I need your help! I have decided, for my next project, that I will convince a scammer into singing the banelings song.
However, I will need an mp3 or attachable-via-email sound file in order to make this work. Any help in this respect may earn you a sign trophy with a message of your choice, if possible (phrase acceptable-ness is at my discretion. Please no racism!).
-----
You are a thief
-Desmond Ken
I won't deny that some scambaiters have done some incredible things. Convincing one to go to Darfur. Tricking a lad into getting a tattoo proclaiming "I give BJs". Most of the time, though, its just an exercise in wasting a scammer's time via a series of ever-escalating excuses.
This is another straight bait. Nothing flashy, just consistent attempts to waste this guy's (these guys?) time as much as possible.
Toward the end I provoke some quality rage from these lazy scammers, which was pretty satisfying.
Leetspeek is added for anti-Google purposes as usual.
Cast of characters:
Desmond - a gold scammer
Mr. Mike - Desmond's shipping agent
Kili4n Qat4r - The VP of Kan3 Consultants
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
I thank you for your reply.
Sir I want to know if time will permit you to come down to Ghana and see the gold with your eyes. And my price for per a kilo is at sum of $21,000. And the total number of the gold is 150 kilos if you can be able to buy all I will reduce the price at sum of $20,000 for per a kilo.
Thank you for your understanding hoping to hear from you soon.
Thanks and God bless you
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken.
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken,
I really only need 10 kilos of gold, will that be acceptable?
I'll send one of my agents to view the gold.
K. Qat4r, VP
Kane Consultants
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
I thank you for your reply. Sir its acceptable to me sends your agent to come and see it with his two eyes and test it. I am ready to work with you at this moment.
Find below the attachment certificate of the gold.
Thank for your understanding hoping to hear from you soon.
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken.
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken,
Seems good, though again we only need 10 kilos, is that acceptable?
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir,
I thank you for your reply.
Sir want you to send me your contact receiving address and your passport copy and telephone number so i ship the 10 kilos of the gold to you through shipped agent.
Thanks and God bless you
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken.
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr Ken,
My office is located at:
428 Nod Boulevard, Suite 408A
Boston, MA 21101
My passport is attached. Get back to me soon. R&D needs the gold desperately.
---------------------
Its a trash file, for those that are wondering.
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
I am waiting to hear from you because the shipping agent are ready to ship the gold to your door step please kindly tell me your mind over that so i can know the next step to follow.because i want to finish up the transaction this week .
Thanks and God bless you
best regard
Desm0nd Ken,
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken,
I'm not authorized to give my satellite phone number to non-members of the Brotherhood of Nod.
If you would like me to find alternative arrangements just say.
Best,
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir.
I thank you for your reply.
Sir i have send the 10 kilos of the gold to the shipping agent with your contact receiving address that you forward me for the shipment of the 10 kilos of the gold to you. And the shipping agent is waiting for his shipment fee which is $15,500 Dollars. Please kindly let me know whether you are willing to buy the 10 kilos because every shipment arrangement has already take place we are just waiting for you to pay the shipment fee.Before the 10 kilos will be shipped to your door step.
And also i want you to understand that your mobile telephone number is needed for the shipment of the 10 kilos of the gold to you please try and provide your telephone number accept you don't want to buy the 10 kilos of the gold from me.
Thanks and God bless you
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken.
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken,
I will try to arrange an alternative.
But you must be a Brotherhood of Nod member to have my satellite phone number, this is non-negotiable. If you are interested in joining though than please reply. We'd be happy to take you on.
Best,
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
I have ask the shipping agent to contact you for the shipment of the 10 kilos of the gold to you because I have take the 10 kilos of the gold to him and he told me that before he can ship the gold to you that he have to talk to you.
Well I want to find out from you whether you are ready to buy the 10 kilos of the gold because the agent is been waiting foe a few days now. Sir if you are not ready to buy the 10 kilos of the gold kindly tell me so that I will stop wasting time and writing you e-mail.
Sir this is the contact information of the shipping agent. Please contact him if he has not contacted you yet.
E-mail address, (appointedagent@cooltoad.com)
Name Mr. Mike
Telephone number +233-275-995-121
Thanks and God bless you
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken
---------------------
With that email of course he must be legitimate.
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Mike,
Desm0nd Ken informed me that you were his shipping agent.
Can you verify this for me?
--
K. Qat4r, VP
Kane Consultants
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn. K. Qat4r, VP
Mr. Desm0nd Ken brought 10 kilos of gold dust at my office with your shipping
address and I have verified the gold dust and find out that is real gold. And
I have finished working at all the shipment documents with your address. I am
just waiting you for come up with the shipment fees so I can carry on the
shipment to you.
You can find below the attachment passport copy of my.
Thank you for the cooperation
Best regard Mike
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Mike,
What sort of shipping fees? Are you asking me to pay an advance?
Best,
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn. K. Qat4r, VP
The total expenses money that involved for the shipment of the 10 kilos of the
gold dust to you is cost sum of $15, 500, 00 Dollars that is the amount you
have to pay now before I will ship the 10 kilos of the gold to you.
Now I have finish all the shipment arrangement with your address I am just
waiting you to pay the cost of the shipment which is $15, 500, 00 Dollars. As
soon as I receive the payment today I will shipped the 10 kilos of the gold
dust to you witting 48 hours.
Thank you for the cooperation
Best regard Mike
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
I see.
Can you give me the payment information? I will have to contact Accounting.
---------------------
Not sure what happened at this point, probably some Western Union details. In any case I let him twist in the wind until Ken starts harassing me.
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
The shipping agent called me today that you have contacted him since yesterday but he is still waiting for you to pay the cost of the shipment before he will ship the 10 kilos of the gold to you.
Sir I want you to the shipping agent the $15, 500, 00 so he can ship the 10 kilos of the gold to you because I want to make sure that you receive the 10 kilos of the gold. Please try and pay the shipping fees that cost $15, 500, 00.
Thanks and God bless you
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken,
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken and Mr. Mike,
My accounting department has informed me of a company policy change regarding all sales of gold. Due to several past incidents of suppliers shipping us adulterated and/or low-quality gold, all sellers are now required to fill out a form regarding purity/characteristics of their gold stocks.
Which one of you should I forward the form to?
Thank you,
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn. K. Qat4r, VP
Listen to me very carefully Mr. Desm0nd ken gold is the best gold in the world
and beside that I tested all the 10 kilos of the gold one by one before I
decided to ship the 10 kilos of the to you. Because I cannot ship a gold that
I did not tested. I have to test the gold one by one before I will ship it to
anyone.
However, I will be coming to you with the 10 kilos of the gold dust as soon as
you make the payment so you can have the gold’s in your hand and verify it by
yourself and find out the quality with your eyes.
Below is the account information paying the $15,500 Dollars with the account
below. And scan the payment details and attached it to me.
HSBC
P.O.BOX 18127-32 POULTRY LONDON EC 2P2BX
SORT CODE ;40-05-15
SWIFT CODE MILDGB 22
FAX 207 260 4473
TLX ;888401
SBG LTD.
ACC/NO 39306396
SWIFT CODE ;SBICGHAC
BENEFICARY NAME ;PROPEL LTD
P.O.BOX 18681
ACCRA.
ACC/NO. 0240029052701
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken, Mr. Mike,
If you have tested the gold, than filling out this form shouldn't be too difficult. As soon as you return it and we get US Department of Commerce (USDOC) approval for the shipment, Mr. Conley will make the bank transfer.
The form will ask you for a reference code. The code for this order is NERF ZEALOTS. Please remember this--we don't want Accounting misfiling the record of your transfer.
Best,
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir,
Your mail is noted I have been in this shipping business for many years USA
custom officials never request such documents from me, meanwhile all the
necessary documents will be secure in your name including declaration from
High court of Ghana and Anti-terrorist certificate to indicate that the gold
has no criminal attached it.
As soon as we receive the money we will secure all the necessary documents
that will allow you sale the gold to any refinery of your choice, also one of
our staff that will accompany the Gold to USA is diplomatic officials, he has
diplomatic immunity to deliver any goods without inspections by any security
agents including custom officials.
So, I am given you assurance that the gold will be deliver direct to your
destination, you will not come to the airport, the diplomat will clear the
gold from the airport in the USA and deliver to you.
We are waiting for the money so that we start processing the export documents;
time is not in our side Xmas is around the corner very soon many offices will
close for the Xmas holiday.
Hoping to hear from you.
Best regard
Mike
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
If my company receives gold illegally without Department of Commerce approval, we could be fined hundreds of thousands of dollars, possibly millions if its determined to be malicious.
I will have to have the forms before I approve the transfer of funds.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
How are you doing today,
Sir, I have made it clear to you that I have never ship gold out of my country before and I don’t know any thing about it that is why I want you to comply with the shipping agent because is well trusted person and I want you to do whatever he told you so that he can help us shipped the gold to your door step because he has been in the business for a very long time and he know everything about it.
However, I want you to know that the shipping agent assure me that as soon as you pay the shipping fees that he will get all the certificates ready witting two days and shipped the 10 kilos of the gold dust at your door step. Sir please comply with the shipping agent to enable him ship the 10 kilos of gold to your door step. And the most important thing is that you to send the shipping fees that is $15, 500. 00
I thank you for your understanding hoping to hear from you soon because i want to make sure that the gold is been shipped to you before the end of this very week.
Thanks and God bless you
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Hello Mr. Ken,
Either enlighten your shipping agent on the nuances of American gold importation law, or find a shipping agent who does. Anyone who doesn't know about the forms is a liar, a joker, or a fool.
I've already charged the corporate expense account $15,500 USD. Should I return it? I have a bunch of other projects on my plate; if you insist on wasting my time, inform me and I'll be glad to redirect the money toward other causes.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
Well, time to set up the time-honored "assistant" dollar chop:
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Ken, Mr. Mike,
I received the mail from your assistant saying that he would complete and return the forms ASAP.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn.K. Qat4r, VP
Find the all the attachments forms i fill all.
Thanks best
regard
Mike
---------------------
Oh, well this is a disaster. I am shocked and appalled that he devoted such little effort to filling out this OBVIOUSLY LEGITIMATE Department of Commerce paperwork.
Obviously unacceptable.
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Mike,
Thanks, I will have my secretary drop this off at the Department of Commerce office today.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn.K. Qat4r
You have to stop wasting my time if you are ready to receive the 10 kilos of
the gold dust send me the money now because as from next week i will be off at
office.
Thanks
best regard
Mike
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Mr. Mike,
Are you trying to prank me? What the fuck is this?
I got a call back from the Department of Commerce office, asking if I was playing a joke on them.
Among their comments:
-No reference code given. I told you this code was NERF ZEALOTS. This is why it took so long to get back to you, because they had misfiled it and had to search manually for your application, because you didn't even put in the code.
-Safety scenario question not even attempted. In fact, all of section 4 was left incomplete.
-Terrorism question left undefined. Here in America, we are incredibly serious about this matter. Don't treat it lightly.
I asked Mr. Seinfeld at the office about what I could do. He says you may re-attempt the form, but the Department of Commerce has denied this application for now due to your poor effort.
Kil1an
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn,K. Qat4r, VP
I told you that i has never seem such forms before that is why i found it very
hard to understand and filling of it. At this point as you pay the money that
i required from you i will go to Ghana High Court of Justice to secure all the
certificates that will permit you to sell the gold at any Market in the world.
I can understand that you are not ready to buy the small boy gold that is what
i find out from you because if you are willing to buy the gold you have
supposed to comply with me since and maybe by now you supposed to received the
10 kilos of the gold but i find out that you are not ready at all to buy the
gold. If you are ready send the money to me today so i can get all the
certificates and ship the gold to you,
Thanks from Mike
---------------------
To: Mr. Mike (Agent)
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
First of all, the Department of Commerce doesn't recognize the Ghana High Court of Justice's jurisdiction.
Second, its not my fault that you devoted no effort towards filling out the forms at all. Its completely your fault that our transaction hasn't gone through.
Thirdly, I have already withdrawn money from my corporate expense account to buy your gold so don't claim I'm playing games with you.
Fourthly, I simply can't pay unless the Department of Commerce approves your form. So re-attempt it, actually try to answer the questions, and the DoC will approve it. Its as simple as that.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
Attn,K. Qat4r, VP
Listen to me you don't have money to buy the small boy gold that is what i
understand you are a poor man for sure. So you have to forget the transaction
you don't have money.
Thanks Mike
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Mr. Mike (Agent)
Subject:
Body:
How wish i knew that you are a stupid i will not even respond to you at all
Please dont you contact me again.
Mother fucker
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
Les forget about the shipping agent i have a diplomat that will deliver the 10 kilos of the gold to you through diplomatic delivering please kindly let me know your mind over that and if you are not ready to buy kindly let me know so i can look for another person.
Thanks and God bless you
best regard
Desm0nd Ken.
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Okay, please contact the diplomat. It seems that Mr. Mike is being irrational toward me for no particular reason.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
I have contacted the diplomatic agent that will ship the 10 kilos of the Gold to you and he told me to bring your address and pay the sum of $85,00 Dollars,
As soon as you pay the money the diplomatic agent will ship the 10 kilos of the gold at your door step without wasting time,
Thanks and God bless you
best regard
Desm0nd Ken,
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Who is the diplomatic agent and can you give me his contact information?
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
How are you doing, Sir you don't need to contact the diplomatic agent is me that own the gold that can ship the gold to you so if you are willing to receive the gold send me the delivering fee of $85,500 that the diplomatic agent charges so i will hand him over the 10 kilos of the gold dust with your address so he can ship it to your door step,
Sir and i want you to know that am not banging you for money if you know that you are not ready to buy the gold kindly tell me because i don't need wast my time always been e-mail you, So if you need the 10 kilos send the money to me so i can ship the gold by my self to you,
Thanks
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken,
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Alright, Mr. Ken,
I've transferred $85,500 to my personal expense account. But I still need the Department of Commerce forms filled out since Mr. Mike's forms were rejected. Let me know if you need another copy.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Please dont contact me again you are a thief
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Okay, I managed to bribe the Department of Commerce officials to approve Mr. Mike's shit application.
Send me the payment information.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
Send the money through western union money transfer or money gram,
Send the money below the details
Name: Chimezie Georgewill
Country: Accra Ghana
Send MTCN Number
Question use good
Answer use good
Amount: 8,5oo
Thanks and God bless you
Best regard
Desm0nd Ken,
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
I'm not familiar with Western Union, how do I use it?
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir
don't you contact me again you are a thief, I don't need you and your money fuck your self away from me,
go to hill with your money momom
---------------------
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Alright, I will go to Western Union and make the money transfer on Monday. Is this acceptable?
K. Qat4r
---------------------
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Dear Sir,
Send the money with this name: Simon Van-Lare
Country Accra Ghana
Amount:$8,500
Question use Good
Answer use Good
Send the MTCN Number for easy pick up
Send your senders name:
Send the full payment information as soon as i receive the money i will hand over the 10 kilos of the gold dust to the diplomatic agent with your address and the gold will be deliver to express,
Thanks and God bless you
best regard
Desm0nd Ken,
---------------------
I use a time wasting website designed by baiters...but it doesn't work.
To: Desm0nd Ken
From: Kil1an Qat4r
Subject:
Body:
Will you or Mr. Van-Lare be accessing the site?
I think you need to put the recipient's (Simon Van-Lare) name in the verification process.
If you will be accessing it, just tell me and I can hopefully call the company to change the details.
K. Qat4r
---------------------
It appears he's finally twigged
To: Kil1an Qat4r
From: Desm0nd Ken
Subject:
Body:
Please i ban you with name of God never you contact me again OK, I don't want you at all you are a big thief and a scam fuck your self stupid man like you made a payment and you cant send MTCN number,
Go and die
---------------------
If you liked my first blog and hated this one, I do have some good and bad news.
The good news is that my better baits, unsurprisingly, are still ongoing.
The bad news is that the best of the lot is still very far from completing. The lad in question has been hooked for 2 months in a fantasy world (and a great fantasy world it is: 12 characters, and 4-5 major story arcs. I am not exaggerating when I say it has enough content to fuel a soap opera for months), and the end is still not quite in sight.
At the moment I can provide this one little form trophy, provided by our compliant lad:
+ Show Spoiler +
Stay tuned!