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On December 28 2013 04:59 Steins;Gate wrote:
Your friend wasn't going through an emotional turmoil.
Yeah, that makes sense. I guess its more excusable if you are in an emotionally disturbed state..
On December 28 2013 04:58 c0ldfusion wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 03:47 Xanbatou wrote:
I obviously love her, guys. You can interpret it that I don't love her otherwise I would be asking, or you can interpret it as I do love her and I'm wondering if it's just better for myself if I stay away.
Obviously, you guys are all removed from the situation and I understand that, but I still like hearing the opinion of others. I strongly believe that pretty much everyone you know knows something that you do not, so sometimes it's just nice hearing what someone else has to say.
To answer the question of "Why do it?" if she hated it, that's also fairly easy to answer. I hooked up with someone else at about the same time, although it was not her friend. I was not a big fan of the sex either, but I kept doing it. Why did I keep doing it? Because I thought it would be different if I kept trying, maybe. I thought if I kept having sex I would eventually feel like the sex was meaningful, and intimate and I would feel the same connection that I did with her. I ended up cutting it off shortly after as well. Obviously, it was stupid to think that and I realize that now.
She has never been one to lie to me in our relationship. She never did it once. The fact that she is coming to me feeling this way and saying the things she is saying is somewhat telling for me. However, the main issue that caused us to breakup before was her not being able to understand and communicate her emotions effectively before doing something stupid and careless. That's a large reason that I'm very skeptical. She is an emotional being and sometimes she lets those emotions have too much control over her, and I worry that the things she is saying to try to get me back is another manifestation of that.
Sorry, I am kind of rambling.. Sounds like our OP already made up his mind. Good luck on your second try.
That's not strictly true. I'm very much on the fence. I still feel like I could potentially go either way at this point.
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On December 28 2013 04:58 Xanbatou wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 04:55 Steins;Gate wrote:
I think you should say yes. Everybody is going to end up breaking your trust in due time, the question you should be asking is: 'Can you forgive that person for breaking your trust?'. Since it seems like you can, go for it. I mean, you still like her.
Edit: oh, I'll get rid of that friend if I were you. It's interesting. I should give her another chance but I should get rid of my friend? Out of curiosity, why the double standard? I mean, I agree, but why?
Dude are you serious?
At the time when they were together, you were not with your ex. So technically she had no obligations towards you.
Your friend was, at the time, still your friend. He did have an obligation toward you and subsequently failed. There is no clearer breach of faith.
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On December 28 2013 05:08 c0ldfusion wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 04:58 Xanbatou wrote:On December 28 2013 04:55 Steins;Gate wrote:
I think you should say yes. Everybody is going to end up breaking your trust in due time, the question you should be asking is: 'Can you forgive that person for breaking your trust?'. Since it seems like you can, go for it. I mean, you still like her.
Edit: oh, I'll get rid of that friend if I were you. It's interesting. I should give her another chance but I should get rid of my friend? Out of curiosity, why the double standard? I mean, I agree, but why? Dude are you serious? At the time when they were together, you were not with your ex. So technically she had no obligations towards you. Your friend was, at the time, still your friend. He did have an obligation toward you and subsequently failed. There is no clearer breach of faith.
Yeah, that's true. You make a good point.
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On December 28 2013 05:03 Xanbatou wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 04:59 Steins;Gate wrote:
Your friend wasn't going through an emotional turmoil. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess its more excusable if you are in an emotionally disturbed state.. Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 04:58 c0ldfusion wrote:On December 28 2013 03:47 Xanbatou wrote:
I obviously love her, guys. You can interpret it that I don't love her otherwise I would be asking, or you can interpret it as I do love her and I'm wondering if it's just better for myself if I stay away.
Obviously, you guys are all removed from the situation and I understand that, but I still like hearing the opinion of others. I strongly believe that pretty much everyone you know knows something that you do not, so sometimes it's just nice hearing what someone else has to say.
To answer the question of "Why do it?" if she hated it, that's also fairly easy to answer. I hooked up with someone else at about the same time, although it was not her friend. I was not a big fan of the sex either, but I kept doing it. Why did I keep doing it? Because I thought it would be different if I kept trying, maybe. I thought if I kept having sex I would eventually feel like the sex was meaningful, and intimate and I would feel the same connection that I did with her. I ended up cutting it off shortly after as well. Obviously, it was stupid to think that and I realize that now.
She has never been one to lie to me in our relationship. She never did it once. The fact that she is coming to me feeling this way and saying the things she is saying is somewhat telling for me. However, the main issue that caused us to breakup before was her not being able to understand and communicate her emotions effectively before doing something stupid and careless. That's a large reason that I'm very skeptical. She is an emotional being and sometimes she lets those emotions have too much control over her, and I worry that the things she is saying to try to get me back is another manifestation of that.
Sorry, I am kind of rambling.. Sounds like our OP already made up his mind. Good luck on your second try. That's not strictly true. I'm very much on the fence. I still feel like I could potentially go either way at this point.
Like you said before, you should try to frame your decision around what went wrong the first time and figure out if that can be amended. And try to do it independent of this... incident.
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The only thing I have to say is; think hard about why you guys broke up in the first place. It's really easy for nostolgia to set in and for you to wonder why you guys even broke up in the first place, how good things were ect ect. If there was a big enough problem that you weren't willing to try and work it out after 5 years, well, just think hard about why that is.
edit: Speaking from some personal experience here, broke up from my first real relationship after ~2 years then we started hanging out again ~1 year later, nostolgia set in but thankfully I remembered in time that she was a great friend but we were a bad couple. Definitely don't regret that decision.
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On December 28 2013 05:13 Pursuit_ wrote:
The only thing I have to say is; think hard about why you guys broke up in the first place. It's really easy for nostolgia to set in and for you to wonder why you guys even broke up in the first place, how good things were ect ect. If there was a big enough problem that you weren't willing to try and work it out after 5 years, well, just think hard about why that is.
edit: Speaking from some personal experience here, broke up with amy first real relationship after ~2 years then we started hanging out again ~1 year later, nostolgia set in but thankfully I remembered in time that she was a great friend but we were a bad couple. Definitely don't regret that decision.
We were a pretty good couple. We were together for five years, firstly, and we never really had any serious arguments. We saw eye to eye on most things and when we did disagree, it was less of an argument and more of a discussion.
The main thing that caused the problem is that she is a bit impulsive and too driven by her emotions at times, which is essentially what caused us to break up. After 5 years, I got complacent/comfortable in the relationship and stopped doing some nice things that I should have. On top of that, we were temporarily long distance while she finished up her last year of school. However, I was spending about $800/mo in flights so we could see each other. I feel like getting a little complacent in your first 5 year relationship isn't that ridiculous, right? Anyways, rather than communicating to me how she was feeling, she just let it fester until it exploded and resulted in her making some poor decisions with a clouded mind.
The funny thing is, her impulsive side is part of what I love about her. I'm always far more calculated and organized so it is nice to have someone who can be a bit more spontaneous. But I don't think I can take her back unless I know she can reign it in and not let that side of her make completely careless and stupid decisions.
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On December 27 2013 19:49 Talin wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2013 19:12 mahrgell wrote:
She slept with your friend after your relationship ended... several months afterwards... (not like he broke your relationship)
Why the hell would they not be allowed to do that? You break up, they are free to do whatever they want with each other, pretty simple story. Of course, if you don't want to see her for some time, it would be nice for them to respect that and not show up to every arty you go. But still... in their sparetime... lol. But people tend to think they own whoever they slept with... forever. On a serious note, this is so true. Just because it hurt your feelings doesn't mean she did anything wrong. She has no obligation to consider your feelings after you've just broken up with her, she has plenty of her own to worry about. If she wants to have sex with your best friend or your sister, you should be a man and accept it.
As much as this guy has no empathy, he's right to a certain extent. People can sleep with whoever they want, you can't control anyone except yourself and how you feel about things. That being said, this person isn't asking you to take it like a man, he's asking you to cut your testicles off, mail your left to your ex , and your right to your best buddy.
Dude your fucking best friend decided that he would risk his entire friendship with you fucking your ex. Ask yourself, would you have fucked his ex? I'm sure the answer is no or else you won't be posting this. Your ex of however long decided it was appropriate to fuck you best friend, do you think that's right? Are you just going to accept that?
Listen buddy, you enter life with nothing, and leave with nothing. People try so hard to hold on to relationships when the reality of the situation is that we never own them; the only thing you'll ever truly own is yourself and your feelings. No one will rally give a shit about you except maybe your family and two friends. My point is, don't ever , ever waste your fucking time on people who don't care about you. Man up and walk away from both your ex and your shitty friend.
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On December 28 2013 05:47 lisward wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2013 19:49 Talin wrote:On December 27 2013 19:12 mahrgell wrote:
She slept with your friend after your relationship ended... several months afterwards... (not like he broke your relationship)
Why the hell would they not be allowed to do that? You break up, they are free to do whatever they want with each other, pretty simple story. Of course, if you don't want to see her for some time, it would be nice for them to respect that and not show up to every arty you go. But still... in their sparetime... lol. But people tend to think they own whoever they slept with... forever. On a serious note, this is so true. Just because it hurt your feelings doesn't mean she did anything wrong. She has no obligation to consider your feelings after you've just broken up with her, she has plenty of her own to worry about. If she wants to have sex with your best friend or your sister, you should be a man and accept it. As much as this guy has no empathy, he's right to a certain extent. People can sleep with whoever they want, you can't control anyone except yourself and how you feel about things. That being said, this person isn't asking you to take it like a man, he's asking you to cut your testicles off, mail your left to your ex , and your right to your best buddy. Dude your fucking best friend decided that he would risk his entire friendship with you fucking your ex. Ask yourself, would you have fucked his ex? I'm sure the answer is no or else you won't be posting this. Your ex of however long decided it was appropriate to fuck you best friend, do you think that's right? Are you just going to accept that? Listen buddy, you enter life with nothing, and leave with nothing. People try so hard to hold on to relationships when the reality of the situation is that we never own them; the only thing you'll ever truly own is yourself and your feelings. No one will rally give a shit about you except maybe your family and two friends. My point is, don't ever , ever waste your fucking time on people who don't care about you. Man up and walk away from both your ex and your shitty friend.
I agree that the behaviour of my friend was inexcusable. If I were in his position, I would never have disrespected my friend like that.
However, don't you think that she has a little bit more excuse in this? I mean, if you just got out of a 5 year relationship and someone offered you something that you thought would help fill the void that was left, even if only partially and temporarily, would you really be able to refuse, even if it was your ex's best friend? Someone who you were familiar with and comfortable with already? I am a pretty upstanding guy, but I don't know if I would actually be able to take the high road in that situation. I should note that at the time these events occurred, I was actually in a completely different state, permanently, so it's not like there was ever a risk that she would see me again.
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For me personally, there is no excuse for both of them. I wouldn't even consider getting back together.
But it's your decision. Reading some comments, you've been quite active in defending her. I don't really care about that, but it suggests that you want to get back together. If you're still interested in her after what has happened, your choice is obvious. Keep in mind though, if things go bad in similar fashion in the future, it'll be a lesson learned the hard way.
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On December 28 2013 06:27 Yorbon wrote:
For me personally, there is no excuse for both of them. I wouldn't even consider getting back together.
But it's your decision. Reading some comments, you've been quite active in defending her. I don't really care about that, but it suggests that you want to get back together. If you're still interested in her after what has happened, your choice is obvious. Keep in mind though, if things go bad in similar fashion in the future, it'll be a lesson learned the hard way.
I defend her because I understand her. I know that she isn't some heartless bitch or something.
Sometimes I worry that perhaps I just need to get burned one more time before I am willing to completely close the door on her.
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On December 28 2013 05:52 Xanbatou wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 05:47 lisward wrote:On December 27 2013 19:49 Talin wrote:On December 27 2013 19:12 mahrgell wrote:
She slept with your friend after your relationship ended... several months afterwards... (not like he broke your relationship)
Why the hell would they not be allowed to do that? You break up, they are free to do whatever they want with each other, pretty simple story. Of course, if you don't want to see her for some time, it would be nice for them to respect that and not show up to every arty you go. But still... in their sparetime... lol. But people tend to think they own whoever they slept with... forever. On a serious note, this is so true. Just because it hurt your feelings doesn't mean she did anything wrong. She has no obligation to consider your feelings after you've just broken up with her, she has plenty of her own to worry about. If she wants to have sex with your best friend or your sister, you should be a man and accept it. As much as this guy has no empathy, he's right to a certain extent. People can sleep with whoever they want, you can't control anyone except yourself and how you feel about things. That being said, this person isn't asking you to take it like a man, he's asking you to cut your testicles off, mail your left to your ex , and your right to your best buddy. Dude your fucking best friend decided that he would risk his entire friendship with you fucking your ex. Ask yourself, would you have fucked his ex? I'm sure the answer is no or else you won't be posting this. Your ex of however long decided it was appropriate to fuck you best friend, do you think that's right? Are you just going to accept that? Listen buddy, you enter life with nothing, and leave with nothing. People try so hard to hold on to relationships when the reality of the situation is that we never own them; the only thing you'll ever truly own is yourself and your feelings. No one will rally give a shit about you except maybe your family and two friends. My point is, don't ever , ever waste your fucking time on people who don't care about you. Man up and walk away from both your ex and your shitty friend. I agree that the behaviour of my friend was inexcusable. If I were in his position, I would never have disrespected my friend like that. However, don't you think that she has a little bit more excuse in this? I mean, if you just got out of a 5 year relationship and someone offered you something that you thought would help fill the void that was left, even if only partially and temporarily, would you really be able to refuse, even if it was your ex's best friend? Someone who you were familiar with and comfortable with already? I am a pretty upstanding guy, but I don't know if I would actually be able to take the high road in that situation. I should note that at the time these events occurred, I was actually in a completely different state, permanently, so it's not like there was ever a risk that she would see me again.
Maybe, maybe and maybe.
Look man, her motivations, whatever she did in her own interest, is irrelevant. What matters is what she did to you, how you feel about it and what you are going to do about it. I mean you dated her for 5 fucking years bro. Love, in my opinion, isn't a feeling, it's a fucking commitment, it's about accepting the person for who he/she is and sticking with the person through thick and thin. A long term relationship works when it goes both ways.
Sure, maybe you slipped up after 5 years and stopped doing 'nice' things to keep things fresh, so she dumps you. Do you realize how dumb that sounds?
What do you expect to be different? That she will, 'change?' Maybe she will, for a while, but anyone who has gone though any sort of self improvement will tell you that changing yourself is a fucking hard process that takes time and will. Does she want to change for you? More importantly think of the things they she doesn't like in you that caused the breakup, will you, change?
Many people will tell you, myself included, that you can never expect people to change for you. If you read my blogs you'll see I went through some fucked up shit this whole year. I took me one whole fucking year to make some, I emphasize, some changes. It's stupid as hell to expect someone to change, because it's a hard and long process, and anyone who had changed their life or changes people's lifestyles for a living will tell you that, especially when a person doesn't see the need for the change. You asking her to change, for the relationship, and not for herself because she sees a problem, will never work.
Again, whatever happened in the past, what she may have done on impulse, why she did it, is irrelevant. It matters if you want to cry about things, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't. The only thing you can take from this, the only thing you can control, is how you feel about it and what course of action you will do next. And ask yourself in whose interest the action you're about to take really serves.
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On December 28 2013 06:44 lisward wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 05:52 Xanbatou wrote:On December 28 2013 05:47 lisward wrote:On December 27 2013 19:49 Talin wrote:On December 27 2013 19:12 mahrgell wrote:
She slept with your friend after your relationship ended... several months afterwards... (not like he broke your relationship)
Why the hell would they not be allowed to do that? You break up, they are free to do whatever they want with each other, pretty simple story. Of course, if you don't want to see her for some time, it would be nice for them to respect that and not show up to every arty you go. But still... in their sparetime... lol. But people tend to think they own whoever they slept with... forever. On a serious note, this is so true. Just because it hurt your feelings doesn't mean she did anything wrong. She has no obligation to consider your feelings after you've just broken up with her, she has plenty of her own to worry about. If she wants to have sex with your best friend or your sister, you should be a man and accept it. As much as this guy has no empathy, he's right to a certain extent. People can sleep with whoever they want, you can't control anyone except yourself and how you feel about things. That being said, this person isn't asking you to take it like a man, he's asking you to cut your testicles off, mail your left to your ex , and your right to your best buddy. Dude your fucking best friend decided that he would risk his entire friendship with you fucking your ex. Ask yourself, would you have fucked his ex? I'm sure the answer is no or else you won't be posting this. Your ex of however long decided it was appropriate to fuck you best friend, do you think that's right? Are you just going to accept that? Listen buddy, you enter life with nothing, and leave with nothing. People try so hard to hold on to relationships when the reality of the situation is that we never own them; the only thing you'll ever truly own is yourself and your feelings. No one will rally give a shit about you except maybe your family and two friends. My point is, don't ever , ever waste your fucking time on people who don't care about you. Man up and walk away from both your ex and your shitty friend. I agree that the behaviour of my friend was inexcusable. If I were in his position, I would never have disrespected my friend like that. However, don't you think that she has a little bit more excuse in this? I mean, if you just got out of a 5 year relationship and someone offered you something that you thought would help fill the void that was left, even if only partially and temporarily, would you really be able to refuse, even if it was your ex's best friend? Someone who you were familiar with and comfortable with already? I am a pretty upstanding guy, but I don't know if I would actually be able to take the high road in that situation. I should note that at the time these events occurred, I was actually in a completely different state, permanently, so it's not like there was ever a risk that she would see me again. Maybe, maybe and maybe. Look man, her motivations, whatever she did in her own interest, is irrelevant. What matters is what she did to you, how you feel about it and what you are going to do about it. I mean you dated her for 5 fucking years bro. Love, in my opinion, isn't a feeling, it's a fucking commitment, it's about accepting the person for who he/she is and sticking with the person through thick and thin. A long term relationship works when it goes both ways. Sure, maybe you slipped up after 5 years and stopped doing 'nice' things to keep things fresh, so she dumps you. Do you realize how dumb that sounds? What do you expect to be different? That she will, 'change?' Maybe she will, for a while, but anyone who has gone though any sort of self improvement will tell you that changing yourself is a fucking hard process that takes time and will. Does she want to change for you? More importantly think of the things they she doesn't like in you that caused the breakup, will you, change? Many people will tell you, myself included, that you can never expect people to change for you. If you read my blogs you'll see I went through some fucked up shit this whole year. I took me one whole fucking year to make some, I emphasize, some changes. It's stupid as hell to expect someone to change, because it's a hard and long process, and anyone who had changed their life or changes people's lifestyles for a living will tell you that, especially when a person doesn't see the need for the change. You asking her to change, for the relationship, and not for herself because she sees a problem, will never work. Again, whatever happened in the past, what she may have done on impulse, why she did it, is irrelevant. It matters if you want to cry about things, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't. The only thing you can take from this, the only thing you can control, is how you feel about it and what course of action you will do next. And ask yourself in whose interest the action you're about to take really serves.
Yes, you are right. That's why I'm still reluctant to take her back and won't unless there is some reason I have to believe things will be different. As for what I need to change, I don't think it will be that big of a deal. My problem was getting complacent after a long time. It's not a fundamental attribute of my character, it's just something I need to be aware of when I am in longer relationships.
On the other hand, being impulsive is in her very nature. That's why she was willing to end a 5 year relationship over something that you really should not end a 5 year relationship over. In my opinion, that's something that you communicate with your significant other about to get over and not just ditch the relationship, because you are right: Love is not a feeling and it is a commitment.
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+ Show Spoiler +On December 27 2013 18:20 Xanbatou wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2013 18:16 FFW_Rude wrote:To answer your question with my opinions :
Is this something that I should forgive her for?
Fuck no
I know that my friend was a gigantic fucking asshole because he knew it would upset me and did it anyways, but is she equally at fault?
Yes she is. She knew as much as your friend.
She said she hated it every time she had sex with him, because it felt so empty (She had only slept with me before hand
Liar liar pants on fire... If she hated it why did she ? It's the most fucking retarted sentence i ever read ... and hear (yeah i got this one).
so they only slept together for a little bit before she called everything off
Did she ? Are you sure of that ? Did she really break with him ? Or the contrary and so now she's lonely because he threw her out so she come back to what she know because she doesn't want to be single ? And to write more on that. It's your first relation. It's her first. You are both terrible at it and don't know how to manage being single (and that is NOT a critic). We ALL did that, and we all was terrible at it at first  I had been in a similar situation a while ago (10years ago) so maybe it's a little clouded and maybe don't apply to you and your ex but... She went out to see if it was greener in the other side. She only had you as an experience, and she wanted others. That's normal (it sucks but it is) and when it didn't work out, as she don't want to be single, she try to come back and go to something she know, it's a safety bit for her (and for you of course). What i can tell you is this : - You can try to go ahead and ok, it's possible that you make a mistake and it works out horribly. But it's a lesson that you will learn in your life sooner or later. - You try to man up and don't go into easiness (as it's easy because you don't have to find somebody else (and i'm sure you don't want to in an extend). She is not the only girl you can have you know ? I don't know what age are you, but when i was young, i got a beautifull girl, and i thought i would not have another one that beautifull in my life, so i forgave and forgave. That didn't end well and in the end i was wrong. I had more beautifull girl. (Turned out i was not as ugly as i thought :p). Sorry if it's not too understandable as it's difficult for a non english speaker to voice on opinion. But it's basicly the same thing that Torte de lini said. Was just trying to explicit it a bit more. She didn't think it would upset me. We hadn't spoken in months so she thought I had moved on, just as I thought she had moved on.
And yes, I'm sure she is telling the truth in everything she has told me. If she was lying to me, this would be the first time in 5 years.
dude, stop kidding yourself. half the population of the planet has a vagina. she ruined your life once. are you ready to deal with that again??
Just take it as a lesson so it never happens to you again. If youre buddies arent honoring bros before hoes, they arent worth much honestly.
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On December 28 2013 07:19 Kevin_Sorbo wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On December 27 2013 18:20 Xanbatou wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2013 18:16 FFW_Rude wrote:To answer your question with my opinions :
Is this something that I should forgive her for?
Fuck no
I know that my friend was a gigantic fucking asshole because he knew it would upset me and did it anyways, but is she equally at fault?
Yes she is. She knew as much as your friend.
She said she hated it every time she had sex with him, because it felt so empty (She had only slept with me before hand
Liar liar pants on fire... If she hated it why did she ? It's the most fucking retarted sentence i ever read ... and hear (yeah i got this one).
so they only slept together for a little bit before she called everything off
Did she ? Are you sure of that ? Did she really break with him ? Or the contrary and so now she's lonely because he threw her out so she come back to what she know because she doesn't want to be single ? And to write more on that. It's your first relation. It's her first. You are both terrible at it and don't know how to manage being single (and that is NOT a critic). We ALL did that, and we all was terrible at it at first I had been in a similar situation a while ago (10years ago) so maybe it's a little clouded and maybe don't apply to you and your ex but... She went out to see if it was greener in the other side. She only had you as an experience, and she wanted others. That's normal (it sucks but it is) and when it didn't work out, as she don't want to be single, she try to come back and go to something she know, it's a safety bit for her (and for you of course). What i can tell you is this : - You can try to go ahead and ok, it's possible that you make a mistake and it works out horribly. But it's a lesson that you will learn in your life sooner or later. - You try to man up and don't go into easiness (as it's easy because you don't have to find somebody else (and i'm sure you don't want to in an extend). She is not the only girl you can have you know ? I don't know what age are you, but when i was young, i got a beautifull girl, and i thought i would not have another one that beautifull in my life, so i forgave and forgave. That didn't end well and in the end i was wrong. I had more beautifull girl. (Turned out i was not as ugly as i thought :p). Sorry if it's not too understandable as it's difficult for a non english speaker to voice on opinion. But it's basicly the same thing that Torte de lini said. Was just trying to explicit it a bit more. She didn't think it would upset me. We hadn't spoken in months so she thought I had moved on, just as I thought she had moved on. And yes, I'm sure she is telling the truth in everything she has told me. If she was lying to me, this would be the first time in 5 years. dude, stop kidding yourself. half the population of the planet has a vagina. she ruined your life once. are you ready to deal with that again?? Just take it as a lesson so it never happens to you again. If youre buddies arent honoring bros before hoes, they arent worth much honestly.
rofl. Ruined his life? Ffs she didn't cheat on him and xano dated and fucked another girl as well. No one's life was ruined. Only a child would see what she did as unforgivable. Relationships do weird things to people and people make mistakes. But for what I can see, she never meant harm to OP and was clearly struggling (still is).
But like everyone here says...that friend is not your best friend. think carefully from now on who is true friend to you.
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reddit.com/askmen
reddit.com/askwomen
Go ahead and explain your story and ask the same questions to both forums. Most people will just tell you to move on and get over it. You get over it by filling your life with other things that don't allow you to think about the past. Ignore her calls/texts etc.
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If you truly believe that they only slept together several months after your relationship, and he wasn't a behind-the-scenes cause of your relationship ending, and that she didn't cheat on you with him, then it might be excusable.
Having said all that, I've been apart of three separate affairs while I was single. No matter what someone tells you, there is always something they're leaving out, or not explaining completely.
I'd be very careful and cautious should you let her back into your life. Take things extremely slow, and be sure of what you really want out of a relationship, and if she is someone that you can live with.
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The only condition is if she will agree to anal, then you can tell your ex-BF you hit that, then dump em both!
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On December 28 2013 11:07 Burrfoot wrote:
The only condition is if she will agree to anal, then you can tell your ex-BF you hit that, then dump em both!
That's pretty pathetic. To this day, I don't understand why guys are so obsessed with getting a girl to do anal.
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No, pathetic is dating a girl for 5 years and letting your best friend hit it.
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|
EPT
