We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On September 23 2014 03:48 Mikau wrote: I'm still insecure about my virginity and I think it doesn't help in getting myself out there, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. And like I said, being able to talk to people including women is a good start, and that hasn't been self-evident at all in the past. I'm late for only starting to get there at age 25, but every step is a step in the right direction.
Don't worry about being a virgin. While it's nice to have experience (and sex is amazing), some people prefer to put a little more intimacy behind it, and they look at sex as more than just a social act. Plus, a lot of girls will think it's sweet if you tell them you've been waiting for the right girl If you shrug it off and don't make a big deal out of being a virgin, girls won't care much either. Some like the idea of teaching it too ^^
Yeah I'll be the first to admit it's a roadblock I'm putting up for myself, rather than something girls are put off by. Doesn't make it easier to ignore, though.
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me.
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her...
It seems like you over-pursued her last year.
Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts.
Check this video out:
Really have to agree with this. Just today a girl whose Facebook I got after having a 30min light hearted conversation about school, politics, suddenly contacts me out of the blue with a "hey i added you!"
This was after I added her and she didn't show any interest in accepting the friend request (even had to hint her with a "Hey, what's with giving me your Facebook and not adding me hahaha.")
Cats indeed.
I liked that video more than I thought I would. I definitely agree with him to not instantly overcommit to the point of appearing desperate when seeking new girls (or guys), and to not sweat it too much if they aren't consistently all over you.
That being said, I strongly disagree with his advice to limit phone calls to two minutes and text conversations to two texts, leaving essentially 100% of communication with a new person to actual dates. Spending actual time together is incredibly important, but in this world of social media and constant cell phone communication (which exists, whether people like it or not), if she's not texting you or speaking to you, she's probably communicating with your competition.
I'm not saying you need to try and be the only person who talks and texts with her, but I think the dating strategist seemed a little overly rigid on continuously blowing off a new prospect unless it was a face-to-face date. Phone calls that turn into hour-long venting and secret-sharing sessions can be eye-opening for both parties; staying in constant communication via text (as long as she reciprocates and texts you first every once in a while) can help build up familiarity and make her comfortable talking with you. I get the whole cat thing, but not every girl (or guy) likes playing the game where you try to stay distant and mysterious and make the other person chase you, and I feel that stereotype can really hurt people who like to communicate in multiple ways.
But alas, he's the dating expert, and I'm just working off anecdotal evidence ^^;;
I tried his stuff. It seems to be working. I hooked up with this chick, things were really fast head over heels and stuff, email exchanges right off the bat, long emails too, then texting like every day tons.
And when I looked at the attraction level as he described I realized it dropped from some 90 when we met to around 50-60 for no reason, I couldn't get a date with her alone, she'd give time to friends first got maybes and stuff, would get little affection from her in public and stuff only - during sex.
I saw his vids read the ebook, stopped texting her completely out of the blue. It took 3 days until she messaged me first asking me what I'm up to and how was my weekend - she knew I had a night out and first training since I met her and always loved to talk about that stuff, but I said it was ok without giving any details, said I'm more interested in her's and offered 2 times so she to "tell me everything" (we were writing tons about anything that happened immediately beforehand, initiated by me mostly)
She declined one, said "after 9pm sometime, maybe, I'm not sure" on second and offered a third. I said the one she offered is no good (without a reason) and that she can let me know if she becomes sure about the other one by the end of the day. She immediately confirmed that now suddenly she is sure and can make exactly 9, when nothing could have freaking changed :D Then, after not giving a fuck for 4 days she immediately texted she is dying to know now how my training went and that she can't wait until the date to find out.
I mean...this is like magic. His main point is to be strong, someone with a purpose and options who is focused on his passion. I was acting like she was doing me a favor by granting me access to her lady parts, and he is absolutely right that rather be with someone who shows no affection in front of people, doesn't initiate contact, always checks texts and facebook when with you, it's better to look for someone else who actually does have high attraction level towards you. And I made it go down by taking away from her any sort of ambiguity about my feelings etc.
Btw...I'm doing this to inflate her attraction level. Once it's where I'm happy with I don't see a reason not to be texting some more, alas keep it in fun part nothing serious, way more light hearted, always initiated by her unless I know she's down or having trouble and actually needs support. I do agree it's hard these days. She has tons of friends, loads of them are into her, friendzoned and has a lot of pen pals and does long skypes with them without ever putting out... I imagine most hot girls are like that these days in the digital age, if you keep doing the same with her how are you being different from the friend zoned fools?
Yeah didn't want it to come off that way...I was just really surprised how you actually have to go against your instincts to get the relationship you want.
I don't think its PUA gimmicky when you alter your behavior to give women what they actually want - space and the thrill of the chase. It was a real eye opener to see that too much communication can hurt the relationship. I mean yes it is manipulation, but one that leads to mutual benefit, everything's so much easier when the attraction is mutually high. And the notion of just leaving a ton of space when it drops instead of "trying to win her back" like you see in the movies through texts, gestures, communication etc. It almost seems like getting flowers and breakfast in bed to your wife of 20 years is the same category as not texting or refusing a chat with or saying "no" to girlfriend who is getting bored - something you are doing for her feel to better in the relationship
When you set the tone of "hanging out" with a girl who you know moderately well how do you proceed from there. There's a girl from my class who I think I like and I know she at least likes spending time with me but I don't know if she likes me yet as a guy she would want to spend time with in a sort of casual open-relationship (which is what I am looking for right now). I'm gonna make an effort to hang out with her more to see where things go but I really don't have experience navigating this sort of scenario before.
LemOn, it's cool that worked for you Do you think you'll keep easing up on the chatting whenever you think it's time to re-spark interest? (Obviously, ideally you'd want to maintain a high level of interest in the first place.) I'm still not sure how that dating advice works if both parties attempt it simultaneously... I feel like both people would be trying to play a game to see who can last the longest without communicating with the other. Maybe that's helpful in some situations, but I'm a little confused by it.
On September 23 2014 20:07 evilfatsh1t wrote: what does pua stand for
Pick-up artist (which is dissed in this thread but saved my life)
Any chance you could PM me that story? Sounds pretty interesting, and obviously we can't discuss it in this thread
On September 23 2014 21:22 puppykiller wrote: When you set the tone of "hanging out" with a girl who you know moderately well how do you proceed from there. There's a girl from my class who I think I like and I know she at least likes spending time with me but I don't know if she likes me yet as a guy she would want to spend time with in a sort of casual open-relationship (which is what I am looking for right now). I'm gonna make an effort to hang out with her more to see where things go but I really don't have experience navigating this sort of scenario before.
What are your common interests? You could hang out at a coffee shop, art gallery, arcade, etc.; common interests are a great way to come up with hanging out at a place you would both like, where you guys can do something together (even if it's just talk about your surroundings/ your lives). That could spark interest.
On September 23 2014 21:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: LemOn, it's cool that worked for you Do you think you'll keep easing up on the chatting whenever you think it's time to re-spark interest? (Obviously, ideally you'd want to maintain a high level of interest in the first place.) I'm still not sure how that dating advice works if both parties attempt it simultaneously... I feel like both people would be trying to play a game to see who can last the longest without communicating with the other. Maybe that's helpful in some situations, but I'm a little confused by it.
I mean I thought about what I actually want in terms of my life - I'd much rather spend the time I'm texting her and thinking about what to write on work, gym, personal effectiveness etc. And instead use that spared mental capacity and time on actually being with her more often, and the meetings being more intense. I totally love this girl but this makes so much more sense in terms what's good for me and apparently what she needs too? She's got loads of friends that are calling her tons etc. doesn't need another one really. It was different with my last girlfriend of 6 years where she moved to Scotland from China and didn't have anyone (me neither, I was a foreigner too)- I can't imagine frequent contact not being part of that relationship.
I mean with my current gf I did shitty stuff like having a bad day at poker, about which I texted her a lot then met her tired at 11pm after she prioritized a friend for the afternoon - neither of us felt good really. Or we were texting loads then I agree on a Barbecue with a group of people and there's way less to say because we texted everything etc. Again neither of us felt great afterwards. I talked about it with my mum as well, friends etc. and in terms of building a relationship and what I actually want keeping virtual contact to a minimum and instead focusing on exciting (planned if possible) dates where you tell each other everything and attention is 100% on each other for me is the way to go in the future. And to text, unload my bullshit, go for a barbecue or grab a random beer tired at 11pm? - My friends, random strangers and the internet are for that
On September 23 2014 21:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: LemOn, it's cool that worked for you Do you think you'll keep easing up on the chatting whenever you think it's time to re-spark interest? (Obviously, ideally you'd want to maintain a high level of interest in the first place.) I'm still not sure how that dating advice works if both parties attempt it simultaneously... I feel like both people would be trying to play a game to see who can last the longest without communicating with the other. Maybe that's helpful in some situations, but I'm a little confused by it.
I mean I thought about what I actually want in terms of my life - I'd much rather spend the time I'm texting her and thinking about what to write on work, gym, personal effectiveness etc. And instead use that spared mental capacity and time on actually being with her more often, and the meetings being more intense. I totally love this girl but this makes so much more sense in terms what's good for me and apparently what she needs too? She's got loads of friends that are calling her tons etc. doesn't need another one really. It was different with my last girlfriend of 6 years where she moved to Scotland from China and didn't have anyone (me neither, I was a foreigner too)- I can't imagine frequent contact not being part of that relationship.
Sounds perfect then
I mean with my current gf I did shitty stuff like having a bad day at poker, about which I texted her a lot then met her tired at 11pm after she prioritized a friend for the afternoon - neither of us felt good really. Or we were texting loads then I agree on a Barbecue with a group of people and there's way less to say because we texted everything etc. Again neither of us felt great afterwards. I talked about it with my mum as well, friends etc. and in terms of building a relationship and what I actually want keeping virtual contact to a minimum and instead focusing on exciting (planned if possible) dates where you tell each other everything and attention is 100% on each other for me is the way to go in the future. And to text, unload my bullshit, go for a barbecue or grab a random beer tired at 11pm? - My friends, random strangers and the internet are for that
On September 21 2014 04:19 lohdon wrote: So I've received more attention from women this year than the 2 or 3 years before that combined which isn't surprising since I'm much more outgoing, positive and confident. The problem is I only really care about one girl and she already turned me down a couple of months ago. So it never leads to anything for me. I have tried different ways to get rid of these feelings but they weren't successful at all. I can't chose how I feel I can only chose how to act which at least makes me feel some sort of self-empowerment. To make things worse she is a close friend of mine and recently moved to my city. The problem is my options are really limited. She is the kind of girl that gets pissed of quickly if you hit on her too aggressively which she has every right to be since she already told me she didn't share my feelings. But I also can't pretend that my feelings don't exist and that we can be just friends without me hoping for more. So I want to signal that I'm still into her but without triggering her to feel the need to keep me at a certain distance or harming our friendship. Obviously a lot of people will just tell me to move on but I've tried to and I'm at a point where I just have to give it another honest shot.
Reward the people who want you and cherish them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
Well, thats the point though. I can't cherish other girls for who they are because I want them to be like her because it's her I'm truly interested in. Probably now is not the time to actively look for a serious relationship and just take a step back and focus on being happy with what I have.
If you are feeling sexual tension with someone can you assume they feel it to? Today during spanish class I felt really attracted to this girl I sit by so I asked her to hang out with me after class and then we ended up making out. I just felt really into her and assumed that she felt the same,but I wonder if that is always a rule of thumb or if I should be gauging if they are into me in some other way than just analyzing my own emotions.
Well sometimes the love or lust is unrequited... They won't always feel the same way you do, or to the same extent. I don't think it's safe to always assume they do (that'll get you slapped or called a rapist). You can always ask them...
On September 25 2014 09:35 evilfatsh1t wrote: lol i can see how asking them is gonna work out well "hey...do you feel that? that sexual tension between us?" boom mood destroyed
You can feel it out a bit lol. You don't go straight to groping if you're not sure she wants it/ will reciprocate.
I meant asking to hang out or go out or go off to wherever is the universally naughty place at your location. Not necessarily to ask permission to kiss her, although such a thing has been accomplished in a manner that comes off as cute instead of awkward. If you're confident = cute; if you're nervous and sweaty = awkward buzzkill.
Out of curiosity what are some of the more interesting and subtle dating tips that TLers have received?
A couple years ago I remember talking to a female friend about an upcoming date and she told me to spritz some cologne on the inside of my jacket (or even scarf) so that if the girl was cold and I offered up my jacket it'd smell nicely of my cologne.
It's a small touch but seems to have been noticed and appreciated by a few of the girls I've dated since.
dont go out of your way to do something for your girl if it makes you uncomfortable ^ thats the only rule i live by when it comes to dating. unless shes the one and its a really damn special occasion, im not gonna do something that goes against who i am just to impress a girl
On September 25 2014 09:44 evilfatsh1t wrote: dont go out of your way to do something for your girl if it makes you uncomfortable ^ thats the only rule i live by when it comes to dating. unless shes the one and its a really damn special occasion, im not gonna do something that goes against who i am just to impress a girl
Eh... I think being open to trying new things is important in a relationship. Trying out each other's hobbies and interests can lead to some really enlightening experiences, even if it's a little outside of your comfort zone. There are some lines and boundaries that probably make sense not to cross (e.g., don't kill someone just because she asks you too), but if we're talking about ice skating or cooking or watching a movie from a genre you dislike or something relatively mundane, and your date is gently nudging you to try something new, I say go for it. There's a limit to how much stubbornness your date will put up with, and there's a good chance that your date will enjoy the opportunity to teach you a new hobby that she loves and you're trying for the first time, and you'll probably have a good time. (And worst case scenario, you can say you at least tried it once and now you'd rather not do it again, and your date will almost certainly respect that.)
EPT
If you shrug it off and don't make a big deal out of being a virgin, girls won't care much either. Some like the idea of teaching it too ^^ 
