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On July 07 2012 03:19 CopperLeague wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 03:13 Bigtony wrote:On July 07 2012 02:53 CopperLeague wrote:On July 07 2012 02:48 Bigtony wrote:On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote:You gotta be horny. + Show Spoiler +
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
Holy fucking creepy advice man. Why?
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
What was I thinking I guess that's not creepy at all. ... Although that's definitely insightful about affection vs sexual. Would you rather be the guy who's "just friends" with every girl he meets, every time, or the guy who's "creepy" to some girls and "sexy" to others? Most men are too afraid of being "creepy." It's what we fear over anything else, practically. Here's the problem: in order to be sexually attractive, you need to risk being creepy. Saying, "Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function" could very well be "creepy" to one girl. But it's going to be hot as fuck for another. The reality is, the risk of being creepy is actually minimal. Girls love knowing that they drive a guy crazy. Here's what's creepy: Having no sexual feelings for a girl and pursuing her for a relationship. Playing it safe and avoiding "being creepy" is a surefire way to guarantee creepiness.
I agree with this guy 100%. Makes perfect sense.
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Sounds like you lost a good frinedship for no reason.
I'd let her back in, but make an effort to just be friends and give yourself some closure.
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girls want men not some pussy who sits around in the sideline hoping she might make the move herself and fall for him
then the guy sits there with weird creepy romantic dreams and fantasies of being with her and falling in love and worshipping her like a god
they want a guy with a pair who is confident and gets what he wants
real talk just reading most of the posts in this thread shows just how emasculated you guys are
be a fucking man
copperleague got it right
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On July 07 2012 03:23 Bigtony wrote:
This has nothing to do with playing it safe or missing opportunities. Telling a person straight out "sorry I can't hang out with you because you make me so fucking horny" is creepy.
whats creepy is wanting to fuck a girl and pretending you don't and hanging around behind her for years hoping she doesn't find out
whats normal is being straight up and saying "im a boy, you're a girl, i find you sexually attractive. lets start from here. hello"
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...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
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On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on...
But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha
Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
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he may have been exaggerating but its better than being an asexual boring subservient boy your whole life and wondering why you're not attracting women
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On July 07 2012 08:35 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on... But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
It's "rapey" to express sexual intent?
Look at our "advanced society." Look how difficult it is to do what comes most naturally.
"But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha"
Your girlfriend is right (as most girls often are without realizing it). All girls are "horny kinda gals." Just like all guys. Difference is we have porn – a close second. So when a girl tells us, "let's just be friends," it means she realized you had no desire to satisfy her sexually.
So while you're worried about being "rapey" and "creepy," she's fucking a guy who's half as intelligent as you, but is in touch with his sexuality.
Oh yeah – she holds his hand and gives him affection too.
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Chilean girls are like that... just try to get over her, spend your time in other stuff, and try to meet new people...
i broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago, still hurts, but im trying to have fun anyways... its working, slowly, but working.
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On July 07 2012 08:35 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on... But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
Straight up saying anything without doing anything is useless, that's probably the main point. You might get lucky and once in a while she will escalate the situation physically for you, but you definitly have a much easier time if you man up and lead her to what you both want in the first place.
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On July 07 2012 09:27 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 08:35 sc4k wrote:On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on... But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'. Straight up saying anything without doing anything is useless, that's probably the main point. You might get lucky and once in a while she will escalate the situation physically for you, but you definitly have a much easier time if you man up and lead her to what you both want in the first place.
Okay evo you are talking like pickup skills but I am just talking about guys who have zero confidence and need to get out of the friend zone. Just channel all your energies and instincts and use them to get the confidence to go out of your comfort zone and ask them out/ kiss them. Btw don't you use most of your 'skills' to get threesomes with your girlfriend? A little advanced for a guy who just spent like 7 years in the friendzone with an online acquaintance :/
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On July 07 2012 09:38 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 09:27 r.Evo wrote:On July 07 2012 08:35 sc4k wrote:On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on... But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'. Straight up saying anything without doing anything is useless, that's probably the main point. You might get lucky and once in a while she will escalate the situation physically for you, but you definitly have a much easier time if you man up and lead her to what you both want in the first place. Okay evo you are talking like pickup skills but I am just talking about guys who have zero confidence and need to get out of the friend zone. Just channel all your energies and instincts and use them to get the confidence to go out of your comfort zone and ask them out/ kiss them. Btw don't you use most of your 'skills' to get threesomes with your girlfriend? A little advanced for a guy who just spent like 7 years in the friendzone with an online acquaintance :/
In all honesty, I think it's all the same.
If you have literally zero confidence around women I recommend not "trying to get out of a friend zone" in the first place, I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
For one I don't see our "zero confidence guy" going up to the girl and saying "Hey, I think you're cool let's go out" and even IF they go out... all they will do is talk without any sexual context underneath it and he will end up "friendzoned" anyway because of that.
Without delving into what the pickup scene recommends (most of the classic PUA stuff for beginners is utterly retarded imho) I'd say the biggest thing to learn for a guy who has trouble with this stuff is that women are normal human beings.
You can talk to them, they don't bite your nose off and a bit of physical touching here and there won't make her call the police on you - that type of stuff. Learning to be a "normal functioning social being" is pretty much the first step at becoming better with women.
After that it's mostly conveying personality (assuming you can think of yourself as "well, yeah, I think I'm someone someone else could like/fall in love with") and being intimate. The only big general difference between a great friendship and a great relationship is that the friends neither kiss nor have sex with each other. Actually I'd go as far as saying that any guy who has standard awesome girl friends just needs to escalate a little here and there and most of his problems will evaporate - the rest that's needed is already there, otherwise no girl would want to be friends with him (no, being an emotional tampon is not the same as being a friend =P).
Edit: Almost forgot; - the whole "gather all your courage and kiss her" after days and months without sexual context in their communication is just bound to fail. If you learn how to escalate the kiss isn't anything big anymore, it's just a natural progress if that makes sense.
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On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you:
If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do?
How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
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On July 07 2012 10:17 Flip9 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better.
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On July 07 2012 10:23 Elegance wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 10:17 Flip9 wrote:On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate? There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better.
Yeah I guess so...
Thanks for the reply.
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On July 07 2012 10:26 Flip9 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 10:23 Elegance wrote:On July 07 2012 10:17 Flip9 wrote:On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate? There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better. Yeah I guess so... Thanks for the reply.
If you need help though, plenty around here. just wont be a quick-fix 
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yep i am sure a forum full of virgins and people married the first girl who got their dick wet is a place for advice
harsh reality
User was warned for this post
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On July 07 2012 10:44 opsayo wrote:
yep i am sure a forum full of virgins and people married the first girl who got their dick wet is a place for advice
harsh reality
I know that going out and getting own experience is the best thing, however a forum can still be hepful. I also wouldn't say that everyone here are that sort of people you just described.
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On July 07 2012 10:17 Flip9 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate? Show nested quote +I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
The really, really cookie cutter version would be: Treat her like a male buddy you're having fun with and add physical contact.
If a male buddy makes a dumb comment, you tease him for it. If he tells you that he has sore muscles, you're like HAHAHAHA GG. However, if he tells you his pet died you will probably try to lighten him up a little bit. If he asks you to buy him a drink you might ask him if he just lost his job and then do it anyway while teasing him with that for the rest of the night.
People who are "bad" with women suddenly act completely different in the presence of a female. If she makes a dumb comment, it might get ignored as if it didn't happen and if she tells you about sore muscles you might be like "Oh, wow. Did you try this or that to make it better?" and if she wants a drink you bring her five through the entire night - stop that. She's not some kind of authority figure that you have to please. You're not her pet dog. Don't try to be one.
The hard part in the long run is the balance between being a huge pussy and a huge dick (LOL). The former don't escalate and treat the girl as a godess, the latter come off as pushy and treat her like a random piece of meat (I'm obviously exaggerating but I guess you get the point).
How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
Personally I like to tease a lot. It's a mix of busting her balls whenever I can, switching to serious mode for a while and then going back to busting her balls and having fun again - all while I just physically escalate in the meantime. If you two are having fun for an hour straight and you already have your arm around her half the time and just started massaging her neck kissing is no big deal anymore.
HOWEVER, that's what works for me personally and it also attracts the type of girls I enjoy and most of those I don't like will run as fast as they can. In theory the "correct" approach would be to tease as much as you can (e.g. a shy girl would be able to take much less), escalate as quickly as you can (shy girl in a bookstore != chick in short skirt on a dancefloor) and calibrate yourself to the environment.
Imo the easiest way to come off as needy/desparate is to do things for her because you expect something in return. It's okay buying her a drink if you want to buy her one. It's not okay if it's your way of buying five minutes of her time. It's alright to invite her to a dinner at a restaurant, it's not fine if you expect her to spread her legs for it. That's why it's usually a good advice to not do much more for her than what she does for you.
"Hey, I'll go get myself a drink - what do you want?" is totally cool and casual, getting up just to bring her a drink is a lot more cheesy. Personally I like to play games with her which end up with her paying for the first round or establishing some kind of "this one is on me, next one is on you". =P
Same attitude applies to anything you can/should do for her or for what she might ask of you. Answering "Yes, sure" to "Gniihihihi can you hold my purse while I go to the dancefloor?!?!" just makes you look like an idiot - unless you put it down on the table and turn around talking to someone while she still watches.
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+ Show Spoiler +On July 07 2012 10:56 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On July 07 2012 10:17 Flip9 wrote:On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote:
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying. You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate? I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills. The really, really cookie cutter version would be: Treat her like a male buddy you're having fun with and add physical contact.If a male buddy makes a dumb comment, you tease him for it. If he tells you that he has sore muscles, you're like HAHAHAHA GG. However, if he tells you his pet died you will probably try to lighten him up a little bit. If he asks you to buy him a drink you might ask him if he just lost his job and then do it anyway while teasing him with that for the rest of the night. People who are "bad" with women suddenly act completely different in the presence of a female. If she makes a dumb comment, it might get ignored as if it didn't happen and if she tells you about sore muscles you might be like "Oh, wow. Did you try this or that to make it better?" and if she wants a drink you bring her five through the entire night - stop that. She's not some kind of authority figure that you have to please. You're not her pet dog. Don't try to be one. The hard part in the long run is the balance between being a huge pussy and a huge dick (LOL). The former don't escalate and treat the girl as a godess, the latter come off as pushy and treat her like a random piece of meat (I'm obviously exaggerating but I guess you get the point). Show nested quote +How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate? Personally I like to tease a lot. It's a mix of busting her balls whenever I can, switching to serious mode for a while and then going back to busting her balls and having fun again - all while I just physically escalate in the meantime. If you two are having fun for an hour straight and you already have your arm around her half the time and just started massaging her neck kissing is no big deal anymore. HOWEVER, that's what works for me personally and it also attracts the type of girls I enjoy and most of those I don't like will run as fast as they can. In theory the "correct" approach would be to tease as much as you can (e.g. a shy girl would be able to take much less), escalate as quickly as you can (shy girl in a bookstore != chick in short skirt on a dancefloor) and calibrate yourself to the environment. Imo the easiest way to come off as needy/desparate is to do things for her because you expect something in return. It's okay buying her a drink if you want to buy her one. It's not okay if it's your way of buying five minutes of her time. It's alright to invite her to a dinner at a restaurant, it's not fine if you expect her to spread her legs for it. That's why it's usually a good advice to not do much more for her than what she does for you. "Hey, I'll go get myself a drink - what do you want?" is totally cool and casual, getting up just to bring her a drink is a lot more cheesy. Personally I like to play games with her which end up with her paying for the first round or establishing some kind of "this one is on me, next one is on you". =P Same attitude applies to anything you can/should do for her or for what she might ask of you. Answering "Yes, sure" to "Gniihihihi can you hold my purse while I go to the dancefloor?!?!" just makes you look like an idiot - unless you put it down on the table and turn around talking to someone while she still watches.
wow, thank you for taking your time to write that detailed. The examples are helpful too
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EPT
