We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On September 02 2014 05:15 Flonomenalz wrote: Why am I not surprised that this thread is full of textbook misogyny and illogical attacks on feminism?
Anyway, I've been so busy with school/work, had no time for dating... and suddenly I'm on my first date in over a year, in a few hours. Super, super, super nervous. She's gorgeous. Any advice on stopping nervous sweats?
Have a beer. Maybe not politically correct and if you're too young, don't, but a small amount of alcohol helps you relax.
Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
Sorry to hear that Hopefully you can throw yourself into a project/ hobby/ work/ school and think less about her as time goes on!
On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote: I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you.
If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
I strongly disagree with not using the phone to communicate anything other than setting up a date. I'd try talking to her more and more frequently if you're truly interested (whether it's texting, calling, or preferably in person). If she never texts back, then you can get the hint a lot quicker; otherwise, it's nice to know that she's taking time out of her day to hold a casual conversation with you. Chatting with her every day is a surefire sign that you're becoming a part of her life (whether that's as a friend or as a romantic interest still needs to be established, of course).
As far as starting a text conversation is concerned, make sure you're going somewhere with the conversation (and the ability to plan your thoughts out and what you type is pretty convenient). After exchanging "Hey how's it going?"s, feel free to bring up something that she had talked to you about (a hobby that you might want her to teach you, an event that she was going to, school/ music/ sports, something that reminded you of her today, etc.). Ideally, it'll get to the point where she reaches out to you first instead of you needing to initiate the text conversation all the time, but there's no magic formula for how long that is.
On September 02 2014 05:15 Flonomenalz wrote: Why am I not surprised that this thread is full of textbook misogyny and illogical attacks on feminism?
Anyway, I've been so busy with school/work, had no time for dating... and suddenly I'm on my first date in over a year, in a few hours. Super, super, super nervous. She's gorgeous. Any advice on stopping nervous sweats?
Wear an undershirt to soak up any pit stains! And use anti-perspirant/ deodorant/ possibly cologne!
Also, try your best to not act super, super, super nervous... don't overcompensate by acting like a cocky jackass, but try to relax and enjoy yourself Much like with a job interview, you need to recognize that you were asked for a reason: because you're qualified to be there. Once you feel like you belong in that room with that girl, you'll start feeling a little more natural and hopefully talkative Good luck!
On August 31 2014 22:55 Grumbels wrote: I read that two things that attract women are 1) that someone with "edge" (like sarcasm or aggression) allows for a fantasy where they are special for being spared and being able to tame you; and 2) that if you seem to suffer in some sort of noble fashion, so that it's clear that that deep down you're really not okay although you're trying, that this fuels the fantasy that they alone can be the ones to comfort you and make you whole again and that this will create a special bond.
The problem with these ideas is that they attract the type of women that you do not want in your life. Any attraction based on a fantasy will inevitably fall apart or lead into a self-destructive relationship.
Well, people in this thread always give advice like: "be nice, stable, successful, confident, handsome, charming, accepting", but it's not a given that this is the only reason for women to like you.
She wants a version of you that does not exist. The only thing you can get out of that is a one-night stand or a very loose open relationship. Some guys prefer their sexual relationships to be structured like that, but in this thread we ought to assume the norm.
Not to mention girls who like men for those reasons are typically unrealistic in their expectations for a relationship.
On September 02 2014 05:15 Flonomenalz wrote: Why am I not surprised that this thread is full of textbook misogyny and illogical attacks on feminism?
Anyway, I've been so busy with school/work, had no time for dating... and suddenly I'm on my first date in over a year, in a few hours. Super, super, super nervous. She's gorgeous. Any advice on stopping nervous sweats?
She's gorgeous. Any advice on stopping nervous sweats?
Instead of seeing her beauty as an indication of her being out of your league (and an implicit reason to seek validation from her), enjoy it for what it is. If she's going on a date with you, she clearly wants to spend time with you. Obviously, you want to spend time with her. No worries! You have nothing to prove to her.
Just in case, use some deodorant or antiperspirant. Watch out for aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly, it will severely mess up the underarms of your shirt.
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
That's too bad. Make sure you learn from that experience though. No relationship, no matter how painful its end, is a loss if it adds to your wisdom.
On August 31 2014 22:55 Grumbels wrote: I read that two things that attract women are 1) that someone with "edge" (like sarcasm or aggression) allows for a fantasy where they are special for being spared and being able to tame you; and 2) that if you seem to suffer in some sort of noble fashion, so that it's clear that that deep down you're really not okay although you're trying, that this fuels the fantasy that they alone can be the ones to comfort you and make you whole again and that this will create a special bond.
The problem with these ideas is that they attract the type of women that you do not want in your life. Any attraction based on a fantasy will inevitably fall apart or lead into a self-destructive relationship.
Well, people in this thread always give advice like: "be nice, stable, successful, confident, handsome, charming, accepting", but it's not a given that this is the only reason for women to like you.
That's the point. She wants a version of you that does not exist. The only thing you can get out of that is a one-night stand or a very loose open relationship. Some guys prefer their sexual relationships to be structured like that, but in this thread we ought to assume the norm.
Not to mention girls who like men for those reasons are typically unrealistic in their expectations for a relationship.
Did you ever watch Ouran High School Host Club (some anime ). They have as main characters a club that seeks to play to all the types that women go for: the princely character, the stoic quiet one, the cute one, the twins, the natural, the smart successful one. And each type needs to act in certain ways to maintain a particular image, and if they don't the allure is gone.
I always wonder why my brother is more successful than me in dating and such, since by all accounts he is not as smart (and handsome *cough*) / athletic / funny as, say, me, but his strong advantage is that he is a specific type of person (beard, idiotic hat, listens to stupid metal music) while I'm more non-descript I feel.
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
Hang in there man. From what I've read of you on these forums over the years, you're a nice and smart guy and I don't doubt for one second that you'll find someone else, even if right now it must hurt as hell.
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
Hang in there man. From what I've read of you on these forums over the years, you're a nice and smart guy and I don't doubt for one second that you'll find someone else, even if right now it must hurt as hell.
I don't remember your posts, but yeah. Stay strong. We're here to talk if you pm these guys. They got great advice like seeing the positive in it. And while you may feel sad now it'll get better. 8 months is a long time and you may need some time but >8 month relationships failing is common. People move on and find better. This was on reddit.
On September 01 2014 12:09 Najda wrote: Yeah I agree with both of you, there's obviously a balance to be had which is why it makes it hard for me. If I never talk to her, I'll just seem disinterested, and on the opposite side of the spectrum obviously it's bad to send a message every hour. The advice I would give myself is just to text when I actually have something to say and don't text for the sake of contacting her, but I'm just really sure what a normal amount is since I'm so inexperienced.
I think a general rule of thumb is to be less invested into these sorts of things than the female. So instead of never talking to her, or always talking to her, just initiate and go with the flow as long as your investment is below hers.
I remember reading an amazing article on this phenomenon in our generation. I don't see the "whoever cares the least wins" as a positive change in dating habits. If I find the article I'll link.
On September 02 2014 07:47 kwizach wrote: Hang in there man. From what I've read of you on these forums over the years, you're a nice and smart guy and I don't doubt for one second that you'll find someone else, even if right now it must hurt as hell.
Thanks man, that means a lot to me. It definitely is very painful, probably the worst (emotionally) I've ever felt, but it should get better. At least I'm not banned from TL.net.
On September 02 2014 09:14 obesechicken13 wrote: I don't remember your posts, but yeah. Stay strong. We're here to talk if you pm these guys. They got great advice like seeing the positive in it. And while you may feel sad now it'll get better. 8 months is a long time and you may need some time but >8 month relationships failing is common. People move on and find better. This was on reddit.
I've always had that same view as Butters. This will take time to get over, and right now it doesn't feel like I'm going to ever feel that great again. I know I will, but it doesn't feel like it.
On September 02 2014 07:24 CosmicSpiral wrote: That's too bad. Make sure you learn from that experience though. No relationship, no matter how painful its end, is a loss if it adds to your wisdom.
This isn't my first break-up, but it's hard to really learn something (positive) from this one. She was a really great girlfriend and there wasn't much I could do that would have made it work in the end. I usually come out of a break-up with something I can work on, but this one feels really empty.
On September 02 2014 06:33 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Sorry to hear that Hopefully you can throw yourself into a project/ hobby/ work/ school and think less about her as time goes on!
Yea, I have a few things on the list I'll finally have time for. Cycling and programming projects.
Thanks for all the kind words guys. It really does help. I'll be around in this topic for a bit to add my 2 cents at the very least.
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
This brings out the question...Rebound relationships, good or not?
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
This brings out the question...Rebound relationships, good or not?
Always, because you can't confirm its a rebound until you try it. If I lived by the "no rebound relationships" I wouldn't be in a 5 year long relationship today. Be fearless.
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
This brings out the question...Rebound relationships, good or not?
Always, because you can't confirm its a rebound until you try it. If I lived by the "no rebound relationships" I wouldn't be in a 5 year long relationship today. Be fearless.
Indeed. Of course, don't fool yourself into thinking that it isn't a rebound from the beginning and be prepared that you could possibly hurt somebody a lot (like any relationship). In my experience, getting out there and meeting new people is the fastest way to heal and move on. My only caution would be to try to stay away from crazy as much as possible. For rebounds, "don't stick your dick in crazy," is probably the MOST important rule (imo).
On September 02 2014 05:38 aksfjh wrote: Girlfriend just broke up with me today, said she just wasn't attracted to me any more after 8 months together. I love(d) the hell out of that woman. This is going to be incredibly hard to move on from.
This brings out the question...Rebound relationships, good or not?
I don't really agree with them simply because in 90% of the cases a rebound is simply looking for a distraction from thinking about your ex / fighting the loneliness. It in't fair on the other person. for a start, and you're cheating yourself out of an opportunity to gather yourself and figure out where you went wrong. Rebound sex = fine. Rebound relationship = no
On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote: I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you.
If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
I strongly disagree with not using the phone to communicate anything other than setting up a date. I'd try talking to her more and more frequently if you're truly interested (whether it's texting, calling, or preferably in person). If she never texts back, then you can get the hint a lot quicker; otherwise, it's nice to know that she's taking time out of her day to hold a casual conversation with you. Chatting with her every day is a surefire sign that you're becoming a part of her life (whether that's as a friend or as a romantic interest still needs to be established, of course).
As far as starting a text conversation is concerned, make sure you're going somewhere with the conversation (and the ability to plan your thoughts out and what you type is pretty convenient). After exchanging "Hey how's it going?"s, feel free to bring up something that she had talked to you about (a hobby that you might want her to teach you, an event that she was going to, school/ music/ sports, something that reminded you of her today, etc.). Ideally, it'll get to the point where she reaches out to you first instead of you needing to initiate the text conversation all the time, but there's no magic formula for how long that is.
When courting members of the opposite sex, we have to be aware of our actions and whether they increase attraction or decrease attraction towards us. By texting and talking to her often, you are actually going to decrease her attraction level.
Girls ideally want to be involved in the chase as well. If you are constantly texting and calling her, she knows where she stands and knows that you are interested in her. This kills the mystery and anticipation. Remember, it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear (the woman doesn't know where she stands). When the woman reaches out to the man to reassure herself, the man simply has to have a short conversation and set up the next date.
Texting and talking to her too often will make her less attracted. You have to match your investment level to the person you are talking to. If they are texting to you very often, and with short delays on reply then there is a good chance they will be hurt if you take days to respond. If they are texting you a couple of times a day, or not even texting and just responding then tone it down accordingly. Way too often people do not pick up on the hints that they are texting too often, and end up trying harder and harder and driving the other person away. I've seen it at my work twice this summer already. Neediness and clinginess kills fledgling relationships.
On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote: I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you.
If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
I strongly disagree with not using the phone to communicate anything other than setting up a date. I'd try talking to her more and more frequently if you're truly interested (whether it's texting, calling, or preferably in person). If she never texts back, then you can get the hint a lot quicker; otherwise, it's nice to know that she's taking time out of her day to hold a casual conversation with you. Chatting with her every day is a surefire sign that you're becoming a part of her life (whether that's as a friend or as a romantic interest still needs to be established, of course).
As far as starting a text conversation is concerned, make sure you're going somewhere with the conversation (and the ability to plan your thoughts out and what you type is pretty convenient). After exchanging "Hey how's it going?"s, feel free to bring up something that she had talked to you about (a hobby that you might want her to teach you, an event that she was going to, school/ music/ sports, something that reminded you of her today, etc.). Ideally, it'll get to the point where she reaches out to you first instead of you needing to initiate the text conversation all the time, but there's no magic formula for how long that is.
When courting members of the opposite sex, we have to be aware of our actions and whether they increase attraction or decrease attraction towards us. By texting and talking to her often, you are actually going to decrease her attraction level.
Girls ideally want to be involved in the chase as well. If you are constantly texting and calling her, she knows where she stands and knows that you are interested in her. This kills the mystery and anticipation. Remember, it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear (the woman doesn't know where she stands). When the woman reaches out to the man to reassure herself, the man simply has to have a short conversation and set up the next date.
How do you let your know your interested in seeing her again then? God I hate this.
My situation: Girl messages me on okc, her pictures are mediocre so I'm not too thrilled about meeting her but I decide to give her a chance, and my texting tone sort of reflects this. We meet for a drink Friday night, it goes well though no real physical escalation. She texts me after saying she had a really good time, chat for a few minutes then I say I'm going to bed.
She had invited me to go to the zoo with her and some friends the next day during the date, I said I couldn't because I had an interview that morning. I texted her later asking how the zoo was, she asked how my interview was and we talked a bit more. Then on monday I asked if she was free that night to hang out, she said she was busy, would love to some other time (though she took like 3 hours to respond). Texted her again tonight, and just no response (at 8 pm, 11 pm now).
So that's 3 times over 4 days, is that really so offputting she completely lost interest? I've been on about 4 first dates now where this is the case, I just don't get it.
On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote: I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you.
If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
I strongly disagree with not using the phone to communicate anything other than setting up a date. I'd try talking to her more and more frequently if you're truly interested (whether it's texting, calling, or preferably in person). If she never texts back, then you can get the hint a lot quicker; otherwise, it's nice to know that she's taking time out of her day to hold a casual conversation with you. Chatting with her every day is a surefire sign that you're becoming a part of her life (whether that's as a friend or as a romantic interest still needs to be established, of course).
As far as starting a text conversation is concerned, make sure you're going somewhere with the conversation (and the ability to plan your thoughts out and what you type is pretty convenient). After exchanging "Hey how's it going?"s, feel free to bring up something that she had talked to you about (a hobby that you might want her to teach you, an event that she was going to, school/ music/ sports, something that reminded you of her today, etc.). Ideally, it'll get to the point where she reaches out to you first instead of you needing to initiate the text conversation all the time, but there's no magic formula for how long that is.
When courting members of the opposite sex, we have to be aware of our actions and whether they increase attraction or decrease attraction towards us. By texting and talking to her often, you are actually going to decrease her attraction level.
Girls ideally want to be involved in the chase as well. If you are constantly texting and calling her, she knows where she stands and knows that you are interested in her. This kills the mystery and anticipation. Remember, it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear (the woman doesn't know where she stands). When the woman reaches out to the man to reassure herself, the man simply has to have a short conversation and set up the next date.
How do you let your know your interested in seeing her again then? God I hate this.
My situation: Girl messages me on okc, her pictures are mediocre so I'm not too thrilled about meeting her but I decide to give her a chance, and my texting tone sort of reflects this. We meet for a drink Friday night, it goes well though no real physical escalation. She texts me after saying she had a really good time, chat for a few minutes then I say I'm going to bed.
She had invited me to go to the zoo with her and some friends the next day during the date, I said I couldn't because I had an interview that morning. I texted her later asking how the zoo was, she asked how my interview was and we talked a bit more. Then on monday I asked if she was free that night to hang out, she said she was busy, would love to some other time (though she took like 3 hours to respond). Texted her again tonight, and just no response (at 8 pm, 11 pm now).
So that's 3 times over 4 days, is that really so offputting she completely lost interest? I've been on about 4 first dates now where this is the case, I just don't get it.
You let her know your interested by inviting her out again.
She was attracted to you after your Friday date because she texted you afterwards (and also set up another date during the date).
When she said was busy, but would love to get together some other time, your response should be: "okay, let me know when you're free to get together". After that there should be no contact. If she's interested in you, she'll reach out to you. If not, then move on.
You should definitely follow Corey Wayne on Youtube and read his book. He has a systematic approach towards dating, courtship and relationships. Good Luck!
On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote: I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you.
If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
I strongly disagree with not using the phone to communicate anything other than setting up a date. I'd try talking to her more and more frequently if you're truly interested (whether it's texting, calling, or preferably in person). If she never texts back, then you can get the hint a lot quicker; otherwise, it's nice to know that she's taking time out of her day to hold a casual conversation with you. Chatting with her every day is a surefire sign that you're becoming a part of her life (whether that's as a friend or as a romantic interest still needs to be established, of course).
As far as starting a text conversation is concerned, make sure you're going somewhere with the conversation (and the ability to plan your thoughts out and what you type is pretty convenient). After exchanging "Hey how's it going?"s, feel free to bring up something that she had talked to you about (a hobby that you might want her to teach you, an event that she was going to, school/ music/ sports, something that reminded you of her today, etc.). Ideally, it'll get to the point where she reaches out to you first instead of you needing to initiate the text conversation all the time, but there's no magic formula for how long that is.
When courting members of the opposite sex, we have to be aware of our actions and whether they increase attraction or decrease attraction towards us. By texting and talking to her often, you are actually going to decrease her attraction level.
Girls ideally want to be involved in the chase as well. If you are constantly texting and calling her, she knows where she stands and knows that you are interested in her. This kills the mystery and anticipation. Remember, it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear (the woman doesn't know where she stands). When the woman reaches out to the man to reassure herself, the man simply has to have a short conversation and set up the next date.
How do you let your know your interested in seeing her again then? God I hate this.
My situation: Girl messages me on okc, her pictures are mediocre so I'm not too thrilled about meeting her but I decide to give her a chance, and my texting tone sort of reflects this. We meet for a drink Friday night, it goes well though no real physical escalation. She texts me after saying she had a really good time, chat for a few minutes then I say I'm going to bed.
She had invited me to go to the zoo with her and some friends the next day during the date, I said I couldn't because I had an interview that morning. I texted her later asking how the zoo was, she asked how my interview was and we talked a bit more. Then on monday I asked if she was free that night to hang out, she said she was busy, would love to some other time (though she took like 3 hours to respond). Texted her again tonight, and just no response (at 8 pm, 11 pm now).
So that's 3 times over 4 days, is that really so offputting she completely lost interest? I've been on about 4 first dates now where this is the case, I just don't get it.
You let her know your interested by inviting her out again.
She was attracted to you after your Friday date because she texted you afterwards (and also set up another date during the date).
When she said was busy, but would love to get together some other time, your response should be: "okay, let me know when you're free to get together". After that there should be no contact. If she's interested in you, she'll reach out to you. If not, then move on.
You should definitely follow Corey Wayne on Youtube and read his book. He has a systematic approach towards dating, courtship and relationships. Good Luck!
I think the most annoying part about it is that I understand everything you're saying, it just goes against what I want to be doing. I know I should be filling my time with other things but I just moved here a week ago and haven't even found a job yet so I'm just sitting around all day bored to death which compounds the issue.
Do you think I should ask her out again sometime in a couple days or just not message at all anymore? In the meantime I'm trying to pursue other options.
EPT
Hopefully you can throw yourself into a project/ hobby/ work/ school and think less about her as time goes on! 
Much like with a job interview, you need to recognize that you were asked for a reason: because you're qualified to be there. Once you feel like you belong in that room with that girl, you'll start feeling a little more natural and hopefully talkative 
