EPT
I feel alone
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nimysa
United States383 Posts
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SanguineToss
Canada815 Posts
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JohnColtrane
Australia4813 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
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wok
United States504 Posts
Then when refreshing the page a few hundred times yields no satisfactory response, resume the hopeless situation that is a 10-page paper due tomorrow. Fuck, I better get started. | ||
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kidd
United States2848 Posts
Chances are you aren't even as bad and lonely as you perceive and changing your style of thinking will reflect that. | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
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CaucasianAsian
Korea (South)11596 Posts
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JohnColtrane
Australia4813 Posts
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DeathSpank
United States1029 Posts
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phosphorylation
United States2935 Posts
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PH
United States6173 Posts
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chobopeon
United States7342 Posts
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Ilikestarcraft
Korea (South)17734 Posts
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dasanivan
United States532 Posts
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Whiplash
United States2929 Posts
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Equaoh
Canada427 Posts
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meeple
Canada10211 Posts
On November 05 2009 11:31 Ilikestarcraft wrote: meet me ^^ how is it possible that you have quint-digit posts and a scv as your icon? to OP: introverted people are all around you... basically find something that makes you happy. Sports/clubs/starcraft... it doesn't matter too much that you're not social... lots of people aren't. | ||
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Kyuukyuu
Canada6263 Posts
On November 05 2009 11:38 Equaoh wrote: The most complicated jokes I make with my friends involve making funny faces and going olololololol. wtf rofl | ||
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cunninglinguists
United States925 Posts
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Ingenol
United States1328 Posts
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Pawsom
United States928 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + hehehe | ||
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cunninglinguists
United States925 Posts
omegle.com just learn how to socialize properly and then be able to emulate it in real life. | ||
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Mickey
United States2606 Posts
Just use small talk and eventually you'll find people with similar hobbies, etc.. | ||
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MeriaDoKk
Chile1726 Posts
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RebirthOfLeGenD
USA5860 Posts
Oh one word of advice, it is almost always better to say something retarded then say nothing at all. | ||
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Medzo
United States627 Posts
A good way to feeling less alone is just more social interaction. So it sounds like you're uncomfortable talking to strangers. Bad news for you is that the only way to be comfortable talking with strangers is to go out there and do it. Good news is that it honestly doesn't matter what happens when you talk to a stranger, because they are a stranger. Here is some conversation tips. Learn how to ask questions. For me the most interesting thing when talking to someone is to let them tell you about their life or something interesting, rather than speaking on behalf of yourself. Most people like to talk about themselves too. If you have something to say then its good to know your audience, like when talking to someone sensitive (women, some men) be sure to tell them how you felt. Or if you're talking to someone logical be sure to explain your reasons. Minor things like this can make a difference in your conversations. Just go out and practice and find communication patterns that work. Being good at conversation is an art, it takes practice, it is not all natural. And don't bother with omegle, without body language or the fear of rejection it is pointless, and not to mention half the people are looking for cyber sex. | ||
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d_so
Korea (South)3262 Posts
maybe you'll turn out like me in a few years lol i dont know if that's a good thing or not. | ||
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Sea.YachtNavy
Andorra5 Posts
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DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
Shit sucks. Force yourself to be in situations where you can meet people, I guess. Takes more courage than I have. | ||
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d_so
Korea (South)3262 Posts
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DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
On November 05 2009 12:30 d_so wrote: ^ maybe you'd have more friends if you didn't steal articles what? Every single article I've posted was all my writing. If I've written on similar topics or have assimilated thoughts from other articles into my own arguments that is irrelevant. | ||
Chill
Calgary25997 Posts
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TheAntZ
Israel6248 Posts
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onmach
United States1241 Posts
If I were to give you advice, and man I wish I'd had this advice when I was younger, as soon as you notice any situation makes you nervous when you know logically it shouldn't bother you, or that people do it all the time, you should force yourself to do it. I don't care what it is. As an example, an anxiety a lot of people have is the gym. They'll do anything to get into shape as long as they don't have to do it in front of people. They think they'll be made fun of, even though logically that's stupid and it won't happen. But your head won't really believe that until it sees it for itself. Another example, if you tend to not talk to people in class, do it. Say anything. Ask about a homework assignment due date, comment on his laptop, whatever. He'll tell you the due date and that'll be that. If by some miracle the guy tells you to fuck off, then that's it, that's the worst possible repercussion and you survived. Onto the next challenge. Dance in a crazy dance club. Ride a motorcycle. Jump out of a plane. No wait, don't do that last one that's crazy. | ||
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ShaperofDreams
Canada2492 Posts
But yeah just remember that everybody is self concious and that you don't have to be the worlds funniest guy, just act relaxed and in control and expand from there. edit: btw I'm the same age as you, also ~18 | ||
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Ghardo
Germany1685 Posts
you can't totally change your personality just like that and at once be the social baller like some users on this board pretend to be *hehe* (this shouldn't sound disheartening, try to begin with the thought that most of it is only in your head/not necessary) so try to tweak the circumstances so that you are overall a more satisfied person. it's hard to make a list for that matter, but try what honesttea pointedly wrote in the thread about relationships - this may partly apply here too (minus point 2): On October 19 2009 13:23 HonestTea wrote: Answer to all these questions: BECOME A BETTER MAN Make sure you are as much as a gentleman you can be. Get haircuts regularly, clothes perfectly ironed, class and work before time, open doors and pull out chairs for all women, exercise daily, read the Times and Journal everyday, always have an interesting book you're reading, spend QT with friends and family, savings and investments in order, practice your second language weekly, volunteer at least once a month, keep your car and house clean, wardrobe immaculate... and no turning hoes into housewives. Be happy with who you are, but never be satisfied 1. Be a better man (I believe PUA people call this "inner game"), 2. know what kind of person you want, 3. don't be afraid of meeting people and keeping a wide and open social life, 4. and things will happen when they happen. Now close this fucking thread. i mean that for example the nervousness is not a product of itself but that there are other factors in your life that make you dissatisfied (like laziness in school/university/work, sports, - little to no motivation to get things done E.G.) and if you work on these and better them, that your overall satisfaction would automatically sweep away the obstacles you seem to see in social situations (because you take it all easier, without thinking too much). that's at least what i observed when i felt happier and had nothing depressing on my mind, that most things would come naturally to me.. whatev, hf | ||
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illu
Canada2531 Posts
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Pengu1n
United States552 Posts
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On November 05 2009 12:34 Chill wrote: come to korea lol that made me lol for some reason | ||
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alexpnd
Canada1857 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Stranger: m or f You: m Your conversational partner has disconnected. | ||
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Phyre
United States1288 Posts
May sound really obvious but having confidence and being happy with yourself make social interaction easier. I found that during the stage of my life where I was worst at talking to people was when I had a very poor perception of myself. I felt weak, ugly, stupid, and generally inferior to most of my peers. Constantly felt jealous of what other people had. Changed that when I went to college. Stopped caring what other people thought of me and just did what I felt like doing. Oddly enough, after I stopped caring about girls I got a girlfriend because she approached me. Confidence paid off and lead to more confidence. Started working out more, dressing better, etc but not with the mindset that others would perceive me better but with the mindset that I was only improving for me. So I could look in the mirror and be happy with myself. Be happy with yourself and that confidence coupled with your lack of caring what others think will make you feel drastically better. For me it became a snowball effect and it lead me to self improve more and more. | ||
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zulu_nation8
China26351 Posts
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On November 05 2009 13:49 zulu_nation8 wrote: can start by not blogging about it wrong, first thing to change something is recognize it needs to be changed, and there's nothing better than doing that by letting others know. Unless you're trolling...... -,- | ||
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daz
Canada643 Posts
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alexpnd
Canada1857 Posts
On November 05 2009 14:18 daz wrote: i recommend heroes of newerth wtf. hermit to hermit advice? alright. | ||
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daz
Canada643 Posts
if your gonna be a hermit might as well have fun while you're at it | ||
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zekie
Canada380 Posts
On November 05 2009 11:20 kidd wrote: I truely believe that if you learn to convince yourself that you are actually not that bad of a person and that you have something to offer to others then the rest will come naturally. Chances are you aren't even as bad and lonely as you perceive and changing your style of thinking will reflect that. i completely agree with what kidd wrote. just be confident with who you are and if people don't like you for who you are it doesn't matter because eventually you will find those people if you just keep looking. | ||
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fixbayonets
United States10 Posts
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wok
United States504 Posts
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OMin
United States545 Posts
"I honestly wasn't sure what to expect once I started college life. I knew I'd probably start buying a lot of things, sleeping really late, do things whenever I wanted, and stuff like that was all true. But I had no idea what to expect in terms of friends and relationships I would form. Here's some self-evaluation: I'm a nerdy guy... but on the cooler side of nerd-dom. I'm not antisocial, but on the other hand, I'm pretty strange.... I don't watch sports, I don't listen to popular music, I act pretty gay, I'm an asian metalhead, and I'm bad at talking to people.... which leads me to this.. One thing about me is I don't like talking to people without being prepared... I hate having to make phone calls, I hate having to ask for favors, I hate running into situations where I have to talk to somebody, whether I know them or not, without me knowing what I need to talk about... I don't know what it is.. maybe my brain just thinks slow, maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe talking just isn't my thing, but I tend to make awkward conversations. I'm really bad at getting beyond small talk... I mean, who the fuck wants to talk about classes or school, and you cant keep asking people where theyre from or what year in school theyre in every time you see them. And the fact that I don't keep up with TV shows and mainstream music doesn't help at all.... I'm left of the loop when pop culture comes up, because I don't really dig that stuff.... forcing myself to watch and listen to things I don't like seems really fake and sort of like a desperate measure in trying to fit. I can say that I try to be myself, and I guess this is what this blog is about. Yet sometimes it's so hard to be true to yourself.... I feel that so many of my tendencies and quirks keep me from fitting in. There's the choice to conform/affect your personality and fit in, or theres the choice to be yourself and go down in the social ladder. On the outside, I'm obnoxious, rowdy and say nasty things. That's naturally a part of me, and probably how a lot of people see me. But I also have a different side that many people haven't seen or even know about. I know I'm a pretty introverted person. I have a lot of thoughts, but I feel they are private, and even when I do feel like conveying them, I don't know how to say it... which I guess goes back to the fact that I'm bad at talking to people. Very often, when I'm around people, sometimes even if they're people that I know, I want to be alone. I don't want to deal with having to try so hard to not look/be/act awkward, whether it's saying the right/wrong thing, saying too much/too little, a matter of what it is I say, where I'm standing/sitting in terms of other people, my posture, my expression... like what the fuck!!?? I think the fact that I know I'm not the best talker makes me so self-conscious about all these things. But when I try not to be self conscious and do whatever, the usual result is people giving me the "awkwarddd" look... thought there have been sparse and few good responses from it as well. So I guess this is a matter of fitting in and having an affected outer apperance versus being true to yourself and being the weird guy. Thus no doubt I hate being around people I don't know. It's easy enough in class or something everyday like that. But say... parties... I enjoy parties for the having fun factor. But at the same time, being at a frat is about fitting in... it's a test of how "cool" you are. The comedians, the popular people, the badasses, the good dancers, etc. have it good here.... in fact this is probably how they have those reputations to start with. Such people, if they happen to be reading this, might be kind of laughing at me and my struggle, because I'm none of the above. Thus, when I'm at a frat, I feel like it's a test for me... the pressure's on me to not look awkward, to not look like a loser, to not look like the first-timer freshman.... a test of "fitting in". And the fact that "fitting in" at a party means talking with random ass people you don't even know, it's that much worse for me. A party would be so much more fun to me if I didn't stress about all this, but it's not that simple. It's a battle between being me and being conformed to fit in at a party... which frankly isn't me at all. Thus, this kind of fulfills the paradox: being alone in a sea of people. Even though I try to stay true to myself, I'm only human and have the inevitable need and desire to fit in, which leads me to try and put on a fake image in hopes of getting acceptance. Thus, my level of "fitting in" at a party is a direct measurement of how well that's working. But in the end, it's a loss loss situation. A good day (night) at a frat party means I'll be happy that I was able to fit in well, consequently boosting my ego.... but only to realize later that I was just being a total fake. A bad day at a frat will depress me, making me wonder why I'm so deficient and unaccepted in society's eyes, restrengthening the awareness of my insecurities. Not that I'm antisocial or anything... but I know that I sort of am a loner. Why is it so hard to just be me? How come being socially accepted and being myself have to always be opposing each other? Thus, I feel that most of the new relationships I have made with people I met and associate with in college have mostly been shallow and superficial. I find myself alone in my room more often than I feel is for a "socially normal" person, partly for lack of meaningful relationships. I feel I don't connect with people very well in general, partly because I don't keep up with pop culture, partly because I am bad at talking to people, and I don't know what else. I'm glad I do have friends back from San Diego to turn to when I need it, but I feel that associating with only them too often is cowardly, shy, and parochial. time is running out as i need to get to work, so i guess this will end here. I have been adverse to posting anything like this on facebook as it just seems like attention whoring... but that's not my intention. No doubt I want people to read it, but I'm not doing this to get sympathy or something lame like that. I think it's not good for me to barrel all this up inside of me as I have been doing so for so long.... I've always hated to burden other people with my own problems. But I said to someone the other day that sometimes you gotta forget about other people for a minute to stand up for yourself... and I am doing so right now. So, please excuse this outburst of selfishness  , I feel I really need it, and deserve it for all the times I held it in. It feels really good to just tell/admit to the whole world about this wholly different aspect of me that they couldn't see. It will help me in my journey to discover who I am, so it's all for a good cause!k, i really gotta go now... if you made it this far in this note, thanks for having the concern to do so... i hope you got a little something out of this " | ||
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Revolt
United States288 Posts
the way i socialize, i basically see everyone as a brother,sister , i don't really believe in family positions(it's just a way to describe how i interact.) be candit with people, ask them about their day, be sincere,truely. it's kindve hard to give advice without clarifications. Why do you want to interact? i find people pretty annoying sometimes. oh btw, if your only examples of people with good social skills who talk, or 'appear' to have good social skills, often DON'T have good social skills. Having good social skills doesn't mean conversationwise,well,nvm(you were talking about being a conversationalist in your op) just learn relationship skills, you don't have to be friends with everyone, if you get a bad side to a conversation, it's not your fault, it's the othersides fault for being a jerk. i actually use to be the same as the op. whenever i went to the market, or anywhere in general, i tried to make friends, and thought about ways in my head(conversations, etc.) when i found out people can't make me happy, i was actually a good person to be around,every conversation i had seemed appealing to others. just be happy with yourself, and don't be a cynicist about your social skills, people often do want to talk, or don't (it's usually those individuals who are never happy, and are occupied with social positions.) just be yourself man, everything will be okay | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
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Always
United States376 Posts
but if it isn't, and you want to get out of your shell, you can try to search for other introverts. it might be a little tough, but if you really want to get out there, you have to get out there. there's no easy cure-all for this. things like friendship are born out of initiative. people aren't going to come knocking on your dorm door / house door asking for you to hang out with them. =) no harm in trying! | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
On November 05 2009 13:06 Pengu1n wrote: alcohol! and weed! and | ||
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OMin
United States545 Posts
thanks for giving him temporary ways to escape, and thus avoid resolving, his problem. I don't have a problem with smoking/drinking for fun, but to as a way to solve your personal issues... get a fucking hold of your life bro. | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
And in my experience, I don't use them to "get away" from problems, they just bring out the more social side of me. I used to be extremely shy before as well, but now i actually am pretty outgoing, even when I'm not high/drunk at the moment. | ||
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blue_arrow
1971 Posts
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pubbanana
United States3063 Posts
On November 05 2009 14:59 fixbayonets wrote: Start drinking. Works wonders. It worked for me. Seriously. | ||
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DarkYoDA
United States1347 Posts
Just learn to enjoy the company of your friends instead of thinking there's a need for you to be the "joke" cracker or the blood of the group and so on. I mean within my group of 7 good friends, I think easily tell you like 3 of them just get "tugged" along with occasional suggestions on what to do and where to go. That's good enough, we enjoy one anothers' company and friendship regardless the type of socially complex contributions involved. Anyway I have seasons with many friends and comparing now and then, it's considerably more boring now because of working and studies and stuff, but I don't really have the "I'm lonely" feeling and is perfectly happy with my box and laptop on. I am sure alone but not lonely, I say your problem is psychological. The last thing you want to do now is feel too much about your inadequacy in these so-called more interesting and complex contributions and go into withdrawal mode and dampen your friendships, which would of course be entirely unnecessary. | ||
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Loanshark
China3094 Posts
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