So I had this friend. Yes, HAD. Long story, so sit down and read if you'd be so kind.
Once upon a time, when I was known as just "Winters" on this big ocean called Teh Internetz, like 7 years ago, I played Call Of Duty. A friend of mine, who also played, invited me over to his clan. That's when I met her. We'll call her... Felicity.
What the fuck, I know the name is overused -Thank you, Sean- but I'll roll with that
Felicity was quite younger than me at the time. She was very friendly, she liked to dick around and tell jokes and chat all day and talk to me in TeamSpeak back in the day. So we suddenly became really, really good friends who told eachother EVERYTHING. And I seriously mean everything, even some things I wasn't that interesed in knowing -or that even grossed me out-; she told me when she had a fight with her mom or a friend, when she got her first kiss (she was kind of a late bloomer) and when she had menstrual cramps, the first time she masturbated, she told me about her first boyfriend, the first time she had an orgasm, the first time she fought with her boyfriend because she didn't want to have sex before marriage, she told me she was going to break up with him before she even told him... Needless to say, I also told her everything. There were absolutely no secrets between us. You get the picture. And then it happened. I fell for her. I don't know why, one day when we were chatting on Skype, I saw her face and thought "holy shit, this girl is the most beautiful person I've ever met. She's funny, she's friendly, she's honest, open-minded, she likes the same stuff I like..." and still I fought the urge to tell her because somehow, deep inside of me, I knew she wasn't interested in me. Because women NEVER trust men with all their secrets. EVER. Before the "friendzone" concept even became a wide-spread meme and idea, I knew I was in there. Time passed, and she was still there, lingering in my heart. We were still talking, telling eachother the stupidest shit, passing time, having fun, being friends... Then I had a really bad moment, in the middle of medschool, when I nearly dropped out of college.... I was having a depressive episode because I wasn't getting great grades and I begun dropping my 4.0 GPA because I was thinking of her all the Goddamn fucking time and I begun giving zero fucks about my carreer. She was getting on my head. One night, after I don't know how many glasses of scotch I don't know what demon possesed me, but I picked up the phone, called her as I used to do and told her:
-Hi. Felicity? I need to talk to you. Now. I've been dying to tell you this for over two years. I fucking love you. Not like 'OMG YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND EVER' but 'OMG I LOVE YOU, like, LOVE you...
Fuck, what the hell am I doing? Dafuq did I just say?
... Wait, what?... -I love you, girl.
Ok, now you've fucking done it, great. Just great.
Oh God, this is so sudden... I don't know what to say... I need to think this through. (she hangs up).
2 hours later she texts me saying "You're the best friend I've ever had. Thank you for being so kind to me." Needless to say, that SandyMac bottle went down like a motherfucker. And I got even more depressed.
Good job, Einstein.
I stopped talking to her for like 2 months. Then she talked to me and told me she didn't want me to freak out because of all this. She wanted to be my friend and be beside me no matter what, -as a friend-...
Oh, what the fuck, what gives...
So we sticked around. As friends. After I finished medschool and moved to another city to begin my practice. She constantly called me and messaged me on AIM or Skype to go to Santiago and see her. Every time I went there, she hid. She always "had another compromise" or "had something of last-minute to do"...
And I still loved her. And this annoying feeling grew inside of me. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't be with her either. What the fuck was I doing? Was I an obsessive son of a bitch who stopped thinking about himself because of someone else? Fuck that!
And thus, on august 18th, 2011, I deleted her cell number, unfriended her on Facebook, closed my twitter, deleted her Skype contact, and everything. She almost inmediatly posted to my Facebook wall (which I had open to the public, like a little n00b) the following message:
"Hey, don't be a girl, read your PMs".
And then, I wrote this:
"Hello. If you didn't already get it, I don't ever want to speak with you again. Don't contact me on any way, for whatever reason you may have. Have good luck in your life. Goodbye".
It's been 10 months and a little more...
AND I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT HER.
What did I do wrong? Did I fuck up giving her the finger and doing what I did? Should I seek her again? How the fuck do I provide closure to this? I mean, I can't even play a fucking ZvZ without thinking "I should get Ultras. Felicity liked ultras."
There she is again, she's not even letting you do your usual build or macro in peace, bro.
I feel lost and brutally fucked up by this girl. I'm known for finding stupidly simple solutions for everything. I help a lot of people out because of my job. But I can't fucking help myself.
What the fuck do I do?...
What would you do in my shoes, TL?... Thank you for reading.
TL;DR:
On July 06 2012 09:00 Day[9] wrote: Fucking Felicity man =/.
User was warned for this post
*EDIT: Deleted the meme images because I got le manner warning for 2 many memes.
move on man. I feel like it's just because this is the first time you got close to a girl by the sounds of it. Sometimes staying as friends is the best thing man, relationships never go forever but friendships last.
Edit: and the whole thinking about her all the time thing, just means you are wayy too attached. Man up and cut the string (ie. meet some other girls)
After I finished medschool and moved to another city to begin my practice. She constantly called me and messaged me on AIM or Skype to go to Santiago and see her. Every time I went there, she hid. She always "had another compromise" or "had something of last-minute to do"...
Not really. 7 months ago I dumped my 4th girlfriend because she went all psycho on me, getting in my e-mail and in my cellphone to check for the calls I'd done for the day. Felicity was like the "Wingman" of the Bro-code, but instead of the mandatory huge pair of balls, she had a vagina. That's how close we were. I tried practicing the "a new nail takes an old nail out of the wood" by knowing some other girls, 4 of which, in a space of over 6 years became my GFs, but I always had HER in my head. Not cool, bro. Not cool.
After I finished medschool and moved to another city to begin my practice. She constantly called me and messaged me on AIM or Skype to go to Santiago and see her. Every time I went there, she hid. She always "had another compromise" or "had something of last-minute to do"...
Well that's not nice...
I suppose she was scared of seeing me again after I confessed. Can't blame her. I was drunk and stupid when I did, LOL.
Omg, I swear to solemnly on my life that I'm going through the exact same thing.
I fucking swear some women are affiliates with the devil; I'm great friends with this girl at work and we tell each other most things, I got friendzoned because I only started to fall for her, no, fucking love her AFTER we became friends.
Thing is though, I can't stop thinking about her, and I'm only about 70% sure that I've been hopelessly friendzoned. I say she is in association with Lucifer precisely because everyone at the office jokes about us being a fantanstic match, and she fucking tells me things like I really like you, I love you, I would give you a 8/10 in terms of looks (she only gives her fav. movie star a 9...), I think we'd be great together.
Then fuck, when I hint at how we should be together in very subtle ways, she's able to perceive them and tell me thing like, in her exact words, "you're not my cup of tea", or, "we're really compatible together... As friends."
Fuck man. I can empathize with you completely, difference being I haven't really told her about my feelings hiding them pretty well from her.
I'm just afraid I'm going to be fucking retarded and lose control one day, calling her up and fucking up as hard as you did.
I have been in the exact same situation it doesn't feel good, You kind of never get over it tell you are finally with someone else. Isn't so crazy to think that you could feel so strongly for someone and they not feel the same to you. Truly a cruel world, an unbalanced piece of shit sometimes. Though you need to keep truckin and move on with life. Eventually I am sure it will pass. Atleast that is what I am told to believe, Life hurts but it also feels so damn good when you find something that felt that way about you.
My story is a bit more fucked up, possibly twisted, So I have much more hope for you good sir!!!
On July 06 2012 08:04 UmbraaeternuS wrote: Not really. 7 months ago I dumped my 4th girlfriend because she went all psycho on me, getting in my e-mail and in my cellphone to check for the calls I'd done for the day. Felicity was like the "Wingman" of the Bro-code, but instead of the mandatory huge pair of balls, she had a vagina. That's how close we were. I tried practicing the "a new nail takes an old nail out of the wood" by knowing some other girls, 4 of which, in a space of over 6 years became my GFs, but I always had HER in my head. Not cool, bro. Not cool.
Bro Code Article 134 - "A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman."
On topic: If you've already cut communication with her and have tried meeting other girls, then I dunno what other course of action you can take. You're probably just boned.
Wow, I feel for you, man. Cutting her out of your life was definitely the right thing to do, the only way you'll truly get over her is if you meet someone better (while also cutting contact with her). Give it time. Also, you're doctor, go buy yourself a shiny new toy (sexy ass car), that will take her off your mind for while :D GL!!
You approached her as a friend for too long. And she thought of you as a friend. I know for a guy it might be easy to be like - shit I like this girl! - after a long time but the response is not mutual. You were already friendzoned for a long time, lol. There was nothing you could do.
That is extremely rude that she would not see you in any way. You made the right choice in the end.
But isn't there some way that you can just BLOCK her from your social media instead of closing it, lol. I wouldn't close my skype for that - too much of a pain in the ass.
Also, why would you go see her? Don't do that. Man it sucks that men can get so fucked up by dem hormones. What the fuck that's stupid. Argh.
Nice job on medschool, though. Congrats! And I think I'd find someone else so that you can finally let her go. I think nearly a year is a bit too long.
I'm gonna go with the classy you-should-see-a-doctor. Nah jk. Well, your situation is kinda over isn't it? I mean, it's like you said her "Fuck you" by blocking her like that. You should never get to be that much open with her, but you know, those thing can't be controlled. She opened up and you accepted her as a friend, it's pretty much over by that point, you should never hope for that girl again.
After all, you know what they say, there are a lot of fish in the sea.
I just noticed the part that you go there, and she acts all busy, man that's rude, i would never have respect for a woman like that no matter how crushed i'm on her.
Yes, if you give her the finger for good, you never see/talk to/have any more good memories with her, but this is not about her, it's about you. You say you have been in a bad shape ever since she has been in your life. All the obsessions and shit, First you get over the obsession and then poof she disappears from your life, along with every single thing you fuck up with because of her.
Welp, I don't want to say what you should do! People are morons and telling the truth seems hard for some (I am too harsh at times tho... BUT ANYWAY). In the words of Day9, Fucking Felicity man...
Is it weird that I regularly read girl blogs as a source of information? I've never had a GF (never really wanted one that bad tbh, hell, I haven't even hugged a girl that wasn't in my immediate family), and these blogs basically are telling me THIS SHIT MIGHT HAPPEN AND DON'T DO WHAT I DID! Makes me feel oddly prepared
On July 06 2012 09:02 Djagulingu wrote: The 2 best moves i saw in this blog:
1- Confessing your love 2- Giving her the finger
Yes, if you give her the finger for good, you never see/talk to/have any more good memories with her, but this is not about her, it's about you. You say you have been in a bad shape ever since she has been in your life. All the obsessions and shit, First you get over the obsession and then poof she disappears from your life, along with every single thing you fuck up with because of her.
you seem to have put a lot of effort into this post. But in all seriousness if you cared for someone a lot it takes a long time to get over them. Just keep your mind busy, and you will find someone better and totally forget about her. I know its lame advice but its the best thing you can do
Mmm I think that much obsession is a little unhealthy Like if you had that much PASSION or something for her, it MIGHT be acceptable; Ive personally been in a similar situation more than once and now that I look back, I'm much happier without them. it might not feel like it in the moment, but once you move on youll realize there are a million other girls out there
You need to find a girl who truly wants to be with you, and doesn't just want to vent to you. Not necessarily an easy thing to do, but it's very clear that Felicity is not the person you should be with. You're going to keep thinking about her until you find a new girl. You didn't fuck up by cutting her out of your life, because there wasn't exactly much you could do about her anyway. You just need to move on and find a real girl.
5/5 for the awesome pictures and because Day[9] posted in your blog.
I think it's a good thing that you told her you loved her. I mean, you had to do it sooner or later. Of course it doesn't sound very good over the phone with a drunken voice, but you had to do it anyway.
On July 06 2012 12:16 endy wrote: I think it's a good thing that you told her you loved her. I mean, you had to do it sooner or later. Of course it doesn't sound very good over the phone with a drunken voice, but you had to do it anyway.
...? How many people do you know where this "advice" has worked out?
He could also have escalated physically, push through the "I don't know if we should really do this" and be her bf now.
On July 06 2012 12:16 endy wrote: I think it's a good thing that you told her you loved her. I mean, you had to do it sooner or later. Of course it doesn't sound very good over the phone with a drunken voice, but you had to do it anyway.
...? How many people do you know where this "advice" has worked out?
He could also have escalated physically, push through the "I don't know if we should really do this" and be her bf now.
I totally agree. A girl might think you are cute if you tell her you love her, or even feel flattered, but she won't love you back. The only advice I have is to find a way to hate her. Really hate her. Then the hate will replace the longing/love/obsession. That worked for me, but I'm not sure how to find that hate unless she does something really terrible to you. Also, you'll probably never love someone the same way you loved her. I've heard that your first true love is different and special. Unfortunately for you, it sounds like it will be different and special in a bad way. Getting with other women may never make that feeling go away. It's been over a year since I ended my friendship with someone similar to your Felicity and I'm only now starting to feel like it may be possible to let go of her at some point. Though I think I will probably always feel that pain, frustration, rage, and longing when I think of her.
I don't know how else to say this but you just need to get laid. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get over her. Go out, get drunk, have some sex. Or if that isn't you then find someone you like, get to know her, make love with her, and then see if you think about this felicity when you realize how sweet her p-*%^ is and that you just want more. nom-nom-nom
And just to get it straight, the only reason you fucked up is b/c you had no gameplan man. It isn't because she thought you are ugly or can't talk for shit b/c then I doubt she would have been your friend for so long or taken the "time to think about it". The problem was you just splurting your feelings to her like that out of nowhere, which made her realize you had kept this for a long time and that is quite honestly a little scary for a girl in her position. You should have acted sooner, or dropped some hints, or just tried to do some things that let her know that you were interested as more than a friend when you realized it. Instead, you showed her you were insecure by never being able to actually tell her how you felt until it got to the point it would damage your friendship if she didn't feel the same. In addition, insecurity is not an attractice guy quality, and that is something that probably stood out to her.
I am not saying you are insecure bc I don't know you, I am just saying that these series of moves you took made you look like that. You live and you learn man. You will be that much better/prepared the next time to man-up to a woman/girl comes by. Just remember that with no risk, comes no reward. But be confident in knowing you aren't afraid to fail and it will show externally yo.
I am not saying to give up with her or not, I am just saying think of the situation from a 3rd person point-of-view and then decide if she is worth the fight..or if it is time to move on to new, exciting experiences... and proceed without fear...
edit: just saw your posts after the OP so spoilering b/c doesn't apply. Tough tho man, I think many of us have that ONE who will always stick out. edit2: unspoilering b/c it is still the best advice here after reading the next 5 pages lol
On July 06 2012 12:16 endy wrote: I think it's a good thing that you told her you loved her. I mean, you had to do it sooner or later. Of course it doesn't sound very good over the phone with a drunken voice, but you had to do it anyway.
...? How many people do you know where this "advice" has worked out?
He could also have escalated physically, push through the "I don't know if we should really do this" and be her bf now.
I totally agree. A girl might think you are cute if you tell her you love her, or even feel flattered, but she won't love you back. The only advice I have is to find a way to hate her. Really hate her. Then the hate will replace the longing/love/obsession. That worked for me, but I'm not sure how to find that hate unless she does something really terrible to you. Also, you'll probably never love someone the same way you loved her. I've heard that your first true love is different and special. Unfortunately for you, it sounds like it will be different and special in a bad way. Getting with other women may never make that feeling go away. It's been over a year since I ended my friendship with someone similar to your Felicity and I'm only now starting to feel like it may be possible to let go of her at some point. Though I think I will probably always feel that pain, frustration, rage, and longing when I think of her.
Imo it's mostly about time, evolving yourself as a person and admitting mistakes.
Around... 6 years ago I had a huge crush on a certain girl and did all the usual "lovely" stuff trying to impress her and it ended with me writing her a pretty pathetic letter confessing my feelings. She broke off all contact and I felt incredibly betrayed, heart broken and thought she must be one of the worst people I ever met for this.
About half a year ago I was close to where she worked on a business trip (she works in a book store), I decided to drop by, say sorry for being such a retard back then and that I was still wondering how she was doing. She for some reason seemed to be incredibly happy about this (I thought it possible that she'll be like wtfomggetoffme!!!) and I only really understood it after I talked it through with my gf.
Every girl has tons, tons of guys in her life who are basically huge pussies, not sexual at all and then somehow out of the blue tell them they love her and put all the responsibility for the decision on her. If she doesn't comply she's being labelled a stupid bitch who only played with the guys feelings. Done often enough the girl either tends to become more and more bitchy or more and more reserved. That shit isn't funny for her either. Taking the burden that it's - even partly - her "fault" off her shoulders is one of the greatest things you can do to that person after such a mess.
And yes, in almost all cases I'd put way more blame on the guy who is incapable of expressing his feelings in a sexual kind of way (learning how to do that is part of growing up) than the girl who is just genuinely being nice, friendly and happy - just not attracted.
Sounds like my love life and what i do except for the part of deleting and stuff. They delete me and cut all connects to me = P You'll get used to it = )
What did her PMs say? lol, dont tell, me you deleted them without reading t.t
Her PMs said:
"What the hell? Did you unfriend me? What's going on? Please don't be mad..."
"What the fuck, dude?"
"I thought you cared for me..."
That last one actually made me go berserk. I distinctively remember that after reading it I took my old trustworthy Razer Copperhead and slammed it against the wall out of anger, completly ravaging the poor, blameless mouse
I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote: I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
HP is oozing with truth. I really like the distinction drawn between love and infatuation. If you can't come up with a reason for loving someone other than "they are smart and funny and cute and they have great eyes!", you're not in love.
You also gotta remember that we as humans are genetically wired to form these attachments for the express purpose of reproducing. Kinda takes the romance out of it, but that's life.
They always say that the partner of your life should be your best friend hiding in the body of the opposite sex (which is very convenient if you want to reproduce together, I'm not saying I'm against gay relationships). She sounds like that person to me however she is obviously not interested in that kind of relationship.
You did the right thing to remove her from your life, but 'just moving on' is not easy. Losing someone you love dearly, whether it's your cat, your favorite plant or your child or whatnot always hurts and puts you into a mourning process, even if the person is still around.
You need to properly process your loss, because you lost a dear friend by doing this. When my mother died four months ago I went through every step, thinking I'd be fine, don't be like that or you will keep suffering from your thoughts. Think about every good moment you spent with her and write it down. Make a huge letter about it if you have to.
Drink some scotch with that and read it over, cry about it if need be.
Then the following days it will linger, and everytime you think of something more, you write it down.
After a week or so, you will be able to put it behind you. Your neocortex will come into play and say; 'Okay bro, t'was fun, now let's assess the situation. We had fun, we had some nonfun, but this is behind us.' And you will be able to finally pass on.
Also, finding a new (set of) friend(s) woudl help a lot. Good luck. Good luck
girls dont just love you back automatically once you realise you like a girl then you gotta make her feel attraction towards you which isnt that awfully difficult to do once you realise you should be doing it its more of a change in attitude anyway, try again in 5 years bro, once you have figured it out better
also, do wat day9 would do...laugh at yourself, laugh at the rediculousness of it all! also go to the gym to get your manpower
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote: I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
Whoever gives this advice has no clue what he is saying. The trick is to not open with it without any romantic/sexual context, and that is definitly a huge mistake, even though I'm still pretty sure it's a part of growing up to be a man.
I cut off contact with a guy too. Still hurts. It kind of helped me because yeah since I thought about him a lot, so I tried to bury myself in distractions. StarCraft, books, art, friends, movies, droogs (in an enlightening way heh), other beyootiful guys. Still comes back to him at the end of the day. It's like wtf brain stop being so foolish.
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote: I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
A+ advice.
I think one of the reasons that you can't get past this girl is that you are nostaglic for something that doesn't exist. In your mind this girl is absolutely perfect in every way. The reality is that she isn't. No woman is! You can start to replace her once you really acknowledge this. You could even be friends with her again.
I just watched this interview with Mr. Rogers where he talked about how boys have no idea how to talk about their feelings and I think there is a lot of truth to that. You didn't do anything "wrong" (evil) but you didn't really do it the right way either.
Great read It's fun to know girls all around the world are bitches and don't understand what they are doing! Not just the ones i meet.
I wouldn't of done what you did by giving her the finger, after all you lost by the sounds of it your best friend as well as the person you loved, and as you put you are not even finished yet. You should of played a bit harder to get so to speak when you got annoyed with her, for example - You started to ignore her, and she wrote on your facebook "answer my PMs" she wanted you, thus you answer and you keep doing that, whilst dropping in sly comments about either liking her or other girls. But i guess thats to late now >.<
Women be an unsual race to figure out, but the one thing you don't want to do is piss one off >.<
Wait, what, (no offence to OP) this is one of the most immature girl problem blogs I've ever seen...and it's on featured?? For all the awesome girl blogs there have been on TL and the not so awesome ones...this gets to be featured?? Yuck. Demasiado memes también.
Your story ended the exact predictable way it should have ended. Simple rules for all guys: a) you need to make your feelings known to a girl soon after you have them b) you should almost always SCALE BACK on the description you are going to give your feelings so you don't come across too strong c) if it's an online thing you HAVE to meet them and a good few times before you go to any crazy extent like the word 'love' (and this isn't doubting your feelings it's just something you have to do).
Trust me, I know from experience, and I've been an immature guy and gone through that phase and have the 3 year long scars to prove it.
This reminds me of a documentary that was on the BBC once. This guy lived in the US and I can't remember how first contact was made but he befriended a family over the internet and it became just like how you've pictured the whole thing with them being very close. He started having feelings for one of the older daughters (early 20s) and he set out to find her only to find out that in reality they didn't live where they said and that the whole family was basically made up by one woman who enjoyed the companionship. Was pretty fucked up. ¬.¬
Anyhow she's just playing games, move on with your life. It's crazy how attached we can get to people over the net.
On July 06 2012 17:13 evanthebouncy! wrote: I don't think you fucked up... sounds normal to me. Bruises makes a man out of boy
Very true. A lot of us have to learn the hard way. I like many others simply could not accept the advice of other people until I had fucked up and realised I couldn't beat the 'dating' system. But I still can't believe the featured system allows a blog like this to get so much coverage.
Best way to get over a girl is to meet plenty of other women. Let them start with a clean slate, don't project anything on to them (read: anything to do with Felicity). Don't compare, don't contrast.
And yeah saying she wanted to meet up then dodging you is not cool. Bitch move for sure.
As for the saying your feelings shit, NEVER EVER do it to a girl you're just friends with. For the love of god don't do it. It doesn't work and i certainly have never heard of it working.
Meet other girls, it's the only way to get over her. Good luck man, I know how hard is it to be in love with your best friend and even though it was a drunk dial, at leats you gave it a shot.
Well it seems you were really into her. If you really liked her, you shouldn't have deleted her off everything. If you still want a chance, you should go see her but don't act needy or desperate... women hate that.
Tell her exactly what you wrote here. Really, do. Well, maybe remove the memes first. :p
It wont make her love you. It wont make you go back to the friend-state (which I guess is a good thing). But it will make her understand how you feel, and she'll likely agree its good you dont talk to each other for a while. Best case scenario is that you agree to not talk for enough time for you to get over your obsession, and then you can get back to being best friends again some time in the future. At worst you dont get over it and you never talk with her again, but at least she'll disappear out of your life in sort of agreement with her rather than because of your emotianal actions of blocking out every way of communication without saying anything or giving a reason.
On July 06 2012 17:59 Kreb wrote: Tell her exactly what you wrote here. Really, do. Well, maybe remove the memes first. :p
It wont make her love you. It wont make you go back to the friend-state (which I guess is a good thing). But it will make her understand how you feel, and she'll likely agree its good you dont talk to each other for a while. Best case scenario is that you agree to not talk for enough time for you to get over your obsession, and then you can get back to being best friends again some time in the future. At worst you dont get over it and you never talk with her again, but at least she'll disappear out of your life in sort of agreement with her rather than because of your emotianal actions of blocking out every way of communication without saying anything or giving a reason.
I'm with you, just put it all out there and link the blog to her. The worst that happens is she says she doesn't feel the same way, knowing is better than constantly thinking about her wondering if maybe she felt the same way.
For the sake of this argument im assuming she doesnt, and wont, love him. Meaning any kind of relationship is out of the question. As such, we have the situation:
The OP has a problem (obsession of a girl he cant get) The solution to said problem is to get rid of the obsession. To do so, a good idea might be to spent some time not talking to each other. If anyone has any other way of getting rid of the obsession while still keeping contact, im all ears. But thats what i'll roll with for now.
So to solve the obsession the OP blocked all communication. Now, the goal (to spent time apart) of those actions are good. The road to the goal is not. By not communicating why hes doing said action, the girl will be left with only questions. Why did he block me? Doesnt he like me anymore? Have I done something wrong? This is supported by her PMs: + Show Spoiler +
"What the hell? Did you unfriend me? What's going on? Please don't be mad..."
Then she also tries to play the victim a bit, which is a natural thing to do. + Show Spoiler +
"I thought you cared for me..."
But that only makes it worse:
That last one actually made me go berserk.
She successfully managed to play the victim and as such hurt the OP even more. Thats bad. The truth is that the OP is the one with a problem, not the girl. The OP is the one who needs support to get out of this sutiation. The OP is the one whos being hurt by these event. As such, if she really considers the OP her best friend, she should do what she can to support him.
Now, by not telling her, she wont know the situation and as such she wont know how to handle it. By telling her how you feel and why you want to spend time apart, she should understand. If she really likes you (as a friend), she should set aside her own friendship for you in favour of your emotional well-being. That is the right thing to do as a friend. And as such, she should agree to spend time apart. If she doesnt agree to that, then its because she isnt able to set aside her friendship for the sake of the OP, or because she doesnt understand the situation.
Now, linking to the blog might or might not be the best idea to go through with it. But taking the essence of the post (removing memes, felicity, etc), and then send it to her in some way could work. People often feel its easier to express themselves in text rather than talking to the other person. Maybe just remove the SC2 related stuff, send it to her with the message saying "i posted this on an internet forum to ask for advice"? That way it wont feel directed to her and she'll hopefully be able to look at it without her getting disctracted by her own emotions. Then in the end tell her that because of this, you think spending time apart is the best thing for you. Either way, telling her should be a good thing, whichever way of sending the message over to her the OP chooses.
What happens in the future no one can tell. As I said, best case is the OP gets over this. Maybe in some time he can look at this situation in a more unemotinal way. Maybe he can get bac kto the girl, explain again why he did what he did, apologize for what happend, thank her for her understanding, etc. And best case they become friends again. A lot of worse things might of course happen, and if the breakup needs to be permanent for the sake of OPs emotial well-being, then so be it.
I've always wondered how a girl would react if she read the tl blog about her, since you have nothing left to lose you should give it a shot and tell us whether it works :p
On July 06 2012 17:59 opsayo wrote: yeah thats terrible advice bro
Yeah talking about your feelings is for pussies, man.
Uh but seriously, it's a bit risky and it really puts yourself out there, but if you wanna get over it it's not a bad idea.
The reality is that she didn't do anything wrong at all.
She didn't do anything wrong?
After I finished medschool and moved to another city to begin my practice. She constantly called me and messaged me on AIM or Skype to go to Santiago and see her. Every time I went there, she hid. She always "had another compromise" or "had something of last-minute to do"...
I think it takes 17 some months to get over your ex... she's not your ex but it seems like you were on the same level of obsession. Give it time and you will feel better about it.
Always get the girl to tell her first that she loves you. Never the other way around. Always remove said person from your life if you confess first. Never go back, ever. It will never happen, ever.
Let me tell you exactly what would have happend if you stayed friends with her.
Here's some background info. I fell in "love" with a girl literally EXACTLY the same way as you in the 10th grade. Started out telling each other everything, then I broke out and said I "loved" her (I put it in quotes because you sound like you're too young to know what love is, eg watch first minute)
In any case, insta friend zone, of course, so I said "screw it, what's the worst that could happen?" Dumbest decision of my life. I spent five tiring years being "friends" with her. I was mayor of the friend zone, man.
See the biggest problem with anybody who's in "love" like you is that you've got the illusion that she's different. That's she's special, and great, and the best thing in the world. In fact, when you think of other women you're disguisted because how could anybody be as good as her? You can't be much better than PERFECT, right? It's a twisted chain. You can't have her but you also can't have anyone else, so what do you do? You've alone AND lonely.
The feelings never go away. She assumes they're gone and resumes everything normally like it never happend. The smarter girls ( girls who actually comprehend how you feel and fuck with your emotions just because) will periodically set and break boundraies. For example, she'll neglect to tell you something, then tell you she neglected to tell you because she didn't want to bring up how you felt. Two days later though, she'll say the sweetest things to/about you and talk to you until two in the morning and give you the impression that she likes you. Poor you. Because as times goes on your convince yourself that it's changed. Becuase she's the sweetest and amazing, right? But it hasn't. And it never will.
The cycle goes on like this. That's just the regular cycle that happens every so often, though. The real shit hits the fan when she starts dating. When she tells you about a guy shes dating and you get to hear the gruesome details about how he's so perfect and amazing and how her "heart skips beats every time she sees him" and blah blah blah. And if you ever see them together, you'll notice how she can't keep her hands off of him and how she stares at him. I could succinctly say that it makes you feel like an absolutely incompetent and worthless piece of shit. The worst part? He's a moron. The girl I liked started dating a guy who was routely taking drugs, smoking, and I'm not even sure what he was going to do to make money. Your girl will do exactly the same thing. And all you're left to wonder is what is wrong with you, why she can't see that you'll be better for her, and how many times a day she's letting him stick his tongue down her throat.
The above sounds cynnical as hell, but to be frank, I'm barely scratching the surface how it truly feels. It's is the most excruciating compilation of feelings I've ever felt. It's self-inflicated torture. And to wish it on somebody is about as bad as wishing them dead. Anyway, I eventually had enough of her bullshit and snapped one day. I told her that her boyfriend is an idiot, and that she's blind for not seeing how great I am. I guess this pissed her off and she suggested we stop being friends. I didn't hesitate to take that offer.
As time went on, I actually grew to hate her. Any time she popped up into my head the only thing I could remember was how horrible she made me feel about myself. Once you realize this it stops becoming about her. Because regardless of how great she is, you can't be around someone who makes you feel like trash. And that's how it ends. Then you meet another girl who actually likes you, realize how easy everything is with her, and you rejoice happily ever after. So unless you want to eventually hate her, I don't advise you try to be friends with her. Find another girl. And if you can't, I suggest you actually obsess over a celebrity. It actually helps. Convinces you that there IS another girl out there for you. Mine was Jennifer Love Hewitt at the time.
P.S. Don't EVER convince yourself that a girl is "innocent" and "doesn't realize" what she's doing to you. Some, and dare I say most, know exactly how that whole friend zone thing makes a guy feel and they'll exploit it for their benefit.
On July 06 2012 18:34 Arcanefrost wrote: I've always wondered how a girl would react if she read the tl blog about her, since you have nothing left to lose you should give it a shot and tell us whether it works :p
Results may vary from "you're desperate" to "omg, awesome". I guess only nerdy girls will go with the latter. :p
Edit: Teamliquid is really turning into GirlLiquid, lol. Oops, that brings some nasty thoughts. :D
She successfully managed to play the victim and as such hurt the OP even more. Thats bad. The truth is that the OP is the one with a problem, not the girl. The OP is the one who needs support to get out of this sutiation. The OP is the one whos being hurt by these event. As such, if she really considers the OP her best friend, she should do what she can to support him.
Now, by not telling her, she wont know the situation and as such she wont know how to handle it. By telling her how you feel and why you want to spend time apart, she should understand. If she really likes you (as a friend), she should set aside her own friendship for you in favour of your emotional well-being. That is the right thing to do as a friend. And as such, she should agree to spend time apart. If she doesnt agree to that, then its because she isnt able to set aside her friendship for the sake of the OP, or because she doesnt understand the situation.
Are you serious? She is in no way responsible for his feelings. In fact she IS the victim in such a case. Every single person on this planet is responsible for their own thoughts and feelings. It is not her job to be nice to him because he - without her trying to make him fall in love - did so anyway.
Don't blame a girl for your inability to convey what you really want from her.
She successfully managed to play the victim and as such hurt the OP even more. Thats bad. The truth is that the OP is the one with a problem, not the girl. The OP is the one who needs support to get out of this sutiation. The OP is the one whos being hurt by these event. As such, if she really considers the OP her best friend, she should do what she can to support him.
Now, by not telling her, she wont know the situation and as such she wont know how to handle it. By telling her how you feel and why you want to spend time apart, she should understand. If she really likes you (as a friend), she should set aside her own friendship for you in favour of your emotional well-being. That is the right thing to do as a friend. And as such, she should agree to spend time apart. If she doesnt agree to that, then its because she isnt able to set aside her friendship for the sake of the OP, or because she doesnt understand the situation.
Are you serious? She is in no way responsible for his feelings. In fact she IS the victim in such a case. Every single person on this planet is responsible for their own thoughts and feelings. It is not her job to be nice to him because he - without her trying to make him fall in love - did so anyway.
Don't blame a girl for your inability to convey what you really want from her.
Im not sure I follow...
Did I say she was responsible? What is she the victim of? To me she is neither victim nor culprit, shes just a part of the story. she did nothing wrong to cause all this. only thing wrong she did was playing the "dont you care for me?" card (which is a natural thing to do, especially considering she didnt know what caused all the blocking to happen) which made OPs emotional state worse. But what exactly is she the victim of? Did I blame the girl for anything?
Epic girl blog man. Memes were slightly off-putting, but whatever, it was a good read. I'm another one of those people who like to read a lot of girl blogs and try not to give advice unless it's something painfully obvious that perhaps only a third party would see, something along those lines.
HawaiianPig said it perfectly. It's not that you're never supposed to say that--of COURSE there is a time an place for it, no need to be so misogynistic. Just so many guys say it at a very bad moment and it comes across poorly.
Anyway, best of luck. My personal opinion is that you should try to find another girl. I understand you completely when you say that you've loved her for so long. It just sucks, but if she doesn't reciprocate, then moving on is the right thing to do even though it's so damn painful. You will eventually find the love of your life. Hope things go well for you man.
she will only start to like you when your ego becomes stronger than hers; then she will start to respect and appreciate you and see you as a potential mate.
this requires you to spend years becoming independent by pursuing achievements you set for yourself
I hear you man. I am in a very related situation. I was not very interested from the beginning but then we became like really close and started supporting eachother. I got more intrigued by her. I loved her ways of thinking and we had very similar interests. I dont think I've ever met a girl like this.
Shortly after we started doing things together (hanging out with mutual friends), we got in bed.
The sex was fucking amazing.
I've never met a girl like this before in that regard either. So much passion between us. We met some more times. After a few weeks, I learned she was going away to work over the summer. This SUCKED. I was the last friend she visited before going away. I decided not to tell her I was becoming more and more infatuated. After she left, we continued having daily contact. One night, I was hinting of going to visit her. This started a big discussion. She said she was trying to get over us. A while into the conversation, I thought I started seeing hints of her being interested in me on a higher level as well. She was not.
I confessed that I wanted her more and that it fitted logically and emotionally for me. Since then, we've been trying to find out where we are. She insists of wanting to have me as a friend and that I mean a lot to her. But I don't know.
She visited me a day of the weekend she was home from work. I was the only one she met outside of family that weekend. It was very strange.
She is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. I am slowly cutting down on my communication with her. She still tries to message me but I don't answer very fast or enthusiastic etc. I feel a little bit better now when we don't have as much contact anymore.
On July 06 2012 19:48 Trox wrote: I hear you man. I am in a very related situation. I was not very interested from the beginning but then we became like really close and started supporting eachother. I got more intrigued by her. I loved her ways of thinking and we had very similar interests. I dont think I've ever met a girl like this.
Shortly after we started doing things together (hanging out with mutual friends), we got in bed.
The sex was fucking amazing.
I've never met a girl like this before in that regard either. So much passion between us. We met some more times. After a few weeks, I learned she was going away to work over the summer. This SUCKED. I was the last friend she visited before going away. I decided not to tell her I was becoming more and more infatuated. After she left, we continued having daily contact. One night, I was hinting of going to visit her. This started a big discussion. She said she was trying to get over us. A while into the conversation, I thought I started seeing hints of her being interested in me on a higher level as well. She was not.
I confessed that I wanted her more and that it fitted logically and emotionally for me. Since then, we've been trying to find out where we are. She insists of wanting to have me as a friend and that I mean a lot to her. But I don't know.
She visited me a day of the weekend she was home from work. I was the only one she met outside of family that weekend. It was very strange.
She is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. I am slowly cutting down on my communication with her. She still tries to message me but I don't answer very fast or enthusiastic etc. I feel a little bit better now when we don't have as much contact anymore.
The mistake was that you broke contact with her. If she is still in on your mind after 10 months, you should have probably stayed friends. At least that was you can keep in touch. It's much better than not talking at all. And who knows where that would lead... Well, learn from mistakes i guess
On July 06 2012 20:47 GhostLink wrote: The mistake was that you broke contact with her. If she is still in on your mind after 10 months, you should have probably stayed friends. At least that was you can keep in touch. It's much better than not talking at all. And who knows where that would lead... Well, learn from mistakes i guess
I don't think you can have a healthy friendship with someone you consider the love of your life. I wouldn't have broken all contact like that either, but I don't think it was a bad decision.
On July 06 2012 20:47 GhostLink wrote: The mistake was that you broke contact with her. If she is still in on your mind after 10 months, you should have probably stayed friends. At least that was you can keep in touch. It's much better than not talking at all. And who knows where that would lead... Well, learn from mistakes i guess
I don't think you can have a healthy friendship with someone you consider the love of your life. I wouldn't have broken all contact like that either, but I don't think it was a bad decision.
I know from experience that it's not the best, but much, much better to be friends with your crush than to not even being noticed by her (in a way breaking contact is kinda the same).. But hey, i guess it's not the same for everyone.
On July 06 2012 20:47 GhostLink wrote: The mistake was that you broke contact with her. If she is still in on your mind after 10 months, you should have probably stayed friends. At least that was you can keep in touch. It's much better than not talking at all. And who knows where that would lead... Well, learn from mistakes i guess
I don't think you can have a healthy friendship with someone you consider the love of your life. I wouldn't have broken all contact like that either, but I don't think it was a bad decision.
I know from experience that it's not the best, but much, much better to be friends with your crush than to not even being noticed by her (in a way breaking contact is kinda the same).. But hey, i guess it's not the same for everyone.
Oh wow, abductedonut's post is epic. I feel like it has some pearls of wisdom in there and really "got" some of the things he described. This entire thread is epic just epic. Man I really need to bookmark or otherwise save all the amazing posts that can be found here on TL, would make a huge list.
On July 06 2012 18:55 Abductedonut wrote:I told her that her boyfriend is an idiot, and that she's blind for not seeing how great I am. I guess this pissed her off and she suggested we stop being friends. I didn't hesitate to take that offer.
As time went on, I actually grew to hate her.
God damn, this is obnoxious thinking, and I hope you are over it. You know one day you will fall in love with a girl and she with you, and one of her 'friends' might think the exact same crap about you.
Also, the other thing that gets me riled is when guys say 'why doesn't he treat her like the princess she is? If she were my girl I would give her roses every day and backrubs and make her meals all the time and answer her every whim'. I'm sure you would be a good boyfriend but don't kid yourself, no-one can be constantly give give give in any relationship, and once you're in a relationship you realise it's supposed to be give and receive...and a lot of girls are not attracted to men who just fawn over them like lovesick puppies all day long.
On July 06 2012 20:47 GhostLink wrote: The mistake was that you broke contact with her. If she is still in on your mind after 10 months, you should have probably stayed friends. At least that was you can keep in touch. It's much better than not talking at all. And who knows where that would lead... Well, learn from mistakes i guess
I don't think you can have a healthy friendship with someone you consider the love of your life. I wouldn't have broken all contact like that either, but I don't think it was a bad decision.
I know from experience that it's not the best, but much, much better to be friends with your crush than to not even being noticed by her (in a way breaking contact is kinda the same).. But hey, i guess it's not the same for everyone.
No way!!! How old are you? I think this advice is terrible, you should ask her out and if she doesn't say yes, then you have to decide whether or not you need her as a friend, in the same way as you need any of your guy friends as a friend. Don't be friends with a girl because she is your crush! That is horrific!
On July 06 2012 18:55 Abductedonut wrote:I told her that her boyfriend is an idiot, and that she's blind for not seeing how great I am. I guess this pissed her off and she suggested we stop being friends. I didn't hesitate to take that offer.
As time went on, I actually grew to hate her.
God damn, this is obnoxious thinking, and I hope you are over it. You know one day you will fall in love with a girl and she with you, and one of her 'friends' might think the exact same crap about you.
Also, the other thing that gets me riled is when guys say 'why doesn't he treat her like the princess she is? If she were my girl I would give her roses every day and backrubs and make her meals all the time and answer her every whim'. I'm sure you would be a good boyfriend but don't kid yourself, no-one can be constantly give give give in any relationship, and once you're in a relationship you realise it's supposed to be give and receive...and a lot of girls are not attracted to men who just fawn over them like lovesick puppies all day long.
What you describe there is a co-dependent. Eager to please at your beck and call. No one wants a doormat. There is nothing attractive about that guy who will change his opinions and thoughts just to please others. That sort of person is not fit to be a proper relationship and would not make a good boyfriend. Or even a girlfriend for that matter. Actually there is one sort of person who would enjoy that, a full blown narcissist.
I think it's a good thing that you told her you loved her. I mean, you had to do it sooner or later. Of course it doesn't sound very good over the phone with a drunken voice, but you had to do it anyway.
...? How many people do you know where this "advice" has worked out?
He could also have escalated physically, push through the "I don't know if we should really do this" and be her bf now.
I totally agree. A girl might think you are cute if you tell her you love her, or even feel flattered, but she won't love you back. The only advice I have is to find a way to hate her. Really hate her. Then the hate will replace the longing/love/obsession. That worked for me, but I'm not sure how to find that hate unless she does something really terrible to you. Also, you'll probably never love someone the same way you loved her. I've heard that your first true love is different and special. Unfortunately for you, it sounds like it will be different and special in a bad way. Getting with other women may never make that feeling go away. It's been over a year since I ended my friendship with someone similar to your Felicity and I'm only now starting to feel like it may be possible to let go of her at some point. Though I think I will probably always feel that pain, frustration, rage, and longing when I think of her.
Imo it's mostly about time, evolving yourself as a person and admitting mistakes.
Around... 6 years ago I had a huge crush on a certain girl and did all the usual "lovely" stuff trying to impress her and it ended with me writing her a pretty pathetic letter confessing my feelings. She broke off all contact and I felt incredibly betrayed, heart broken and thought she must be one of the worst people I ever met for this.
About half a year ago I was close to where she worked on a business trip (she works in a book store), I decided to drop by, say sorry for being such a retard back then and that I was still wondering how she was doing. She for some reason seemed to be incredibly happy about this (I thought it possible that she'll be like wtfomggetoffme!!!) and I only really understood it after I talked it through with my gf.
Every girl has tons, tons of guys in her life who are basically huge pussies, not sexual at all and then somehow out of the blue tell them they love her and put all the responsibility for the decision on her. If she doesn't comply she's being labelled a stupid bitch who only played with the guys feelings. Done often enough the girl either tends to become more and more bitchy or more and more reserved. That shit isn't funny for her either. Taking the burden that it's - even partly - her "fault" off her shoulders is one of the greatest things you can do to that person after such a mess.
And yes, in almost all cases I'd put way more blame on the guy who is incapable of expressing his feelings in a sexual kind of way (learning how to do that is part of growing up) than the girl who is just genuinely being nice, friendly and happy - just not attracted.
I actually agree to this. Only thing was, this time, I showed confidence. I expressed it sexually. It was casual at first for me as well. But later I realized I wanted her to continue beeing as close. Still being the best friend. But also as a partner.
That confess thing you talk about happened to her a year ago too though. She was pretty sad she lost that friend. I feel pretty dumb to almost put her in the same spot again.
On July 06 2012 17:08 sc4k wrote: Wait, what, (no offence to OP) this is one of the most immature girl problem blogs I've ever seen...and it's on featured?? For all the awesome girl blogs there have been on TL and the not so awesome ones...this gets to be featured?? Yuck. Demasiado memes también.
Your story ended the exact predictable way it should have ended. Simple rules for all guys: a) you need to make your feelings known to a girl soon after you have them b) you should almost always SCALE BACK on the description you are going to give your feelings so you don't come across too strong c) if it's an online thing you HAVE to meet them and a good few times before you go to any crazy extent like the word 'love' (and this isn't doubting your feelings it's just something you have to do).
Trust me, I know from experience, and I've been an immature guy and gone through that phase and have the 3 year long scars to prove it.
It's the blogger that is featured, pretty sure he was featured before this blog... People could at least have read like the first page of comments to see that the OP isnt some insecure virgin thats surprised that he got friendzoned. He knows he fucked up, he has had other women, so stop looking down from your high horse just because youve stopped being a pussy and dont get friendzoned anymore.
All I can say is that 10 months is really not that long. I, like many others, have had a similar kind of crush, I broke off contact about a year after we were done with school, I'm not sure how long it took to stop thinking about her all the time but it was definitely over a year, id say about two years, and then it took a bit longer to get out of a sort of reactive depression. In my current relationship its not like i have this feverish kind of "love"/obesession like I did with her, but it makes me happy (which I never really was around her) and thats what matters.
Just know that youre gonna get over her eventually, even if it takes another year or more.
On July 06 2012 18:55 Abductedonut wrote: I told her that her boyfriend is an idiot, and that she's blind for not seeing how great I am.
My gf was told that by a friend that a couple of weeks ago. Something along the lines of: "Date me - I'm better at everything than TheUltimate." When she told me about this later, however, I was entirely unthreatened by him because he just doesn't understand what my girlfriend likes in a man, and lacks the self-awareness to realise he's a terrible match for her. He has his good qualities, sure, but they're pretty irrelevant here - he's also blind to any of my good qualities because he sees me only as a rival, and never bothered to get to know me properly. It just convinced my gf that he was a terrible person.
Abductedonut - it's no surprised your friend was pissed off when you told her this. In a single sentence you managed to demonstrate, among other negative traits: a huge level of arrogance ("I'm so awesome, how could anyone not want this!"); condescension (because you're basically telling her she's stupid for not choosing you); and lack of general awareness (cause there must have been reasons she chose an apparent d-bag over you).
You made the right move. Your scotch-based confession was probably for the best.
You were friendzoned hard. She wanted you in the friendzone because she liked the emotional support, and probably the romantic attention. Bad on her for not being more firm when she said no. Bad on you for not inferring a firm "no" from what she said. Once you are in the friendzone, you stay in the friendzone, forever. If you break out of the friendzone, it is not because she suddenly "fell in love" or "realized the error of her ways," and the relationship that results from it will be awful, because one of you didn't really want it in the first place.
If you weren't able to be friends without wanting to be more, once she said no, cutting it off was the right move.
There is no such thing as one true love in the world. Love is what grows over time from somebody who you find you can't live without. Keep looking. Date around. Don't just find the next one, find the one after that.
On July 06 2012 13:49 HawaiianPig wrote:lots of intelligent things:+ Show Spoiler +
I always see the advice "Don't tell her about your feelings; don't ever say you're in love".
I think that's unfair, and immature. There's a time and a place for it
There are times where it's completely warranted and outright romantic to bear your soul to someone. But it has to be warranted. In my experience, where it's genuine, and not the pinings of a... dog with a bone, it's quite frankly one of the best things you can do. For the both of you.
I told another girlblogger once to: "Just tell her how you feel"... He, however, had something like 10 years of knowing the girl, they were practically best friends, and her actions were screaming out plainly that she had always liked him too. The writing was all but on the wall.
It's not that you should never tell a girl how you feel...
It's that telling a girl you don't know well enough that you're madly in love is a bad idea. This isn't because girls are some magical other species that recoil at the word...
It's because blurting out "I LOVE YOU" is often a sign of either immaturity or deeply crossed wires when it's not warranted.
That's what's offputting about it. Most often, it comes across as naivety.
A girl (or anyone for that matter) will think "How on earth can you love me when you don't really know me?"
The problem isn't that you shouldn't tell her how you feel, but that you more likely don't fully grasp the nature of your feelings well enough to articulate them.
If that's the lesson you learn from this, then it's a valuable one. Don't toss around the word "love" lightly.
You might wish to re-evaluate your approach to your emotions. Ask yourself: What was it about her that made you "fall in love"? Can you point to very specific experiences between the two of you? Can you do it without just throwing around adjectives like "smart, funny, pretty"?
Before you decide down that path again, sort out for yourself the difference between an infatuation and being in love.
And uh, next time, ease it in if you're still unsure. A phone call in the dead of the night may feel right to you in the moment, but, uh, consider how she might feel. Not exactly expected, and especially offputting if unwarranted.
I feel it's best to drop the L bomb after a night of sending each other signals, physically and otherwise. It's tantamount to "stealing a kiss" at the end of the night, except it's a bit more respectful of boundaries, gives you a lead-up in which you can gauge a reaction and is pretty damned satisfying to follow up with severe making-out on the mouth.
Yep. This is all good advice. It's massively unfair to be friends with someone for a long period of time (and importantly, allow them to think that's all you feel for them over that time) while secretly being infatuated/having a crush/whatever, and then throw it on them all at once. There's just no easy or proper way to react to that.
With all that said, I think the proper thing is honesty throughout. If you want to have a relationship beyond friendship, that's something you should say. ("I know we're supposed to just be friends, but I think you're cute. We should go out some time." rather than, "I LOVE YOU WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER 4EVER.")
If you develop feelings like this but you know they won't/can't go anywhere, the proper response is to isolate yourself from that person, stop fantasizing about a life with that person, and consciously decide to move on. "Time heals all wounds" as they say, so just spend time with other people. You don't need to be a dick about it, either. You can be honest to whatever degree you feel necessary about why, but the key is that you actually do it. (It's also worthwhile to note that when you do this to someone who considers you a close and indispensable friend, they're inevitably going to be hurt, and in such cases it might be good for them to at least understand why they're being hurt.)
Either way, it seems like you've found your way kicking and screaming to the right place. If SC2 reminds you of her, find something else you enjoy doing for a while. Or just find other people to play SC2 with. You'll survive. We all do.
On July 06 2012 19:48 Trox wrote: I hear you man. I am in a very related situation. I was not very interested from the beginning but then we became like really close and started supporting eachother. I got more intrigued by her. I loved her ways of thinking and we had very similar interests. I dont think I've ever met a girl like this.
Shortly after we started doing things together (hanging out with mutual friends), we got in bed.
The sex was fucking amazing.
I've never met a girl like this before in that regard either. So much passion between us. We met some more times. After a few weeks, I learned she was going away to work over the summer. This SUCKED. I was the last friend she visited before going away. I decided not to tell her I was becoming more and more infatuated. After she left, we continued having daily contact. One night, I was hinting of going to visit her. This started a big discussion. She said she was trying to get over us. A while into the conversation, I thought I started seeing hints of her being interested in me on a higher level as well. She was not.
I confessed that I wanted her more and that it fitted logically and emotionally for me. Since then, we've been trying to find out where we are. She insists of wanting to have me as a friend and that I mean a lot to her. But I don't know.
She visited me a day of the weekend she was home from work. I was the only one she met outside of family that weekend. It was very strange.
She is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. I am slowly cutting down on my communication with her. She still tries to message me but I don't answer very fast or enthusiastic etc. I feel a little bit better now when we don't have as much contact anymore.
I feel you bro.
Wow I would still communicate with her in that situation. It seems she's a very attractive person. Why would you act cold like that?
On July 06 2012 19:48 Trox wrote: I hear you man. I am in a very related situation. I was not very interested from the beginning but then we became like really close and started supporting eachother. I got more intrigued by her. I loved her ways of thinking and we had very similar interests. I dont think I've ever met a girl like this.
Shortly after we started doing things together (hanging out with mutual friends), we got in bed.
The sex was fucking amazing.
I've never met a girl like this before in that regard either. So much passion between us. We met some more times. After a few weeks, I learned she was going away to work over the summer. This SUCKED. I was the last friend she visited before going away. I decided not to tell her I was becoming more and more infatuated. After she left, we continued having daily contact. One night, I was hinting of going to visit her. This started a big discussion. She said she was trying to get over us. A while into the conversation, I thought I started seeing hints of her being interested in me on a higher level as well. She was not.
I confessed that I wanted her more and that it fitted logically and emotionally for me. Since then, we've been trying to find out where we are. She insists of wanting to have me as a friend and that I mean a lot to her. But I don't know.
She visited me a day of the weekend she was home from work. I was the only one she met outside of family that weekend. It was very strange.
She is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. I am slowly cutting down on my communication with her. She still tries to message me but I don't answer very fast or enthusiastic etc. I feel a little bit better now when we don't have as much contact anymore.
I feel you bro.
Wow I would still communicate with her in that situation. It seems she's a very attractive person. Why would you act cold like that?
She is a very attractive person. She made me feel so good about myself. I know I made her feel good about herself as well. I just think I need some distance from her. We've been in contact everyday for the last couple of months. Even just reading through this blog and the answers make me think a lot about it again.
My condolences, OP. As I've never been in a relationship or really have heavy infatuation on anyone, reading this blog and its awesome replies will surely help me in the future.
If you've been friends for so so long, and she's always respected you and talked with you, shared private conversations back and forth, i think honesty should be the way here.
Instead of saying "fuck you and goodbye", you should tell her the reasoning behind this as common courtesy since youve been friends for so long. Something like you need to think about other girls, and the only way to do that is getting away from her since you know there is no chance
You did the right thing, it's obvious. Protip: 10 months is not nearly enough, give it other 10 months and it'll star to get much better. You're doing great.
PS: You should've told her that you needed to do this because it is not healthy for YOU. You sounded kinda bitchy.
man don't ever follow a girl around as friends expecting more. If you want her as more than a friend, tell her (which you did gj) but if she says no or starts stringing you along, either gtfo as fast as you can or remain friends but do not remain emotionally attached.
You cant "make" a relationship work, well you can but its not really fun for either person. If you have confessed your feelings for eachother and it doesnt go anywhere within a day or two, odds are its not going anywhere ever.
If you go out to see her and she doesn't show, get pissed. Girls do not find males that follow them blindly attractive at all.
You're done dude, you've given her the ultimatum (which you shouldn't ever do and is quite selfish), and she didn't bite. Move on, life's tough, most likely a lot tougher for others and not for you which is why it hasn't occurred to you yet.
What is is with you guys and suddenly rushing girls with "OMG I love you" out of nowhere? I don´t think I´ve ever heard of that working.
Anyway, you did the right thing in my opinion. She´s obviously not interested in you as a man, but would like to keep you around as an emotional sponge. Good luck to you sir, other mothers have beautiful daughters as well :D
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
I agree with Day9 post. Ive been there once or twice in my life, but seriously deleting numbers and skype etc is win! or as i call it burning bridges.
She proberly left you that crappy message because she was upset, either way the passing of time is a great healer, soon you will find someone else and forget all about her. Plus you might randomly bump into her one day again and after some light conversation be sooooo happy that you never were an item, this has happend with both of my previous Felicitys.
The only other thing i can say is keep telling your self that it is "her loss" which without sounding arogant in anyway is most likely true.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny.
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
THIS! Its a long shot but its probably the only way.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny.
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
THIS! Its a long shot but its probably the only way.
I don't think this is great. I can imagine a nerdly nerd stuttering through some pre-prepared lines like a novice naughty hotline operator. It would be cringe-worthy and the sort of thing you see in a comedy film. Although it is true you need to get your feelings out and I agree with the porn overload thing, it can actually prevent your natural instincts emboldening your spirit.
We human beings are really stupid sometimes... why is it so hard to just forget the past and get over it and life a happy life again? I don't know... Sorry OP I can't help you, but I wish you the best.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny.
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
THIS! Its a long shot but its probably the only way.
I don't think this is great. I can imagine a nerdly nerd stuttering through some pre-prepared lines like a novice naughty hotline operator. It would be cringe-worthy and the sort of thing you see in a comedy film. Although it is true you need to get your feelings out and I agree with the porn overload thing, it can actually prevent your natural instincts emboldening your spirit.
I can imagine a bunch of inexperienced nerds on a forum talking about it... The dude is actually right that's pretty much how it goes, but nerds, because they lack social skills from being in front of a computer all day talking on forums anonymously without the risks associated with social exposure, typically don't have the experience to know that you never blurt out something lame like "I LOVE YOU LETS BECOME BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND ITS ALL PLANNED OUT IN MY HEAD."
Most people, guys included, get way more enjoyment out of organic connections... the "have a drink/hang out see where it goes" thing rather than "we share all our secrets like bedfellows let us pledge our love my betrothed."
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny. + Show Spoiler +
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny. + Show Spoiler +
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny. + Show Spoiler +
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
Holy fucking creepy advice man.
Why?
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
What was I thinking I guess that's not creepy at all.
...
Although that's definitely insightful about affection vs sexual.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny. + Show Spoiler +
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
What was I thinking I guess that's not creepy at all.
...
Although that's definitely insightful about affection vs sexual.
Would you rather be the guy who's "just friends" with every girl he meets, every time, or the guy who's "creepy" to some girls and "sexy" to others?
Most men are too afraid of being "creepy." It's what we fear over anything else, practically. Here's the problem: in order to be sexually attractive, you need to risk being creepy. Saying, "Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function" could very well be "creepy" to one girl.
But it's going to be hot as fuck for another. The reality is, the risk of being creepy is actually minimal. Girls love knowing that they drive a guy crazy.
Here's what's creepy:
Having no sexual feelings for a girl and pursuing her for a relationship. Playing it safe and avoiding "being creepy" is a surefire way to guarantee creepiness.
This has nothing to do with playing it safe or missing opportunities. Telling a person straight out "sorry I can't hang out with you because you make me so fucking horny" is creepy.
On July 07 2012 03:23 Bigtony wrote: This has nothing to do with playing it safe or missing opportunities. Telling a person straight out "sorry I can't hang out with you because you make me so fucking horny" is creepy.
Look op, everyone is telling you to not follow her blindly, but you know your relationship better than everyone here.. you can get all the advice that you want from the internet and from friends/family, but in the end it's your relationship and your call.. if you really still have feelings then don't run from them; embrace/confront them! every girl is different, maybe she'll be happy that you're still thinking about her!
On July 06 2012 20:23 treekiller wrote: I recommend stalking her. Eventually she will relent, or you will end up in prison. Either way, you'll get some loving.
LOL! That made my day.
Seriously though, a lot of people have posted advice, but what exactly is the goal here? To forget about her, right? OP doesn't need "here's what you should've done," he needs "here's what you do now." Honestly I don't think 10 months is that long in a case like this. My suggestion is wait it out, which is gonna suck, but that's the only guaranteed way to fix it. To make it easier on yourself, start up some type of long-term project that will show you clear improvement, something like working out, learning a language, or even just practicing SC2 more seriously. The more involved you get with that, the less you'll think about her over time, and a few months down the line you'll have a new skill and won't be thinking about her at all.
On July 06 2012 20:23 treekiller wrote: I recommend stalking her. Eventually she will relent, or you will end up in prison. Either way, you'll get some loving.
LOL! That made my day.
Seriously though, a lot of people have posted advice, but what exactly is the goal here? To forget about her, right? OP doesn't need "here's what you should've done," he needs "here's what you do now." Honestly I don't think 10 months is that long in a case like this. My suggestion is wait it out, which is gonna suck, but that's the only guaranteed way to fix it. To make it easier on yourself, start up some type of long-term project that will show you clear improvement, something like working out, learning a language, or even just practicing SC2 more seriously. The more involved you get with that, the less you'll think about her over time, and a few months down the line you'll have a new skill and won't be thinking about her at all.
When I read the post it struck me more as a general inexperience with love interests more than a one-time thing, a situation that will arise time and time again over the course of his life. I think therefore he should really reflect on what he did and have some introspection on why he may feel lost or follow a completely bad direction or set of actions when pursuing love interests. In fact, I would say less SC2 and more getting outside with friends. I would also counsel some humility and instead of moving on like I said earlier, to face what he did and talk to her. Simply saying "hey I freaked out because I didn't know how to handle my feelings; I still wannabe friends" will most likely do wonders for him.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny. + Show Spoiler +
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
Holy fucking creepy advice man.
Why?
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
What was I thinking I guess that's not creepy at all.
...
Although that's definitely insightful about affection vs sexual.
Would you rather be the guy who's "just friends" with every girl he meets, every time, or the guy who's "creepy" to some girls and "sexy" to others?
Most men are too afraid of being "creepy." It's what we fear over anything else, practically. Here's the problem: in order to be sexually attractive, you need to risk being creepy. Saying, "Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function" could very well be "creepy" to one girl.
But it's going to be hot as fuck for another. The reality is, the risk of being creepy is actually minimal. Girls love knowing that they drive a guy crazy.
Here's what's creepy:
Having no sexual feelings for a girl and pursuing her for a relationship. Playing it safe and avoiding "being creepy" is a surefire way to guarantee creepiness.
On July 07 2012 03:23 Bigtony wrote: This has nothing to do with playing it safe or missing opportunities. Telling a person straight out "sorry I can't hang out with you because you make me so fucking horny" is creepy.
whats creepy is wanting to fuck a girl and pretending you don't and hanging around behind her for years hoping she doesn't find out
whats normal is being straight up and saying "im a boy, you're a girl, i find you sexually attractive. lets start from here. hello"
...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on...
But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha
Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
he may have been exaggerating but its better than being an asexual boring subservient boy your whole life and wondering why you're not attracting women
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on...
But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha
Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
It's "rapey" to express sexual intent?
Look at our "advanced society." Look how difficult it is to do what comes most naturally.
"But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha"
Your girlfriend is right (as most girls often are without realizing it). All girls are "horny kinda gals." Just like all guys. Difference is we have porn – a close second. So when a girl tells us, "let's just be friends," it means she realized you had no desire to satisfy her sexually.
So while you're worried about being "rapey" and "creepy," she's fucking a guy who's half as intelligent as you, but is in touch with his sexuality.
Oh yeah – she holds his hand and gives him affection too.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on...
But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha
Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
Straight up saying anything without doing anything is useless, that's probably the main point. You might get lucky and once in a while she will escalate the situation physically for you, but you definitly have a much easier time if you man up and lead her to what you both want in the first place.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on...
But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha
Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
Straight up saying anything without doing anything is useless, that's probably the main point. You might get lucky and once in a while she will escalate the situation physically for you, but you definitly have a much easier time if you man up and lead her to what you both want in the first place.
Okay evo you are talking like pickup skills but I am just talking about guys who have zero confidence and need to get out of the friend zone. Just channel all your energies and instincts and use them to get the confidence to go out of your comfort zone and ask them out/ kiss them. Btw don't you use most of your 'skills' to get threesomes with your girlfriend? A little advanced for a guy who just spent like 7 years in the friendzone with an online acquaintance :/
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
Yeah what the hell guys, the horny thing is extremely rapey!!! Learning to use your sexual instincts as well as your companionship instincts as a way to boost your confidence and ask for what you want is the way forward. Randomly telling a girl she makes you horny all the time is extremely lame. I don't know much about pickup but come on...
But my gf says it might work...if she's a horny kinda gal hahaha
Although I really don't think the horny thing will have nearly as high a success chance as just straight up saying 'I really want to go on a date with you, I think you're great, I don't want to just be friends'.
Straight up saying anything without doing anything is useless, that's probably the main point. You might get lucky and once in a while she will escalate the situation physically for you, but you definitly have a much easier time if you man up and lead her to what you both want in the first place.
Okay evo you are talking like pickup skills but I am just talking about guys who have zero confidence and need to get out of the friend zone. Just channel all your energies and instincts and use them to get the confidence to go out of your comfort zone and ask them out/ kiss them. Btw don't you use most of your 'skills' to get threesomes with your girlfriend? A little advanced for a guy who just spent like 7 years in the friendzone with an online acquaintance :/
In all honesty, I think it's all the same.
If you have literally zero confidence around women I recommend not "trying to get out of a friend zone" in the first place, I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
For one I don't see our "zero confidence guy" going up to the girl and saying "Hey, I think you're cool let's go out" and even IF they go out... all they will do is talk without any sexual context underneath it and he will end up "friendzoned" anyway because of that.
Without delving into what the pickup scene recommends (most of the classic PUA stuff for beginners is utterly retarded imho) I'd say the biggest thing to learn for a guy who has trouble with this stuff is that women are normal human beings.
You can talk to them, they don't bite your nose off and a bit of physical touching here and there won't make her call the police on you - that type of stuff. Learning to be a "normal functioning social being" is pretty much the first step at becoming better with women.
After that it's mostly conveying personality (assuming you can think of yourself as "well, yeah, I think I'm someone someone else could like/fall in love with") and being intimate. The only big general difference between a great friendship and a great relationship is that the friends neither kiss nor have sex with each other. Actually I'd go as far as saying that any guy who has standard awesome girl friends just needs to escalate a little here and there and most of his problems will evaporate - the rest that's needed is already there, otherwise no girl would want to be friends with him (no, being an emotional tampon is not the same as being a friend =P).
Edit: Almost forgot; - the whole "gather all your courage and kiss her" after days and months without sexual context in their communication is just bound to fail. If you learn how to escalate the kiss isn't anything big anymore, it's just a natural progress if that makes sense.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better.
Yeah I guess so... Thanks for the reply.
If you need help though, plenty around here. just wont be a quick-fix
On July 07 2012 10:44 opsayo wrote: yep i am sure a forum full of virgins and people married the first girl who got their dick wet is a place for advice
harsh reality
I know that going out and getting own experience is the best thing, however a forum can still be hepful. I also wouldn't say that everyone here are that sort of people you just described.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
The really, really cookie cutter version would be: Treat her like a male buddy you're having fun with and add physical contact.
If a male buddy makes a dumb comment, you tease him for it. If he tells you that he has sore muscles, you're like HAHAHAHA GG. However, if he tells you his pet died you will probably try to lighten him up a little bit. If he asks you to buy him a drink you might ask him if he just lost his job and then do it anyway while teasing him with that for the rest of the night.
People who are "bad" with women suddenly act completely different in the presence of a female. If she makes a dumb comment, it might get ignored as if it didn't happen and if she tells you about sore muscles you might be like "Oh, wow. Did you try this or that to make it better?" and if she wants a drink you bring her five through the entire night - stop that. She's not some kind of authority figure that you have to please. You're not her pet dog. Don't try to be one.
The hard part in the long run is the balance between being a huge pussy and a huge dick (LOL). The former don't escalate and treat the girl as a godess, the latter come off as pushy and treat her like a random piece of meat (I'm obviously exaggerating but I guess you get the point).
How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
Personally I like to tease a lot. It's a mix of busting her balls whenever I can, switching to serious mode for a while and then going back to busting her balls and having fun again - all while I just physically escalate in the meantime. If you two are having fun for an hour straight and you already have your arm around her half the time and just started massaging her neck kissing is no big deal anymore.
HOWEVER, that's what works for me personally and it also attracts the type of girls I enjoy and most of those I don't like will run as fast as they can. In theory the "correct" approach would be to tease as much as you can (e.g. a shy girl would be able to take much less), escalate as quickly as you can (shy girl in a bookstore != chick in short skirt on a dancefloor) and calibrate yourself to the environment.
Imo the easiest way to come off as needy/desparate is to do things for her because you expect something in return. It's okay buying her a drink if you want to buy her one. It's not okay if it's your way of buying five minutes of her time. It's alright to invite her to a dinner at a restaurant, it's not fine if you expect her to spread her legs for it. That's why it's usually a good advice to not do much more for her than what she does for you.
"Hey, I'll go get myself a drink - what do you want?" is totally cool and casual, getting up just to bring her a drink is a lot more cheesy. Personally I like to play games with her which end up with her paying for the first round or establishing some kind of "this one is on me, next one is on you". =P
Same attitude applies to anything you can/should do for her or for what she might ask of you. Answering "Yes, sure" to "Gniihihihi can you hold my purse while I go to the dancefloor?!?!" just makes you look like an idiot - unless you put it down on the table and turn around talking to someone while she still watches.
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
The really, really cookie cutter version would be: Treat her like a male buddy you're having fun with and add physical contact.
If a male buddy makes a dumb comment, you tease him for it. If he tells you that he has sore muscles, you're like HAHAHAHA GG. However, if he tells you his pet died you will probably try to lighten him up a little bit. If he asks you to buy him a drink you might ask him if he just lost his job and then do it anyway while teasing him with that for the rest of the night.
People who are "bad" with women suddenly act completely different in the presence of a female. If she makes a dumb comment, it might get ignored as if it didn't happen and if she tells you about sore muscles you might be like "Oh, wow. Did you try this or that to make it better?" and if she wants a drink you bring her five through the entire night - stop that. She's not some kind of authority figure that you have to please. You're not her pet dog. Don't try to be one.
The hard part in the long run is the balance between being a huge pussy and a huge dick (LOL). The former don't escalate and treat the girl as a godess, the latter come off as pushy and treat her like a random piece of meat (I'm obviously exaggerating but I guess you get the point).
How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
Personally I like to tease a lot. It's a mix of busting her balls whenever I can, switching to serious mode for a while and then going back to busting her balls and having fun again - all while I just physically escalate in the meantime. If you two are having fun for an hour straight and you already have your arm around her half the time and just started massaging her neck kissing is no big deal anymore.
HOWEVER, that's what works for me personally and it also attracts the type of girls I enjoy and most of those I don't like will run as fast as they can. In theory the "correct" approach would be to tease as much as you can (e.g. a shy girl would be able to take much less), escalate as quickly as you can (shy girl in a bookstore != chick in short skirt on a dancefloor) and calibrate yourself to the environment.
Imo the easiest way to come off as needy/desparate is to do things for her because you expect something in return. It's okay buying her a drink if you want to buy her one. It's not okay if it's your way of buying five minutes of her time. It's alright to invite her to a dinner at a restaurant, it's not fine if you expect her to spread her legs for it. That's why it's usually a good advice to not do much more for her than what she does for you.
"Hey, I'll go get myself a drink - what do you want?" is totally cool and casual, getting up just to bring her a drink is a lot more cheesy. Personally I like to play games with her which end up with her paying for the first round or establishing some kind of "this one is on me, next one is on you". =P
Same attitude applies to anything you can/should do for her or for what she might ask of you. Answering "Yes, sure" to "Gniihihihi can you hold my purse while I go to the dancefloor?!?!" just makes you look like an idiot - unless you put it down on the table and turn around talking to someone while she still watches.
wow, thank you for taking your time to write that detailed. The examples are helpful too
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
The really, really cookie cutter version would be: Treat her like a male buddy you're having fun with and add physical contact.
If a male buddy makes a dumb comment, you tease him for it. If he tells you that he has sore muscles, you're like HAHAHAHA GG. However, if he tells you his pet died you will probably try to lighten him up a little bit. If he asks you to buy him a drink you might ask him if he just lost his job and then do it anyway while teasing him with that for the rest of the night.
People who are "bad" with women suddenly act completely different in the presence of a female. If she makes a dumb comment, it might get ignored as if it didn't happen and if she tells you about sore muscles you might be like "Oh, wow. Did you try this or that to make it better?" and if she wants a drink you bring her five through the entire night - stop that. She's not some kind of authority figure that you have to please. You're not her pet dog. Don't try to be one.
The hard part in the long run is the balance between being a huge pussy and a huge dick (LOL). The former don't escalate and treat the girl as a godess, the latter come off as pushy and treat her like a random piece of meat (I'm obviously exaggerating but I guess you get the point).
How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
Personally I like to tease a lot. It's a mix of busting her balls whenever I can, switching to serious mode for a while and then going back to busting her balls and having fun again - all while I just physically escalate in the meantime. If you two are having fun for an hour straight and you already have your arm around her half the time and just started massaging her neck kissing is no big deal anymore.
HOWEVER, that's what works for me personally and it also attracts the type of girls I enjoy and most of those I don't like will run as fast as they can. In theory the "correct" approach would be to tease as much as you can (e.g. a shy girl would be able to take much less), escalate as quickly as you can (shy girl in a bookstore != chick in short skirt on a dancefloor) and calibrate yourself to the environment.
Imo the easiest way to come off as needy/desparate is to do things for her because you expect something in return. It's okay buying her a drink if you want to buy her one. It's not okay if it's your way of buying five minutes of her time. It's alright to invite her to a dinner at a restaurant, it's not fine if you expect her to spread her legs for it. That's why it's usually a good advice to not do much more for her than what she does for you.
"Hey, I'll go get myself a drink - what do you want?" is totally cool and casual, getting up just to bring her a drink is a lot more cheesy. Personally I like to play games with her which end up with her paying for the first round or establishing some kind of "this one is on me, next one is on you". =P
Same attitude applies to anything you can/should do for her or for what she might ask of you. Answering "Yes, sure" to "Gniihihihi can you hold my purse while I go to the dancefloor?!?!" just makes you look like an idiot - unless you put it down on the table and turn around talking to someone while she still watches.
wow, thank you for taking your time to write that detailed. The examples are helpful too
On July 07 2012 10:44 opsayo wrote: yep i am sure a forum full of virgins and people married the first girl who got their dick wet is a place for advice
harsh reality
I know that going out and getting own experience is the best thing, however a forum can still be hepful. I also wouldn't say that everyone here are that sort of people you just described.
you're right, not everyone is like that. but a lot of them are, and the human condition is that everyone wants to give advice
this thread is a good example of seeing some people giving some pretty terrible advice
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
There is no shortcut cookie-cutter build for this stuff. You just have to BE a little better if not, get better.
So, as an update, a friend of mine thought it would be so fucking funny to tell Felicity about this post. Yes, she now knows about this and read it. (Yes, every one of us has THAT kind of a friend...)
Recieved a message via Facebook:
"Hello. I want you to know I read what you wrote about me. It's sad to know of you after such a long time in this way. I didn't know you thought of me in such a way. To tell the truth, I felt really sad when you just told me to fuck off. I questioned myself if the pining and sadness was because I had lost a friend or if I was actually developing feelings for you cause I couldn't stop thinking about you either... But being the huge dick you were by leaving me like that, I just don't know anymore. That is gone. And I'm angry and hurt. I'm the victim here. I might have played with your feelings, that is not up to you or me to decide, but you were a dick by leaving me alone like that.
If you ever want to contact me again for whatever reason, I'll be here. But bear in mind, I don't think we'll be able to be friends or anything ever again."
Fucking Felicity, man... :/ It seems I was actually right on letting go in the 1st place. Bitches be crazy.
On July 08 2012 10:47 UmbraaeternuS wrote: So, as an update, a friend of mine thought it would be so fucking funny to tell Felicity about this post. Yes, she now knows about this and read it. (Yes, every one of us has THAT kind of a friend...)
"Hello. I want you to know I read what you wrote about me. It's sad to know of you after such a long time in this way. I didn't know you thought of me in such a way. To tell the truth, I felt really sad when you just told me to fuck off. I questioned myself if the pining and sadness was because I had lost a friend or if I was actually developing feelings for you cause I couldn't stop thinking about you either... But being the huge dick you were by leaving me like that, I just don't know anymore. That is gone. And I'm angry and hurt. I'm the victim here. I might have played with your feelings, that is not up to you or me to decide, but you were a dick by leaving me alone like that.
If you ever want to contact me again for whatever reason, I'll be here. But bear in mind, I don't think we'll be able to be friends or anything ever again."
Fucking Felicity, man... :/ It seems I was actually right on letting go in the 1st place. Bitches be crazy.
You both got hurt by each other, more by bad luck / wrong decisionmaking then intentionally tho. But its too late to go back and fix this now. I can understand that velocity got angry too, just suddenly cutting all contacts with someone is not the way to go, and thats especially true if you know someone good. Here is what a good friend is: A true friend would understand his friend, forgive him and not hold his mistakes against him. To your friends you shouldn't say anything that you know they will be disturbed by. A good friend would sympathize, he would always advice his friend in a positive direction, a good friend would never backstab somebody. A good friend would take his friends fault and probably cover it up rather than revealing and making fun of his friend.
The above post from Felicity shows no sympathize, no forgiveness, and she posted it knowing it would hurt you. Shes trying to revenge, which is obviously the wrong way.
To the "friend" who posted her this article: Good job, you hurt your friend and possibly lost his trust just for some "fun". You can just hope that your friend is wise enough to forgive you, and then you should give your best to treat him better in the future if you are interested in staying friends.
There's a saying: "Its better to have an intelligent enemy then to have an stuipd friend."
Reading all this remembers me how good I have it. I just have 1 friend, for 10 years now, but he is a true friend.
On July 08 2012 10:47 UmbraaeternuS wrote: So, as an update, a friend of mine thought it would be so fucking funny to tell Felicity about this post. Yes, she now knows about this and read it. (Yes, every one of us has THAT kind of a friend...)
Recieved a message via Facebook:
"Hello. I want you to know I read what you wrote about me. It's sad to know of you after such a long time in this way. I didn't know you thought of me in such a way. To tell the truth, I felt really sad when you just told me to fuck off. I questioned myself if the pining and sadness was because I had lost a friend or if I was actually developing feelings for you cause I couldn't stop thinking about you either... But being the huge dick you were by leaving me like that, I just don't know anymore. That is gone. And I'm angry and hurt. I'm the victim here. I might have played with your feelings, that is not up to you or me to decide, but you were a dick by leaving me alone like that.
If you ever want to contact me again for whatever reason, I'll be here. But bear in mind, I don't think we'll be able to be friends or anything ever again."
Fucking Felicity, man... :/ It seems I was actually right on letting go in the 1st place. Bitches be crazy.
You both got hurt by each other, more by bad luck / wrong decisionmaking then intentionally tho. But its too late to go back and fix this now. I can understand that velocity got angry too, just suddenly cutting all contacts with someone is not the way to go, and thats especially true if you know someone good. Here is what a good friend is: A true friend would understand his friend, forgive him and not hold his mistakes against him. To your friends you shouldn't say anything that you know they will be disturbed by. A good friend would sympathize, he would always advice his friend in a positive direction, a good friend would never backstab somebody. A good friend would take his friends fault and probably cover it up rather than revealing and making fun of his friend.
The above post from Felicity shows no sympathize, no forgiveness, and she posted it knowing it would hurt you. Shes trying to revenge, which is obviously the wrong way.
To the "friend" who posted her this article: Good job, you hurt your friend and possibly lost his trust just for some "fun". You can just hope that your friend is wise enough to forgive you, and then you should give your best to treat him better in the future if you are interested in staying friends.
There's a saying: "Its better to have an intelligent enemy then to have an stuipd friend."
Reading all this remembers me how good I have it. I just have 1 friend, for 10 years now, but he is a true friend.
I doubt the friend meant to hurt him. Maybe he just felt that the guy should have been honest, and that the best case would be to get everything out all at once.
"Hi. Felicity? I need to talk to you. Now. I've been dying to tell you this for over two years. I fucking love you. Not like 'OMG YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND EVER' but 'OMG I LOVE YOU, like, LOVE you... "
nonononono, but you knew that! Sigh well I could tell all convos were pretty shit after that and awkward as fuck if this was the beginning. Anywho when she told u to meet her and shit that was RAW what a bitch, I hope you didnt meet with her more than that one time oh god i hope you didnt. I'm glad that youve realized it though but she's just playing with you man.
Furthermore, that messaged you gave her was downright brutal but meh makes sense given what she's done but it kinda sounds a tad creepy that you went all that way to meet her, talk to her, yada yada.
I dont blame you for falling either though some girls are just plain awesome especially the first! if this is your first real interest, as they all say there will come another though so keep up!
On July 08 2012 10:47 UmbraaeternuS wrote: So, as an update, a friend of mine thought it would be so fucking funny to tell Felicity about this post. Yes, she now knows about this and read it. (Yes, every one of us has THAT kind of a friend...)
"Hello. I want you to know I read what you wrote about me. It's sad to know of you after such a long time in this way. I didn't know you thought of me in such a way. To tell the truth, I felt really sad when you just told me to fuck off. I questioned myself if the pining and sadness was because I had lost a friend or if I was actually developing feelings for you cause I couldn't stop thinking about you either... But being the huge dick you were by leaving me like that, I just don't know anymore. That is gone. And I'm angry and hurt. I'm the victim here. I might have played with your feelings, that is not up to you or me to decide, but you were a dick by leaving me alone like that.
If you ever want to contact me again for whatever reason, I'll be here. But bear in mind, I don't think we'll be able to be friends or anything ever again."
Fucking Felicity, man... :/ It seems I was actually right on letting go in the 1st place. Bitches be crazy.
Lol... so after all this, all she has to say after this is how cruel you were to her, and on top of that she teases you by saying she might have developed feelings at one point too, but now its too late har har fucking felicity
Don't be that quick to look for and shoot the criminal, yes, victimizing herself was borderline narcissistic behavior (that plus lack of empathy, relentlessly accusing, dragging you along) but then again the OP should also take a hefty amount of blame on himself. Not being judgemental, however he needs to understand such codependency is not normal. Even if he manages to get into a relationship, going in head first in this current state is the best recipe for failure. Not failure, disaster.
You think not getting the girl and feeling down about it sucks? Try ending a clingy-narcissist relationship.
On July 08 2012 10:47 UmbraaeternuS wrote: So, as an update, a friend of mine thought it would be so fucking funny to tell Felicity about this post. Yes, she now knows about this and read it. (Yes, every one of us has THAT kind of a friend...)
"Hello. I want you to know I read what you wrote about me. It's sad to know of you after such a long time in this way. I didn't know you thought of me in such a way. To tell the truth, I felt really sad when you just told me to fuck off. I questioned myself if the pining and sadness was because I had lost a friend or if I was actually developing feelings for you cause I couldn't stop thinking about you either... But being the huge dick you were by leaving me like that, I just don't know anymore. That is gone. And I'm angry and hurt. I'm the victim here. I might have played with your feelings, that is not up to you or me to decide, but you were a dick by leaving me alone like that.
If you ever want to contact me again for whatever reason, I'll be here. But bear in mind, I don't think we'll be able to be friends or anything ever again."
Fucking Felicity, man... :/ It seems I was actually right on letting go in the 1st place. Bitches be crazy.
First of all, your friend is a douche.
Stick to your guns - you were near-obsessed with a girl who wasn't giving you the time of day. Your execution left a lot to be desired, but you she knows and let you go. You've made the wise decision to move on.
Yeah, it's REALLY difficult. You need to keep living your life and as you change and improve yourself she becomes less and less important. This means you actually have to get out and try a few new things. Mix up your routine, play some different games, hang out with a different crowd, and/or pick up a new hobby. As you keep living your life she becomes more a thing of the past making it easier to move on.
Wow, that message is just... I can't believe that even after reading this blog she still tries to play with you, what a bitch dude. I know she seems like the best girl ever, but almost everyone once had a Felicity, and everyone ended up with a way better girl. There's just a point where you start to see that she wasn't all that great, and that the "love" was more of an obsession.
On July 09 2012 04:31 Arcanefrost wrote: Wow, that message is just... I can't believe that even after reading all this she still tries to play with you, what a bitch dude. I know she seems like the best girl ever, but really almost everyone once had a Felicity once, and everyone ended up with a way better girl. There's just a point where you start to see that she wasn't all that great and that the "love" was more of an obsession.
You got me to re-read that note and i have to agree, maybe i'll try deconstruct it. If so i'll probably edit this message.
"Hello. I want you to know I read what you wrote about me. It's sad to know of you after such a long time in this way. I didn't know you thought of me in such a way [He told you he loved you? Last i checked those words aren't really thrown around]. To tell the truth, I felt really sad when you just told me to fuck off [You didn't tell her to fuck off, over exaggeration much?].
I questioned myself if the pining and sadness was because I had lost a friend or if I was actually developing feelings for you cause I couldn't stop thinking about you either... But being the huge dick you were by leaving me like that [playing victim, trying to make you feel guilty. Hmm], I just don't know anymore. That is gone. And I'm angry and hurt. I'm the victim here [She's the victim? Please, more guilt tripping.]. I might have played with your feelings [Notice the 'might', won't admit that she truly did play with you], that is not up to you or me to decide, but you were a dick by leaving me alone like that [And more guilt tripping again]
If you ever want to contact me again for whatever reason, I'll be here [trying to take the moral high ground?]. But bear in mind, I don't think we'll be able to be friends or anything ever again.[Then why bother allowing him to contact you? Likes your attention? Wants you to give her what she wants, friendship/ear to listen, but not what you want, romantic relationship.]"
I think you're lucky you came out the way you did, from what i can read from messages and what you've said. She is way more trouble than she's worth. Imagine being in a relationship with her, she probably wouldn't admit responsibility for things going wrong. Shifting the blame to external factors (you, someone else, her job etc). Hell she might also dump all her problems on you as well, dragging you along with her.
Anyway that's all i can pick up from this, obviously take it with a grain of salt. I'm not an expert.
You played the cards wrong bro. Ofc, ive had a felacity as well, so I know what your going through. Been in a 2 year depression after that but now I'm over it and ive been able to perform better than ever because I know the meaning of rock bottom.
Basically, you both made mistakes and need to move on OR make a stand right now. But by reading your responses of hate I doubt that will be possible. Not sure why your hating so much: You basically told her to fuck off if she didnt love you back without really taking your time to play your hand well. She's not entirely wrong by saying what she says.
With me, Its not that I didn't get the girl, but her becoming my ex (breaking up). We both made mistakes, but she played victim and kept talking me guilt till I broke and just went INSANE on her with verbal abuse etc. Thing is, she was approached by a stalker same time and he managed to take advantage of her. Thats the point I really started hating her and the point I couldn't go back to her. Since then I think every girl is an attention craving whore that would dive in bed with the biggest retard as long as the conditions are right. Yes, she messed me up badly.
Long story short, best way to go now is to break off contact forever and continue living and making the best out of everything. YOU DO need to self-reflect and learn from the mistakes, because it's rarely only her fault. Girls will never admit, but girls don't have balls so w/e. Learn from your mistakes, and hope you'll do better next time!
OR be like me.... forever alone T___T .. .. Well I had a 1,5yr relation after that but the concept of love seems really vague for me now.....
P.S. My story happened when I was 19-20 or so, now I'm 23, I quit school because of her, started smoking cigs, wasted 2 years in my room, but since then I managed to get reaaaally far in terms of carreer.
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny.
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
Aaah, had a good chuckle. Funny shit man, funny shit. Might as well work!
On July 07 2012 08:25 r.Evo wrote: ...and once you learn to tune your sexuality into a way that's not OMG IM SO HORNY YOYOYO but more subtle instead you start to have women falling for you without even trying.
You really seem to know what you're talking about, so I', gonna ask you: If you just get to know a girl and you want her, what should you do? How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
I'd recommend getting used to women and getting used to being physical around them. It can be just small stuff like boxing her arm when she makes a stupid comment and saying "hey!" or tipping her thigh when you're trying to shut her up so you can talk. =P
I lack this skills, I can approach them but almost always get friendzoned. I guess I just come off boring, I also don't talk that much. Seems like I should work on my social skills.
The really, really cookie cutter version would be: Treat her like a male buddy you're having fun with and add physical contact.
If a male buddy makes a dumb comment, you tease him for it. If he tells you that he has sore muscles, you're like HAHAHAHA GG. However, if he tells you his pet died you will probably try to lighten him up a little bit. If he asks you to buy him a drink you might ask him if he just lost his job and then do it anyway while teasing him with that for the rest of the night.
People who are "bad" with women suddenly act completely different in the presence of a female. If she makes a dumb comment, it might get ignored as if it didn't happen and if she tells you about sore muscles you might be like "Oh, wow. Did you try this or that to make it better?" and if she wants a drink you bring her five through the entire night - stop that. She's not some kind of authority figure that you have to please. You're not her pet dog. Don't try to be one.
The hard part in the long run is the balance between being a huge pussy and a huge dick (LOL). The former don't escalate and treat the girl as a godess, the latter come off as pushy and treat her like a random piece of meat (I'm obviously exaggerating but I guess you get the point).
How do you tell her that your sexually interested in her without coming of as needy or desperate?
Personally I like to tease a lot. It's a mix of busting her balls whenever I can, switching to serious mode for a while and then going back to busting her balls and having fun again - all while I just physically escalate in the meantime. If you two are having fun for an hour straight and you already have your arm around her half the time and just started massaging her neck kissing is no big deal anymore.
HOWEVER, that's what works for me personally and it also attracts the type of girls I enjoy and most of those I don't like will run as fast as they can. In theory the "correct" approach would be to tease as much as you can (e.g. a shy girl would be able to take much less), escalate as quickly as you can (shy girl in a bookstore != chick in short skirt on a dancefloor) and calibrate yourself to the environment.
Imo the easiest way to come off as needy/desparate is to do things for her because you expect something in return. It's okay buying her a drink if you want to buy her one. It's not okay if it's your way of buying five minutes of her time. It's alright to invite her to a dinner at a restaurant, it's not fine if you expect her to spread her legs for it. That's why it's usually a good advice to not do much more for her than what she does for you.
"Hey, I'll go get myself a drink - what do you want?" is totally cool and casual, getting up just to bring her a drink is a lot more cheesy. Personally I like to play games with her which end up with her paying for the first round or establishing some kind of "this one is on me, next one is on you". =P
Same attitude applies to anything you can/should do for her or for what she might ask of you. Answering "Yes, sure" to "Gniihihihi can you hold my purse while I go to the dancefloor?!?!" just makes you look like an idiot - unless you put it down on the table and turn around talking to someone while she still watches.
wow, thank you for taking your time to write that detailed. The examples are helpful too
r.Evo is a computer man
Just to add my 2 cents:
I agree with the entire teasing thing. I haven't had much luck with girls, but the times when I feel like I've gotten closest is when I'm most comfortable with myself, comfortable around her, cracking jokes and comments like I would with guy buddies. Occasionally my brain goes into the OH_MY_GOD_SHE'S_SO_BEAUTIFUL_AND_I_CAN'T_THINK mode where as soon as Felicity walks into the room suddenly my higher functions are impaired... but that's begun to happen less and less to me. I think the most important thing is to have a reasonable amount of self-assurance (which is by far the best word I've found for it: you don't want to be arrogant, and you might not be at all confident. But you can be self-assured), and everything will work fine from there. You have to accept the fact that this girl might not be The One for you, so if it doesn't work out, then that's fine, and if it does work out, that's great as well. There's no way you can lose by just being friendly (friendly to everyone! Including guys and girls you're not attracted to). Just don't go overboard (and if you notice yourself getting obsessive, then tell your brain to COOL DOWN BRO and play some Starcraft)
On July 07 2012 01:01 CopperLeague wrote: You gotta be horny.
Do you think about having sex with this girl? If you're like most men in this situation, you don't. What you want is to kiss her, hold her close, hold her hand, talk to her while she's sitting next to you. You don't want to have sex.
But women are sexual creatures. Yes, so are men, but we have porn. And porn isn't as good as sex, but it's close. So it kills our sex drive. We want to hang out with girls to hold their hands – not to have sex. Girls are like men without porn. They need sex and hand holding. This girl knows you won't deliver on the sexual end because you've never been horny with her. Instead you talk about how you love her.
I know it's true. But when you only want affection from a girl, you will never be more than friends.
The solution to this problem? Start seeing her in a horny light. Picture her in your mind naked. Picture her sucking your dick. Picture fucking her.
Then tell her you can't stand having her around because of how horny she makes you, and how it's all her fault. "Why did you delete me on Facebook?"
"Because I get so horny whenever I think about you I can't function. It's not my fault. Look what you've done to me. I can't sleep at night. I just roll around all night because I'm so fucking horny."
Then she says, let's just talk like we used to. Then you say, that's impossible, whenever I talk to you I get so horny I can't control myself. It's best for both of us if you stay away – maybe I can get some sleep at night.
Does this girl live near you? If not, what are you doing?
If so, either she'll want to hang out with you or she'll go her own way. Why would she want to hang out with you? Because your new behavior intrigues her. She could SENSE you weren't horny before – that you just wanted to play with her hair and whisper sweet things into her ear. But now you are horny and it turns her on. Girls love it when guys are so into them they can't control themselves.
So she wants to hang out. You say, "no. You can't come over. I'll get so horny I won't be able to help myself. I'm like a fucking predator."
And if she doesn't come over, no problem – you were just friends with her anyways. You haven't lost anything (except her friendship, which—let's face it—is not what you want, no matter how much you tell yourself). If she does come over, your relationship goes to a new level: the sexual relationship.
This is the only method that works to get out of the friend zone. It's not 100%, but it works pretty damn well. It's because you're showing this girl you're a man. And that's what she wants. It's biology, use it to your advantage.
And stop looking at porn.
Aaah, had a good chuckle. Funny shit man, funny shit. Might as well work!
Jumping ladders is hard. You made the right moves, but in the wrong order.
You shouldn't have told her you loved her, then handled rejection by cutting her off.
You should have cut her off, first. If she is interested in being with you then she'll ask you what's up, rather than the other way around. If she asks you, don't say you liked her. Invite to hang out at your place. If she says no, then she's not interested in you. If she says yes, show her your affections rather than telling her. When she shows up, cook her something nice, feed her wine, watch a movie with her. If that doesn't get you where you want things to go then she's not interested in you--so just show her out the door and don't talk to her again. If she says yes, well, you have successfully jumped ladders.
I'm still not completely understanding why you ditched a decent friendship for no reason. Clearly she wants to talk to you again. Go fix that shit and be friends, just accept that it will be friends for the time being.
On July 20 2012 13:39 Alay wrote: I'm still not completely understanding why you ditched a decent friendship for no reason. Clearly she wants to talk to you again. Go fix that shit and be friends, just accept that it will be friends for the time being.
If he still wanted to be her lover, i could never agree with this. Its better to cut her off if he wants a romantic relationship with her. However with the latest messages she's sent to him, i wouldn't even say he should be friends with her even if he was okay being friends. She sounds like a bitch.
EPT![[image loading]](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/829/day9appt.jpg/)
