On October 02 2013 07:24 IronManSC wrote: It sounds to me like you are inclined from peer pressure to have a girlfriend because everyone else is dating and you feel like you're "falling behind." You're nearly 21 years old, you're still really young. What I've learned over the years is that you want to be at least somewhat settled first, but most importantly you want to be an independent man. That doesn't necessarily mean living on your own, but rather you make your own decisions with integrity and that you know what you're doing/pursuing in life. Focus on this first, because women love a guy who can take care of himself and keep himself busy, just like how men love a woman who can be independent.
The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either.
The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road.
But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right.
Nailed it.
Nailed what? His post is just old fashioned and backwards. Have your finance and career set in stone before entering a relationship? I hope that's some kind of terrible joke.
That`s definitely not what he meant. It`s about a sense of direction. Some people have it even while they are at school. The feeling you get when you know what you want, what you are and where you are going can`t be described in words. People talk about being comfortable with themselves - you can`t achieve that without knowing yourself.
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro
Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem.
You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack.
Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc)
Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day.
This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls.
If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too.
Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag.
To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love
On October 02 2013 07:24 IronManSC wrote: It sounds to me like you are inclined from peer pressure to have a girlfriend because everyone else is dating and you feel like you're "falling behind." You're nearly 21 years old, you're still really young. What I've learned over the years is that you want to be at least somewhat settled first, but most importantly you want to be an independent man. That doesn't necessarily mean living on your own, but rather you make your own decisions with integrity and that you know what you're doing/pursuing in life. Focus on this first, because women love a guy who can take care of himself and keep himself busy, just like how men love a woman who can be independent.
The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either.
The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road.
But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right.
I don't know man, I don't necessarily agree on all points. While this definitely rings true for a very very serious relationship (with few exceptions luckily I've been with my fiancee since I was 19 and couldn't be happier) I think the OP can look for a relationship and not be 100% serious about it. I mean he can go out for a couple dates and if its not working out or not the greatest cut it loose.
Try and enjoy yourself, if you want to go out with some girls, just ask your friends if there are any people they know that is looking to go out on a date. Might turn out you have fun and enjoy the date, if not oh well no harm
I'm 23 and I haven't had a girlfriend (except for when I was too young to be interested in girls, I was a fucking player then). But feeling insecure about it such a waste of time, put that energy into growing other assets of your life.
TL:DR get ripped and at least have a 12 inch cock.
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro
Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem.
You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack.
Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc)
Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day.
This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls.
If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too.
Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag.
To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love
So open ended or sand box games aren't games either
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro
Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem.
You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack.
Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc)
Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day.
This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls.
If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too.
Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag.
To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love
The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it.
I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect.
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro
Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem.
You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack.
Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc)
Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day.
This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls.
If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too.
Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag.
To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love
The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it.
I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect.
That is simply not true. Ever heard of unconditional love? I understand where you're coming from and I guess I'm just arguing semantics, but I would have worded that differently.
i would advice against forcing a relationship just because you feel like you need to get a girlfriend now. After a few months you will get very annoyed.
You will probably know it yourself when you meet a good fit.
I constantly notice that the ones in my environment that are quick to have a relation, get married children at 18/20/22 etc. are usually the most unhappy people. I can't actually tell if it was their "must have to get a girlfriend and settle down" attitude or that they become bored earlier because their outlook on life's opportunities quickly lower, that got them into this state.
I.m.o.. It's better to talk more with girls of your age, without the sex or flirting, so that you know what the complete spectrum consists of so you can equip yourself with realistic expectations.
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro
Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem.
You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack.
Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc)
Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day.
This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls.
If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too.
Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag.
To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love
The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it.
I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect.
That is simply not true. Ever heard of unconditional love? I understand where you're coming from and I guess I'm just arguing semantics, but I would have worded that differently.
How do you suppose you would develop unconditional love for a person without first have love born of respect?
The love I have for my children is much greater than when they were infants because I now know who they are and what makes them special. Love will always be finite/conditional in the beginning.
I should have said that you cannot *fall in love* with someone you don't respect.
On October 03 2013 02:31 U_G_L_Y wrote: The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it.
I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect.
Sorry for being mean, and thank you for the intelligent response.
On October 03 2013 03:08 LaNague wrote: i would advice against forcing a relationship just because you feel like you need to get a girlfriend now. After a few months you will get very annoyed.
You will probably know it yourself when you meet a good fit.
Unconditional love is a myth for the most part. Maybe some mothers are afflicted but I assume you that there are many things that can be done to destroy a presumably "unconditional" love.
If your love for your girlfriend is "unconditional" and you don't respect her, then perhaps the both of you are a little bit fucked up anyway.
I feel like people pressure themselves too much. A relationship, in my experience, shouldn't be seen as achievements to unlock nor should one consider a girlfriend a goal to reach. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and things might come a little easier. Might.
I'm 23, I haven't had a girl friend either. I have had girls I have sorta pursued in my college career. But things would happen and they wouldn't work out. There is one girl that I have a crush on forever, that I finally told I like her a lot, but it is a relationship that took a really long time to build up. We went through, I know you exist in high school, to friends, to best friends....to ??? well that remains to be seen haha. The point is, finding a girl isn't that easy it takes time and patience. And maybe you have to improve yourself. Do you look gross? do you dress like you don't care? Girls will pick up on that. So don't worry about it, but if there is an opertunity with a girl don't miss out on it.
On October 03 2013 02:31 U_G_L_Y wrote: The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it.
I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect.
Sorry for being mean, and thank you for the intelligent response.
It was a reasonable response on your part, I'm not offended at all.
I was being a dick to the OP for his benefit, but you would have no way of knowing that I'm not always a dick
It's funny I was the same way. I am very short, and not that pretty, but I learned Spanish and met several people in El Salvador. I now help people who consider themselves unattractive find a relationship. You seem a decent guy. Feel free to message me before doing anything drastic. I feel so much better now that I have a loving wife in my life.
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro
Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem.
You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack.
Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc)
Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day.
This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls.
If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too.
Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag.
To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love
The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it.
I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect.
This reminds me a bit of a quote from the movie Airplane:
"Don't you feel anything for me at all anymore?"
"It takes so many things to make love last. Most of all, it takes respect. And I can't live with a man I don't respect.
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Relationships are nice. Just having a fwb is nice. Girls are nice to have around in general. Doesn't mean you have to commit to girlfriends or having a girlfriend. Just ... live co-ed ??? It's pretty easy... Fucked up love is the best love btw.
This is the kind of attitude I honestly hate. Let me help you.
No girl has ever had you.
Correct phrasing is everything. It's not your weak point. It's theirs. Poor girls.
Now lets see what you could do to help them. Since maybe there is a girl or two somewhere around you worth it dating. And having sex with. Evaluating your hobbies and how you spend your free time is a good start. Clubs, communities etc., where you can meet many different girls and maybe find some who are worth it.
Also, what Zealously said:
I feel like people pressure themselves too much. A relationship, in my experience, shouldn't be seen as achievements to unlock nor should one consider a girlfriend a goal to reach
EPT
