Thoughts on ex sleeping with best friend? - Page 3

On December 28 2013 01:57 sikeTM wrote:
I may not be married but I'm engaged and we just found out not to long ago that my fiance is pregnant! Which is just amazing! But also makes me feel more qualified to talk about this. My first relationship lasted almost 2 years, we were in a similar situation in that, she cheated. All I can tell you is the part about her hating it, is bullshit. She maybr didnt love it, or him, but she did not hate what she was doing whatsoever. (Why do it?) Her tring to fill the void, is also bullshit. If your the void she could've tried to patch it up with you. I think she really didnt know what she wanted, shes young, dumb, and full of cum. Basically, she wanted something different. Now shes played the field and didnt like the cards she was dealth so suprise!!! You're the best she ever had in a relationship standpoint. She knows your a good guy and the best thing yet ...a safe choice! She wont get hurt(which someone probably did, maybe even your bestfriend) so she doesnt want that to happen again. My current relationship is the happiest I've ever been. We both had our relationships before and we are good people who dont want to hurt one another. This is key, she has already hurt you once, whats to stop her from doing it again. I say no one deserves another chance from the situation laid before me. You need to find someone whos on the same thinking-level as you. This girl still needs to bounce around, i dont think it will last this time. You have the power over her now and she wont like it. Because you can always say, "well you slept with him!" Theres not much she can say back to that. Which she'll figure out later because trust me, you will say it. If you're feeling insecure or untrusting you will, its the truth. But i dont think she deserves it. But you holding all the cards will get to her, she may not cheat but itll tear her up.

On December 27 2013 17:55 Xanbatou wrote:


I realize that it is generally a social travesty. Very, very few people are okay with it. But considering the situation, is it more excusable? I mean, I feel like anyone trying to get over the end of a 5 year relationship will be making a lot of really poor choices. Like I said, I'm usually the most loyal of people, but even I don't know if I could refuse an ex's best friend if I thought that they would give me a temporary and/or even partial relief from the misery I was experiencing.

On December 28 2013 04:36 vhapter wrote:
^ It wouldn't be a good idea to get back together and not change what wasn't ok in the first place. So if you do decide to stay together, I'd make not going through certain issues like that again a priority.

On December 28 2013 04:55 Steins;Gate wrote:
I think you should say yes. Everybody is going to end up breaking your trust in due time, the question you should be asking is: 'Can you forgive that person for breaking your trust?'. Since it seems like you can, go for it. I mean, you still like her.

Edit: oh, I'll get rid of that friend if I were you.

On December 28 2013 03:47 Xanbatou wrote:
I obviously love her, guys. You can interpret it that I don't love her otherwise I would be asking, or you can interpret it as I do love her and I'm wondering if it's just better for myself if I stay away.

Obviously, you guys are all removed from the situation and I understand that, but I still like hearing the opinion of others. I strongly believe that pretty much everyone you know knows something that you do not, so sometimes it's just nice hearing what someone else has to say.

To answer the question of "Why do it?" if she hated it, that's also fairly easy to answer. I hooked up with someone else at about the same time, although it was not her friend. I was not a big fan of the sex either, but I kept doing it. Why did I keep doing it? Because I thought it would be different if I kept trying, maybe. I thought if I kept having sex I would eventually feel like the sex was meaningful, and intimate and I would feel the same connection that I did with her. I ended up cutting it off shortly after as well. Obviously, it was stupid to think that and I realize that now.

She has never been one to lie to me in our relationship. She never did it once. The fact that she is coming to me feeling this way and saying the things she is saying is somewhat telling for me. However, the main issue that caused us to breakup before was her not being able to understand and communicate her emotions effectively before doing something stupid and careless. That's a large reason that I'm very skeptical. She is an emotional being and sometimes she lets those emotions have too much control over her, and I worry that the things she is saying to try to get me back is another manifestation of that.

Sorry, I am kind of rambling..