It’s been a while since I’ve written a full length blog. Especially a full length parent rage blog, but I’m going back to my roots with this good old rant, just before I go to college. Much of what caused my anger has been resolved, but recently there has been a lot of stuff which has just been extremely frustrating and I have not been able to deal with to my satisfaction. I’m fairly sure I’m in the right in this situation. Then again, I thought I was before, and looking back, both parties were at fault, and at times it was primarily me.
I’m a legal adult. Woohoo. I’ll be heading to UCSD in just a couple weeks. Throughout my blogs people have reminded me I just need to hold on until college. Well, college is almost here, and the closer it gets the more difficult it is to deal with the issues at home.
So I've heard
The one issue at stake is control. Control over what I do, how I do it, and what it means. My mom has gone absolutely nuts the last week while I get ready for college. Demanding to see a four year plan for all the courses I will take for my major (which is changeable at best, and tentative at worst), and attempting to dictate what items I bring for college. There aren’t a whole lot of big ticket disputes. The only one which is ridiculous, is my parents helping me move in for college.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate them coming down and helping me move in, but my mom just doesn’t know when to stop. She keeps on talking about all the shopping she’ll do, and everything I’ll need to buy. Furthermore, she has gone on several rants about how she will make sure I’m organized. (Ie buy a shoe rack, put CONTACT PAPER IN DRAWERS.) I understand that she feels this is important, but I do not want to have contact paper, or have a shoe rack. If I refuse she simply steamrolls me and buys it anyways, and if I say yes, I end up with a useless shoe rack. Hence, pragmatically I should agree, but it feels wrong to agree to something if I have no real intention of using it.
The retarded source of a dispute...
More annoyingly in the short run are the demands of what I bring. Recently she suggested I bring a sleeping bag to college. A yoga ball to college. A medical thermometer to college. I actually have a tendency to over pack, but I’m trying to address my minor hoarding tendencies. Instead she just insists I take everything that I have a chance of bringing. Although I have clearly and calmly laid out why I do not want these items, they are still purchased, and I need to bring them against my will.
In the long run, I can probably get rid of any extraneous items that get purchased. Remove contact paper. Mostly it’s just a social issue. I don’t really want my mom running around trying to micromanage how my dorm room is set up. I don’t want her getting involved in a process that I am very capable of dealing with. The general advice I have received is to ignore her. However, I am reluctant to do so because of the following.
1) She will never admit fault, or respect others opinions. Whether it is her mother, her sister, her friends, or her family she never admits her opinion could be wrong.
2) She has little sense of shame, and little respect for personal stuff. I’ve been in situations when she feels I’ve done something wrong, so she tells somebody something about me which is thoroughly private, and would be wrong to disclose.
3) Even if I tell her no, she will attempt to do it.
Pragmatically I just have to let her walk all over me for the next two weeks or so. Dictate if I get an iron. What detergent I get. How much detergent I get. If I need a desk organizer. What needs to be in a first aid kit. Let her get one last planning high before I leave. Still, I am extremely frustrated about this attempt to dictate what I do when I go to college, despite the fact that I am fully capable of making decisions on what I need to bring, even if our opinions differ. She may attempt to embarrass me or simply go nuclear if I attempt to stop her, so I should just let her do whatever. At least how I see it.
My main question is should I even try to resist this pre-college planning spree in which she tries to dictate what I bring, overruling my decisions, or should I try to halt it. If I attempt to halt it, what steps should I take? Or am I being irrational?
Also I ran into myself in the IPL TAC Liquid documentary part 2 I have HoTS beta, but by the time I'm at UCSD I'll be busy, and I don't have the upload to stream it now