EPTThoughts on ex sleeping with best friend? - Page 2
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SiskosGoatee
Albania1482 Posts
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
I feel you guys are crashing rationale with social expectancies. If she doesn't have to consider his feelings, then there's further reason not to consider getting back with her. Thus, asking for forgiveness is negligible if the underlying question is: Should I get back with her? | ||
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LastDance
New Zealand510 Posts
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Talin
Montenegro10532 Posts
On December 27 2013 20:04 Torte de Lini wrote: I feel you guys are crashing rationale with social expectancies. If she doesn't have to consider his feelings, then there's further reason not to consider getting back with her. That's a pretty shit reason. Expecting people to put your feelings before their own while you're not in a relationship, after you've broken up is incredibly self-centered. As for why she's explaining her actions, that's her business. Maybe she needs to be honest. Maybe she feels guilty, even though she shouldn't. Maybe she just feels insecure about the whole thing. I don't know and I don't care. The point is that the whole incident with the best friend should not be taken into account when making a decision, but rather the previous relationship and the reason they broke up (which OP conveniently omitted to bring up). | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
But he asked 2 questions: 1) Should he try it again with her? - Answered above. 2) Should he forgive her? / Is she at fault? - There is nothing to forgive, she didn't do anything wrong. If there is someone at wrong here, it is him, trying to tell her who she is allowed to date with, after they broke up. If getting laid by his friend was her way to deal with her troubles, so be it. He should look forward to his own future. Not backward to what has happened to his past. | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On December 27 2013 20:22 LastDance wrote: IMO you should sleep with her best friend to even the score. Until you do that, don't even think about getting back together with her because there will be an imbalance in your relationship if you do, and it will just drive you mad later down the road. If you don't even things out, you will always have on the back of your mind your friend drilled the girl you're going out with. so before you date a girl, you ask her, how many boyfriends she had before and then go out to even the score? It is completely her business, what she did in the time they were not together. She didn't cheat him, his friend didn't cheat him, no one did. | ||
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
On December 27 2013 20:24 Talin wrote: That's a pretty shit reason. Expecting people to put your feelings before their own while you're not in a relationship, after you've broken up is incredibly self-centered. As for why she's explaining her actions, that's her business. Maybe she needs to be honest. Maybe she feels guilty, even though she shouldn't. Maybe she just feels insecure about the whole thing. I don't know and I don't care. The point is that the whole incident with the best friend should not be taken into account when making a decision, but rather the previous relationship and the reason they broke up (which OP conveniently omitted to bring up). Expecting people to put feelings of others before their own sounds like a social expectancy to me. It's a transgression of relationships, why are we denying the friendship between two people as not a factor? You're blurring out things that matter and weigh decisions for the sake of sounding right, without mindfulness of everyone involved. | ||
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FFW_Rude
France10201 Posts
On December 27 2013 20:22 LastDance wrote: IMO you should sleep with her best friend to even the score. Until you do that, don't even think about getting back together with her because there will be an imbalance in your relationship if you do, and it will just drive you mad later down the road. If you don't even things out, you will always have on the back of your mind your friend drilled the girl you're going out with. Wow, that is terrible advice ! Even if he did, it will always be on his mind. | ||
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c0ldfusion
United States8293 Posts
On December 27 2013 19:59 SiskosGoatee wrote: Did she or he do anything "wrong"? No, not really I feel, she was under no obligation to consider your feelings. However, one might argue that for a significant other you might expect something a little more than 'not doing something wrong', you want someone who cares exceptionally for you and she demonstrated not doing that. Your call in the end. I agree, to an extent. I think some of the other guys here are pretty disturbed. 1. After you two broke up she doesn't owe you shit. 2. Get rid of your so-called "friend". That dude needs to be out of your life. 3. Regarding your ex, it's ultimately you have to figure out for yourself. She's gambling emotionally in a bid to have you back. Don't take her back out of pity but don't reject her out of spite. The ball is completely in your court at this point. | ||
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FFW_Rude
France10201 Posts
On December 27 2013 22:14 c0ldfusion wrote: I agree, to an extent. I think some of the other guys here are pretty disturbed. 1. After you two broke up she doesn't owe you shit. 2. Get rid of your so-called "friend". That dude needs to be out of your life. 3. Regarding your ex, it's ultimately you have to figure out for yourself. She's gambling emotionally in a bid to have you back. Don't take her back out of pity but don't reject her out of spite. The ball is completely in your court at this point. After 5years you don't owe shit ? I mean. If you spent 5year of your time with someone you give them respect at least. 1. If after 5year you feel like you don't owe shit to someone you're a bad person (unless crap happens). 2. Well i aggree. But you have to say that for both of 'em. 3. You don't know what to do and ask and what we can say is: "your choice". That i agree with completly. | ||
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c0ldfusion
United States8293 Posts
On December 27 2013 22:19 FFW_Rude wrote: After 5years you don't owe shit ? I mean. If you spent 5year of your time with someone you give them respect at least. 1. If after 5year you feel like you don't owe shit to someone you're a bad person (unless crap happens). 2. Well i aggree. But you have to say that for both of 'em. 3. You don't know what to do and ask and what we can say is: "your choice". That i agree with completly. First of all, 5 years is not that long dude. I'm not sure at what length I'd draw a line but 5 years is really not that much. Secondly, they broke up and as far as we understand, with no strings attached. For all she knows, he could have moved on completely. He doesn't own her. I'm not sure why you're having trouble understand this. Of course what happened doesn't reflect well on her emotional stability and that's something OP will have to take into consideration. My point still stands, OP doesn't owe her anything either. We don't have all the details - he needs to figure this out on his own. | ||
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
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FFW_Rude
France10201 Posts
On December 27 2013 22:30 c0ldfusion wrote: First of all, 5 years is not that long dude. I'm not sure at what length I'd draw a line but 5 years is really not that much. Secondly, they broke up and as far as we understand, with no strings attached. For all she knows, he could have moved on completely. He doesn't own her. I'm not sure why you're having trouble understand this. Of course what happened doesn't reflect well on her emotional stability and that's something OP will have to take into consideration. My point still stands, OP doesn't owe her anything either. We don't have all the details - he needs to figure this out on his own. 5Year on a first relation is quite long. How old are you ? I don't know the age of the OP. I'm assuming (maybe wrongly) that is not that old (since first relation). (i don't ask your age because i think you are childish or anything. I ask because yeah... if you are over your 30, a 5year relationship would be quite short and even i am 30 and i didn't have a relatioship that last the long for now). I agree he needs to make a choice of his own. Why would you trust the internet anyway ? I agree with you. Except that they don't owe each other nothing. Because it's a first relationship. There is still respect in line. | ||
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c0ldfusion
United States8293 Posts
On December 27 2013 22:44 FFW_Rude wrote: 5Year on a first relation is quite long. How old are you ? I don't know the age of the OP. I'm assuming (maybe wrongly) that is not that old (since first relation). (i don't ask your age because i think you are childish or anything. I ask because yeah... if you are over your 30, a 5year relationship would be quite short and even i am 30 and i didn't have a relatioship that last the long for now). I agree he needs to make a choice of his own. Why would you trust the internet anyway ? I agree with you. Except that they don't owe each other nothing. Because it's a first relationship. There is still respect in line. I am roughly your age. (We're a bunch of old farts hahaha.) I think that's why to us, 5 year isn't _that_ much. We don't know how old OP is, but now that I think about it, he should be around 22 (assuming when he said graduating he was talking about college - equivalent to European university age, and not grad school or high school anything.) I guess 5 years is a big deal when you're only 22. We put things into perspective as we get older. I mean, you can call it "respect" but OP should look at things holistically. I just felt that there was too much bias in some of the earlier posts. | ||
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FFW_Rude
France10201 Posts
And i'm not old ! | ||
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Nebuchad
Switzerland12298 Posts
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Daswollvieh
5553 Posts
I mean, she didn´t cheat on you, regrets her decisions, wants you back. People make mistakes, right? | ||
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Yoav
United States1874 Posts
As a result, even if they don't sleep with your best friend, it is a bad move to get together with someone you broke up with 90% of the time. If they broke up with you, the bad move goes up to 99%. If they broke up with you, didn't talk for months, then ran off and slept with someone close to you, then yeah, I'm guessing you aren't gonna have a super happy relationship afterwards. The question about "should I give him/her as second chance" should always be a question of whether or not whatever was broken before got fixed. And people don't change terribly often. Once in a while, and it's clear to everyone when it happens, but don't count on it. | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
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