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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 01 2014 06:27 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2014 22:55 Grumbels wrote:
I read that two things that attract women are 1) that someone with "edge" (like sarcasm or aggression) allows for a fantasy where they are special for being spared and being able to tame you; and 2) that if you seem to suffer in some sort of noble fashion, so that it's clear that that deep down you're really not okay although you're trying, that this fuels the fantasy that they alone can be the ones to comfort you and make you whole again and that this will create a special bond. The problem with these ideas is that they attract the type of women that you do not want in your life. Any attraction based on a fantasy will inevitably fall apart or lead into a self-destructive relationship.
The problem is that most of the modern girls don't exactly want to have a long term relationship/marriage because of feminism.
The marriage rate have been falling for this generation.
Its very hard to actually find a good girl when the majority of the girls in the Western civilization are posting up drunk pictures and lewd photos of themselves on Instagram and/or Facebook. The majority of the girls have their face glued to their Iphone. None of those qualities makes for a long term relationship companion and they themselves know it.
Even if YOU do want to have a traditional relationship, some girls will pull out some of that "Oh I don't believe in traditional dating rules." Other girls will say that they want to "date" you only to be enticed by their girl friends to go to bars and clubs, get drunk and cheat on you due to substance's influence while you remain clueless.
Bottom line is: if a girl have their face distracted by their phone in a conversation and/or post up lewd/drunk pictures of themselves on the web, they are good for short term sexual gratification but if you are thinking about starting a long term relationship with them, you are already on the path of a self-destructive relationship.
User was temp banned for this post.
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On September 01 2014 09:50 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 06:27 CosmicSpiral wrote:On August 31 2014 22:55 Grumbels wrote:
I read that two things that attract women are 1) that someone with "edge" (like sarcasm or aggression) allows for a fantasy where they are special for being spared and being able to tame you; and 2) that if you seem to suffer in some sort of noble fashion, so that it's clear that that deep down you're really not okay although you're trying, that this fuels the fantasy that they alone can be the ones to comfort you and make you whole again and that this will create a special bond. The problem with these ideas is that they attract the type of women that you do not want in your life. Any attraction based on a fantasy will inevitably fall apart or lead into a self-destructive relationship. The problem is that most of the modern girls don't exactly want to have a long term relationship/marriage because of feminism. The marriage rate have been falling for this generation. Its very hard to actually find a good girl when the majority of the girls in the Western civilization are posting up drunk pictures and lewd photos of themselves on Instagram and/or Facebook. The majority of the girls have their face glued to their Iphone. None of those qualities makes for a long term relationship companion and they themselves know it. Even if YOU do want to have a traditional relationship, some girls will pull out some of that "Oh I don't believe in traditional dating rules." Other girls will say that they want to "date" you only to be enticed by their girl friends to go to bars and clubs, get drunk and cheat on you due to substance's influence while you remain clueless. Bottom line is: if a girl have their face distracted by their phone in a conversation and/or post up lewd/drunk pictures of themselves on the web, they are good for short term sexual gratification but if you are thinking about starting a long term relationship with them, you are already on the path of a self-destructive relationship. User was temp banned for this post.
these kinds of anti-women view points are usually just the person projecting their own inadequacy onto women to justify their lack of success.
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On September 01 2014 09:50 Xiphos wrote:
The problem is that most of the modern girls don't exactly want to have a long term relationship/marriage because of feminism.
It's definitely not 'most' modern girls and isn't blaming feminism basically just blaming existing gender-based double standards?
I'd argue that males:
- Post as many if not more drunk photos than women;
- Are just as likely to be glued to a phone or computer screen;
- Are probably more likely to get drunk on a weekend; and
- Are just as likely to cheat on a partner.
Imo. Men probably have it easier finding a 'good girl' than woman do finding a 'nice guy' both before and after feminism.
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I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
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On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote:
I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips?
The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you.
If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
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On September 01 2014 11:43 instantdry wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote:
I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips? The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you. If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck!
I don't like this advice to play games and hold yourself back to talking to a girl you like. If she likes you back she wants to hear from you more than once a week... more like daily. But still try to hold back and show you have more going on in your life than just this girl. If someone didn't contact me for a week after we had what I thought was a good time, I'd assume they didn't have a good time and didn't want to make contact.
All depends on the girl, gotta access the situation and go from there. But do wait a day or two before talking to her for setting up the next date at least if she hasn't contacted you alrdy.
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On September 01 2014 11:50 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 11:43 instantdry wrote:On September 01 2014 11:31 Najda wrote:
I feel dumb for asking this because I know there's no real answer to it, but what should I be texting a girl? I went on a date with this girl, it went well and we are planning another one, but in the mean time I don't just want radio silence, I'd like to talk to her. The thing is though, I'm terrible at texting/starting conversations, any tips? The phone is for making dates not chit-chating. Make a definite date and get off the phone. The more the girl thinks about you and anticipates the date, the more attracted she will be towards you. If she contacts you first, take that as an opportunity to set the next date. If she does not contact you, wait once a week to contact her again. Keep the conversations no more than 10 minutes and remember to set up the next date. Good luck! I don't like this advice to play games and hold yourself back to talking to a girl you like. If she likes you back she wants to hear from you more than once a week... more like daily. But still try to hold back and show you have more going on in your life than just this girl. If someone didn't contact me for a week after we had what I thought was a good time, I'd assume they didn't have a good time and didn't want to make contact. All depends on the girl, gotta access the situation and go from there. But do wait a day or two before talking to her for setting up the next date at least if she hasn't contacted you alrdy.
If the girl likes you, she'll reach out to you. If not, contact her once every 4-5 days and make a definite date. How she responds to your invitation (if you contact her first) will give insight on her attraction towards you. If she gives you a 'meh' answer and does not confirm on definite arrangements, it indicates a low level of attraction towards you.
The main theme is the same though. In the initial stages of dating you shouldn't be texting or talking on the phone at all. The phone is for making dates.
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Yeah I agree with both of you, there's obviously a balance to be had which is why it makes it hard for me. If I never talk to her, I'll just seem disinterested, and on the opposite side of the spectrum obviously it's bad to send a message every hour. The advice I would give myself is just to text when I actually have something to say and don't text for the sake of contacting her, but I'm just really sure what a normal amount is since I'm so inexperienced.
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On September 01 2014 11:28 Yoz wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 09:50 Xiphos wrote:
The problem is that most of the modern girls don't exactly want to have a long term relationship/marriage because of feminism. It's definitely not 'most' modern girls and isn't blaming feminism basically just blaming existing gender-based double standards? I'd argue that males: - Post as many if not more drunk photos than women; - Are just as likely to be glued to a phone or computer screen; - Are probably more likely to get drunk on a weekend; and - Are just as likely to cheat on a partner. Imo. Men probably have it easier finding a 'good girl' than woman do finding a 'nice guy' both before and after feminism.
I was thinking XIphos probably had a point but true, that on the opposite spectrum just as many, if not more, guys drink and party.
Many guys don't want to have a long term relationship either, and there still seem to be plenty of women who do want ltr eventually.
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United States15275 Posts
On September 01 2014 12:31 obesechicken13 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 11:28 Yoz wrote:On September 01 2014 09:50 Xiphos wrote:
The problem is that most of the modern girls don't exactly want to have a long term relationship/marriage because of feminism. It's definitely not 'most' modern girls and isn't blaming feminism basically just blaming existing gender-based double standards? I'd argue that males: - Post as many if not more drunk photos than women; - Are just as likely to be glued to a phone or computer screen; - Are probably more likely to get drunk on a weekend; and - Are just as likely to cheat on a partner. Imo. Men probably have it easier finding a 'good girl' than woman do finding a 'nice guy' both before and after feminism. I was thinking XIphos probably had a point but true, that on the opposite spectrum just as many, if not more, guys drink and party. Many guys don't want to have a long term relationship either, and there still seem to be plenty of women who do want ltr eventually.
Everything Xiphos said is either wrong or a coincidental truth completely separate from his erroneous logic. If he wanted to explain, he ought to separate his misogyny from his argument and take it somewhere else. This isn't the thread for it.
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On September 01 2014 06:27 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2014 22:55 Grumbels wrote:
I read that two things that attract women are 1) that someone with "edge" (like sarcasm or aggression) allows for a fantasy where they are special for being spared and being able to tame you; and 2) that if you seem to suffer in some sort of noble fashion, so that it's clear that that deep down you're really not okay although you're trying, that this fuels the fantasy that they alone can be the ones to comfort you and make you whole again and that this will create a special bond. The problem with these ideas is that they attract the type of women that you do not want in your life. Any attraction based on a fantasy will inevitably fall apart or lead into a self-destructive relationship.
Well, people in this thread always give advice like: "be nice, stable, successful, confident, handsome, charming, accepting", but it's not a given that this is the only reason for women to like you.
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Do you guys think Xiphos and Shauni are the same?
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Northern Ireland23772 Posts
Xiphos, sigh.
He does have a point on the smartphone attention-whoring crap though, his mistake is making out that is solely the preserve of women.
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On September 01 2014 12:33 CosmicSpiral wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 12:31 obesechicken13 wrote:On September 01 2014 11:28 Yoz wrote:On September 01 2014 09:50 Xiphos wrote:
The problem is that most of the modern girls don't exactly want to have a long term relationship/marriage because of feminism. It's definitely not 'most' modern girls and isn't blaming feminism basically just blaming existing gender-based double standards? I'd argue that males: - Post as many if not more drunk photos than women; - Are just as likely to be glued to a phone or computer screen; - Are probably more likely to get drunk on a weekend; and - Are just as likely to cheat on a partner. Imo. Men probably have it easier finding a 'good girl' than woman do finding a 'nice guy' both before and after feminism. I was thinking XIphos probably had a point but true, that on the opposite spectrum just as many, if not more, guys drink and party. Many guys don't want to have a long term relationship either, and there still seem to be plenty of women who do want ltr eventually. Everything Xiphos said is either wrong or a coincidental truth completely separate from his erroneous logic. If he wanted to explain, he ought to separate his misogyny from his argument and take it somewhere else. This isn't the thread for it.
No argument here, and the warn is definitely warranted. See him in too many of the retarded arguments.
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On September 01 2014 12:09 Najda wrote:
Yeah I agree with both of you, there's obviously a balance to be had which is why it makes it hard for me. If I never talk to her, I'll just seem disinterested, and on the opposite side of the spectrum obviously it's bad to send a message every hour. The advice I would give myself is just to text when I actually have something to say and don't text for the sake of contacting her, but I'm just really sure what a normal amount is since I'm so inexperienced.
I think a general rule of thumb is to be less invested into these sorts of things than the female. So instead of never talking to her, or always talking to her, just initiate and go with the flow as long as your investment is below hers.
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On September 02 2014 02:43 biology]major wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2014 12:09 Najda wrote:
Yeah I agree with both of you, there's obviously a balance to be had which is why it makes it hard for me. If I never talk to her, I'll just seem disinterested, and on the opposite side of the spectrum obviously it's bad to send a message every hour. The advice I would give myself is just to text when I actually have something to say and don't text for the sake of contacting her, but I'm just really sure what a normal amount is since I'm so inexperienced. I think a general rule of thumb is to be less invested into these sorts of things than the female. So instead of never talking to her, or always talking to her, just initiate and go with the flow as long as your investment is below hers.
What if she also tries to be less invested than the male of the species?
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On September 02 2014 02:46 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On September 02 2014 02:43 biology]major wrote:On September 01 2014 12:09 Najda wrote:
Yeah I agree with both of you, there's obviously a balance to be had which is why it makes it hard for me. If I never talk to her, I'll just seem disinterested, and on the opposite side of the spectrum obviously it's bad to send a message every hour. The advice I would give myself is just to text when I actually have something to say and don't text for the sake of contacting her, but I'm just really sure what a normal amount is since I'm so inexperienced. I think a general rule of thumb is to be less invested into these sorts of things than the female. So instead of never talking to her, or always talking to her, just initiate and go with the flow as long as your investment is below hers. What if she also tries to be less invested than the male of the species?
Then you can either be the feminine pole of the relationship or you can look for a new woman
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a nice girl I like said she likes me back. My thoughts: could it be this easy and finally some luck? 
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On September 02 2014 04:08 capu wrote:a nice girl I like said she likes me back. My thoughts: could it be this easy and finally some luck?
Yes. Enjoy life
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Why am I not surprised that this thread is full of textbook misogyny and illogical attacks on feminism?
Anyway, I've been so busy with school/work, had no time for dating... and suddenly I'm on my first date in over a year, in a few hours. Super, super, super nervous. She's gorgeous. Any advice on stopping nervous sweats?
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EPT
