We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On September 19 2014 14:18 CosmicSpiral wrote: At nearly every stage you opted out of the direct approach for the indirect approach. Instead of finding a way to talk to her during the day, you chose Facebook and rationalized it. You could've simply hung out and had fun, but you stuck with a plan that didn't work out. When she was leaving she was the one to initiate, not you. Right after you took the first step, you simply...floated. And the feeling I got from your initial post is that despite your claims about feeling confident, you didn't feel entitled. There had to be machinations and work-arounds that weren't directly related to any logistical issues. Even when you talking about getting to know her, I had no inkling that you actually enjoyed spending time with her. Apparently you were stuck in your head, worrying about how to trigger attraction or find out things about her.
When I read the original post I was actually pretty amused because newly confident WarSame managed to take a girl out on a date... Only she essentially was not sure whether it was a date? Or whether you were even interested?
I'm not sure exactly how you managed this but it's not really sounding like a beacon of confidence >.<
I mean it can get confusing sometimes you don't actually say the word date beforehand right? :D How do you really make it clear that it is a date and not just you hanging out beforehand when you've been e.g. messaging with her or when she sees you as a friend(ish)?
Like it happened to me before, seen her once at an event with friends, sent emails for a week or so then went to see her and she said date? This ain't a date :D I was like wtf are this?
However, do understand that usually there is a reason (which might have very little to do with you), but at the same time also understand that "getting closure" is a bullshit concept.
On September 20 2014 04:28 Ghostcom wrote: I'm sorry for you.
However, do understand that usually there is a reason (which might have very little to do with you), but at the same time also understand that "getting closure" is a bullshit concept.
It was really just confusing, it came out of the blue, he just turned on me suddenly >.<
On September 20 2014 04:28 Ghostcom wrote: I'm sorry for you.
However, do understand that usually there is a reason (which might have very little to do with you), but at the same time also understand that "getting closure" is a bullshit concept.
It was really just confusing, it came out of the blue, he just turned on me suddenly >.<
How do you have 0 posts?
I think closure is good but if he won't talk to you that's kinda hard to get.
On September 20 2014 04:28 Ghostcom wrote: I'm sorry for you.
However, do understand that usually there is a reason (which might have very little to do with you), but at the same time also understand that "getting closure" is a bullshit concept.
It was really just confusing, it came out of the blue, he just turned on me suddenly >.<
How do you have 0 posts?
I think closure is good but if he won't talk to you that's kinda hard to get.
There is a glitch in the matrix. I've accepted it and moved on at this point, still mystified though.
On September 20 2014 04:28 Ghostcom wrote: I'm sorry for you.
However, do understand that usually there is a reason (which might have very little to do with you), but at the same time also understand that "getting closure" is a bullshit concept.
It was really just confusing, it came out of the blue, he just turned on me suddenly >.<
How do you have 0 posts?
liquiddota posts are separate but have access to the same topics.
On September 20 2014 03:51 LemOn wrote: I mean it can get confusing sometimes you don't actually say the word date beforehand right? :D How do you really make it clear that it is a date and not just you hanging out beforehand when you've been e.g. messaging with her or when she sees you as a friend(ish)?
Like it happened to me before, seen her once at an event with friends, sent emails for a week or so then went to see her and she said date? This ain't a date :D I was like wtf are this?
OK. So perhaps I should rephrase. It doesn't really matter if the girl calls it a date but she needs to know that you are interested in her sexually/romantically. If you invite a girl out and she thinks you're seeking an activity companion while you're seeking a relationship then I feel you've put yourself in a difficult position.
Generally speaking if you meet a girl and ask for her number she should know you're interested in her.
In my experience (mostly watching friends) it becomes infinitely more blurry when you start being shy about what you want and/or when you start initiating contact through things like Facebook. If a guy meets a girl and gets her number so he can invite her out for coffee/dinner this is usually enough for the girl to realise he's interested and act accordingly. However, if the guy waits a week before adding her on Facebook (along with a dozen other people from that night) and then uses a guise like "Oh. You mentioned Europe. Can you tell me a bit about France because I wanted to go there?" to initiate conversation... Well, the girl might actually think the guy just wants to be friends.
Maybe the girl in your story felt it was too informal and wanted you to take her on a proper date?
My dating luck is pretty awful tbh. Well, my luck in general is awful. I have a million excuses for why I am where I am at the moment but all that really matters is that there isn't very much of a social scene for youngsters where I live, aside from Friday night drinking sprees. I have tried attending a few of these Friday nights, but they really aren't for me, and I don't like drinking much. So for the last year or so I have spent 95% of my weekends at home gaming, on irc, chatting on skype etc. I even tried long distance dating someone I met online for a while, but that didn't work out unfortunately. So well, here I am. Bitching about it in a thread full of internet people. I'm hoping to get off my fat lazy ass week after next to get some paperwork going through, thereafter I can start actually working towards my goal of leaving this place. And who knows, maybe I will meet someone on the way.
So I've received more attention from women this year than the 2 or 3 years before that combined which isn't surprising since I'm much more outgoing, positive and confident. The problem is I only really care about one girl and she already turned me down a couple of months ago. So it never leads to anything for me. I have tried different ways to get rid of these feelings but they weren't successful at all. I can't chose how I feel I can only chose how to act which at least makes me feel some sort of self-empowerment. To make things worse she is a close friend of mine and recently moved to my city. The problem is my options are really limited. She is the kind of girl that gets pissed of quickly if you hit on her too aggressively which she has every right to be since she already told me she didn't share my feelings. But I also can't pretend that my feelings don't exist and that we can be just friends without me hoping for more. So I want to signal that I'm still into her but without triggering her to feel the need to keep me at a certain distance or harming our friendship. Obviously a lot of people will just tell me to move on but I've tried to and I'm at a point where I just have to give it another honest shot.
On September 21 2014 04:19 lohdon wrote: So I've received more attention from women this year than the 2 or 3 years before that combined which isn't surprising since I'm much more outgoing, positive and confident. The problem is I only really care about one girl and she already turned me down a couple of months ago. So it never leads to anything for me. I have tried different ways to get rid of these feelings but they weren't successful at all. I can't chose how I feel I can only chose how to act which at least makes me feel some sort of self-empowerment. To make things worse she is a close friend of mine and recently moved to my city. The problem is my options are really limited. She is the kind of girl that gets pissed of quickly if you hit on her too aggressively which she has every right to be since she already told me she didn't share my feelings. But I also can't pretend that my feelings don't exist and that we can be just friends without me hoping for more. So I want to signal that I'm still into her but without triggering her to feel the need to keep me at a certain distance or harming our friendship. Obviously a lot of people will just tell me to move on but I've tried to and I'm at a point where I just have to give it another honest shot.
Reward the people who want you and cherish them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
On September 19 2014 02:10 CosmicSpiral wrote: She might be a squirrel person, in which case she's the scum of the earth. You dodged a huge bullet there.
She's already afraid to enter my apartment because of the rats, and today we were walking in the park and we caught a hamster fanatic that held us hostage to explain about how he owns 70 hamsters and has difficulty caring for them now that he's homeless, and that he takes revenge on the system by setting his hamsters loose in supermarkets. And when the security tries to interfere he shouts: "You've made a powerful enemy, was it not you that made ads with talking hamsters to support your brand??" . And after we escaped after like an hour she "had to go" (so really a wasted date), so now I fear she's entirely anti-rodent-minded. :o
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me.
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her...
It seems like you over-pursued her last year.
Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts.
Check this video out:
Really have to agree with this. Just today a girl whose Facebook I got after having a 30min light hearted conversation about school, politics, suddenly contacts me out of the blue with a "hey i added you!"
This was after I added her and she didn't show any interest in accepting the friend request (even had to hint her with a "Hey, what's with giving me your Facebook and not adding me hahaha.")
First post on Liquid forums in a looong time. I just want to share this because this experience is a major chapter in my boring life.
A few months ago, I ended up really liking a girl for the first time in a while. She's friends/co-workers with my friends, so she was around whenever my friends hung out with each other. I drunkenly made out with her in a hot tub at her pool party and hilariously passed out drunk on her butt at a kickback a few days later. Started talking to her after that, with lots of playful flirting and drunk texting (from me), so it's pretty obvious that I Iike her. About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy (edit: Who she shortly began dating). You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch." The truth is that she's only physically attracted to white guys (she's Filipino, as am I), and at the same time, she's incredibly sweet and nice to a fault. She knows I like her and she actually enjoys me being around as a friend, but the whole time, she was afraid to break my heart. Despite this, I held on to this hope that something could actually happen and I continued talking and hanging out with her.
At some point, she began to alienate me because she knew I was really close to actually confessing my attraction to her. I found out she was afraid to hurt me and that she planned to eventually talk to me on a Friday. She never contacted me on that day, so I had to get the first word in. We ended up getting closure and we're basically good friends now. This girl is so sweet and kind-hearted that I really believe the whole thing hurt her more than it hurt me. She still enjoys hanging out with me and I can comfortably talk about my ratchetness and shit around her since I basically feel like any chance of anything happening between us is zero. However, every so often we find out we have something in common, an appreciation for how cute otters are, a fascination with north-east US cities like New York City and Boston, and recently I found out she's also reading the Kingkiller Chronicles. It hurts a little when I think about what could've beeen but I appreciate her friendship enough that I'm okay with it. Also, we're co-workers now, so I'm really glad we put that mess behind us.
In other news, a girl I matched up with on Tinder drunk+ecstasy called me after going to Beyond Wonderland 2014. Fun!
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch."
Not sure why anyone who's not a complete mysoginist would be thinking "what a bitch" about a girl for talking to someone else three weeks after you drunkenly made out ,-) Anyway, gl with the other girl.
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch."
Not sure why anyone who's not a complete mysoginist would be thinking "what a bitch" about a girl for talking to someone else three weeks after you drunkenly made out ,-) Anyway, gl with the other girl.
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me.
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her...
It seems like you over-pursued her last year.
Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts.
Really have to agree with this. Just today a girl whose Facebook I got after having a 30min light hearted conversation about school, politics, suddenly contacts me out of the blue with a "hey i added you!"
This was after I added her and she didn't show any interest in accepting the friend request (even had to hint her with a "Hey, what's with giving me your Facebook and not adding me hahaha.")
Cats indeed.
I liked that video more than I thought I would. I definitely agree with him to not instantly overcommit to the point of appearing desperate when seeking new girls (or guys), and to not sweat it too much if they aren't consistently all over you.
That being said, I strongly disagree with his advice to limit phone calls to two minutes and text conversations to two texts, leaving essentially 100% of communication with a new person to actual dates. Spending actual time together is incredibly important, but in this world of social media and constant cell phone communication (which exists, whether people like it or not), if she's not texting you or speaking to you, she's probably communicating with your competition.
I'm not saying you need to try and be the only person who talks and texts with her, but I think the dating strategist seemed a little overly rigid on continuously blowing off a new prospect unless it was a face-to-face date. Phone calls that turn into hour-long venting and secret-sharing sessions can be eye-opening for both parties; staying in constant communication via text (as long as she reciprocates and texts you first every once in a while) can help build up familiarity and make her comfortable talking with you. I get the whole cat thing, but not every girl (or guy) likes playing the game where you try to stay distant and mysterious and make the other person chase you, and I feel that stereotype can really hurt people who like to communicate in multiple ways.
But alas, he's the dating expert, and I'm just working off anecdotal evidence ^^;;
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: First post on Liquid forums in a looong time. I just want to share this because this experience is a major chapter in my boring life.
A few months ago, I ended up really liking a girl for the first time in a while. She's friends/co-workers with my friends, so she was around whenever my friends hung out with each other. I drunkenly made out with her in a hot tub at her pool party and hilariously passed out drunk on her butt at a kickback a few days later. Started talking to her after that, with lots of playful flirting and drunk texting (from me), so it's pretty obvious that I Iike her. About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch." The truth is that she's only physically attracted to white guys (she's Filipino, as am I), and at the same time, she's incredibly sweet and nice to a fault. She knows I like her and she actually enjoys me being around as a friend, but the whole time, she was afraid to break my heart. Despite this, I held on to this hope that something could actually happen and I continued talking and hanging out with her.
I wouldn't think it's in particularly good taste to constantly drunk text a girl and pass out on her. Also, it doesn't sound like she committed to any sort of relationship with you, so I don't see why you find it surprising that she's talking (just talking? not even seeing/ dating?) with someone three weeks later. You don't own her. Also, as a white guy who stole a Filipina from the dating pool, I apologize (but not really, mwahahaha).
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me.
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her...
It seems like you over-pursued her last year.
Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts.
Really have to agree with this. Just today a girl whose Facebook I got after having a 30min light hearted conversation about school, politics, suddenly contacts me out of the blue with a "hey i added you!"
This was after I added her and she didn't show any interest in accepting the friend request (even had to hint her with a "Hey, what's with giving me your Facebook and not adding me hahaha.")
Cats indeed.
I liked that video more than I thought I would. I definitely agree with him to not instantly overcommit to the point of appearing desperate when seeking new girls (or guys), and to not sweat it too much if they aren't consistently all over you.
That being said, I strongly disagree with his advice to limit phone calls to two minutes and text conversations to two texts, leaving essentially 100% of communication with a new person to actual dates. Spending actual time together is incredibly important, but in this world of social media and constant cell phone communication (which exists, whether people like it or not), if she's not texting you or speaking to you, she's probably communicating with your competition.
I'm not saying you need to try and be the only person who talks and texts with her, but I think the dating strategist seemed a little overly rigid on continuously blowing off a new prospect unless it was a face-to-face date. Phone calls that turn into hour-long venting and secret-sharing sessions can be eye-opening for both parties; staying in constant communication via text (as long as she reciprocates and texts you first every once in a while) can help build up familiarity and make her comfortable talking with you. I get the whole cat thing, but not every girl (or guy) likes playing the game where you try to stay distant and mysterious and make the other person chase you, and I feel that stereotype can really hurt people who like to communicate in multiple ways.
But alas, he's the dating expert, and I'm just working off anecdotal evidence ^^;;
I don't think he would disagree you saying it's fine to talk for more than two texts, but for the sake of the audience I think it's better to just say that so they get the message. Obviously I'm not him or even close to an expert, but I think he would still say that you should never be the one to initiate the conversation.
Also I feel like he has a lot of good advice but I just hate his presentation style. It feels like a cheap 90s infomercial or something.
EPT
