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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Netherlands6175 Posts
On September 07 2014 03:43 Velzi wrote:
So.. I've been planning to ask one girl out for a dinner or something. We hang out in the same groups but i havent talked to her without others being around. What im asking is that how should i approach her (is it legit to ask her out in facebook/Whatsapp etc. im kinda shy guy u know) or what should i do? I feel like im not in the spot to talk to her everyone being around and asking her out with others listening it lol.
And if it actually happens that she agrees to go out with me, what should we do in the first "date" or should i just let the flow go? Is it lame to take her for a lunch and movie or something or should i plan up something more extra special? I've heard that movie is like the worst place u can go on first date since u are not able to talk to eachother... Maybe im just thinking too much and not doing what im suppose to :|
Appreciate fast response, im so goddamn nervous about this. : P
Take her for lunch or coffee, defintely! It shows her you're serious enough to want one on one time with her but you're not too committed to making it a big exclusive date, like dinner or a movie. Just remember to relax and that the date is also for you to have fun.
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Thx a lot! I also realized i have no car or anything to take her to downtown so is it fine to go by bus or bike since its like 5km from here cambus to downtown? I've been here in city for like a week now and she's been here for over a year so is it fine to ask her if she knows cool place to go or should it be me who decides where we go? Ofc i have to ask when she has time for it and so on but is it my call where we go?
Tbh i have no clue if she is even remotely interested in me so this can turn out really bad lol
E: And about the way i should approach her, is it fine to do it online or should i try to find good spot to ask it face to face? Im like 80% sure i will screw it up if i try it irl so if it is even close to being okeyish to ask it online id really like to go with it. But since im already asking these questions here id like to hear ur opinions if it is rude or something to not being able to go face to face talk at this point (::
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Go up to her "Hey, fancy grabbing a coffee with me sometime?" job done.
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Do what ever you are comfortable with, the main thing is that you do it! The advantage of pulling her aside and asking her face to face is that she doesn't have time to think so most of the time she will just think "hey he has courage, why the hell not" and say yes. And you don't torture yourself with what is the best way of approaching her via text for hours.
About the location, it helps when you have something in mind what you want to do it doesn't have to be a specific place. Just suggest a corner, market square or whatever place you know to meet there and you will find something appropriate with her no problem.
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thanks, u'll hear about me later then whatever happens 
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My last girl left me to do hard drugs in a forest for three days getting fucked by random guys then move to a different city to turn her life around. She said she didn't wanna worry about a boyfriend while doing it.
I didn't know what to feel about it then... still don't. Like one of those life events where there is no wisdom or lesson to gain. It just sort of happened and didn't have much to do with me as we weren't really "serious" yet. Knew her 2 months, banged a few times.
I already knew her craziness would impact our relationship at one point too. She was up and coming in the public sector but fucked it up with a criminal DUI, back to near minimum wage and no driving license. Don't think she ever recovered from that setback.
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On September 07 2014 06:49 Fyodor wrote:
My last girl left me to do hard drugs in a forest for three days getting fucked by random guys then move to a different city to turn her life around. She said she didn't wanna worry about a boyfriend while doing it.
I didn't know what to feel about it then... still don't. Like one of those life events where there is no wisdom or lesson to gain. It just sort of happened and didn't have much to do with me as we weren't really "serious" yet. Knew her 2 months, banged a few times.
I already knew her craziness would impact our relationship at one point too. She was up and coming in the public sector but fucked it up with a criminal DUI, back to near minimum wage and no driving license. Don't think she ever recovered from that setback.
I see she went to Shambalha.
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My first date was last Sunday. It was with a coworker from my Summer job(which is now over). It was my first date ever, at the tender age of 21. The date was actually fairly good, because we sat and talked in a coffee shop for 3 hours or so and the conversation flowed well. However, I am not attracted to the woman. It seems she is fairly interested in me, because she keeps messaging me on facebook and asked me out for coffee again. While I do enjoy talking to her I don't find her sexy and don't want to lead her on or anything like that. Could someone please tell me a good way to nicely and politely let her know I'm not interested?
On a side note, I am finally starting to get attention from women. This is probably partly because of the awesome tan my summer job gave me, as well as the muscles I am starting to put on from working out. It may also be because my personality is finally coming out of the shell that it got beaten back into in high school. However, this means that I will have to go through some growing pains of learning how the dating game works, and even just social media in general. I only have Facebook, and just installed Snapchat today. I hardly use my phone, text mostly to meet up with people or transmit information, not for conversation unless the person is far away or hard to talk to otherwise. It seems like there's a lot I don't know about it. What do you use this stuff for? Why is Snapchat so popular? As far as I can tell you just take pictures of yourself or random things? Why?
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Tell her you didn't feel that spark but still want to hang out and be friends. That is if you want to be friends still. Definitely don't tell her you don't find her attractive under any circumstance unless you want to be called an asshole and never want to talk to her again.
You guess about Snapchat is as good as mine. Easy way for girls to take selfies and boost their self esteem and portray funny images to another person. No clue about why it's so popular, don't understand Instagram either. Has to be a girl thing idk.
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On September 10 2014 13:01 WarSame wrote:
My first date was last Sunday. It was with a coworker from my Summer job(which is now over). It was my first date ever, at the tender age of 21. The date was actually fairly good, because we sat and talked in a coffee shop for 3 hours or so and the conversation flowed well. However, I am not attracted to the woman. It seems she is fairly interested in me, because she keeps messaging me on facebook and asked me out for coffee again. While I do enjoy talking to her I don't find her sexy and don't want to lead her on or anything like that. Could someone please tell me a good way to nicely and politely let her know I'm not interested?
On a side note, I am finally starting to get attention from women. This is probably partly because of the awesome tan my summer job gave me, as well as the muscles I am starting to put on from working out. It may also be because my personality is finally coming out of the shell that it got beaten back into in high school. However, this means that I will have to go through some growing pains of learning how the dating game works, and even just social media in general. I only have Facebook, and just installed Snapchat today. I hardly use my phone, text mostly to meet up with people or transmit information, not for conversation unless the person is far away or hard to talk to otherwise. It seems like there's a lot I don't know about it. What do you use this stuff for? Why is Snapchat so popular? As far as I can tell you just take pictures of yourself or random things? Why?
Try to have sex with the girl even if you don't think she's sexy, you don't wanna be a virgin when it counts. This is so important you have no idea.
Snapchat is popular because it's fun and the pictures get deleted. (please don't reply saying how you can screenshot, I'm aware.)
User was warned for this post
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On September 10 2014 13:41 Fyodor wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2014 13:01 WarSame wrote:
My first date was last Sunday. It was with a coworker from my Summer job(which is now over). It was my first date ever, at the tender age of 21. The date was actually fairly good, because we sat and talked in a coffee shop for 3 hours or so and the conversation flowed well. However, I am not attracted to the woman. It seems she is fairly interested in me, because she keeps messaging me on facebook and asked me out for coffee again. While I do enjoy talking to her I don't find her sexy and don't want to lead her on or anything like that. Could someone please tell me a good way to nicely and politely let her know I'm not interested?
On a side note, I am finally starting to get attention from women. This is probably partly because of the awesome tan my summer job gave me, as well as the muscles I am starting to put on from working out. It may also be because my personality is finally coming out of the shell that it got beaten back into in high school. However, this means that I will have to go through some growing pains of learning how the dating game works, and even just social media in general. I only have Facebook, and just installed Snapchat today. I hardly use my phone, text mostly to meet up with people or transmit information, not for conversation unless the person is far away or hard to talk to otherwise. It seems like there's a lot I don't know about it. What do you use this stuff for? Why is Snapchat so popular? As far as I can tell you just take pictures of yourself or random things? Why? Try to have sex with the girl even if you don't think she's sexy, you don't wanna be a virgin when it counts. This is so important you have no idea. Snapchat is popular because it's fun and the pictures get deleted. (please don't reply saying how you can screenshot, I'm aware.)
You act like having sex once gives him some new found ability to be good in bed...
Also he didn't say he was a virgin, just that was his first date. Not sure if you are giving bad advice on purpose or not...
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On September 10 2014 13:49 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2014 13:41 Fyodor wrote:On September 10 2014 13:01 WarSame wrote:
My first date was last Sunday. It was with a coworker from my Summer job(which is now over). It was my first date ever, at the tender age of 21. The date was actually fairly good, because we sat and talked in a coffee shop for 3 hours or so and the conversation flowed well. However, I am not attracted to the woman. It seems she is fairly interested in me, because she keeps messaging me on facebook and asked me out for coffee again. While I do enjoy talking to her I don't find her sexy and don't want to lead her on or anything like that. Could someone please tell me a good way to nicely and politely let her know I'm not interested?
On a side note, I am finally starting to get attention from women. This is probably partly because of the awesome tan my summer job gave me, as well as the muscles I am starting to put on from working out. It may also be because my personality is finally coming out of the shell that it got beaten back into in high school. However, this means that I will have to go through some growing pains of learning how the dating game works, and even just social media in general. I only have Facebook, and just installed Snapchat today. I hardly use my phone, text mostly to meet up with people or transmit information, not for conversation unless the person is far away or hard to talk to otherwise. It seems like there's a lot I don't know about it. What do you use this stuff for? Why is Snapchat so popular? As far as I can tell you just take pictures of yourself or random things? Why? Try to have sex with the girl even if you don't think she's sexy, you don't wanna be a virgin when it counts. This is so important you have no idea. Snapchat is popular because it's fun and the pictures get deleted. (please don't reply saying how you can screenshot, I'm aware.) You act like having sex once gives him some new found ability to be good in bed... Also he didn't say he was a virgin, just that was his first date. Not sure if you are giving bad advice on purpose or not...
Your post is so much worse than mine.
"You act like having sex once gives him some new found ability to be good in bed..."
Never said that, so you're wasting everyone's time.
"Also he didn't say he was a virgin, just that was his first date. "
ok he had sex without women being interested in him or dating him. Seriously? Even if he did he doesn't seem like someone who will have an easy time pleasuring a woman and could use the experience.
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Gonna unsub from this thread... too much arguming, not enough advice.
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Not gonna bother wasting the effort to continue the conversation with Frydor he's obviously giving bad advice from that perspective. He assumes 1 thing then assumes another to reinforce his wrongly held beliefs while diminishing the guy asking for "helpful" advice.
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On September 10 2014 15:02 Zooper31 wrote:
Not gonna bother wasting the effort to continue the conversation with Frydor he's obviously giving bad advice from that perspective. He assumes 1 thing then assumes another to reinforce his wrongly held beliefs while diminishing the guy asking for "helpful" advice.
I'm not diminishing anyone as he clearly painted himself a virgin AND it's clear and uncontroversial that experience increases a man's ability to pleasure a woman.
This is good advice to this individual. I'm not even talking about morality or proper gender roles. It's just in his best interest to pursue many relationships and the first one shouldn't be one that he cares about messing up.
Holding back until you find the right girl is a bad strategy. It's like not laddering until you meet Flash 1v1. It's going to end badly.
Is it fair to the girl? Not interested in this question and it's against the thread rules anyway.
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Netherlands6175 Posts
On September 10 2014 15:19 Fyodor wrote:Show nested quote +On September 10 2014 15:02 Zooper31 wrote:
Not gonna bother wasting the effort to continue the conversation with Frydor he's obviously giving bad advice from that perspective. He assumes 1 thing then assumes another to reinforce his wrongly held beliefs while diminishing the guy asking for "helpful" advice. I'm not diminishing anyone as he clearly painted himself a virgin AND it's clear and uncontroversial that experience increases a man's ability to pleasure a woman. This is good advice to this individual. I'm not even talking about morality or proper gender roles. It's just in his best interest to pursue many relationships and the first one shouldn't be one that he cares about messing up. Holding back until you find the right girl is a bad strategy. It's like not laddering until you meet Flash 1v1. It's going to end badly. Is it fair to the girl? Not interested in this question and it's against the thread rules anyway.
Please. If you want to give good advice consider the feelings of both parties.
Warsame asked for advice on letting her down gently because he doesn't want to use her or lead her on. That is honourable.
WarSame, I'm sorry I can't offer you advice. I am way too much of a softie to do this myself, let alone help others through it.
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I finally went out with this girl who was teasing me (in a soft way, chatting, touching when talking...). She has a boyfriend.
So we went out and she was super shy, we kissed and had a really good time, always laughing etc.
Two days later she says that she is not sure about what to do with her boyfriend but at the moment she does not want to cheat again because it makes her feel really bad.
I played a passive-aggressive style, saying things like 'well if I wanted to be in a serious relationship I'd drop this now, because I am no second choice, but since I don't want to commit and have a life, it's not a big deal' and 'I'm pretty sure you will knock at my door soon.'
So I just have to wait. From my previous experiences, this may take (if it works) 1-3 months.
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Why would you want to date a girl that cheats on her BF and then breaks up with him after cheating?
Doesn't sound like a good candidate for a relationship to me.
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You also might want to spare a thought for the boyfriend who is going to be rather upset. Then for the girl who is going to feel guilty.
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EPT
