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On November 24 2011 17:36 kierpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:33 Ruffian wrote:
Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.> Hahaha. I'm not alone!! ): How do you deal with that?
Welp, you just have to say flat out you are an adult and make your own decisions that she should respect. Walk away/hang up if she refuses to stop talking about it. At this point she already knows about it, but try not to let her get involved in your personal lifestyle choices in the future (especially ones you know she will disagree with). It's your own business what you decide. 
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I didn't know that was outdated. I've been wasting money T_T
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On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets.
Be from Taiwan or HK?
Just kidding! :'D
But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating.
My brother is also a moron/tool.
So....
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On November 24 2011 17:40 kierpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:35 Gamegene wrote:
The man paying the check is just old fashioned, not gold digging. No reason to bag on your mom.
I've met some girls who are okay with it, some who are not; likewise I always try to pick up the tab just in case she's the former and if she is the latter she will (should) tell me. I understand that the concept is old fashioned, but, it is pretty dated now. Women make money too now -- why can't we spoil our dates? :p
same reason why most men wear suits and most women wear dresses.
maybe not you, but i think that most young people get a little too offended and over think simple gestures.
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On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So....
I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo.
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On November 24 2011 17:40 Black[CAT] wrote:My girlfriend has the same mindset as you She won't let me pay completely everytime...when I gave her expensive gifts, she scolded me for it T_T
Yeah my gf is completely like that too.
She even pays for my meals more often than I pay for hers TT
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I thought it would be, if you get a gift, and it's below a certain value, do this disappointed look that we're practicing.
What if they're a bad tipper but they spend money? positive or negative gold digger points?
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On November 24 2011 17:40 Ruffian wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:36 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:33 Ruffian wrote:
Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.> Hahaha. I'm not alone!! ): How do you deal with that? Yes! And the sad part is there are probably a lot of moms who think this way >: ( Basically I told her this is the 21st century. That I would like to be treated as an equal and not have to depend on someone to "take care of me." We totally disagreed and still do today but she never tried to punish me or anything. She was just all "well I guess I'm old fashioned hmph hmph." I guess there's nothing you can do but try and ignore it :/
Yeah, there's a lot of moms who think this way. I guess it could be worse... Tiger moms, anyone?
I think my mom hasn't understood the concept that I make money now and I don't have to depend on someone for money. Blaahhh.
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On November 24 2011 17:46 Ludrik wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So.... I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo.
I went to school with a few girls from HK -- all they do is show off their newest designer bag or boots or whatever. My facebook newsfeed used to be cluttered with this former classmate's pictures of her new Tiffany jewelry and Juicy Couture clothes.
I know not all girls are like that, but the ones who are ... yuck.
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On November 24 2011 17:32 zZygote wrote:
First dates are always a given, 50/50. Any other time I think it's alright in a relationship to pay for the other and what-not but not to the extent where the woman feels like she's being "bought". I'd also make an honest effort to ask if she could do the same for me. Spliting costs in a relationship should be mutual.
You go 50/50 on first date? That's the one time I feel I'm almost obligated to pay. It almost establishes it as a date so to speak. But I'd agree in general as a relationship progresses further the less realistic it is to expect the guy to pay for everything, shits expensive!
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Money = Security = Woman's Love ..
Women love security ..
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On November 24 2011 17:54 kierpanda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:46 Ludrik wrote:On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So.... I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo. I went to school with a few girls from HK -- all they do is show off their newest designer bag or boots or whatever. My facebook newsfeed used to be cluttered with this former classmate's pictures of her new Tiffany jewelry and Juicy Couture clothes. I know not all girls are like that, but the ones who are ... yuck.
judging these girls off that makes you yuck, not them
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My take on this.
If it's still early on the relationship pls for the love of god don't let us pay for everything.
1) We might think you are gold diggers/cheap fucks.
2) We might just not have enough money and you put us in an awkward position.
But if your man has enough money and wants to do this let him pay, cause that makes us feel great.
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On November 24 2011 17:55 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:54 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:46 Ludrik wrote:On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So.... I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo. I went to school with a few girls from HK -- all they do is show off their newest designer bag or boots or whatever. My facebook newsfeed used to be cluttered with this former classmate's pictures of her new Tiffany jewelry and Juicy Couture clothes. I know not all girls are like that, but the ones who are ... yuck. judging these girls off that makes you yuck, not them
Ya, its bad to judge. WhoresKim K wannabes gotta eat too.
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On November 24 2011 17:55 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:54 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:46 Ludrik wrote:On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So.... I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo. I went to school with a few girls from HK -- all they do is show off their newest designer bag or boots or whatever. My facebook newsfeed used to be cluttered with this former classmate's pictures of her new Tiffany jewelry and Juicy Couture clothes. I know not all girls are like that, but the ones who are ... yuck. judging these girls off that makes you yuck, not them
I have no qualms about that.
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On November 24 2011 17:59 SarR wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:55 Rekrul wrote:On November 24 2011 17:54 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:46 Ludrik wrote:On November 24 2011 17:42 kierpanda wrote:On November 24 2011 17:37 igotmyown wrote:
I thought you were actually going to tell us her advice on how to be a gold digger. Maybe there were some super evil gold digging secrets. Be from Taiwan or HK? Just kidding! :'D But that's typically the stereotype, unfortunately. :\ My older brother dated a Taiwanese girl. Damn, that girl was spoiled. My brother bought her an expensive Tiffany's necklace a few months after they were dating. My brother is also a moron/tool. So.... I think there's some truth to that stereotype. My girlfriends from Hong Kong and while she isn't a gold digger, f*&# me her sister is. Talking about using your body for money. Very dated concept imo. I went to school with a few girls from HK -- all they do is show off their newest designer bag or boots or whatever. My facebook newsfeed used to be cluttered with this former classmate's pictures of her new Tiffany jewelry and Juicy Couture clothes. I know not all girls are like that, but the ones who are ... yuck. judging these girls off that makes you yuck, not them Ya, its bad to judge. WhoresKim K wannabes gotta eat too.
Smells like a blissful divorce then!
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Explain to your mom that financial independence means you don't have to take as much crap from your BF. There is a downside to gold digging, which is that the man you're dating gets to have a bigger say in your life... given that he's the one spending the money. Your mom, as well as many women, feel this trade off is worth it. Give up some independence for financial security. The concept of government work the same way. We give up some of our freedom in order to live a stable society. So you should understand where your mother's coming from.
OTOH, if you prefer a certain amount of independence from your boyfriend or future fiancee or husband, then financial freedom allows for that. If he's not paying for you, then he doesn't own you, or even a small part of you. If that's what you wish, then this allow you to live a happier life. In the end, neither side is totally correct. It just depends on the person. If it makes you feel better one way or the other, then that should be your path.
Don't explain from a "you're wrong, old-fashioned, and this is the new generation" standpoint. You can't win any argument that way. Explain it from a practical standpoint. As that's the position she's arguing from. Tell her you can gain something tangible by footing 50% of the bills, by being equal with your partner in all aspect of life. If you can make her understand that you're not willing to make the sacrifice necessary to be a gold digger, I think she'll understand.
As a guy my mom always tell me I need to act more like a gentleman in front of woman. That I always need to pay, be chivalrous and everything. So I actually don't mind such a relationship. However, even if it's just on a subconscious level, I always feel I need to get a "return on my invest" when I do such things. After all, there is no free lunch in the world.
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On November 24 2011 17:33 Ruffian wrote:
Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.>
Hey! Maybe my girlfriend is your sister because this is how her mom thinks 100%. Are you Chinese by any chance? It seems to be a quite traditional mentality.
On November 24 2011 17:47 thesideshow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:40 Black[CAT] wrote:My girlfriend has the same mindset as you She won't let me pay completely everytime...when I gave her expensive gifts, she scolded me for it T_T Yeah my gf is completely like that too. She even pays for my meals more often than I pay for hers TT
I feel blessed for my gf, she's like this too. Both of us being students, shed rather I save fir the future rather than splurge my meager paycheck on her, but agreed taking gifts when were financially stable and working would be fine. Of course the "bigger" dates of the year we have no problems having an expensive meal or buying nice presents. It's a good comortable balance for the both of us. I know girls who go through new boyfriends every 3 months and are in it for money and gifts only. I feel sorry for the guys it they were looking for a long term deal.
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On November 24 2011 18:14 j0k3r wrote:Show nested quote +On November 24 2011 17:33 Ruffian wrote:
Wow our moms think alike! Seriously. When I had a boyfriend she was appalled that we took turns on paying for things or split the bill. She also thought it was terrible that I sometimes visited his house because "you should let the boy come visit you" yeah idek. She once witnessed me holding the door open for my boyfriend. Don't get me started on the talking to I got after that lol >.> Hey! Maybe my girlfriend is your sister because this is how her mom thinks 100%. Are you Chinese by any chance? It seems to be a quite traditional mentality.
Yep. 3rd generation American born Chinese. I am white-washed. hahah.
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United States7639 Posts
My mom... would be appalled at the idea of me even having a boyfriend before I'm like, 30. So we've never had these kinds of talks.
I used to just buy everything myself; only thing boyfriend ever bought me was my birthday present. If we ate, I'd pay for my own thing. It wasn't a 50/50 split though (too much math required omg). My best friend though... I don't want to rag on her or anything, but she made her boyfriends (quite a few throughout the years) pay for her everything. They'd buy her lunch everyday, shower her with gifts, etc. One time we got caught J-walking and were fined 150 each, and her boyfriend rushed up and offered to pay the police officer right there for her. I was just kind of like... poor guys :|
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EPT
