my mom is telling me to be a gold digger - Page 6

On November 24 2011 20:42 TheKefka wrote:
Just a side question,how old are you and your boyfriend?

On November 24 2011 22:52 StarStruck wrote:
Two questions (hopefully you debunk these myths):

1) Is your mom Asian or Jewish?
2) Do you live around the OC, or a place close by?

Those are the two things that popped into my head as soon as I started reading your blog. O;

So, apparently HK. I <3 Hong Kong because everything is so cheap there. Too many knock-offs for my taste though. Yet we're talking about gold digging ha, ha, ha.

On November 24 2011 23:07 OpticalShot wrote:
Is your boyfriend not paying everything because he doesn't want to, or is it because he can't?

In the first case, is it because he is a douche, or is it because he's a cheap person?
In the case of the latter, is it because he fails at life, or... fails at life?

You see, the real problem your mother wants to bring up is not that your boyfriend isn't "paying everything". It's that she's afraid you'll have to support him long term, should you two dive into lifelong commitment. I think the image your mother is getting is that your boyfriend will never find a decent enough job to pay his fair share of living. You see, in the traditional Asian style of relationship, men does pay everything... and it's not really your mother's fault for being stubborn with this idea, because this was the norm in her days. So, in her eyes, the boyfriend isn't paying everything because he fails at life and is incapable of providing for you should you fall into financial trouble. Splitting a meal here and there isn't a big cost unless you two eat out at a steakhouse every night or something. If the guy isn't paying the big costs like rent, insurance, gas, or stuff like that, AND he is of working age (in my opinion, 23+) then we actually have a problem here.

It's not about gold digging. I don't think your mother wants you to be a gold digger. I know you don't see yourself as a gold digger either. You'll either have to prove to your mother that your boyfriend is a responsible, diligent person that is capable of a respectable career, or you'll have to wait until you boyfriend arrives home with a legitimate paycheck to show off to your mother. I'm not a parent or anything, but I think what your mother ultimately expects is for both you and your boyfriend (future husband in your mother's eyes) to have respectable careers as dual-income household. Sorry for bringing marriage into this, but traditional Asian parents tend to think like 20 years down the line.

All this is probably meaningless if both of you are not in the twenties yet... but I'm sure this issue will be brought up many times in your future =P

*edit: 5/5 for your cool attitude and also good luck!

On November 25 2011 05:07 koreasilver wrote:
My girlfriend and I split almost everything, and we do this since we are both the same age and are in similar financial positions (poor students). If your mom is insinuating that the man should be paying regardless of context, then that's stupid. But I suppose that she might have the grounds for raising an objection if your boyfriend is 7 years older than you. I guess she might be suggesting that your boyfriend should be in a much more stable financial position than you for his age, and so that splitting everything by half might not actually be a truly equal affair considering that.

On November 25 2011 01:35 Chill wrote:

What is this reply? It's a stereotype, but it's true that Chinese girls focus on money more than any other race, especially our parent's generation. This has nothing to do with the government.

On November 24 2011 17:25 CaucasianAsian wrote:
I once was super cheap on one date and went out to breakfast with a girl where we went to a hotel 20 minutes away that served complimentary breakfast (free food obv.)

relationship didn't last long.

On November 25 2011 05:09 kierpanda wrote:


I believe it's regardless of context. She's done this before.

The last guy I dated was only a few months older than me.

On November 25 2011 05:11 baubo wrote:


Do you have proof to back this up? Also, are you referring to Chinese Americans, or Chinese people in general? Are you referring to ABCs or 1st generation immigrants? Does other factors come into play, like their own financial situation comparable to a typical white or black or hispanic girl?

I'm just saying that Chinese as a race saves more money and generally much more frugal than their American counterpart even at similar earning level. They plan more for the future, for their kids, for retirement. They have a lot less debt than Americans. They generally don't spend beyond their means like Americans. That is my opinion, but one that's backed up by living in the US for most of my life years and China for 5+ years. If you wish to say I'm wrong, okay. But at least put even a tiny bit of effort into that counter-argument.

On November 25 2011 05:31 koreasilver wrote:
Why? Why would you bow down to an apologist?

From my experiences of living in Korea for 5+ years and always having sustained contact with both Koreans and Chinese and having dated Chinese girls for the majority of my dating history (3 out of 4), I can really say with confidence that the general metropolitan Korean and Chinese parent adhere to heavy cultural sex roles and have an obsession with the (potential) financial value of their children's partners. This is something I've picked up over my own experiences and from watching the relationships my friends have been in (whether they be Korean, Chinese, or a non-Asian that is dating an Asian). The very fact that they are so frugal is an intimate part of why they are so money hungry. It's a continuation of the mentality of saving and hoarding more and more.