stared in to their eyes as you come harder than ever before, after mind-blowing sex, after promises of eternal love, please write back and tell us all how insignificant and pointless sex is...
Are we actually to the point of trying to sell someone on sex for the scientific/medical benefits?
I mean, if you don't want to have sex to cure that natural compulsion you've been fighting for years, then you're obviously just one of those people who aren't interested. Or you prefer, just like many of the rest of us who were virgins until later in life, to delude yourself into thinking you don't want it because you don't know how to get it.
i think you are just making a huge deal about it because you haven't had sex yet. once you have sex with someone, or find a friend with benefits/ girlfriend and regularly have sex, it will not really be this huge deal. i get annoyed when sex is talked about like its a big deal, and it seems like its only virgins who make it that way.
Sex is so popular because it has to do with the most irresistible emotion in the human nerve repretoire. When people on media advertise it as a must-have thing it's basically appealing to the public on the most obvious level of tempting that emotion.
Many people Make to large a deal on Sex especially in High school or early college, it is a time for young men/woman to find out who they are and what they like; Nothing wrong with that.
You are only a loser if you in you're own mind think that you are one. those who judge you for not having sex are probably upset that they themselves have not found that right person and have to take it out on others to make themselves feel better(90% of high school kids do this).
Sex is great there is no covering it up, we as humans are one of the few species on this planet that have sex for pure enjoyment. I will not lie, it is worth doing! But having sex for the wrong reasons can be a terrible decision. It is all fun and games till you knock some one up and now heck you just changed you're entire life in the blink of an eye(not saying kids is a bad thing). Many teenagers and young adults have children for the wrong reason or just have a "accident" and now have a child on the way which again will affect everything you do from that moment on.
Do not let others make you feel down because you "haven't" had sex it is a choice you make and that's the end of it. When you are ready you will know; When you find that special some one you will know; Be patient and have fun with you're life you only get one and rushing it is not something you should ever do.
Good luck in all your endeavors and find that special some one!
it's really nothing special. the first time, it's a lot of pressure. once you grow up, you realize that people who think sex is important are just childish.
mind you, i am 21, but i consider myself a full adult. i lost my virginity at 14, and i thought i was cool then. now, i don't regret it, but i don't think about it.
sex is like eating. it's fun, tempting, but after it's done, you don't think about it until next time. don't overthink things--anyone who pressures you, or makes it seem like there is a need to do it, is probably just self-conscious themselves. as long as you are happy with your life, that's all that matters. there are FAR worse things going on in the world today than worrying about having sex.
Sex isn't a big deal. With a decent social skill set it's fairly easy to get laid, and it's more of a numbers game. That being said, this isn't my personal approach towards it. You're not a loser if you don't feel like one - that's pretty much a given. If you choose not to have sex, good on you. That makes you different from a lot of people, but no one will look down upon you if that's your own choice and decision.
If you're not happy with where you're at in life, maybe it's time for a change though. There are an absolute ton of forums out there to help guys "pick-up" women, as well as books on dating psychology. There's lots of resources, and hell, even going out and trying to meet women is probably the best. With that said, if that's not your bag, and you're happy with who you are, then you're fine dude. Screw what everyone else thinks.
It's enjoyable, and what you get out of it often depends on your view points and moral compass. Some people are all about the same night lay. Some people won't have sex until a relationship. Some people like weird kinds of sex. For myself, I won't sleep with someone I'm not dating. Just my own rules, and no one looks down upon me for it because I'm happy being me. Your comfort with who you are is something other people can pick up.
EPT
It's not the sex that you should worry about, it is the "why"s you should worry about.
