EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 545
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
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ZeromuS
Canada13379 Posts
On September 10 2014 13:01 WarSame wrote: My first date was last Sunday. It was with a coworker from my Summer job(which is now over). It was my first date ever, at the tender age of 21. The date was actually fairly good, because we sat and talked in a coffee shop for 3 hours or so and the conversation flowed well. However, I am not attracted to the woman. It seems she is fairly interested in me, because she keeps messaging me on facebook and asked me out for coffee again. While I do enjoy talking to her I don't find her sexy and don't want to lead her on or anything like that. Could someone please tell me a good way to nicely and politely let her know I'm not interested? On a side note, I am finally starting to get attention from women. This is probably partly because of the awesome tan my summer job gave me, as well as the muscles I am starting to put on from working out. It may also be because my personality is finally coming out of the shell that it got beaten back into in high school. However, this means that I will have to go through some growing pains of learning how the dating game works, and even just social media in general. I only have Facebook, and just installed Snapchat today. I hardly use my phone, text mostly to meet up with people or transmit information, not for conversation unless the person is far away or hard to talk to otherwise. It seems like there's a lot I don't know about it. What do you use this stuff for? Why is Snapchat so popular? As far as I can tell you just take pictures of yourself or random things? Why? Just hang out with her a few more times. Just chat with her more, maybe theres no spark from one coffee date, but who knows, maybe you will like her more if you get to know her a bit more as well. And if not then whatever. Telling her you enjoy her company as a friend isn't so bad. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
Why anyone would want to date a cheater is beyond me though. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On September 10 2014 23:10 ZeromuS wrote: Just hang out with her a few more times. Just chat with her more, maybe theres no spark from one coffee date, but who knows, maybe you will like her more if you get to know her a bit more as well. And if not then whatever. Telling her you enjoy her company as a friend isn't so bad. I had this issue when I first started dating. My level of attraction was always inversely proportional to theirs. I would suggest following this advice by ZeromuS (is your name a play on zero sum?). Just be honest with her about how you feel if after getting to know her better you still really don't feel anything. Letting her know directly is so much better than leaving her in the abyss wondering if she did something wrong or if you're just playing hard to get or a multitude of other possibilities. | ||
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Malhavoc
Italy308 Posts
On September 07 2014 03:43 Velzi wrote: So.. I've been planning to ask one girl out for a dinner or something. We hang out in the same groups but i havent talked to her without others being around. What im asking is that how should i approach her (is it legit to ask her out in facebook/Whatsapp etc. im kinda shy guy u know) or what should i do? I feel like im not in the spot to talk to her everyone being around and asking her out with others listening it lol. And if it actually happens that she agrees to go out with me, what should we do in the first "date" or should i just let the flow go? Is it lame to take her for a lunch and movie or something or should i plan up something more extra special? I've heard that movie is like the worst place u can go on first date since u are not able to talk to eachother... Maybe im just thinking too much and not doing what im suppose to :| Appreciate fast response, im so goddamn nervous about this. : P It depends if you have already made your interest clear to here (more or less). In those cases, and if you see she's giving you a good feedback, any excuse will do.. the work has already been done (if there is no feedback or bad one, move on to another girl). Problem is when you only manage to talk to her when other friends are around, and it's harder for you to attract her. In these cases I've found that the best choice is getting enough contact with her that you feel confortable enough to invite her to some event you BOTH like (for example a concert, or any other activity you both like). Asking for a dinner is too much commitment in her eyes from someone she doesn't see as a potential partner (yet). Then you have your chance alone with her to make her get interested in you.. remember that since she doesn't see that as a date, you still have a lot of work to do (all the work you were not able to do among other people), but at least it should be easier. And try to avoid stretching this phase too long, or you really risk to fall in the "friendship" trap, and you're done  | ||
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Velzi
Finland659 Posts
On September 11 2014 00:24 Malhavoc wrote: It depends if you have already made your interest clear to here (more or less). In those cases, and if you see she's giving you a good feedback, any excuse will do.. the work has already been done (if there is no feedback or bad one, move on to another girl). Problem is when you only manage to talk to her when other friends are around, and it's harder for you to attract her. In these cases I've found that the best choice is getting enough contact with her that you feel confortable enough to invite her to some event you BOTH like (for example a concert, or any other activity you both like). Asking for a dinner is too much commitment in her eyes from someone she doesn't see as a potential partner (yet). Then you have your chance alone with her to make her get interested in you.. remember that since she doesn't see that as a date, you still have a lot of work to do (all the work you were not able to do among other people), but at least it should be easier. And try to avoid stretching this phase too long, or you really risk to fall in the "friendship" trap, and you're done Okey we are atm in the spot where i already asked her out and he agreed to have a cup of coffee with me (in school). Problem tho is that we havent decided yet when we both have time for it. I guess i just have to ask her again when she wants to because i know she (and well me) are having really tough timetables at the beginning of the school year. I think i have made my interest clear to her, but im really not sure about the feedback since she is not casually talking me more than before i actually asked her out. I hope its just the fact that she's waiting my move and teasing me lol :D i guess i gotta make some moves happen eh | ||
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ComaDose
Canada10352 Posts
On September 11 2014 00:50 Velzi wrote: Okey we are atm in the spot where i already asked her out and he agreed to have a cup of coffee with me (in school). Problem tho is that we havent decided yet when we both have time for it. I guess i just have to ask her again when she wants to because i know she (and well me) are having really tough timetables at the beginning of the school year. I think i have made my interest clear to her, but im really not sure about the feedback since she is not casually talking me more than before i actually asked her out. I hope its just the fact that she's waiting my move and teasing me lol :D i guess i gotta make some moves happen eh yeah i wouldn't say continuing the same level of interest is any negative sign. you are doing the same right? should have picked a date the first time but now it will be easier to ask again! don't wait too long and good luck! | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On September 10 2014 23:10 ZeromuS wrote: Just hang out with her a few more times. Just chat with her more, maybe theres no spark from one coffee date, but who knows, maybe you will like her more if you get to know her a bit more as well. And if not then whatever. Telling her you enjoy her company as a friend isn't so bad. I supposed I shoulda have said all of it, but she is about 5 years older than me, and was in a kind of managerish position at my summer job. Anyway, she sent me a message last night asking me to coffee again, I think I'm going to say that I'm not interested but I'm not sure how to phrase it. That's part of the learning process, I guess. Also it's annoying how every question on here devolves into stupid arguments. For those who were providing serious advice, thank you. I read them all and appreciated them. | ||
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Fyodor
Canada971 Posts
On September 11 2014 05:38 WarSame wrote: I supposed I shoulda have said all of it, but she is about 5 years older than me, and was in a kind of managerish position at my summer job. Anyway, she sent me a message last night asking me to coffee again, I think I'm going to say that I'm not interested but I'm not sure how to phrase it. That's part of the learning process, I guess. Also it's annoying how every question on here devolves into stupid arguments. For those who were providing serious advice, thank you. I read them all and appreciated them. You're welcome. | ||
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bookwyrm
United States722 Posts
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killa_robot
Canada1884 Posts
On September 11 2014 05:38 WarSame wrote: I supposed I shoulda have said all of it, but she is about 5 years older than me, and was in a kind of managerish position at my summer job. Anyway, she sent me a message last night asking me to coffee again, I think I'm going to say that I'm not interested but I'm not sure how to phrase it. That's part of the learning process, I guess. Also it's annoying how every question on here devolves into stupid arguments. For those who were providing serious advice, thank you. I read them all and appreciated them. Why not counter her with dinner? Going out for coffee isn't a very intimate meeting, so it's possible you just never got the opportunity to find a reason to be attracted to her. I mean, you had to find her somewhat attractive to begin with in order to go on a date with her, right? | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On September 11 2014 05:38 WarSame wrote: I supposed I shoulda have said all of it, but she is about 5 years older than me, and was in a kind of managerish position at my summer job. Anyway, she sent me a message last night asking me to coffee again, I think I'm going to say that I'm not interested but I'm not sure how to phrase it. That's part of the learning process, I guess. Just say you're not interested in her sexually and don't be a cretin about it. If there's one thing you should strive to do while saying it, make sure she knows it's not a big deal and you don't think any less of her because it didn't work out. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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Velzi
Finland659 Posts
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dravernor
Netherlands6175 Posts
On September 11 2014 22:43 Velzi wrote: Okey we have set up a meeting for tomorrow, although she feels a bit sick. She wasnt in school today so i guess wednesday's party went a bit long for her Good luck! | ||
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peanuts
United States1225 Posts
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her... | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me. I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her... Maybe she wasn't ready for a commitment and now she is in her life. Or she just likes reminiscing about old times. | ||
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Velzi
Finland659 Posts
Okey, as expected, when i wake up, she has send me a message via whatsapp that she feels sick still and she cant come. plus, she is sending her boyfriend to buy her tea and stuff to get rid of the flu. thx a lot omg. | ||
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instantdry
Canada308 Posts
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me. I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her... It seems like you over-pursued her last year. Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts. Check this video out: | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6175 Posts
On September 12 2014 15:45 Velzi wrote: Okey, as expected, when i wake up, she has send me a message via whatsapp that she feels sick still and she cant come. plus, she is sending her boyfriend to buy her tea and stuff to get rid of the flu. thx a lot omg. Well, shit. Sorry dude. I guess sometimes girls don't know how to tell a guy they're taken because they don't want you to think they're aware of you making a move. Mind games. They don't want you to think you can't be friends. | ||
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