I've never had a girlfriend
Blogs > JonIrenicus |
JonIrenicus
Italy602 Posts
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Shauni
4077 Posts
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MoonfireSpam
United Kingdom1153 Posts
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me I was with my ex for 7 years and I'm just starting to a new relationship. It stings sometimes but it's worth it. Good luck OP. I've always been lucky and met girls I ended up liking, so I never have to date - in that regard I don't have much advice to give you. Try to meet people. Take risks too - you'll be rejected sometimes and it may feel embarrassing or whatever but just try to meet people if you can. I'm sure people will come up with more specific advice . But maybe you just don't know enough people. Cheers and GL. Also, don't look desperate ever. | ||
Myrtroll
139 Posts
If you actually want a relationship, talk to girls, and chat them up (preferably with a friendlink, chatting up strangers is something pickup artists do) | ||
IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either. The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road. But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. | ||
ninazerg
United States7290 Posts
I also don't know what a Fkk is. | ||
v1dom
159 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:24 IronManSC wrote: It sounds to me like you are inclined from peer pressure to have a girlfriend because everyone else is dating and you feel like you're "falling behind." You're nearly 21 years old, you're still really young. What I've learned over the years is that you want to be at least somewhat settled first, but most importantly you want to be an independent man. That doesn't necessarily mean living on your own, but rather you make your own decisions with integrity and that you know what you're doing/pursuing in life. Focus on this first, because women love a guy who can take care of himself and keep himself busy, just like how men love a woman who can be independent. The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either. The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road. But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. Nailed it. | ||
ibraishome
Germany337 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:25 ninazerg wrote: 21 is pretty young still. I don't think you should beat yourself up for that very reason. I also don't know what a Fkk is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FKK Mostly FKK relates to a beach, where almost everybody is naked. | ||
RedTail
United States104 Posts
Maybe you are not ready for a serious girlfriend, but you should be able to talk flirt and kiss girls even if you are not established. There are things to learn with women and you have to understand that the relationships you have with women is just like a lot of other things in life (as is being social). There are many subtleties that you must learn to have relationships with women, and i agree that at the same time you should have fundamentals about yourself figured out. You can do both because you will learn things about yourself while being with women. Try very little things, chatting a girl up, or making flirty eye contact with women (it's not all about kissing or sleeping together or being boyfriend girlfriend.) It's about having a woman, or women in your life that make you feel good, and you make them feel good. It's a special kind of thing is what makes a relationship. | ||
IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me My girlfriend (soon to be fiance) is definitely worth it. I have never met such an independent, loving, supportive woman who cares for me deeply on so many levels. I would not trade her for the world. You make it sound like it's entirely a woman's fault. If you are indeed concluding that girls are universally not worth it, then perhaps you may be the problem. | ||
IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:40 RedTail wrote: I disagree with the sentiment that you have to get yourself fully good on what you want to do and then afterwards worry about romance. You can do both at the same time. If you forget about women and focus on career or just wait for one to come along it may not happen (or at least a lot longer than you want it to.) I didn't say he has to focus on his life first. I just said it's probably the best thing to do and it is widely based on who he is, his maturity, and what his priorities are. I even said people can date in college and do just fine, but that he shouldn't worry about finding a stable relationship. Did you even read my entire post? | ||
RedTail
United States104 Posts
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
I'm 24 and have had one girlfriend and she was really manipulative and stuff. Trust me there are girls out there that you don't want to meet. But I'm sure most of the girls out there are nice and would give you a chance if you try out your confidence. Idk, if you're nice or whatever, play to that strength and be cute and adorable... don't be super shy just be the cute kid who's also nice. Anyway I don't have much good advice to give as I am in a similar situation. Really, when I was about your age I started to get wanderlust, and it got stronger through my early twenties up till about 3-4 months ago when I realized I'm actually not desperate lol. I can wait a bit longer, I just have to get my foot out the door first.... Don't get too worked up about it because you have lots of time. However do take action towards what you want because the feeling might be really strong in a couple years if you don't get there and you might get really needy and depressed and shit. So definitely start going that direction. Don't just sit inside all day. Go out and meet people. | ||
Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
The problem is that, looking into my relationships, I don't know what I did wrong. I've tried my luck with 4 girls in my life, and I succedeed with two. Well partially succedeed. I mean that I was able to achieve the "kiss" status (forgive me for the use of the words), but I wasn't able to push it further. With both. the TL community will be able to help you more if you provide some | ||
U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:23 JonIrenicus wrote: The problem is that, looking into my relationships, I don't know what I did wrong. **SNIP** I'm a really kind guy, and I never lied to any girl. I was always someone who would willingly give his best if he could to the other girlfriend he was trying to meet. Watch your replays, bro Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem. You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack. Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc) Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day. This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls. If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too. | ||
babylon
8765 Posts
Also, you're 20. First of all, very few people know what they want when they're 20, potential partners and you included. Second of all, the age bracket you will most likely be dating in is not ideal for long-term relationships. There will be so many changes that next thing you know, you'll be trying to maintain a shitty long-distance relationship with your partner, because circumstances can alter that fast. A good relationship is all about timing and a little bit of luck -- it's about people who meet each other and click very well and are in the same phase of life (or willing to sacrifice a fuckton for each other). Otherwise you or your partner will be in for a lot of pain. One thing more: If you're distressed about your friend situation, then do something about it. I don't mean, "Oh, everyone else has a gf and isn't paying any attention to me anymore, I should logically get a gf too!" (which is what your OP sounds like), but, "Oh, everyone else has a gf and isn't paying attention to me anymore, I should be more proactive in inviting them to stuff/I should be making new friends/I should be getting new hobbies." And I know that's really hard for some people, but heck, if I can do it, then I'm sure you can too. | ||
QuanticHawk
United States32009 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me yeah just stick to smelling coats | ||
AnachronisticAnarchy
United States2957 Posts
Not as tactless as I would put it, but yeah, he's right. Shauni isn't really qualified to have opinions on girls. Just click the blog button on his post if you want to find out why. | ||
Shauni
4077 Posts
Nailed what? His post is just old fashioned and backwards. Have your finance and career set in stone before entering a relationship? I hope that's some kind of terrible joke. | ||
iamho
3344 Posts
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IronManSC
United States2119 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:26 Shauni wrote: Nailed what? His post is just old fashioned and backwards. Have your finance and career set in stone before entering a relationship? I hope that's some kind of terrible joke. I didn't say have your life all figured out first. I just said it's better to know who you are and what you're aiming for; an ambition to pursue something in life. A woman would much rather date this type of guy (even if he isn't 100% sure what he wants to do yet) than a guy who sits inside all day and applies online to jobs without having any ambition to learn something more. I don't know if the OP has a career path figured out yet or what, but based on his lower self-esteem and confidence in pursuing women, according to how he worded it, I'd say he would be better off getting his priorities in line first (to an extent at least), before going woman hunting because that won't really solve anything, especially at the age of 20. He would likely be more desperate and clingy in trying to get a girl to like him and trying to play the game right. It appears he wants a girlfriend just so that he can have a girlfriend. It's not the right mindset to have. But that's also why I said this in the last part of my post: But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. | ||
U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
If you can't afford nice clothes, then you need a plan to make money. Make yourself a Benz outta that Datsun, as Kanye says. Go to college, start selling drugs, get a really dangerous job, whatever. Worry about becoming a "10" yourself, then girls will not be a problem. | ||
Feartheguru
Canada1334 Posts
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U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:41 IronManSC wrote: I didn't say have your life all figured out first. I just said it's better to know who you are and what you're aiming for; an ambition to pursue something in life. A woman would much rather date this type of guy (even if he isn't 100% sure what he wants to do yet) than a guy who sits inside all day and applies online to jobs without having any ambition to learn something more. I don't know if the OP has a career path figured out yet or what, but based on his lower self-esteem and confidence in pursuing women, according to how he worded it, I'd say he would be better off getting his priorities in line first (to an extent at least), before going woman hunting because that won't really solve anything, especially at the age of 20. He would likely be more desperate and clingy in trying to get a girl to like him and trying to play the game right. It appears he wants a girlfriend just so that he can have a girlfriend. It's not the right mindset to have. But that's also why I said this in the last part of my post: But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. If that's what you want most, you can't "not worry about it" so my advice is to channel that worry into improving yourself. Edit: This post is worthy of my 500th | ||
Peeano
Netherlands4499 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:45 Feartheguru wrote: Why is Shauni of all people making fun of other peoples' advice.... | ||
hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:41 IronManSC wrote: I didn't say have your life all figured out first. I just said it's better to know who you are and what you're aiming for; an ambition to pursue something in life. A woman would much rather date this type of guy (even if he isn't 100% sure what he wants to do yet) than a guy who sits inside all day and applies online to jobs without having any ambition to learn something more. I don't know if the OP has a career path figured out yet or what, but based on his lower self-esteem and confidence in pursuing women, according to how he worded it, I'd say he would be better off getting his priorities in line first (to an extent at least), before going woman hunting because that won't really solve anything, especially at the age of 20. He would likely be more desperate and clingy in trying to get a girl to like him and trying to play the game right. It appears he wants a girlfriend just so that he can have a girlfriend. It's not the right mindset to have. But that's also why I said this in the last part of my post: But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. It seems to be a decent mindset when you're 20, though that phase should probably happen a bit sooner. Getting experience is the right mindset when you're young. I say any way he can get one is fine. He needs to make the mistakes and have terrible breakups before worrying about anything long-term. Because he's just not going to know anything if he doesn't get some experience first. But yeah, get more hobbies and all that too. Edit: Also don't think that people expect you to be perfect. They don't. So don't get hung up on yourself and your problems; everyone has something they need to work on, and the sooner you figure that out the sooner you'll quit hating yourself over minor bullshit. | ||
Jindo
United States1305 Posts
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MaxField
United States2386 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:26 Shauni wrote: Nailed what? His post is just old fashioned and backwards. Have your finance and career set in stone before entering a relationship? I hope that's some kind of terrible joke. Completely agree with this guy (not the super long quote). Relationships need not be put on hold just because your life is not perfect, if so we would all be the last generation because rarely is anyone at that perfect level. Relationships can come at any time and any kinda trouble. Ya, even highschool losers have girlfriends, and I doubt most of them have anything in their life in order. Of course having more time to dedicate to your "girl" is never a bad thing, but don t worry man, you can do it | ||
Jerubaal
United States7676 Posts
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On October 02 2013 09:19 MaxField wrote: Completely agree with this guy (not the super long quote). Relationships need not be put on hold just because your life is not perfect, if so we would all be the last generation because rarely is anyone at that perfect level. Relationships can come at any time and any kinda trouble. Ya, even highschool losers have girlfriends, and I doubt most of them have anything in their life in order. Of course having more time to dedicate to your "girl" is never a bad thing, but don t worry man, you can do it It's a thing they heard in a movie or something. Don't settle and have kids until you've got your shit together (preferably). For dating though? Come on. | ||
IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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Burrfoot
United States1176 Posts
Get on CL/match/whatever. Message as many FAT chicks as possible, of all ethnicities - even those you aren't comfortable with. Chat them, up, go on a date, and get them alone somehow. They will put out. 100% guaranteed. Confidence boosted. Then work on skinny ones. | ||
IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On October 02 2013 12:42 Burrfoot wrote: My go to advice for this type of blog: Get on CL/match/whatever. Message as many FAT chicks as possible, of all ethnicities - even those you aren't comfortable with. Chat them, up, go on a date, and get them alone somehow. They will put out. 100% guaranteed. Confidence boosted. Then work on skinny ones. Only thing fat chicks are good for: confidence boosting. | ||
Serpest
United States603 Posts
OP, your goal in life shouldn't be to pick up girls - not if you want a healthy relationship. Ignore them. Focus on what drives you. Women respect self-confidence, and having confidence in yourself without needing to rely on the opposite gender's adoration makes you far more attractive a person. Also, looking good doesn't hurt. You live in Italy, so I'm certain it's not difficult for you to acquire proper bespoke clothing. A good suit and wardrobe helps you feel good about yourself and provides you with the clothing necessary for the working life. There's a saying: Clothes don't make the man - the man wearing the clothes makes the man. Just be yourself and eventually you will find a girl who also finds you irresistible (perhaps after much persuasion). Either make them come to you or be really, really, really persistent. GL. | ||
IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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lamprey1
Canada919 Posts
1) StrongLifts 5X5. 2) PrecisionNutrition.com 3) Camaro Z28. | ||
peacenl
550 Posts
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-Kaiser-
Canada932 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:54 Shauni wrote: girls are never worth it, trust me Please read Shauni's blog before you take him as an authority. Girls are awesome. | ||
Elegance
Canada917 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:24 IronManSC wrote: It sounds to me like you are inclined from peer pressure to have a girlfriend because everyone else is dating and you feel like you're "falling behind." You're nearly 21 years old, you're still really young. What I've learned over the years is that you want to be at least somewhat settled first, but most importantly you want to be an independent man. That doesn't necessarily mean living on your own, but rather you make your own decisions with integrity and that you know what you're doing/pursuing in life. Focus on this first, because women love a guy who can take care of himself and keep himself busy, just like how men love a woman who can be independent. The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either. The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road. But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. I don`t post much anymore but this is a really good post. Agree fully. Personal identity is the most important thing for confidence because it comes from within yourself (not what others give you, which is what most people think as confidence). | ||
Elegance
Canada917 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:26 Shauni wrote: Nailed what? His post is just old fashioned and backwards. Have your finance and career set in stone before entering a relationship? I hope that's some kind of terrible joke. That`s definitely not what he meant. It`s about a sense of direction. Some people have it even while they are at school. The feeling you get when you know what you want, what you are and where you are going can`t be described in words. People talk about being comfortable with themselves - you can`t achieve that without knowing yourself. | ||
Heat_023
Canada160 Posts
On October 02 2013 08:07 U_G_L_Y wrote: Watch your replays, bro Nice guys finish last. Your insecurity, your willingness to do whatever it takes, is exactly your problem. You need confidence. I don't know how to help you acquire it, but that is what you lack. Edit: Here's a suggestion to get rid of your pussy attitude: Lift weights at least twice a week for a year. Like, do a real program, don't just half ass it; 12 sets of 10 reps for chest exercises (Bench press and flies, if you don't have a spotter, use a machine) 6 sets of 10 curls, (no swinging your back!) 6 sets of 10 triceps exercises (cable pulldowns, chair dips, overhead extensions, etc) Do these with enough weight that you fail on or very near the 10th rep of each set. Drink a protein shake with 60g protein and 5 g creatine every day. If you are fat, stop drinking soda and eating cookies. If you are scrawny, eat until you are ready to puke, 5 times a day. This will give you the confidence you lack. You will realize that you are an awesome person, and with that knowledge, you will have no problems getting girls. If you want to stay in Gold league and continue to not make workers and get supply blocked because you aren't dedicated to achieving your goal, that's fine too. Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag. To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love | ||
ZeromuS
Canada13372 Posts
On October 02 2013 07:24 IronManSC wrote: It sounds to me like you are inclined from peer pressure to have a girlfriend because everyone else is dating and you feel like you're "falling behind." You're nearly 21 years old, you're still really young. What I've learned over the years is that you want to be at least somewhat settled first, but most importantly you want to be an independent man. That doesn't necessarily mean living on your own, but rather you make your own decisions with integrity and that you know what you're doing/pursuing in life. Focus on this first, because women love a guy who can take care of himself and keep himself busy, just like how men love a woman who can be independent. The other thing is that high school and early college dating isn't generally the wisest path to go down. It works for some or many people, i'm sure, but for most not really. I dated 6 girls between sophomore year of high school and junior year of college, and none lasted longer than 8 months. Sweet girls, but they weren't for me. The maturity fluctuates a lot. It's not that you can't understand girls or vice versa at that level, it just means people are not really set in life, and to get involved in a relationship in those circumstances only adds to the stress. There's too much pressure from academics and other aspects of life and maturity that can conflict with your personal choices in a relationship. People still have growing up to do in the college life. The fact is, you won't understand women completely, be it 5 years of marriage or 30 years. Women won't understand men completely either. The questions you need to ask yourself are can I take care of myself right now? and Do I know what I want to do in life?, and others like those. If you aren't fully confident in who you are or where you're headed in life (career-wise), then how are you going to know how to uphold a relationship with a woman who wants you to be that man? A woman is not the answer to your life. I would focus on yourself first and really get set in stone with finances and what career you may want before you make the decision to take care of a woman, but if you wallow up your self-esteem and wonder why girls don't like you or whatever, then you're going to have a tougher time maintaining a potentially good relationship down the road. But, I am only speaking from particular experiences and people I know. Some do just fine if they date throughout college and get married afterwards. My only advice to you is to simply not worry about a relationship at this point and just focus on what you want to do in life. She'll come around naturally when the time is right. I don't know man, I don't necessarily agree on all points. While this definitely rings true for a very very serious relationship (with few exceptions luckily I've been with my fiancee since I was 19 and couldn't be happier) I think the OP can look for a relationship and not be 100% serious about it. I mean he can go out for a couple dates and if its not working out or not the greatest cut it loose. Try and enjoy yourself, if you want to go out with some girls, just ask your friends if there are any people they know that is looking to go out on a date. Might turn out you have fun and enjoy the date, if not oh well no harm | ||
Saechiis
Netherlands4989 Posts
TL:DR get ripped and at least have a 12 inch cock. | ||
Awesomedrifter
Canada62 Posts
On October 02 2013 22:01 Heat_023 wrote: Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag. To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love So open ended or sand box games aren't games either | ||
U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
On October 02 2013 22:01 Heat_023 wrote: Facepalm. You compare relationships or even life to the skills of a game. Life is no game, it has no static primary objective unless you set one. But in your case, even though you might be in the diamond league of "having big arms, having money and -getting- girls (but not keeping them)", I fully expect you to be a silver leaguer in "having a significant life, being in a loving relationship, having a creative existence". In fact you probably got demoted there once you figured out that confidence should be based on creatine intake, and that your main goal was to attract a sad girl looking for a douchebag. To the op I will only say this : chill out, know yourself and love The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it. I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect. | ||
beachbeachy
United States509 Posts
On October 03 2013 02:31 U_G_L_Y wrote: The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it. I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect. That is simply not true. Ever heard of unconditional love? I understand where you're coming from and I guess I'm just arguing semantics, but I would have worded that differently. | ||
LaNague
Germany9118 Posts
After a few months you will get very annoyed. You will probably know it yourself when you meet a good fit. | ||
peacenl
550 Posts
I.m.o.. It's better to talk more with girls of your age, without the sex or flirting, so that you know what the complete spectrum consists of so you can equip yourself with realistic expectations. | ||
U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
On October 03 2013 02:58 beachbeachy wrote: That is simply not true. Ever heard of unconditional love? I understand where you're coming from and I guess I'm just arguing semantics, but I would have worded that differently. How do you suppose you would develop unconditional love for a person without first have love born of respect? The love I have for my children is much greater than when they were infants because I now know who they are and what makes them special. Love will always be finite/conditional in the beginning. I should have said that you cannot *fall in love* with someone you don't respect. | ||
Heat_023
Canada160 Posts
On October 03 2013 02:31 U_G_L_Y wrote: The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it. I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect. Sorry for being mean, and thank you for the intelligent response. | ||
Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
On October 03 2013 03:08 LaNague wrote: i would advice against forcing a relationship just because you feel like you need to get a girlfriend now. After a few months you will get very annoyed. You will probably know it yourself when you meet a good fit. Unconditional love is a myth for the most part. Maybe some mothers are afflicted but I assume you that there are many things that can be done to destroy a presumably "unconditional" love. If your love for your girlfriend is "unconditional" and you don't respect her, then perhaps the both of you are a little bit fucked up anyway. | ||
Zealously
East Gorteau22261 Posts
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HeeroFX
United States2704 Posts
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U_G_L_Y
United States516 Posts
On October 03 2013 05:10 Heat_023 wrote: Sorry for being mean, and thank you for the intelligent response. It was a reasonable response on your part, I'm not offended at all. I was being a dick to the OP for his benefit, but you would have no way of knowing that I'm not always a dick | ||
v1dom
159 Posts
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nputich
United States1 Post
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CDRdude
United States5625 Posts
On October 03 2013 02:31 U_G_L_Y wrote: The OP stated his objective, and I told him how to achieve it. I am married 10 years in June, and you are right, success in a relationship requires different behaviors than successfully initiating a relationship. I but almost no girl will respect someone that doesn't respect themselves, and you cannot love someone that you don't respect. This reminds me a bit of a quote from the movie Airplane: "Don't you feel anything for me at all anymore?" "It takes so many things to make love last. Most of all, it takes respect. And I can't live with a man I don't respect. | ||
SuperJongMan
Jamaica11586 Posts
Fucked up love is the best love btw. | ||
Sejanus
Lithuania550 Posts
No girl has ever had you. Correct phrasing is everything. It's not your weak point. It's theirs. Poor girls. Now lets see what you could do to help them. Since maybe there is a girl or two somewhere around you worth it dating. And having sex with. Evaluating your hobbies and how you spend your free time is a good start. Clubs, communities etc., where you can meet many different girls and maybe find some who are worth it. Also, what Zealously said: I feel like people pressure themselves too much. A relationship, in my experience, shouldn't be seen as achievements to unlock nor should one consider a girlfriend a goal to reach | ||
phosphorylation
United States2935 Posts
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EngrishTeacher
Canada1109 Posts
It's ok bro, my advice for you is to stop thinking about sex and it will happen. When you try too hard girls get turned off, trust me on this one. | ||
c0ldfusion
United States8292 Posts
On October 05 2013 01:11 EngrishTeacher wrote: His choice of diction and just overall wording really made me lol. It's ok bro, my advice for you is to stop thinking about sex and it will happen. When you try too hard girls get turned off, trust me on this one. lol I don't try at all and as a result nothing has happened - which is fine because I actually just don't care. So that's my advice to OP, rather than focusing on satisfying your desires, instead, try not having desires. You'll feel a lot more fulfilled. | ||
Animzor
Sweden2154 Posts
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MountainDewJunkie
United States10340 Posts
On October 02 2013 06:23 JonIrenicus wrote: The problem is that, looking into my relationships, I don't know what I did wrong. I've tried my luck with 4 girls in my life, and I succedeed with two. Well partially succedeed. I mean that I was able to achieve the "kiss" status (forgive me for the use of the words), but I wasn't able to push it further. With both. I can't tell if you mean to imply that "further" mean sexual progression over the other progressions of an actual relationship. If you adhere to the former, I think I found your problem. | ||
Wrongspeedy
United States1655 Posts
On October 06 2013 00:58 MountainDewJunkie wrote: I was going to defend you but I can't tell if you mean to imply that "further" mean sexual progression over the other progressions of an actual relationship. If you adhere to the former, I think I found your problem. I think the only thing he has done "wrong" is that he thinks he has failed in some way because of his lack of experience sexually with women. Telling yourself you have fucked it up instead of telling yourself maybe it just wasn't the right time for you and those women puts a lot of weight on YOU. There is nothing wrong with where you are at. Just keep doing your thing and life will happen around you before you even know it. | ||
virpi
Germany3598 Posts
On October 02 2013 18:24 peacenl wrote: T_T OP is seriously misguided, I fear this is true for a large group of young adults. You don't unlock something called a girlfriend or sex like it's an achievement, you come accross someone you like and do fun things with them. The harder you try, the more desperate you get, the less likely you are to get a girl. My advice is to try and go to places you like (such as sports or hobbies), and hopefully there are girls there you can meet. QFT. | ||
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