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On November 24 2011 18:25 Azzur wrote:
If a girl has a bf who pays for everything, doesn't mean she's gold-digging. If I have a son, I'm going to teach him this - it makes him more like a man. Your mum is only looking out for you.
Whew, thank god you chimed in. I pay for everything 99% of the time. It has driven past girlfriends crazy, but with the exceptions of her initiating the date or my birthday/special occasion, I pay.
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This sounds like a pretty insignificant thing to get upset about. Why do you care so much about what your mother thinks? You should not.
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/love. more girls need to be like yourself
speaking of which; my gf actually pays for food and stuff more than I do, mostly because she has a job right now and I don't  .
On a side note I hate girls that just expect chivalry for some reason. Example: I always hold the door open for girls at university whenever I can, it's not unreasonable for me to expect a "thanks" right? But so many girls just give me some withering contemptuous look and walk on through, like WTFBBQ?
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On November 24 2011 20:21 Sokalo wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 18:00 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:55 Rekrul wrote:On November 24 2011 17:54 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:46 Ludrik wrote:On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So.... I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo. I went to school with a few girls from HK -- all they do is show off their newest designer bag or boots or whatever. My facebook newsfeed used to be cluttered with this former classmate's pictures of her new Tiffany jewelry and Juicy Couture clothes. I know not all girls are like that, but the ones who are ... yuck. judging these girls off that makes you yuck, not them I have no qualms about that. This may be the first thing I've seen from Rekrul that I seriously disagree with.
Yeah, judging people based on their appearances is completely wrong!
Right?
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On November 24 2011 17:35 SarR wrote:
Your mothers make me lose faith in humanity.
Tell me about it. These bitches need to understand that gender equality cuts both ways. Stay-at-home moms are just lazy. Their lifestyle is analogous to a stereotypical 30-yo fat dude living in their parents' basement. They just mooch of other people. But I guess that's fine as long as they accept themselves for what they are and don't try to justify themselves with some half-assed family values bullshit. They are unproductive parts of society just like all unemployed people whether they are that willingly or unwillingly.
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Girls being able to take care of themselves (or rather wanting to take care of themselves) is a good thing. It annoys me when girls keep preaching equality everywhere, but conveniantly forget all about it when it benefits them, such as trying to get free meals and stuff. I'm all for equality but I mean actual equality.
On the first couple of dates, I do reach for the whole bill. If she just sits there and smiles, that's a pretty big turnoff. At least make the effort to reach for it too or offer to pay for your half. I'll probably decline the offer but it's the thought that counts.
If she just assumes I'm going to pay every time, that sucks for 2 reasons. One is that she's a golddigger and somehow thinks I owe her for her gracing me with her presence. I have more self respect than that. Two is that I can never surprise her or make her feel special by covering the whole thing. That takes away some opportunities. If the relationship works out and we wind up married, she's going to be paying for half of everything anyway because we'll be a team.
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Two questions (hopefully you debunk these myths):
1) Is your mom Asian or Jewish?
2) Do you live around the OC, or a place close by?
Those are the two things that popped into my head as soon as I started reading your blog. O;
So, apparently HK. I <3 Hong Kong because everything is so cheap there. Too many knock-offs for my taste though. Yet we're talking about gold digging ha, ha, ha.
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On November 24 2011 22:07 d00p wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:35 SarR wrote:
Your mothers make me lose faith in humanity. Tell me about it. These bitches need to understand that gender equality cuts both ways. Stay-at-home moms are just lazy. Their lifestyle is analogous to a stereotypical 30-yo fat dude living in their parents' basement. They just mooch of other people. But I guess that's fine as long as they accept themselves for what they are and don't try to justify themselves with some half-assed family values bullshit. They are unproductive parts of society just like all unemployed people whether they are that willingly or unwillingly.
While I kind of agree with the sentiment of the OP, this quoted post is kind of extreme and a totally different point I think. Because whether you agree/disagree with the concept of "Stay at home parents" the above argument is pretty bad. Primarily because they are being supported by their spouse NOT society as a whole as opposed to most unemployed members of society. Furthermore the general theory of course being that raising children is an important contribution to society. The efficiency of that particular method of childrearing is a matter of opinion but that post is 10 kinds of stupid.
On topic, I like to pay for dates/meals and never felt like the girl "owed" me for it. Done it lots of times with friends that weren't even "dates". It kind of just depends. If its my idea or I invited her I will def pay. Also I don't mind paying for friends, both male/female, that I know couldn't afford the meal/activity otherwise. I will also say that I have never had a girl insist on paying for herself either in these circumstances.... I wouldn't make a fuss if she did though. I am kind of old fashioned by most peoples standards I guess. Not a fan of the whole "buying random gifts for her all the time and that's the only reason she's with me" thing obviously. Thats pretty much just stupid.
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Imo it's very simple. When both sides of the relationship have an equal income both sides should pay about equally. This can be by either splitting a bill or by paying in turn. When one of you has a higher income I think it's logical that one also pays more a s half. How much more depends on the difference in income.
Also please remind your mother that if they wanted the boy to keep paying for everything they shouldn't have fought for emancipation and equal rights (like you going to college and getting a job). If she really wants a boy to pay for everything please tell her she should stay in the kitchen 
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Is your boyfriend not paying everything because he doesn't want to, or is it because he can't?
In the first case, is it because he is a douche, or is it because he's a cheap person?
In the case of the latter, is it because he fails at life, or... fails at life?
You see, the real problem your mother wants to bring up is not that your boyfriend isn't "paying everything". It's that she's afraid you'll have to support him long term, should you two dive into lifelong commitment. I think the image your mother is getting is that your boyfriend will never find a decent enough job to pay his fair share of living. You see, in the traditional Asian style of relationship, men does pay everything... and it's not really your mother's fault for being stubborn with this idea, because this was the norm in her days. So, in her eyes, the boyfriend isn't paying everything because he fails at life and is incapable of providing for you should you fall into financial trouble. Splitting a meal here and there isn't a big cost unless you two eat out at a steakhouse every night or something. If the guy isn't paying the big costs like rent, insurance, gas, or stuff like that, AND he is of working age (in my opinion, 23+) then we actually have a problem here.
It's not about gold digging. I don't think your mother wants you to be a gold digger. I know you don't see yourself as a gold digger either. You'll either have to prove to your mother that your boyfriend is a responsible, diligent person that is capable of a respectable career, or you'll have to wait until you boyfriend arrives home with a legitimate paycheck to show off to your mother. I'm not a parent or anything, but I think what your mother ultimately expects is for both you and your boyfriend (future husband in your mother's eyes) to have respectable careers as dual-income household. Sorry for bringing marriage into this, but traditional Asian parents tend to think like 20 years down the line.
All this is probably meaningless if both of you are not in the twenties yet... but I'm sure this issue will be brought up many times in your future =P
*edit: 5/5 for your cool attitude and also good luck!
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I completely agree with you OP, I hate having people pay for me, and I make mental notes to pay them back when I am in such a situation. I don't mind paying for other people, so long as it is in moderation - I am a student and don't have my own money, so I think it is only fair to have this attitude. If I had a job and some money saved up, I'd have much less of a problem with being slightly stingy.
That said, I am fairly good with saving money. I don't go shopping often, and I don't really eat out much. I don't have a car, so I don't spend money on petrol and I live in a girls school hostel in the empty dormitory (so cheap rent). I don't have a phone contract, internet etc, so I live a relatively cheap life.
That said, I'm not dating anyone rich, and I never will for monetary reasons. I want to be independent and earn my own money, to live on my own expenses. I finish college this year (had literally no time for part time jobs) and will have to look for work next year, which will be quite a challenge given the country and industry I am trying to break into.
TL;DR Living off your own money is for people with a conscience.
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Oh man I would love to date a woman like u :DDDD
My ex-girlfriend wanted to split the cost a lot of the times but I knew that my financial situation was better so I gladly paid for all of it mostly.
I don't think girls should dutch pay with the guys every time but that doesnt mean girls shouldnt pay nothing always at all. so hmm about 65:35? 70:30?
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I let him pay in full sometimes and I will pay in full sometimes and other times we share. It works quite well, I feel.
My mom just flat-out doesn't think it's going to last and so gave up trying to tell me about chivalry.
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Atreides,
Stay-at-home moms is such an old tradition. Flashback to the 50's.
Must be your location because I know very few baby boomers who have households like that.
The stay-at-home mom's I knew were millionaires and everyone had housekeepers and cleaners. As a result, the mom's did a lot of side projects (one wrote Hallmark cards, another did party planning, etc).
*
Nice,
You pay for your friends and they show no resistance whatsoever (this can go in several directions, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt considering I don't know you or any of your friends). Heed, my warning though: you are easy pickings. There are people who will take advantage of you; a leech can spot you from a mile away. White on rice.
You sound younger than 20. I would be very surprised if your in college. Maybe it's an ethnic thing, or perhaps your world is very closed. I don't really know.
The motives for the working lady or empowered one is totally different. Whether it be a test of power, generosity or them trying to take control of the situation (women do like financial control) etc. There are many different scenarios. You will eventually come across a woman who will insist on paying. Perhaps all you date is gold diggers and you aren't even aware of it, in either case there are a lot of women out there who like to pay too. I mean A LOT. Sometimes I pay; sometimes I don't. Sometimes we split it right down the middle and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. Friendship and relationships are healthier that way in my mind at least.
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On November 24 2011 22:59 Atreides wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 22:07 d00p wrote:On November 24 2011 17:35 SarR wrote:
Your mothers make me lose faith in humanity. Tell me about it. These bitches need to understand that gender equality cuts both ways. Stay-at-home moms are just lazy. Their lifestyle is analogous to a stereotypical 30-yo fat dude living in their parents' basement. They just mooch of other people. But I guess that's fine as long as they accept themselves for what they are and don't try to justify themselves with some half-assed family values bullshit. They are unproductive parts of society just like all unemployed people whether they are that willingly or unwillingly. While I kind of agree with the sentiment of the OP, this quoted post is kind of extreme and a totally different point I think. Because whether you agree/disagree with the concept of "Stay at home parents" the above argument is pretty bad. Primarily because they are being supported by their spouse NOT society as a whole as opposed to most unemployed members of society. Furthermore the general theory of course being that raising children is an important contribution to society. The efficiency of that particular method of childrearing is a matter of opinion but that post is 10 kinds of stupid.
Ofc it's extreme. This is the internet. I don't understand why you think that expressing one's opinion in "a matter of opinion" is "10 kinds of stupid".
I was simply expressing how disgruntled I get when I hear shit like this. I was critisizing OP's mom and others like her for their stupid 50s attitudes. From the OP: "My mom had an easy ass life -- my dad paid pretty much for everything (and still does blah)." I was on topic imo. That's just not right if men and women are supposed to be equal.
Stay at home parents are definitely unfavourable from society's stand point. It's not really a matter of opinion. Raising children doesn't require you to stay at home. If raising children is a valuable contribution, then what about raising children AND working. Seems to work out just fine for most peolpe. And people who don't work do mooch of society a little bit if they don't pay taxes. Society does provide them a certain tax funded framework even if their spouses mostly support them. This probably applies better here in Europe.
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d00p,
As OpticalShot put it... it's more of a cultural thing more than anything else and I guess there are still many Asian households like this.
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United Kingdom20326 Posts
Its good and bad, too many girls want to be carried through everything with gifts thrown at them every day and obviously dont care about education etc, but at the same time, you cant exactly work to earn money as a mother
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On November 24 2011 17:32 zZygote wrote:
First dates are always a given, 50/50. Any other time I think it's alright in a relationship to pay for the other and what-not but not to the extent where the woman feels like she's being "bought". I'd also make an honest effort to ask if she could do the same for me. Spliting costs in a relationship should be mutual.
I would say that first date is always the guy paying for it, not 50/50. That's how it's been for me at least, i think most people would agree with me on that.
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EPT
