EPT[Girl Blog] Where do I begin... - Page 5
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GoSuChicken
Germany1726 Posts
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treekiller
United States236 Posts
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GhostLink
United States450 Posts
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Arcanefrost
Belgium1257 Posts
On July 06 2012 20:47 GhostLink wrote: The mistake was that you broke contact with her. If she is still in on your mind after 10 months, you should have probably stayed friends. At least that was you can keep in touch. It's much better than not talking at all. And who knows where that would lead... Well, learn from mistakes i guess I don't think you can have a healthy friendship with someone you consider the love of your life. I wouldn't have broken all contact like that either, but I don't think it was a bad decision. | ||
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GhostLink
United States450 Posts
On July 06 2012 20:49 Arcanefrost wrote: I don't think you can have a healthy friendship with someone you consider the love of your life. I wouldn't have broken all contact like that either, but I don't think it was a bad decision. I know from experience that it's not the best, but much, much better to be friends with your crush than to not even being noticed by her (in a way breaking contact is kinda the same).. But hey, i guess it's not the same for everyone. | ||
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FlamingForce
Netherlands701 Posts
On July 06 2012 21:00 GhostLink wrote: I know from experience that it's not the best, but much, much better to be friends with your crush than to not even being noticed by her (in a way breaking contact is kinda the same).. But hey, i guess it's not the same for everyone. My experience has told me the opposite  | ||
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Aerisky
United States12129 Posts
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
On July 06 2012 18:55 Abductedonut wrote:I told her that her boyfriend is an idiot, and that she's blind for not seeing how great I am. I guess this pissed her off and she suggested we stop being friends. I didn't hesitate to take that offer. As time went on, I actually grew to hate her. God damn, this is obnoxious thinking, and I hope you are over it. You know one day you will fall in love with a girl and she with you, and one of her 'friends' might think the exact same crap about you. Also, the other thing that gets me riled is when guys say 'why doesn't he treat her like the princess she is? If she were my girl I would give her roses every day and backrubs and make her meals all the time and answer her every whim'. I'm sure you would be a good boyfriend but don't kid yourself, no-one can be constantly give give give in any relationship, and once you're in a relationship you realise it's supposed to be give and receive...and a lot of girls are not attracted to men who just fawn over them like lovesick puppies all day long. On July 06 2012 21:00 GhostLink wrote: I know from experience that it's not the best, but much, much better to be friends with your crush than to not even being noticed by her (in a way breaking contact is kinda the same).. But hey, i guess it's not the same for everyone. No way!!! How old are you? I think this advice is terrible, you should ask her out and if she doesn't say yes, then you have to decide whether or not you need her as a friend, in the same way as you need any of your guy friends as a friend. Don't be friends with a girl because she is your crush! That is horrific! | ||
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FractalsOnFire
Australia1756 Posts
On July 06 2012 21:33 sc4k wrote: God damn, this is obnoxious thinking, and I hope you are over it. You know one day you will fall in love with a girl and she with you, and one of her 'friends' might think the exact same crap about you. Also, the other thing that gets me riled is when guys say 'why doesn't he treat her like the princess she is? If she were my girl I would give her roses every day and backrubs and make her meals all the time and answer her every whim'. I'm sure you would be a good boyfriend but don't kid yourself, no-one can be constantly give give give in any relationship, and once you're in a relationship you realise it's supposed to be give and receive...and a lot of girls are not attracted to men who just fawn over them like lovesick puppies all day long. What you describe there is a co-dependent. Eager to please at your beck and call. No one wants a doormat. There is nothing attractive about that guy who will change his opinions and thoughts just to please others. That sort of person is not fit to be a proper relationship and would not make a good boyfriend. Or even a girlfriend for that matter. Actually there is one sort of person who would enjoy that, a full blown narcissist. | ||
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Trox
Sweden20 Posts
On July 06 2012 13:05 r.Evo wrote: Imo it's mostly about time, evolving yourself as a person and admitting mistakes. Around... 6 years ago I had a huge crush on a certain girl and did all the usual "lovely" stuff trying to impress her and it ended with me writing her a pretty pathetic letter confessing my feelings. She broke off all contact and I felt incredibly betrayed, heart broken and thought she must be one of the worst people I ever met for this. About half a year ago I was close to where she worked on a business trip (she works in a book store), I decided to drop by, say sorry for being such a retard back then and that I was still wondering how she was doing. She for some reason seemed to be incredibly happy about this (I thought it possible that she'll be like wtfomggetoffme!!!) and I only really understood it after I talked it through with my gf. Every girl has tons, tons of guys in her life who are basically huge pussies, not sexual at all and then somehow out of the blue tell them they love her and put all the responsibility for the decision on her. If she doesn't comply she's being labelled a stupid bitch who only played with the guys feelings. Done often enough the girl either tends to become more and more bitchy or more and more reserved. That shit isn't funny for her either. Taking the burden that it's - even partly - her "fault" off her shoulders is one of the greatest things you can do to that person after such a mess. And yes, in almost all cases I'd put way more blame on the guy who is incapable of expressing his feelings in a sexual kind of way (learning how to do that is part of growing up) than the girl who is just genuinely being nice, friendly and happy - just not attracted. I actually agree to this. Only thing was, this time, I showed confidence. I expressed it sexually. It was casual at first for me as well. But later I realized I wanted her to continue beeing as close. Still being the best friend. But also as a partner. That confess thing you talk about happened to her a year ago too though. She was pretty sad she lost that friend. I feel pretty dumb to almost put her in the same spot again. | ||
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Catch]22
Sweden2683 Posts
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7mk
Germany10157 Posts
On July 06 2012 17:08 sc4k wrote: Wait, what, (no offence to OP) this is one of the most immature girl problem blogs I've ever seen...and it's on featured?? For all the awesome girl blogs there have been on TL and the not so awesome ones...this gets to be featured?? Yuck. Demasiado memes también. Your story ended the exact predictable way it should have ended. Simple rules for all guys: a) you need to make your feelings known to a girl soon after you have them b) you should almost always SCALE BACK on the description you are going to give your feelings so you don't come across too strong c) if it's an online thing you HAVE to meet them and a good few times before you go to any crazy extent like the word 'love' (and this isn't doubting your feelings it's just something you have to do). Trust me, I know from experience, and I've been an immature guy and gone through that phase and have the 3 year long scars to prove it. It's the blogger that is featured, pretty sure he was featured before this blog... People could at least have read like the first page of comments to see that the OP isnt some insecure virgin thats surprised that he got friendzoned. He knows he fucked up, he has had other women, so stop looking down from your high horse just because youve stopped being a pussy and dont get friendzoned anymore. All I can say is that 10 months is really not that long. I, like many others, have had a similar kind of crush, I broke off contact about a year after we were done with school, I'm not sure how long it took to stop thinking about her all the time but it was definitely over a year, id say about two years, and then it took a bit longer to get out of a sort of reactive depression. In my current relationship its not like i have this feverish kind of "love"/obesession like I did with her, but it makes me happy (which I never really was around her) and thats what matters. Just know that youre gonna get over her eventually, even if it takes another year or more. | ||
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TheUltimate
82 Posts
On July 06 2012 18:55 Abductedonut wrote: I told her that her boyfriend is an idiot, and that she's blind for not seeing how great I am. My gf was told that by a friend that a couple of weeks ago. Something along the lines of: "Date me - I'm better at everything than TheUltimate." When she told me about this later, however, I was entirely unthreatened by him because he just doesn't understand what my girlfriend likes in a man, and lacks the self-awareness to realise he's a terrible match for her. He has his good qualities, sure, but they're pretty irrelevant here - he's also blind to any of my good qualities because he sees me only as a rival, and never bothered to get to know me properly. It just convinced my gf that he was a terrible person. Abductedonut - it's no surprised your friend was pissed off when you told her this. In a single sentence you managed to demonstrate, among other negative traits: a huge level of arrogance ("I'm so awesome, how could anyone not want this!"); condescension (because you're basically telling her she's stupid for not choosing you); and lack of general awareness (cause there must have been reasons she chose an apparent d-bag over you). | ||
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Vega62a
946 Posts
You were friendzoned hard. She wanted you in the friendzone because she liked the emotional support, and probably the romantic attention. Bad on her for not being more firm when she said no. Bad on you for not inferring a firm "no" from what she said. Once you are in the friendzone, you stay in the friendzone, forever. If you break out of the friendzone, it is not because she suddenly "fell in love" or "realized the error of her ways," and the relationship that results from it will be awful, because one of you didn't really want it in the first place. If you weren't able to be friends without wanting to be more, once she said no, cutting it off was the right move. There is no such thing as one true love in the world. Love is what grows over time from somebody who you find you can't live without. Keep looking. Date around. Don't just find the next one, find the one after that. | ||
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GeorgeForeman
United States1746 Posts
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote:lots of intelligent things:+ Show Spoiler + I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love". I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you. I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall. It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel... It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word... It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted. That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety. A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?" The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them. If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly. You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"? Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love. And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted. I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth. Yep. This is all good advice. It's massively unfair to be friends with someone for a long period of time (and importantly, allow them to think that's all you feel for them over that time) while secretly being infatuated/having a crush/whatever, and then throw it on them all at once. There's just no easy or proper way to react to that. With all that said, I think the proper thing is honesty throughout. If you want to have a relationship beyond friendship, that's something you should say. ("I know we're supposed to just be friends, but I think you're cute. We should go out some time." rather than, "I LOVE YOU WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER 4EVER.") If you develop feelings like this but you know they won't/can't go anywhere, the proper response is to isolate yourself from that person, stop fantasizing about a life with that person, and consciously decide to move on. "Time heals all wounds" as they say, so just spend time with other people. You don't need to be a dick about it, either. You can be honest to whatever degree you feel necessary about why, but the key is that you actually do it. (It's also worthwhile to note that when you do this to someone who considers you a close and indispensable friend, they're inevitably going to be hurt, and in such cases it might be good for them to at least understand why they're being hurt.) Either way, it seems like you've found your way kicking and screaming to the right place. If SC2 reminds you of her, find something else you enjoy doing for a while. Or just find other people to play SC2 with. You'll survive. We all do. | ||
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affinity_12
172 Posts
On July 06 2012 19:48 Trox wrote: I hear you man. I am in a very related situation. I was not very interested from the beginning but then we became like really close and started supporting eachother. I got more intrigued by her. I loved her ways of thinking and we had very similar interests. I dont think I've ever met a girl like this. Shortly after we started doing things together (hanging out with mutual friends), we got in bed. The sex was fucking amazing. I've never met a girl like this before in that regard either. So much passion between us. We met some more times. After a few weeks, I learned she was going away to work over the summer. This SUCKED. I was the last friend she visited before going away. I decided not to tell her I was becoming more and more infatuated. After she left, we continued having daily contact. One night, I was hinting of going to visit her. This started a big discussion. She said she was trying to get over us. A while into the conversation, I thought I started seeing hints of her being interested in me on a higher level as well. She was not. I confessed that I wanted her more and that it fitted logically and emotionally for me. Since then, we've been trying to find out where we are. She insists of wanting to have me as a friend and that I mean a lot to her. But I don't know. She visited me a day of the weekend she was home from work. I was the only one she met outside of family that weekend. It was very strange. She is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. I am slowly cutting down on my communication with her. She still tries to message me but I don't answer very fast or enthusiastic etc. I feel a little bit better now when we don't have as much contact anymore. I feel you bro. Wow I would still communicate with her in that situation. It seems she's a very attractive person. Why would you act cold like that? | ||
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Trox
Sweden20 Posts
On July 06 2012 22:47 affinity_12 wrote: Wow I would still communicate with her in that situation. It seems she's a very attractive person. Why would you act cold like that? She is a very attractive person. She made me feel so good about myself. I know I made her feel good about herself as well. I just think I need some distance from her. We've been in contact everyday for the last couple of months. Even just reading through this blog and the answers make me think a lot about it again. | ||
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boon2537
United States905 Posts
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ZeroCartin
Costa Rica2390 Posts
Instead of saying "fuck you and goodbye", you should tell her the reasoning behind this as common courtesy since youve been friends for so long. Something like you need to think about other girls, and the only way to do that is getting away from her since you know there is no chance | ||
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Alpino
Brazil4390 Posts
PS: You should've told her that you needed to do this because it is not healthy for YOU. You sounded kinda bitchy. | ||
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