What did her PMs say? lol, dont tell, me you deleted them without reading t.t
Her PMs said:
"What the hell? Did you unfriend me? What's going on? Please don't be mad..."
"What the fuck, dude?"
"I thought you cared for me..."
That last one actually made me go berserk. I distinctively remember that after reading it I took my old trustworthy Razer Copperhead and slammed it against the wall out of anger, completly ravaging the poor, blameless mouse
I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote: I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
HP is oozing with truth. I really like the distinction drawn between love and infatuation. If you can't come up with a reason for loving someone other than "they are smart and funny and cute and they have great eyes!", you're not in love.
You also gotta remember that we as humans are genetically wired to form these attachments for the express purpose of reproducing. Kinda takes the romance out of it, but that's life.
They always say that the partner of your life should be your best friend hiding in the body of the opposite sex (which is very convenient if you want to reproduce together, I'm not saying I'm against gay relationships). She sounds like that person to me however she is obviously not interested in that kind of relationship.
You did the right thing to remove her from your life, but 'just moving on' is not easy. Losing someone you love dearly, whether it's your cat, your favorite plant or your child or whatnot always hurts and puts you into a mourning process, even if the person is still around.
You need to properly process your loss, because you lost a dear friend by doing this. When my mother died four months ago I went through every step, thinking I'd be fine, don't be like that or you will keep suffering from your thoughts. Think about every good moment you spent with her and write it down. Make a huge letter about it if you have to.
Drink some scotch with that and read it over, cry about it if need be.
Then the following days it will linger, and everytime you think of something more, you write it down.
After a week or so, you will be able to put it behind you. Your neocortex will come into play and say; 'Okay bro, t'was fun, now let's assess the situation. We had fun, we had some nonfun, but this is behind us.' And you will be able to finally pass on.
Also, finding a new (set of) friend(s) woudl help a lot. Good luck. Good luck
girls dont just love you back automatically once you realise you like a girl then you gotta make her feel attraction towards you which isnt that awfully difficult to do once you realise you should be doing it its more of a change in attitude anyway, try again in 5 years bro, once you have figured it out better
also, do wat day9 would do...laugh at yourself, laugh at the rediculousness of it all! also go to the gym to get your manpower
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote: I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
Whoever gives this advice has no clue what he is saying. The trick is to not open with it without any romantic/sexual context, and that is definitly a huge mistake, even though I'm still pretty sure it's a part of growing up to be a man.
I cut off contact with a guy too. Still hurts. It kind of helped me because yeah since I thought about him a lot, so I tried to bury myself in distractions. StarCraft, books, art, friends, movies, droogs (in an enlightening way heh), other beyootiful guys. Still comes back to him at the end of the day. It's like wtf brain stop being so foolish.
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote: I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
A+ advice.
I think one of the reasons that you can't get past this girl is that you are nostaglic for something that doesn't exist. In your mind this girl is absolutely perfect in every way. The reality is that she isn't. No woman is! You can start to replace her once you really acknowledge this. You could even be friends with her again.
I just watched this interview with Mr. Rogers where he talked about how boys have no idea how to talk about their feelings and I think there is a lot of truth to that. You didn't do anything "wrong" (evil) but you didn't really do it the right way either.
Great read It's fun to know girls all around the world are bitches and don't understand what they are doing! Not just the ones i meet.
I wouldn't of done what you did by giving her the finger, after all you lost by the sounds of it your best friend as well as the person you loved, and as you put you are not even finished yet. You should of played a bit harder to get so to speak when you got annoyed with her, for example - You started to ignore her, and she wrote on your facebook "answer my PMs" she wanted you, thus you answer and you keep doing that, whilst dropping in sly comments about either liking her or other girls. But i guess thats to late now >.<
Women be an unsual race to figure out, but the one thing you don't want to do is piss one off >.<
Wait, what, (no offence to OP) this is one of the most immature girl problem blogs I've ever seen...and it's on featured?? For all the awesome girl blogs there have been on TL and the not so awesome ones...this gets to be featured?? Yuck. Demasiado memes también.
Your story ended the exact predictable way it should have ended. Simple rules for all guys: a) you need to make your feelings known to a girl soon after you have them b) you should almost always SCALE BACK on the description you are going to give your feelings so you don't come across too strong c) if it's an online thing you HAVE to meet them and a good few times before you go to any crazy extent like the word 'love' (and this isn't doubting your feelings it's just something you have to do).
Trust me, I know from experience, and I've been an immature guy and gone through that phase and have the 3 year long scars to prove it.
This reminds me of a documentary that was on the BBC once. This guy lived in the US and I can't remember how first contact was made but he befriended a family over the internet and it became just like how you've pictured the whole thing with them being very close. He started having feelings for one of the older daughters (early 20s) and he set out to find her only to find out that in reality they didn't live where they said and that the whole family was basically made up by one woman who enjoyed the companionship. Was pretty fucked up. ¬.¬
Anyhow she's just playing games, move on with your life. It's crazy how attached we can get to people over the net.
On July 06 2012 17:13 evanthebouncy! wrote: I don't think you fucked up... sounds normal to me. Bruises makes a man out of boy
Very true. A lot of us have to learn the hard way. I like many others simply could not accept the advice of other people until I had fucked up and realised I couldn't beat the 'dating' system. But I still can't believe the featured system allows a blog like this to get so much coverage.
Best way to get over a girl is to meet plenty of other women. Let them start with a clean slate, don't project anything on to them (read: anything to do with Felicity). Don't compare, don't contrast.
And yeah saying she wanted to meet up then dodging you is not cool. Bitch move for sure.
As for the saying your feelings shit, NEVER EVER do it to a girl you're just friends with. For the love of god don't do it. It doesn't work and i certainly have never heard of it working.
Meet other girls, it's the only way to get over her. Good luck man, I know how hard is it to be in love with your best friend and even though it was a drunk dial, at leats you gave it a shot.
Well it seems you were really into her. If you really liked her, you shouldn't have deleted her off everything. If you still want a chance, you should go see her but don't act needy or desperate... women hate that.
EPT
