We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: First post on Liquid forums in a looong time. I just want to share this because this experience is a major chapter in my boring life.
A few months ago, I ended up really liking a girl for the first time in a while. She's friends/co-workers with my friends, so she was around whenever my friends hung out with each other. I drunkenly made out with her in a hot tub at her pool party and hilariously passed out drunk on her butt at a kickback a few days later. Started talking to her after that, with lots of playful flirting and drunk texting (from me), so it's pretty obvious that I Iike her. About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch." The truth is that she's only physically attracted to white guys (she's Filipino, as am I), and at the same time, she's incredibly sweet and nice to a fault. She knows I like her and she actually enjoys me being around as a friend, but the whole time, she was afraid to break my heart. Despite this, I held on to this hope that something could actually happen and I continued talking and hanging out with her.
I wouldn't think it's in particularly good taste to constantly drunk text a girl and pass out on her. Also, it doesn't sound like she committed to any sort of relationship with you, so I don't see why you find it surprising that she's talking (just talking? not even seeing/ dating?) with someone three weeks later. You don't own her. Also, as a white guy who stole a Filipina from the dating pool, I apologize (but not really, mwahahaha).
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch."
Not sure why anyone who's not a complete mysoginist would be thinking "what a bitch" about a girl for talking to someone else three weeks after you drunkenly made out ,-) Anyway, gl with the other girl.
Come on, she TALKED to another guy!!!!
I typed out that story pretty quickly so I forgot to mention that she started dating him before we even did that closure talk. She started to alienate me when she told me when her day off was because she was using that day for dating him. At that point in her shoes, it's hard to explain why she's not free on that day without bringing up the guy she's dating (which she didn't know I knew about).
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: First post on Liquid forums in a looong time. I just want to share this because this experience is a major chapter in my boring life.
A few months ago, I ended up really liking a girl for the first time in a while. She's friends/co-workers with my friends, so she was around whenever my friends hung out with each other. I drunkenly made out with her in a hot tub at her pool party and hilariously passed out drunk on her butt at a kickback a few days later. Started talking to her after that, with lots of playful flirting and drunk texting (from me), so it's pretty obvious that I Iike her. About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch." The truth is that she's only physically attracted to white guys (she's Filipino, as am I), and at the same time, she's incredibly sweet and nice to a fault. She knows I like her and she actually enjoys me being around as a friend, but the whole time, she was afraid to break my heart. Despite this, I held on to this hope that something could actually happen and I continued talking and hanging out with her.
I wouldn't think it's in particularly good taste to constantly drunk text a girl and pass out on her. Also, it doesn't sound like she committed to any sort of relationship with you, so I don't see why you find it surprising that she's talking (just talking? not even seeing/ dating?) with someone three weeks later. You don't own her. Also, as a white guy who stole a Filipina from the dating pool, I apologize (but not really, mwahahaha).
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch."
Not sure why anyone who's not a complete mysoginist would be thinking "what a bitch" about a girl for talking to someone else three weeks after you drunkenly made out ,-) Anyway, gl with the other girl.
Come on, she TALKED to another guy!!!!
I typed out that story pretty quickly so I forgot to mention that she started dating him before we even did that closure talk. She started to alienate me when she told me when her day off was because she was using that day for dating him. At that point in her shoes, it's hard to explain why she's not free on that day without bringing up the guy she's dating (which she didn't know I knew about).
I still don't see what's supposed to be problematic about her starting to date another guy a few weeks after you two made out when you were drunk, and after you started drunkenly texting her on occasions, but ok, let's not derail the thread.
On September 19 2014 02:10 CosmicSpiral wrote: She might be a squirrel person, in which case she's the scum of the earth. You dodged a huge bullet there.
She's already afraid to enter my apartment because of the rats, and today we were walking in the park and we caught a hamster fanatic that held us hostage to explain about how he owns 70 hamsters and has difficulty caring for them now that he's homeless, and that he takes revenge on the system by setting his hamsters loose in supermarkets. And when the security tries to interfere he shouts: "You've made a powerful enemy, was it not you that made ads with talking hamsters to support your brand??" . And after we escaped after like an hour she "had to go" (so really a wasted date), so now I fear she's entirely anti-rodent-minded. :o
Introduce her slowly to the idea. Invite her to another date in the sewers so she can watch them in the wild!
On September 22 2014 23:22 Najda wrote: Obviously I'm not him or even close to an expert, but I think he would still say that you should never be the one to initiate the conversation.
That's a throwback attitude from the early days of PUA: never show anything that could possibly hint at compliance or neediness, even if it fundamentally comes from a seat of neediness. Let's be honest, if you're not calling the girl because you want her to start chasing you, you are being weird. No grounded, self-assured man thinks like that.
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me.
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her...
It seems like you over-pursued her last year.
Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts.
Check this video out:
Really, that applies to everything. Our proportional sense of value depends on how much access we have to the source of validation.
Wow thanks for this, watched 3 of them almost finished the ebook now, offers a really great perspective.
I've been with this girl for 2 months now, we went for a holiday I met her parents her village etc. I moved to the same city where she works (lucky accident as my lease ended and my sister had a room, she was a factor tho) but I play poker do sports she works and is really busy. So we started messaging, a lot like a week ago when I got new smartphone with whatsapp and skype. It started to be long every day back and forth convos writing poems and stuff, sending kisses and compliments me more often than her tho.
The sex is amazing with her, she'd come off 5 times in a day on holiday, I can go for long 40m+ and am super interested in her body cause of 80 day no porn nofap (with 2 exceptions. No porn tho, I cover my eyes even when boobs come on TV). But this week, the same week we were writing a lot she'd pull away at first when I met her, was giving me 0 signals no kiss or touch for like 4 hours at a barbecue (still had sex later which she initiated, but it was really weird before then), she told me it takes her "a long time getting used to me" as I come out pretty strong and today she messaged me she's sorry she was cold towards me this week she doesn't understand why. (We really are a great fit physically and logically). I just laughed it off in another message.
Now it's gonna be really weird if I stop these long convos on messengers, but I kinda have to right according to that dude? I'll just make up an excuse like that poker has taken off and I need to focus and resort to short messages and setting dates... I love the convos but they seem to really lower her attraction towards me every time we meet, like I'm friend zoning myself.
Also I stopped nofap...Makes the sex awesome but really it seems her attraction level is dropping heavily anywhere else but in bed as I come off really strong every time I meet her...
And I will rarely see her more than 3 times per week, and even then I'm lucky cause of our schedules.
Anyway sorry for rant, I guess I simply have to do what he suggests? Cause I want this girl long term not just for the sex
This all dating thing seems so confusing to me, why can't I do whatever the fuck I want and just be my ingorant nerd self :/
If you love the conversations, then continue the conversations. You should not be in the mindset of "gaming" your girlfriend and trying to spike attraction every time you meet.
However, actually pay attention to what your girlfriend is saying. You are focusing on one specific detail (phone conversations) and assuming it is important because it appears to line up with your girlfriend's decrease in attraction. That's a correlation -> causation fallacy. Now that might be the case, but it might not be. You may be doing something else that makes her uncomfortable. The most likely one I can think of is your incessant need for validation in the form of spiking attraction. There's no need to consciously or unconsciously polarize your girlfriend every time you meet. She wants to feel relaxed and free around you, not pressured.
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: First post on Liquid forums in a looong time. I just want to share this because this experience is a major chapter in my boring life.
A few months ago, I ended up really liking a girl for the first time in a while. She's friends/co-workers with my friends, so she was around whenever my friends hung out with each other. I drunkenly made out with her in a hot tub at her pool party and hilariously passed out drunk on her butt at a kickback a few days later. Started talking to her after that, with lots of playful flirting and drunk texting (from me), so it's pretty obvious that I Iike her. About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch." The truth is that she's only physically attracted to white guys (she's Filipino, as am I), and at the same time, she's incredibly sweet and nice to a fault. She knows I like her and she actually enjoys me being around as a friend, but the whole time, she was afraid to break my heart. Despite this, I held on to this hope that something could actually happen and I continued talking and hanging out with her.
I wouldn't think it's in particularly good taste to constantly drunk text a girl and pass out on her. Also, it doesn't sound like she committed to any sort of relationship with you, so I don't see why you find it surprising that she's talking (just talking? not even seeing/ dating?) with someone three weeks later. You don't own her. Also, as a white guy who stole a Filipina from the dating pool, I apologize (but not really, mwahahaha).
On September 22 2014 15:37 LoLAdriankat wrote: About three weeks into this, my friends tell me she's already talking to another guy. You're probably thinking, "wow, what a bitch."
Not sure why anyone who's not a complete mysoginist would be thinking "what a bitch" about a girl for talking to someone else three weeks after you drunkenly made out ,-) Anyway, gl with the other girl.
Come on, she TALKED to another guy!!!!
I typed out that story pretty quickly so I forgot to mention that she started dating him before we even did that closure talk. She started to alienate me when she told me when her day off was because she was using that day for dating him. At that point in her shoes, it's hard to explain why she's not free on that day without bringing up the guy she's dating (which she didn't know I knew about).
I would start looking elsewhere. A lot of what you said points to you two not being compatible or not looking for the same things or just plain not interested. I would recommend just moving on.
On September 19 2014 02:10 CosmicSpiral wrote: She might be a squirrel person, in which case she's the scum of the earth. You dodged a huge bullet there.
She's already afraid to enter my apartment because of the rats, and today we were walking in the park and we caught a hamster fanatic that held us hostage to explain about how he owns 70 hamsters and has difficulty caring for them now that he's homeless, and that he takes revenge on the system by setting his hamsters loose in supermarkets. And when the security tries to interfere he shouts: "You've made a powerful enemy, was it not you that made ads with talking hamsters to support your brand??" . And after we escaped after like an hour she "had to go" (so really a wasted date), so now I fear she's entirely anti-rodent-minded. :o
Introduce her slowly to the idea. Invite her to another date in the sewers so she can watch them in the wild!
There are wild mice in the forest, and she's less opposed to them because they lack tails, but she still didn't want to come too close. :o
On September 12 2014 13:34 peanuts wrote: Talked with my friend who I kinda had a thing with last year at school (talked about her in my blog). She's been liking all of the shit I post on FB and IG for the past weeks or so, so my friend pressured me into messaging her. We ended up chatting for a while and it went pretty well. She's gonna transfer schools, but is still at my old school for the semester. She talked about how she missed me and how she wished I would come down and visit. When we finally stopped talking, she told me that we had to talk again soon because she really missed chatting with me.
I know I should take it as a good sign, but i'm not sure what to do or how to feel. Last year, when it started to get serious, she backed out all of a sudden. I'm still head over heels for her, but i don't want to get too involved in case it ends poorly. Really debating making the drive down to PA to see her...
It seems like you over-pursued her last year.
Now that you are just living your life without her, she starts missing you (and thinking about you) and starts liking your facebook posts.
Really have to agree with this. Just today a girl whose Facebook I got after having a 30min light hearted conversation about school, politics, suddenly contacts me out of the blue with a "hey i added you!"
This was after I added her and she didn't show any interest in accepting the friend request (even had to hint her with a "Hey, what's with giving me your Facebook and not adding me hahaha.")
Cats indeed.
I liked that video more than I thought I would. I definitely agree with him to not instantly overcommit to the point of appearing desperate when seeking new girls (or guys), and to not sweat it too much if they aren't consistently all over you.
That being said, I strongly disagree with his advice to limit phone calls to two minutes and text conversations to two texts, leaving essentially 100% of communication with a new person to actual dates. Spending actual time together is incredibly important, but in this world of social media and constant cell phone communication (which exists, whether people like it or not), if she's not texting you or speaking to you, she's probably communicating with your competition.
I'm not saying you need to try and be the only person who talks and texts with her, but I think the dating strategist seemed a little overly rigid on continuously blowing off a new prospect unless it was a face-to-face date. Phone calls that turn into hour-long venting and secret-sharing sessions can be eye-opening for both parties; staying in constant communication via text (as long as she reciprocates and texts you first every once in a while) can help build up familiarity and make her comfortable talking with you. I get the whole cat thing, but not every girl (or guy) likes playing the game where you try to stay distant and mysterious and make the other person chase you, and I feel that stereotype can really hurt people who like to communicate in multiple ways.
But alas, he's the dating expert, and I'm just working off anecdotal evidence ^^;;
I don't think he would disagree you saying it's fine to talk for more than two texts, but for the sake of the audience I think it's better to just say that so they get the message. Obviously I'm not him or even close to an expert, but I think he would still say that you should never be the one to initiate the conversation.
Also I feel like he has a lot of good advice but I just hate his presentation style. It feels like a cheap 90s infomercial or something.
Yeah I strongly disagree with the idea that you should never initiate the conversation. Attraction and commitment need to go both ways, and reciprocation is important for both parties. One would ideally hope to have a 50/50 level of commitment in a budding relationship, so it would seem sensible that you and her would alternate starting conversations, so that you end up only starting half of them. However, I don't think something like a 2:1 ratio is particularly desperate... starting 2/3 of the conversations isn't necessarily a signal of her not being interested in you; it's only when she straight up stops initiating conversations and she's consistently short with you (one-word answers, not trying to keep a conversation going, etc.) that I would be concerned... which is exactly what the video guy seems to recommend for us to do. If both the guy and the girl play his game, no one would ever communicate with anyone else lol.
On September 23 2014 02:37 Grumbels wrote: There are wild mice in the forest, and she's less opposed to them because they lack tails, but she still didn't want to come too close. :o
I didn't even know wild mice lacked tails. At this point I'd probably be a better date than her.
On September 23 2014 02:37 Grumbels wrote: There are wild mice in the forest, and she's less opposed to them because they lack tails, but she still didn't want to come too close. :o
I didn't even know wild mice lacked tails. At this point I'd probably be a better date than her.
Well, some mice have much shorter, thinner tails. Rats have particularly large tails because they are more adventurous and need them to stabilize themselves when climbing and jumping. The tails seem to frighten people though, I have a trick with one of my rats where I perch her on my shoulder and I do a sleight of hand and pretend to chew on her tail, and my mother screamed and we had to calm her with meds. :o
(maybe I'm confusing wild mice with voles, we didn't get a good look at them since they hide in the leaves on the ground)
On September 23 2014 02:37 Grumbels wrote: There are wild mice in the forest, and she's less opposed to them because they lack tails, but she still didn't want to come too close. :o
I didn't even know wild mice lacked tails. At this point I'd probably be a better date than her.
Well, some mice have much shorter, thinner tails. Rats have particularly large tails because they are more adventurous and need them to stabilize themselves when climbing and jumping. The tails seem to frighten people though, I have a trick with one of my rats where I perch her on my shoulder and I do a sleight of hand and pretend to chew on her tail, and my mother screamed and we had to calm her with meds. :o
(maybe I'm confusing wild mice with voles, we didn't get a good look at them since they hide in the leaves on the ground)
I had a pet rat too once. They're awesome, and yeah, I find that people get most freaked out by their tails. I also rescued a baby vole from getting squished on the road recently and it did have a very short tail. ANYWAY back on topic.
As much I enjoy the rat/mice conversation (I really do, it's hilarious), this topic isn't the place for it. Especially since the moderators are already considering closing the thread over all the derailments. Can we keep it on topic please, this thread's is one of the few I still actively follow on TL.
On September 23 2014 03:25 Mikau wrote: As much I enjoy the rat/mice conversation (I really do, it's hilarious), this topic isn't the place for it. Especially since the moderators are already considering closing the thread over all the derailments. Can we keep it on topic please, this thread's is one of the few I still actively follow on TL.
Nonexistent at the moment. Asked out 2 girls in the last month (one was a colleague I had great conversations with, I talked about her here before because she was 7 years younger), and a girl I met at a party a few weeks ago. Both turned me down, saying the usual crap about really liking me and talking with me but not seeing me that way. Fair enough. Surprisingly enough I'm fine with it, I'm happy that I'm slowly getting over my insecurities and I'm now able to talk to girls as if they're human beings (shocking, I know). Just doing my own thing now, trying to become the best me I can be and everything else will follow in due time I feel.
Though being a 25 year old virgin, forever alone and all that stuff gets to me sometimes, I try not to wallow in self pity too much.
Yeah I think when one tends to focus on bettering themselves and the other important aspects of life (work, school, family, etc.) and places less emphasis on desperately seeking a boyfriend/ girlfriend, the latter can actually follow quite regularly. You appear as a more attractive person overall, because you're mastering the rest of your life
I'm still insecure about my virginity and I think it doesn't help in getting myself out there, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. And like I said, being able to talk to people including women is a good start, and that hasn't been self-evident at all in the past. I'm late for only starting to get there at age 25, but every step is a step in the right direction.
On September 23 2014 03:36 Mikau wrote: Nonexistent at the moment. Asked out 2 girls in the last month (one was a colleague I had great conversations with, I talked about her here before because she was 7 years younger), and a girl I met at a party a few weeks ago. Both turned me down, saying the usual crap about really liking me and talking with me but not seeing me that way. Fair enough. Surprisingly enough I'm fine with it, I'm happy that I'm slowly getting over my insecurities and I'm now able to talk to girls as if they're human beings (shocking, I know). Just doing my own thing now, trying to become the best me I can be and everything else will follow in due time I feel.
Though being a 25 year old virgin, forever alone and all that stuff gets to me sometimes, I try not to wallow in self pity too much.
Hm, maybe go for 'easier' girls? I am for 10 month + together with a girl now, she's overall average looking, and when I met her first she was sleeping around quite a bit. It worked out for us, and we have great times together, we don't have much in common, but we like each other quite a lot (somehow things get better as we go) and always aim to have a good time together.
On September 23 2014 03:25 Mikau wrote: As much I enjoy the rat/mice conversation (I really do, it's hilarious), this topic isn't the place for it. Especially since the moderators are already considering closing the thread over all the derailments. Can we keep it on topic please, this thread's is one of the few I still actively follow on TL.
Fair point, but it's hard for me to take the thread seriously as long as the first rule still applies. It would have been a good rule 10 years ago, now it's a roadblock for having any useful advice.
On September 23 2014 03:48 Mikau wrote: I'm still insecure about my virginity and I think it doesn't help in getting myself out there, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. And like I said, being able to talk to people including women is a good start, and that hasn't been self-evident at all in the past. I'm late for only starting to get there at age 25, but every step is a step in the right direction.
That's fine. Everyone has a different learning curve when it comes to socialization.
On September 23 2014 03:48 Mikau wrote: I'm still insecure about my virginity and I think it doesn't help in getting myself out there, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. And like I said, being able to talk to people including women is a good start, and that hasn't been self-evident at all in the past. I'm late for only starting to get there at age 25, but every step is a step in the right direction.
Don't worry about being a virgin. While it's nice to have experience (and sex is amazing), some people prefer to put a little more intimacy behind it, and they look at sex as more than just a social act. Plus, a lot of girls will think it's sweet if you tell them you've been waiting for the right girl If you shrug it off and don't make a big deal out of being a virgin, girls won't care much either. Some like the idea of teaching it too ^^
On September 23 2014 03:36 Mikau wrote: Nonexistent at the moment. Asked out 2 girls in the last month (one was a colleague I had great conversations with, I talked about her here before because she was 7 years younger), and a girl I met at a party a few weeks ago. Both turned me down, saying the usual crap about really liking me and talking with me but not seeing me that way. Fair enough. Surprisingly enough I'm fine with it, I'm happy that I'm slowly getting over my insecurities and I'm now able to talk to girls as if they're human beings (shocking, I know). Just doing my own thing now, trying to become the best me I can be and everything else will follow in due time I feel.
Though being a 25 year old virgin, forever alone and all that stuff gets to me sometimes, I try not to wallow in self pity too much.
Hm, maybe go for 'easier' girls? I am for 10 month + together with a girl now, she's overall average looking, and when I met her first she was sleeping around quite a bit. It worked out for us, and we have great times together, we don't have much in common, but we like each other quite a lot (somehow things get better as we go) and always aim to have a good time together.
Both girls were probably 'easy' in the sense that they sleep around. However, the way I present myself at the moment doesn't really invite being slept around with, and I don't really care about one night stands or casual sex. Not to say I don't have any sex drive, I just want to feel safe and comfortable with somebody I'm going to sleep with. Both girls were gorgeous though, and both get asked out a LOT. So in that sense I should maybe 'focus' on girls that are maybe less "desired". As I said though, not actively going to look when there's so much self improvement to be done.
On September 23 2014 03:48 Mikau wrote: I'm still insecure about my virginity and I think it doesn't help in getting myself out there, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. And like I said, being able to talk to people including women is a good start, and that hasn't been self-evident at all in the past. I'm late for only starting to get there at age 25, but every step is a step in the right direction.
Don't worry about being a virgin. While it's nice to have experience (and sex is amazing), some people prefer to put a little more intimacy behind it, and they look at sex as more than just a social act. Plus, a lot of girls will think it's sweet if you tell them you've been waiting for the right girl If you shrug it off and don't make a big deal out of being a virgin, girls won't care much either. Some like the idea of teaching it too ^^
Yeah I'll be the first to admit it's a roadblock I'm putting up for myself, rather than something girls are put off by. Doesn't make it easier to ignore, though.
EPT
