EPT
I've never had a girlfriend
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JonIrenicus
Italy602 Posts
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Shauni
4077 Posts
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MoonfireSpam
United Kingdom1153 Posts
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me I was with my ex for 7 years and I'm just starting to a new relationship. It stings sometimes but it's worth it. Good luck OP. I've always been lucky and met girls I ended up liking, so I never have to date - in that regard I don't have much advice to give you. Try to meet people. Take risks too - you'll be rejected sometimes and it may feel embarrassing or whatever but just try to meet people if you can. I'm sure people will come up with more specific advice  . But maybe you just don't know enough people. Cheers and GL. Also, don't look desperate ever. | ||
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Myrtroll
139 Posts
If you actually want a relationship, talk to girls, and chat them up  (preferably with a friendlink, chatting up strangers is something pickup artists do) | ||
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IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either. The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road. But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. | ||
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ninazerg
United States7291 Posts
I also don't know what a Fkk is. | ||
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v1dom
159 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:24 IronManSC wrote: It sounds to me like you are inclined from peer pressure to have a girlfriend because everyone else is dating and you feel like you're "falling behind." You're nearly 21 years old, you're still really young. What I've learned over the years is that you want to be at least somewhat settled first, but most importantly you want to be an independent man. That doesn't necessarily mean living on your own, but rather you make your own decisions with integrity and that you know what you're doing/pursuing in life. Focus on this first, because women love a guy who can take care of himself and keep himself busy, just like how men love a woman who can be independent. The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either. The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road. But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. Nailed it. | ||
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ibraishome
Germany337 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:25 ninazerg wrote: 21 is pretty young still. I don't think you should beat yourself up for that very reason. I also don't know what a Fkk is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FKK Mostly FKK relates to a beach, where almost everybody is naked. | ||
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RedTail
United States104 Posts
Maybe you are not ready for a serious girlfriend, but you should be able to talk flirt and kiss girls even if you are not established. There are things to learn with women and you have to understand that the relationships you have with women is just like a lot of other things in life (as is being social). There are many subtleties that you must learn to have relationships with women, and i agree that at the same time you should have fundamentals about yourself figured out. You can do both because you will learn things about yourself while being with women. Try very little things, chatting a girl up, or making flirty eye contact with women (it's not all about kissing or sleeping together or being boyfriend girlfriend.) It's about having a woman, or women in your life that make you feel good, and you make them feel good. It's a special kind of thing is what makes a relationship. | ||
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IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me My girlfriend (soon to be fiance) is definitely worth it. I have never met such an independent, loving, supportive woman who cares for me deeply on so many levels. I would not trade her for the world. You make it sound like it's entirely a woman's fault. If you are indeed concluding that girls are universally not worth it, then perhaps you may be the problem. | ||
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IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:40 RedTail wrote: I disagree with the sentiment that you have to get yourself fully good on what you want to do and then afterwards worry about romance. You can do both at the same time. If you forget about women and focus on career or just wait for one to come along it may not happen (or at least a lot longer than you want it to.) I didn't say he has to focus on his life first. I just said it's probably the best thing to do and it is widely based on who he is, his maturity, and what his priorities are. I even said people can date in college and do just fine, but that he shouldn't worry about finding a stable relationship. Did you even read my entire post? | ||
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RedTail
United States104 Posts
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
I'm 24 and have had one girlfriend and she was really manipulative and stuff. Trust me there are girls out there that you don't want to meet. But I'm sure most of the girls out there are nice and would give you a chance if you try out your confidence. Idk, if you're nice or whatever, play to that strength and be cute and adorable... don't be super shy just be the cute kid who's also nice. Anyway I don't have much good advice to give as I am in a similar situation. Really, when I was about your age I started to get wanderlust, and it got stronger through my early twenties up till about 3-4 months ago when I realized I'm actually not desperate lol. I can wait a bit longer, I just have to get my foot out the door first.... Don't get too worked up about it because you have lots of time. However do take action towards what you want because the feeling might be really strong in a couple years if you don't get there and you might get really needy and depressed and shit. So definitely start going that direction. Don't just sit inside all day. Go out and meet people. | ||
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
The problem is that, looking into my relationships, I don't know what I did wrong. I've tried my luck with 4 girls in my life, and I succedeed with two. Well partially succedeed. I mean that I was able to achieve the "kiss" status (forgive me for the use of the words), but I wasn't able to push it further. With both. the TL community will be able to help you more if you provide some | ||
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U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:23 JonIrenicus wrote: The problem is that, looking into my relationships, I don't know what I did wrong. **SNIP** I'm a really kind guy, and I never lied to any girl. I was always someone who would willingly give his best if he could to the other girlfriend he was trying to meet. Watch your replays, bro  Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem. You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack. Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc) Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day. This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls. If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too. | ||
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babylon
8765 Posts
Also, you're 20. First of all, very few people know what they want when they're 20, potential partners and you included. Second of all, the age bracket you will most likely be dating in is not ideal for long-term relationships. There will be so many changes that next thing you know, you'll be trying to maintain a shitty long-distance relationship with your partner, because circumstances can alter that fast. A good relationship is all about timing and a little bit of luck -- it's about people who meet each other and click very well and are in the same phase of life (or willing to sacrifice a fuckton for each other). Otherwise you or your partner will be in for a lot of pain. One thing more: If you're distressed about your friend situation, then do something about it. I don't mean, "Oh, everyone else has a gf and isn't paying any attention to me anymore, I should logically get a gf too!" (which is what your OP sounds like), but, "Oh, everyone else has a gf and isn't paying attention to me anymore, I should be more proactive in inviting them to stuff/I should be making new friends/I should be getting new hobbies." And I know that's really hard for some people, but heck, if I can do it, then I'm sure you can too. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32073 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me yeah just stick to smelling coats | ||
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AnachronisticAnarchy
United States2957 Posts
Not as tactless as I would put it, but yeah, he's right. Shauni isn't really qualified to have opinions on girls. Just click the blog button on his post if you want to find out why. | ||
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Shauni
4077 Posts
Nailed what? His post is just old fashioned and backwards. Have your finance and career set in stone before entering a relationship? I hope that's some kind of terrible joke. | ||
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