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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 25 2014 09:39 Yoz wrote:
Out of curiosity what are some of the more interesting and subtle dating tips that TLers have received?
A couple years ago I remember talking to a female friend about an upcoming date and she told me to spritz some cologne on the inside of my jacket (or even scarf) so that if the girl was cold and I offered up my jacket it'd smell nicely of my cologne.
It's a small touch but seems to have been noticed and appreciated by a few of the girls I've dated since.
That's a really cool idea  I'll have to try that because my fiancee is always cold and she always borrows my jacket/ sweatshirts
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Okay so i got to hang out with this girl I'd wanted to for years.
She was kinda drunk one night and hit me up and told me to come over, figured it was bullshit but went anyway, ended up having sex and staying a few days with her. Which she insisted i did so that was cool. But she is pretty much calling me cute af and saying shit like "you could be my next boyfriend" etc etc i was like uhhh okay.
Figure'd it was just a drunken thing but she calls me back to stay a couple more times, asks me what I do for work, at the time i was going to go into the Army in a month or so, so I told her that, she was like cool, i was like yeah. Last night we hang out she is super fucking drunk and like insisting i have sex with her and i was like whatever, get her pants/underpants off and i'm like. "What the fuck am i doing this is horrible" end up making up some bullshit excuse, bathroom or something so she falls asleep while i'm gone. Go and get her dressed while shes dead to the world and then fall asleep.
Next thing I know she quits talking to me, and i'm like wtf. Fastforward to the present. Hit her up semi drunk, tell her i miss her, ask her if her number is the same. She says to text her so i'm like, hell yeah. Now we're just kinda talking a bit and stuff and idk what the fuck to do now bc i am uber confused :< do i try to proceed or ask what the fuck her problem was?
halp
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Sounds like she felt embarrassed, hurt, and angry that you "rejected" her when she made a drunken advance towards you, even though you were doing the chivalrous and right thing. When you eventually talk to her about it, don't approach the topic by asking "what the fuck her problem was", but instead be empathetic and let her know that you don't think any less of her for it (even if you do) and ask her if you two can move past that incident. She'll want to, as she feels it's the elephant in the room (or more accurately, in your relationship).
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On September 25 2014 08:02 puppykiller wrote:
If you are feeling sexual tension with someone can you assume they feel it to? Today during spanish class I felt really attracted to this girl I sit by so I asked her to hang out with me after class and then we ended up making out. I just felt really into her and assumed that she felt the same,but I wonder if that is always a rule of thumb or if I should be gauging if they are into me in some other way than just analyzing my own emotions.
I've found this definitely not to be true - it takes longer for girls usually too. You need to step away from you and look for the signs she's giving you. Making out is a pretty good one lol, there's touching you, coming close some sort of body language...fuck if I know it's hard to read women but you gotta try
You can't ask either women are naturally receptive to emotions and small signals and expect the same from you it happened so many times that I just directly asked about that stuff and always receive such a wtf face ::D
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Almost reaching 20 months, 20 years old.
Second longest relationship has been 9 months, so nice to see to set a personal best, and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Might have found the right person, so I'm happy.
Quite hard when we're both in university, on occasion we see each other very little, like during finals, we might see each other 3 days in a month... While in summer, we will spend half of the week together. I am very happy though, it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning, and I'm definitely more diligent and productive overall when in a relationship like this one, than when being alone.
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On September 25 2014 13:25 arb wrote:
Okay so i got to hang out with this girl I'd wanted to for years.
She was kinda drunk one night and hit me up and told me to come over, figured it was bullshit but went anyway, ended up having sex and staying a few days with her. Which she insisted i did so that was cool. But she is pretty much calling me cute af and saying shit like "you could be my next boyfriend" etc etc i was like uhhh okay.
Figure'd it was just a drunken thing but she calls me back to stay a couple more times, asks me what I do for work, at the time i was going to go into the Army in a month or so, so I told her that, she was like cool, i was like yeah. Last night we hang out she is super fucking drunk and like insisting i have sex with her and i was like whatever, get her pants/underpants off and i'm like. "What the fuck am i doing this is horrible" end up making up some bullshit excuse, bathroom or something so she falls asleep while i'm gone. Go and get her dressed while shes dead to the world and then fall asleep.
Next thing I know she quits talking to me, and i'm like wtf. Fastforward to the present. Hit her up semi drunk, tell her i miss her, ask her if her number is the same. She says to text her so i'm like, hell yeah. Now we're just kinda talking a bit and stuff and idk what the fuck to do now bc i am uber confused :< do i try to proceed or ask what the fuck her problem was?
halp
Did you actually see her in person sober ever? :D
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On September 25 2014 16:17 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On September 25 2014 13:25 arb wrote:
Okay so i got to hang out with this girl I'd wanted to for years.
She was kinda drunk one night and hit me up and told me to come over, figured it was bullshit but went anyway, ended up having sex and staying a few days with her. Which she insisted i did so that was cool. But she is pretty much calling me cute af and saying shit like "you could be my next boyfriend" etc etc i was like uhhh okay.
Figure'd it was just a drunken thing but she calls me back to stay a couple more times, asks me what I do for work, at the time i was going to go into the Army in a month or so, so I told her that, she was like cool, i was like yeah. Last night we hang out she is super fucking drunk and like insisting i have sex with her and i was like whatever, get her pants/underpants off and i'm like. "What the fuck am i doing this is horrible" end up making up some bullshit excuse, bathroom or something so she falls asleep while i'm gone. Go and get her dressed while shes dead to the world and then fall asleep.
Next thing I know she quits talking to me, and i'm like wtf. Fastforward to the present. Hit her up semi drunk, tell her i miss her, ask her if her number is the same. She says to text her so i'm like, hell yeah. Now we're just kinda talking a bit and stuff and idk what the fuck to do now bc i am uber confused :< do i try to proceed or ask what the fuck her problem was?
halp Did you actually see her in person sober ever? :D
ya a few times lolol.
On September 25 2014 13:44 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Sounds like she felt embarrassed, hurt, and angry that you "rejected" her when she made a drunken advance towards you, even though you were doing the chivalrous and right thing. When you eventually talk to her about it, don't approach the topic by asking "what the fuck her problem was", but instead be empathetic and let her know that you don't think any less of her for it (even if you do) and ask her if you two can move past that incident. She'll want to, as she feels it's the elephant in the room (or more accurately, in your relationship).
I will probably see where it goes before i even bother asking again.
coming from the army my default response when something goes wrong is "what the fuck"
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On September 25 2014 18:02 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On September 25 2014 13:44 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Sounds like she felt embarrassed, hurt, and angry that you "rejected" her when she made a drunken advance towards you, even though you were doing the chivalrous and right thing. When you eventually talk to her about it, don't approach the topic by asking "what the fuck her problem was", but instead be empathetic and let her know that you don't think any less of her for it (even if you do) and ask her if you two can move past that incident. She'll want to, as she feels it's the elephant in the room (or more accurately, in your relationship). I will probably see where it goes before i even bother asking again. coming from the army my default response when something goes wrong is "what the fuck"
lol fair enough.
On September 25 2014 16:15 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Almost reaching 20 months, 20 years old.
Second longest relationship has been 9 months, so nice to see to set a personal best, and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Might have found the right person, so I'm happy.
Quite hard when we're both in university, on occasion we see each other very little, like during finals, we might see each other 3 days in a month... While in summer, we will spend half of the week together. I am very happy though, it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning, and I'm definitely more diligent and productive overall when in a relationship like this one, than when being alone.
It's great you two are finding a way to make a long-distance relationship work A lot of people just give up or can't really find a way to be happy in it. I went through a very, very long long-distance relationship, and it's hard work but it can pay off ^^
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On September 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On September 25 2014 18:02 arb wrote:On September 25 2014 13:44 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Sounds like she felt embarrassed, hurt, and angry that you "rejected" her when she made a drunken advance towards you, even though you were doing the chivalrous and right thing. When you eventually talk to her about it, don't approach the topic by asking "what the fuck her problem was", but instead be empathetic and let her know that you don't think any less of her for it (even if you do) and ask her if you two can move past that incident. She'll want to, as she feels it's the elephant in the room (or more accurately, in your relationship). I will probably see where it goes before i even bother asking again. coming from the army my default response when something goes wrong is "what the fuck" lol fair enough. Show nested quote +On September 25 2014 16:15 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Almost reaching 20 months, 20 years old.
Second longest relationship has been 9 months, so nice to see to set a personal best, and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Might have found the right person, so I'm happy.
Quite hard when we're both in university, on occasion we see each other very little, like during finals, we might see each other 3 days in a month... While in summer, we will spend half of the week together. I am very happy though, it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning, and I'm definitely more diligent and productive overall when in a relationship like this one, than when being alone. It's great you two are finding a way to make a long-distance relationship work A lot of people just give up or can't really find a way to be happy in it. I went through a very, very long long-distance relationship, and it's hard work but it can pay off ^^
Oh, we go to the same university haha.
I do Mechanical Engg and Economics (2 separate degrees), she does Accounting.
Although we are both going on internship in <8 months (16 month intership for me), so we might have to be long distance for a year, which would make it extremely difficult for us... And I just don't know that's what we want yet.
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On September 26 2014 04:53 FiWiFaKi wrote:Show nested quote +On September 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On September 25 2014 18:02 arb wrote:On September 25 2014 13:44 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Sounds like she felt embarrassed, hurt, and angry that you "rejected" her when she made a drunken advance towards you, even though you were doing the chivalrous and right thing. When you eventually talk to her about it, don't approach the topic by asking "what the fuck her problem was", but instead be empathetic and let her know that you don't think any less of her for it (even if you do) and ask her if you two can move past that incident. She'll want to, as she feels it's the elephant in the room (or more accurately, in your relationship). I will probably see where it goes before i even bother asking again. coming from the army my default response when something goes wrong is "what the fuck" lol fair enough. On September 25 2014 16:15 FiWiFaKi wrote:
Almost reaching 20 months, 20 years old.
Second longest relationship has been 9 months, so nice to see to set a personal best, and doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Might have found the right person, so I'm happy.
Quite hard when we're both in university, on occasion we see each other very little, like during finals, we might see each other 3 days in a month... While in summer, we will spend half of the week together. I am very happy though, it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning, and I'm definitely more diligent and productive overall when in a relationship like this one, than when being alone. It's great you two are finding a way to make a long-distance relationship work A lot of people just give up or can't really find a way to be happy in it. I went through a very, very long long-distance relationship, and it's hard work but it can pay off ^^ Oh, we go to the same university haha. I do Mechanical Engg and Economics (2 separate degrees), she does Accounting. Although we are both going on internship in <8 months (16 month intership for me), so we might have to be long distance for a year, which would make it extremely difficult for us... And I just don't know that's what we want yet.
Ah okay ^^ Best of luck!
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So we hung out for a bit after I got off work, had a bunch of free candles I got from work to bring her anyway so idk. We talked and watched tv a bunch, told me how she'd been blah blah.
Got a call from her dad so she had to go over there(told me she had to do that a long time before i even mentioned anything). As I was leaving she gave me a hug, which i expected but then like kissed my chest and i was just like uhhh.
Wtf like what is that supposed to mean
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United States15275 Posts
On September 25 2014 13:25 arb wrote:
Okay so i got to hang out with this girl I'd wanted to for years.
She was kinda drunk one night and hit me up and told me to come over, figured it was bullshit but went anyway, ended up having sex and staying a few days with her. Which she insisted i did so that was cool. But she is pretty much calling me cute af and saying shit like "you could be my next boyfriend" etc etc i was like uhhh okay.
Figure'd it was just a drunken thing but she calls me back to stay a couple more times, asks me what I do for work, at the time i was going to go into the Army in a month or so, so I told her that, she was like cool, i was like yeah. Last night we hang out she is super fucking drunk and like insisting i have sex with her and i was like whatever, get her pants/underpants off and i'm like. "What the fuck am i doing this is horrible" end up making up some bullshit excuse, bathroom or something so she falls asleep while i'm gone. Go and get her dressed while shes dead to the world and then fall asleep.
Next thing I know she quits talking to me, and i'm like wtf. Fastforward to the present. Hit her up semi drunk, tell her i miss her, ask her if her number is the same. She says to text her so i'm like, hell yeah. Now we're just kinda talking a bit and stuff and idk what the fuck to do now bc i am uber confused :< do i try to proceed or ask what the fuck her problem was?
halp
That is because you have, unintentionally, become a hypocrite. On the first drunk night, you went with the flow and had sex with her. Depending on your views on what constitutes free will, that can be viewed as a good or a bad thing. Fast forward to the second time and now you're hit with a crisis of conscience. Now that you are replaying the first incident, you can cognitively process the context and decide it goes against your moral boundaries. Having values you stick with is a good thing...except you should've done that first time. Now the girl doesn't know where she stands with you. "He accepted my invitation in this situation beforehand, but now he rejected me the second time. Did I do something wrong? Did he really feel this way when it initially happened? I don't know if I can trust his intentions. He's not setting a standard of behavior for me to interpret." Now there's an uneasiness resembling a breach of trust. She felt angry and hurt that she opened herself up emotionally to you and got that response.
On September 27 2014 05:53 arb wrote:So we hung out for a bit after I got off work, had a bunch of free candles I got from work to bring her anyway so idk. We talked and watched tv a bunch, told me how she'd been blah blah. Got a call from her dad so she had to go over there(told me she had to do that a long time before i even mentioned anything). As I was leaving she gave me a hug, which i expected but then like kissed my chest and i was just like uhhh. Wtf like what is that supposed to mean
Either you do what you want or you do what you believe is right. Either way, you ought to be decisive and free from the outcome. Currently you're waffling, both in terms of emotions and purpose, as you feel uncertain. There's something to lose and something to gain, but you don't have a clear answer on how to navigate between the two. And unfortunately there will never be one. So the question you need to ask yourself is "What exactly am I getting from this relationship, and does it line up with what I want from her as a person?"
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girlfriend and I have been discussing potentially moving in together at some point. It's tentative while she finishes her degree, and haven't been together super long, but we're pretty crazy about each other and agree that we have long term potential. In a year or so, we'll likely be looking for a place together which is super exciting
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On September 27 2014 14:09 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On September 25 2014 13:25 arb wrote:
Okay so i got to hang out with this girl I'd wanted to for years.
She was kinda drunk one night and hit me up and told me to come over, figured it was bullshit but went anyway, ended up having sex and staying a few days with her. Which she insisted i did so that was cool. But she is pretty much calling me cute af and saying shit like "you could be my next boyfriend" etc etc i was like uhhh okay.
Figure'd it was just a drunken thing but she calls me back to stay a couple more times, asks me what I do for work, at the time i was going to go into the Army in a month or so, so I told her that, she was like cool, i was like yeah. Last night we hang out she is super fucking drunk and like insisting i have sex with her and i was like whatever, get her pants/underpants off and i'm like. "What the fuck am i doing this is horrible" end up making up some bullshit excuse, bathroom or something so she falls asleep while i'm gone. Go and get her dressed while shes dead to the world and then fall asleep.
Next thing I know she quits talking to me, and i'm like wtf. Fastforward to the present. Hit her up semi drunk, tell her i miss her, ask her if her number is the same. She says to text her so i'm like, hell yeah. Now we're just kinda talking a bit and stuff and idk what the fuck to do now bc i am uber confused :< do i try to proceed or ask what the fuck her problem was?
halp That is because you have, unintentionally, become a hypocrite. On the first drunk night, you went with the flow and had sex with her. Depending on your views on what constitutes free will, that can be viewed as a good or a bad thing. Fast forward to the second time and now you're hit with a crisis of conscience. Now that you are replaying the first incident, you can cognitively process the context and decide it goes against your moral boundaries. Having values you stick with is a good thing...except you should've done that first time. Now the girl doesn't know where she stands with you. "He accepted my invitation in this situation beforehand, but now he rejected me the second time. Did I do something wrong? Did he really feel this way when it initially happened? I don't know if I can trust his intentions. He's not setting a standard of behavior for me to interpret." Now there's an uneasiness resembling a breach of trust. She felt angry and hurt that she opened herself up emotionally to you and got that response. Show nested quote +On September 27 2014 05:53 arb wrote:So we hung out for a bit after I got off work, had a bunch of free candles I got from work to bring her anyway so idk. We talked and watched tv a bunch, told me how she'd been blah blah. Got a call from her dad so she had to go over there(told me she had to do that a long time before i even mentioned anything). As I was leaving she gave me a hug, which i expected but then like kissed my chest and i was just like uhhh. Wtf like what is that supposed to mean Either you do what you want or you do what you believe is right. Either way, you ought to be decisive and free from the outcome. Currently you're waffling, both in terms of emotions and purpose, as you feel uncertain. There's something to lose and something to gain, but you don't have a clear answer on how to navigate between the two. And unfortunately there will never be one. So the question you need to ask yourself is "What exactly am I getting from this relationship, and does it line up with what I want from her as a person?"
Actually the first night and everytime i had sex with her i waited till she was near sober, im not gonna say 100% straight as a board sober, but more than enough to know what is going on.
Anyway. Get over there, things are weird. Not touching me(not sexually zzz) or anything not really talking. Im like uhhhh okay. Randomly looks over while im watching tv, and is like "you know I have a boyfriend?" i was like "what the fuck? Sure as shit did not" I'm like you have got to be fucking kidding me why the fuck are you going to just spring this out like who the fuck does that to someone?
Later on, about 45 minutes or so, i mean fuck i was enjoying the tv shows so i was gonna wait a bit to leave, she's like "le boyfran said he will be here in 15-20" im like "real?" say i have to go piss, make up an excuse aka, its 10pm i have to be at work at 3-4 need to sleep and leave. She tells me to text her and im like okay. Messages me on facebook saying text again bc my number didnt save,which i stupidly did like fml.
Either way if she was trying to get rid of me, unlikely since it was her invitation she coulda just said im sleepy or gotta go somewhere idfk. But legit who the fuck does that.
FML.
Basically consider this one dead in the water and will just go to living reclusive for a bit in all likely hood
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Netherlands6181 Posts
On September 27 2014 16:47 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On September 27 2014 14:09 CosmicSpiral wrote:On September 25 2014 13:25 arb wrote:
Okay so i got to hang out with this girl I'd wanted to for years.
She was kinda drunk one night and hit me up and told me to come over, figured it was bullshit but went anyway, ended up having sex and staying a few days with her. Which she insisted i did so that was cool. But she is pretty much calling me cute af and saying shit like "you could be my next boyfriend" etc etc i was like uhhh okay.
Figure'd it was just a drunken thing but she calls me back to stay a couple more times, asks me what I do for work, at the time i was going to go into the Army in a month or so, so I told her that, she was like cool, i was like yeah. Last night we hang out she is super fucking drunk and like insisting i have sex with her and i was like whatever, get her pants/underpants off and i'm like. "What the fuck am i doing this is horrible" end up making up some bullshit excuse, bathroom or something so she falls asleep while i'm gone. Go and get her dressed while shes dead to the world and then fall asleep.
Next thing I know she quits talking to me, and i'm like wtf. Fastforward to the present. Hit her up semi drunk, tell her i miss her, ask her if her number is the same. She says to text her so i'm like, hell yeah. Now we're just kinda talking a bit and stuff and idk what the fuck to do now bc i am uber confused :< do i try to proceed or ask what the fuck her problem was?
halp That is because you have, unintentionally, become a hypocrite. On the first drunk night, you went with the flow and had sex with her. Depending on your views on what constitutes free will, that can be viewed as a good or a bad thing. Fast forward to the second time and now you're hit with a crisis of conscience. Now that you are replaying the first incident, you can cognitively process the context and decide it goes against your moral boundaries. Having values you stick with is a good thing...except you should've done that first time. Now the girl doesn't know where she stands with you. "He accepted my invitation in this situation beforehand, but now he rejected me the second time. Did I do something wrong? Did he really feel this way when it initially happened? I don't know if I can trust his intentions. He's not setting a standard of behavior for me to interpret." Now there's an uneasiness resembling a breach of trust. She felt angry and hurt that she opened herself up emotionally to you and got that response. On September 27 2014 05:53 arb wrote:So we hung out for a bit after I got off work, had a bunch of free candles I got from work to bring her anyway so idk. We talked and watched tv a bunch, told me how she'd been blah blah. Got a call from her dad so she had to go over there(told me she had to do that a long time before i even mentioned anything). As I was leaving she gave me a hug, which i expected but then like kissed my chest and i was just like uhhh. Wtf like what is that supposed to mean Either you do what you want or you do what you believe is right. Either way, you ought to be decisive and free from the outcome. Currently you're waffling, both in terms of emotions and purpose, as you feel uncertain. There's something to lose and something to gain, but you don't have a clear answer on how to navigate between the two. And unfortunately there will never be one. So the question you need to ask yourself is "What exactly am I getting from this relationship, and does it line up with what I want from her as a person?" Actually the first night and everytime i had sex with her i waited till she was near sober, im not gonna say 100% straight as a board sober, but more than enough to know what is going on. Anyway. Get over there, things are weird. Not touching me(not sexually zzz) or anything not really talking. Im like uhhhh okay. Randomly looks over while im watching tv, and is like "you know I have a boyfriend?" i was like "what the fuck? Sure as shit did not" I'm like you have got to be fucking kidding me why the fuck are you going to just spring this out like who the fuck does that to someone? Later on, about 45 minutes or so, i mean fuck i was enjoying the tv shows so i was gonna wait a bit to leave, she's like "le boyfran said he will be here in 15-20" im like "real?" say i have to go piss, make up an excuse aka, its 10pm i have to be at work at 3-4 need to sleep and leave. She tells me to text her and im like okay. Messages me on facebook saying text again bc my number didnt save,which i stupidly did like fml. Either way if she was trying to get rid of me, unlikely since it was her invitation she coulda just said im sleepy or gotta go somewhere idfk. But legit who the fuck does that. FML. Basically consider this one dead in the water and will just go to living reclusive for a bit in all likely hood
Yeah, best to get out of that one quickly :/ that is a bit wtf indeed.
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Norway28665 Posts
yeah that's just weird and in a bad way.
I remember a kinda-parallel experience, I had gone home with some drunk chick at some occasion and spent the night with her, then the morning after I left kinda quickly and I dunno if she was all that pleased by that. Then I meet her again like 6 months later and she's out of her mind drunk, invites me over to her place again, I go with her cuz I'm horny. But then shortly after we get there, she starts angrily talking on the phone with her boyfriend, and apparently he was gonna show up soon, and I'm like wtf why am I here then. then she started asking if I was "afraid" of him and I'm like no but fuck if I care about meeting him. I literally got the impression that the reason why I was there was that she wanted to show off that she didn't need him, like I was some sort of prop in their internal relationship strife or whatever. It was dumb and fucked up.
shortly thereafter I just went home, next time I saw her she was waiting for the bus with the boyfriend and me and her just started laughing when we saw each other, I remember the boyfriend looking at her and being like what's funny and she's like oh no nothing and it must have been very awkward for the two of them.
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On September 27 2014 05:53 arb wrote:So we hung out for a bit after I got off work, had a bunch of free candles I got from work to bring her anyway so idk. We talked and watched tv a bunch, told me how she'd been blah blah. Got a call from her dad so she had to go over there(told me she had to do that a long time before i even mentioned anything). As I was leaving she gave me a hug, which i expected but then like kissed my chest and i was just like uhhh. Wtf like what is that supposed to mean
What was her attitude like when you guys hung out? Was she the way she normally acts? Was she uncharacteristically bubbly? Dismissive? Awkward?
EDIT: Your anecdote with drav makes her sound kinda crazy.
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On September 27 2014 14:58 LeeDawg wrote:
girlfriend and I have been discussing potentially moving in together at some point. It's tentative while she finishes her degree, and haven't been together super long, but we're pretty crazy about each other and agree that we have long term potential. In a year or so, we'll likely be looking for a place together which is super exciting
Congratulations! Big step How long have you two been going out?
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United States15275 Posts
On September 27 2014 16:47 arb wrote:
Actually the first night and everytime i had sex with her i waited till she was near sober, im not gonna say 100% straight as a board sober, but more than enough to know what is going on.
Which implies she was drunk beforehand and you waited until she receded in her inebriation. No matter how long you waited, drunkenness -> sex is the frame in which your relationship has been cast. So when you "broke tradition", she was naturally going to freak out.
On September 27 2014 16:47 arb wrote:
Anyway. Get over there, things are weird. Not touching me(not sexually zzz) or anything not really talking. Im like uhhhh okay. Randomly looks over while im watching tv, and is like "you know I have a boyfriend?" i was like "what the fuck? Sure as shit did not" I'm like you have got to be fucking kidding me why the fuck are you going to just spring this out like who the fuck does that to someone?"
I'll keep this part very short. Any longer elaboration would come close to violating the rules of the thread.
The point of that comment was to garner a response. She's not looking for anything in particular, she's looking to see how you would react to such a loaded suggestion.
The "You know I have a boyfriend?" lean can lead to any of the following implicit spiels:
+ Show Spoiler +We've been sitting here for some time and you're just sitting there. Not flirting with me, not having fun with me, just doing nothing. You "rejected" me recently and I want to know where our relationship dynamic stands now. Do you still desire me sexually or the situation different now? I'm going to give this very big poke that will (hopefully) motivate you to make your intentions clear.
+ Show Spoiler +"Are you going to freak out despite the fact that we've had sex several/many times at the point, yet you have given me no indication that you wanted to change the state of our relationship until recently? If that paradigm isn't the one you want to follow, then which paradigm do you want?
+ Show Spoiler +"Are you going to freak out because you've found out I'm in a committed relationship, and therefore I'm in the wrong? Because it sure seemed like you didn't care all the other times we fooled around. If you wanted me in a more intimate capacity, you would've at least tried to take action to make it happen; if you wanted casual sex, we're already waist-deep in it and you had no problem going with the flow. I want a response on how you feel about that, which will reflect how you feel about me as a whole. Because you're giving me contradictory signals here and I don't want to be left in the dark.
On September 27 2014 16:47 arb wrote:
Either way if she was trying to get rid of me, unlikely since it was her invitation she coulda just said im sleepy or gotta go somewhere idfk. But legit who the fuck does that.
FML.
Basically consider this one dead in the water and will just go to living reclusive for a bit in all likely hood
No, she was not trying to get rid of you.
No, she's not crazy either. Too forceful on the point, yes. From an emotional viewpoint (which is its own type of logic), she makes perfect sense.
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Hey guys, interested in your opinions on this.
I broke up with a girl ive spent almost three years with last september. Since then i was really unable to be happy because I couldnt find anyone to talk to on a daily basis etc, which is pretty much something i need. Yep i have a pretty healthy amount of good friends but all of em are usually pretty busy and theyre not the type of people id like to talk to everyday and spend time with them. Then in May ive started to get close with one of my friends. She was a classmate of my ex but theres honestly no connection with that, its just how i know her and we started to talk a lot everyday but from what I know she was never really interested in dating me and people around her never really liked me. But nonetheless we eventually managed to built a really strong relationship and started dating. That was in August and since then its a little problematic and Im not really sure what to do.
First problem is that shes pretty busy all the time and we dont really spend a lot of time together besides me driving her home sometimes or visiting her late in the night in her town. And then after a month she recently said that shes still waiting to get the same feelings i have for her but it doesnt seem to come, but when were together its quite obvious that she must have strong feelings for me + were still in touch pretty much all the time, everyday. She claims that shes weird and that shes paranoid of losing loved ones (because shes lost some family members in the last year) etc...
What I think is that one of the problems is that we havent really spent a lot of time together yet as well as no sex yet and I refuse to give this up because it started without physical attraction which makes me love that girl a lot more. But it gets me very frustrated to hear that she might not be able to be with me, one day and then that she wants to be with me so much the other day and introduces me to her parents. What u guys think? Should i prove to her that i mean it really seriously like ive been doing it so far or that shes just confused about her feelings etc? Or sth else?
(Im 22 and shes 19 btw)
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EPT
