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my mom is telling me to be a gold digger - Page 6

Blogs > kierpanda
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kierpanda
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States757 Posts
November 24 2011 19:19 GMT
#101
On November 24 2011 20:42 TheKefka wrote:
Just a side question,how old are you and your boyfriend?

I'm 21 and he's 28.
I cook things! :3 | Twitter: @kierpanda | www.eatgamelive.com
kierpanda
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States757 Posts
November 24 2011 19:24 GMT
#102
On November 24 2011 22:52 StarStruck wrote:
Two questions (hopefully you debunk these myths):

1) Is your mom Asian or Jewish?
2) Do you live around the OC, or a place close by?

Those are the two things that popped into my head as soon as I started reading your blog. O;

So, apparently HK. I <3 Hong Kong because everything is so cheap there. Too many knock-offs for my taste though. Yet we're talking about gold digging ha, ha, ha.


My mom is Chinese -- born in the states (as were her parents).

I live near San Francisco. My family has always been somewhat around that area.


I've never been to HK. :\ I don't even have relatives in HK because the good majority of my mom's side of the family lives in the states. I have no idea about my dad's side.
I cook things! :3 | Twitter: @kierpanda | www.eatgamelive.com
kierpanda
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States757 Posts
November 24 2011 19:33 GMT
#103
On November 24 2011 23:07 OpticalShot wrote:
Is your boyfriend not paying everything because he doesn't want to, or is it because he can't?

In the first case, is it because he is a douche, or is it because he's a cheap person?
In the case of the latter, is it because he fails at life, or... fails at life?

You see, the real problem your mother wants to bring up is not that your boyfriend isn't "paying everything". It's that she's afraid you'll have to support him long term, should you two dive into lifelong commitment. I think the image your mother is getting is that your boyfriend will never find a decent enough job to pay his fair share of living. You see, in the traditional Asian style of relationship, men does pay everything... and it's not really your mother's fault for being stubborn with this idea, because this was the norm in her days. So, in her eyes, the boyfriend isn't paying everything because he fails at life and is incapable of providing for you should you fall into financial trouble. Splitting a meal here and there isn't a big cost unless you two eat out at a steakhouse every night or something. If the guy isn't paying the big costs like rent, insurance, gas, or stuff like that, AND he is of working age (in my opinion, 23+) then we actually have a problem here.

It's not about gold digging. I don't think your mother wants you to be a gold digger. I know you don't see yourself as a gold digger either. You'll either have to prove to your mother that your boyfriend is a responsible, diligent person that is capable of a respectable career, or you'll have to wait until you boyfriend arrives home with a legitimate paycheck to show off to your mother. I'm not a parent or anything, but I think what your mother ultimately expects is for both you and your boyfriend (future husband in your mother's eyes) to have respectable careers as dual-income household. Sorry for bringing marriage into this, but traditional Asian parents tend to think like 20 years down the line.

All this is probably meaningless if both of you are not in the twenties yet... but I'm sure this issue will be brought up many times in your future =P

*edit: 5/5 for your cool attitude and also good luck!


My boyfriend doesn't pay for everything* because I don't let him. :'D

We typically share the costs for everything (aside for the occasional date night or birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)

He definitely has better savings than I do -- but that's because he's spent a longer time in the workforce than I have. I'm still paying off student loans and what-not.

He does pay his own rent, car, and expenses. And I do as well (we don't live together right now).


My mom isn't that traditional though, which is weird. :<


*everything meaning variable things like food costs.


I cook things! :3 | Twitter: @kierpanda | www.eatgamelive.com
NarutO
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
Germany18839 Posts
November 24 2011 19:41 GMT
#104
I'd feel offended if my girlfriend would pay for herself. If I'm in a relationship with a girl and we are at an restaurant or bar, she doesn't need to pay. All other than that: clothes etc... her own business, but I'd feel really akward to pay 50/50 in a restaurant.
CommentatorPolt | MMA | Jjakji | BoxeR | NaDa | MVP | MKP ... truly inspiring.
Helios.Star
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States548 Posts
November 24 2011 19:49 GMT
#105
On November 24 2011 17:45 Gamegene wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 24 2011 17:40 kierpanda wrote:
On November 24 2011 17:35 Gamegene wrote:
The man paying the check is just old fashioned, not gold digging. No reason to bag on your mom.

I've met some girls who are okay with it, some who are not; likewise I always try to pick up the tab just in case she's the former and if she is the latter she will (should) tell me.


I understand that the concept is old fashioned, but, it is pretty dated now.

Women make money too now -- why can't we spoil our dates? :p


same reason why most men wear suits and most women wear dresses.

maybe not you, but i think that most young people get a little too offended and over think simple gestures.


This can be true sometimes. Ive had women actually get upset at me for holding a door open for them, just because they can do it themselves.
matiK23
Profile Joined May 2011
United States963 Posts
November 24 2011 19:51 GMT
#106
Typical Asian women train of thought. "Find rich hubby, be good house wife" Glad the new generation knows whatsup.
Without a paddle up shit creek.
Fission
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada1184 Posts
November 24 2011 19:51 GMT
#107
I really wonder what somebody who was knowledgeable about Feminist Theory would say about this. I know one of my profs has a PHD in that field, but I'd feel awkward asking her.
Ruffian
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States369 Posts
November 24 2011 20:03 GMT
#108
Reading through the comments I just wanted to add that my mom is also like this but I'm neither Asian nor Jewish. My mom is actually Puerto Rican. I think it's just how she was raised plus the time period she was raised in o.o although my grandfather sat around all day at home while my grandmom worked pfft.
There's a class for this (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
November 24 2011 20:07 GMT
#109
My girlfriend and I split almost everything, and we do this since we are both the same age and are in similar financial positions (poor students). If your mom is insinuating that the man should be paying regardless of context, then that's stupid. But I suppose that she might have the grounds for raising an objection if your boyfriend is 7 years older than you. I guess she might be suggesting that your boyfriend should be in a much more stable financial position than you for his age, and so that splitting everything by half might not actually be a truly equal affair considering that.
kierpanda
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States757 Posts
November 24 2011 20:09 GMT
#110
On November 25 2011 05:07 koreasilver wrote:
My girlfriend and I split almost everything, and we do this since we are both the same age and are in similar financial positions (poor students). If your mom is insinuating that the man should be paying regardless of context, then that's stupid. But I suppose that she might have the grounds for raising an objection if your boyfriend is 7 years older than you. I guess she might be suggesting that your boyfriend should be in a much more stable financial position than you for his age, and so that splitting everything by half might not actually be a truly equal affair considering that.


I believe it's regardless of context. She's done this before.

The last guy I dated was only a few months older than me.
I cook things! :3 | Twitter: @kierpanda | www.eatgamelive.com
baubo
Profile Joined September 2008
China3370 Posts
November 24 2011 20:11 GMT
#111
On November 25 2011 01:35 Chill wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 24 2011 18:54 baubo wrote:
On November 24 2011 18:21 Black[CAT] wrote:
Chinese in general are pretty materialistic...
Money 1st, then all is well. I'm Chinese so I see these shit a lot in life....


As someone who has lived in US and China, I don't even know how to respond to this. I guess you must be right. We all know that the global financial crisis happened because of the materialism of Chinese people. That China must have a huge trade deficit because its people can't stop spending and maxing out their credit cards. That Chinese people can't possibly save a greater percentage of their income than any other major country. That the Chinese government must run a huge deficit because they're so materialistic they can't prevent themselves from spending recklessly to fight wars and establish bases around the world.

Yes, Chinese as a race must be the most materialistic people in the world. I can't think of another nation that likes materialistic things. There may be one... but I just can't put my finger on it.... No, I think you are right. There can't possibly be a nation of people who care more about money and material wealth than Chinese.

What is this reply? It's a stereotype, but it's true that Chinese girls focus on money more than any other race, especially our parent's generation. This has nothing to do with the government.


Do you have proof to back this up? Also, are you referring to Chinese Americans, or Chinese people in general? Are you referring to ABCs or 1st generation immigrants? Does other factors come into play, like their own financial situation comparable to a typical white or black or hispanic girl?

I'm just saying that Chinese as a race saves more money and generally much more frugal than their American counterpart even at similar earning level. They plan more for the future, for their kids, for retirement. They have a lot less debt than Americans. They generally don't spend beyond their means like Americans. That is my opinion, but one that's backed up by living in the US for most of my life years and China for 5+ years. If you wish to say I'm wrong, okay. But at least put even a tiny bit of effort into that counter-argument.
Meh
ymir233
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States8275 Posts
November 24 2011 20:14 GMT
#112
On November 24 2011 17:25 CaucasianAsian wrote:
I once was super cheap on one date and went out to breakfast with a girl where we went to a hotel 20 minutes away that served complimentary breakfast (free food obv.)

relationship didn't last long.


LOLWTF

Meh, some people (including myself) get skittish when we don't pay for stuff. Call it an instinct.
Come motivate me to be cynical about animus at http://infinityandone.blogspot.com/ // Stork proxy gates are beautiful.
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
November 24 2011 20:17 GMT
#113
On November 25 2011 05:09 kierpanda wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 25 2011 05:07 koreasilver wrote:
My girlfriend and I split almost everything, and we do this since we are both the same age and are in similar financial positions (poor students). If your mom is insinuating that the man should be paying regardless of context, then that's stupid. But I suppose that she might have the grounds for raising an objection if your boyfriend is 7 years older than you. I guess she might be suggesting that your boyfriend should be in a much more stable financial position than you for his age, and so that splitting everything by half might not actually be a truly equal affair considering that.


I believe it's regardless of context. She's done this before.

The last guy I dated was only a few months older than me.

I don't disagree with it, but I'm just saying that it might be a reason as to why her mother has brought this up.

But regardless, many Asian parents hold onto this sort of idea.
Chill
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
Calgary25977 Posts
November 24 2011 20:22 GMT
#114
On November 25 2011 05:11 baubo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 25 2011 01:35 Chill wrote:
On November 24 2011 18:54 baubo wrote:
On November 24 2011 18:21 Black[CAT] wrote:
Chinese in general are pretty materialistic...
Money 1st, then all is well. I'm Chinese so I see these shit a lot in life....


As someone who has lived in US and China, I don't even know how to respond to this. I guess you must be right. We all know that the global financial crisis happened because of the materialism of Chinese people. That China must have a huge trade deficit because its people can't stop spending and maxing out their credit cards. That Chinese people can't possibly save a greater percentage of their income than any other major country. That the Chinese government must run a huge deficit because they're so materialistic they can't prevent themselves from spending recklessly to fight wars and establish bases around the world.

Yes, Chinese as a race must be the most materialistic people in the world. I can't think of another nation that likes materialistic things. There may be one... but I just can't put my finger on it.... No, I think you are right. There can't possibly be a nation of people who care more about money and material wealth than Chinese.

What is this reply? It's a stereotype, but it's true that Chinese girls focus on money more than any other race, especially our parent's generation. This has nothing to do with the government.


Do you have proof to back this up? Also, are you referring to Chinese Americans, or Chinese people in general? Are you referring to ABCs or 1st generation immigrants? Does other factors come into play, like their own financial situation comparable to a typical white or black or hispanic girl?

I'm just saying that Chinese as a race saves more money and generally much more frugal than their American counterpart even at similar earning level. They plan more for the future, for their kids, for retirement. They have a lot less debt than Americans. They generally don't spend beyond their means like Americans. That is my opinion, but one that's backed up by living in the US for most of my life years and China for 5+ years. If you wish to say I'm wrong, okay. But at least put even a tiny bit of effort into that counter-argument.

I'll delete the post.
Moderator
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
November 24 2011 20:31 GMT
#115
Why? Why would you bow down to an apologist?

From my experiences of living in Korea for 5+ years and always having sustained contact with both Koreans and Chinese and having dated Chinese girls for the majority of my dating history (3 out of 4), I can really say with confidence that the general metropolitan Korean and Chinese parent adhere to heavy cultural sex roles and have an obsession with the (potential) financial value of their children's partners. This is something I've picked up over my own experiences and from watching the relationships my friends have been in (whether they be Korean, Chinese, or a non-Asian that is dating an Asian). The very fact that they are so frugal is an intimate part of why they are so money hungry. It's a continuation of the mentality of saving and hoarding more and more.
thedeadhaji *
Profile Blog Joined January 2006
39489 Posts
November 24 2011 20:53 GMT
#116
I won't even go out with someone who expects to have everything paid for her.

So here's one to you
MountainDewJunkie
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
United States10341 Posts
November 24 2011 20:54 GMT
#117
My gf and I have the same philosophy. We are responsible for our own bills (insurance/phone/etc). We split shared things 50/50 (internet/groceries/utilities/rent). We kind of have to. We both make shit for wages. I don't count on either of us becoming a primary bread-winner for a few years. Even when that day comes, she's made it fairly obvious she hates being taken care of because she thinks it's demeaning. During certain strife, I offered to pay her share of rent and that she would just pay me back on her next paycheck. Let me tell you that did not go over well ^_^.
[21:07] <Shock710> whats wrong with her face [20:50] <dAPhREAk> i beat it the day after it came out | <BLinD-RawR> esports is a giant vagina
Thrill
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
2599 Posts
November 24 2011 22:22 GMT
#118
I think it would be interesting to cross reference 1. legality of prostitution and 2. tipping culture to expectation of boyfriends to pay for everything.
Redmark
Profile Joined March 2010
Canada2129 Posts
November 24 2011 23:48 GMT
#119
On November 25 2011 05:31 koreasilver wrote:
Why? Why would you bow down to an apologist?

From my experiences of living in Korea for 5+ years and always having sustained contact with both Koreans and Chinese and having dated Chinese girls for the majority of my dating history (3 out of 4), I can really say with confidence that the general metropolitan Korean and Chinese parent adhere to heavy cultural sex roles and have an obsession with the (potential) financial value of their children's partners. This is something I've picked up over my own experiences and from watching the relationships my friends have been in (whether they be Korean, Chinese, or a non-Asian that is dating an Asian). The very fact that they are so frugal is an intimate part of why they are so money hungry. It's a continuation of the mentality of saving and hoarding more and more.

I don't see how you can say that saving is being more money-hungry than spending. At worst it's equal, opposite ends of the same scale. As to obsession with children's partners I'd say that's more the whole tiger parent trope than greed. You want the children to marry someone respectable for the family and all that.

the bowing down to an apologist line makes me think that you're a bit too paranoid to listen, though, so I don't know why I bothered to type this. Obviously if someone thinks you're wrong they're going to say so lol.
Probulous
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Australia3894 Posts
November 24 2011 23:55 GMT
#120
How is this even a big deal?

If I can pay for my lady, I pay. If she doesn't like that, we share the cost. I take her, she takes me out. It's just money anyway. As long as you respect your partner, who cares who pays?

Guys who want to pay are just showing respect. It is OK ladies, you won't be chained to the kitchen just because their boyfriend paid for a meal. On the flipside, you are no less of a man if your woman pays. Not an issue in my opinion.
"Dude has some really interesting midgame switches that I wouldn't have expected. "I violated your house" into "HIHO THE DAIRY OH!" really threw me. You don't usually expect children's poetry harass as a follow up " - AmericanUmlaut
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