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Majority of my good friends both that I have made over the years from 13 years of Starcraft and both through work/college/school/etc... are aware that I have been going through a grueling divorce and custody battle for the past year.
I always heard horror stories about how "the legal system always favor the woman" throughout a divorce. And now I can see just that it is very true. I'm not a stupid individual, far from it. I spent 2 years doing law school and I have 2 degrees outside that. I'm not a terrible father, if anything I would say I'm a great father to my daughter. But one thing remains, and that is how biased, sexist and pathetic the legal system truly is.
To begin, my daughter was born in November 2008, throughout the pregnancy (if anyone has kids will be aware of this), my ex-wife was blood tested for numerous issues such as diabetes, stds and the like. Everything came back fine and normal. Ok cool story right? Remember this paragraph because it will come into play later.
I go back to United States Air-Force because I wanted to provide a life for my daughter that she deserves. No worries about a paycheck, no worries about having a house, no worries about growing up and being protected and safe. I did just that. While I was gone for the military in July 2009 until November 2009, my ex-wife at the time was pregnant yet again. Trust me Ive added up the times and they don't make sense to me nor do they make sense to family/friends as well. Throughout these months I received numerous letters/calls stating that she was in control, and she was gonna be doing this and doing that. Cool story bro? Remember this paragraph as well, it does come into play later.
So I come back, move down to Florida for my next base. During this time, I was there for 2.5 years. Sure who can complain right? It's Florida. Sunny weather, sandy beaches, babes in bikinis, fantastic location right? Not for me. My ex-wife did nothing but start to ruin my military career here. She would not do anything to maintain the house, wouldn't clean, wouldn't pick-up toys or do laundry. I was working 8-12 hours a day both days and nights, and I'd come home and have to be the one who does it. It took me literally 10 minutes max, to put clothes in a washing machine, move clothes to a dryer, pick up toys, vacuum the floor and get dishes in a dishwasher. So why couldn't she? "She didnt have enough time in the day". Cool story.
So while we were stationed in Florida, one evening I got called into work to watch a alert mission that was unannounced. My ex-wife was informed and she was going to watch our daughter for the night. That night, she threw a fit didn't want to go sleep, she was 18 months old, that's what she is gonna do. My ex-wife put a pillow, A PILLOW, over her face to make her stop crying. I never knew about this until I got a phone call from my Squadron Commander stating I was gonna be receiving a knock at my door from CPS and Police. I was furious, upset, frustrated but most of all disappointed. This all occurred because my ex-wife openly admitted this to a mental health physician two days later.
A investigation took place both through civilian and military. This is still relevant today.
Ok speed up the clocks. Now in Washington. My ex-wife followed the same trends, not wanting to do anything, sitting there ignoring everything. Now my shifts were all 12 hours, majority nights. I was still picking up all the slack. Enough was enough. I filed for divorce and moved out, she stayed in base housing. When I did this, my ex got involved in some cult sect or over aggressive form of a church where she threw away all of my daughters clothes and replaced with very long dresses, removed all electronics and toys and so on. Ok cool? I spent over $500 in clothes just to replace them for my daughter so she had stuff to where with me, bought her plenty of toys, a new bed for her to sleep in and even a dog to have.
So time for the fun legal stuff. My ex goes to get a restraining order against me because shes been "Mentally" abused. She gets it granted. I dont get to speak to my daughter from October 2012 until December 2012. I missed her birthday couldn't even say happy birthday to her on the phone without being in contempt and arrested. I get the restraining order reversed after spending $10k on a attorney just to be able to talk to my daughter.
My ex starts getting her friends to write under oath statements against me saying on this specific date at this specific time they saw me beat my daughter and verbally abuse my ex-wife. Three of these statements surfaced. Ok cool. Moving on, she gets her friends to come by my apartment to harass me and try messing with me. It got so bad one night that it actually made the newspaper and a harassment report was filed against them by the police officer who didn't even show up because it was on private property.
Next thing, my ex-wife leaves base housing and caused $1100 in damages to the house that I'm responsible for because "im the military member" however i moved out in August and the court order that was placed dictated she was the primary resident and responsible authority of that residence.
Next thing, my daughter starts coming to me with bruises all over her body, she was informing me of the abusive things her mother and mothers "cult sect" friends were doing to her such as hitting her, cussing at her, grabbing her and so on. It got to the point where my daughter hit herself in her frontal portion of her abdomen (groin) so I took her to the hospital for potential sexual abuse. Child services sends over a case worker, interviews take place, a call is made to CPS. NOTHING HAPPENS. Cps never investigated not once. By state law, CPS is ordered to investigate any form of child abuse whether physical, sexual, verbal or emotional to include neglect. Never happened.
Continuing on, more abuse happens, I find more marks on her, take her back to the hospital, another case worker gets involved, makes another report to CPS, and again, NOTHING HAPPENS. This time, I write a letter to my state rep who gets involved. They file a injunction against CPS , I get a call same day, and they tell me directly on the phone they wont be investigating. Ok that is strike 3. Enjoy a lawsuit for negligence and not abiding by your own dictated state law. That will be a fun battle there. During this time, my daughter whose now 4.5 told me that her mother was putting a pillow over her face yet again. There is no way she remembered that occurrence and this was definitely something new. I made this clear to local police and they dont do anything. Nothing!
So my ex-wife continues to try and do whatever she can. She makes bogus complaints of contempt against me such as "not paying her car insurance". The car she currently has in her possession is under my name only not hers not combined. Only mine. Ok its not gonna be insured because I dont need a second car. You see to do just fine getting around from point a to point b with your friends. So she not only tries to take me to court for that (which a Judge does not find me in contempt), she tries to call the cops on me for removing the license plates. They do nothing. Yay! Finally something good happens right?
The court orders a investigator to conduct interviews and make a professional opinion based on the interviews on who the child should stay with. She interviews my ex first who goes on to tell her I was beating her since 2011 (during the military time) and that I was arrested for shop lifting and banned from Walmart nationwide. Ok really? For one, Im military, if you would have said anything to anyone about any form of abuse, it would have been rectified asap and I would have been watched like a hawk by special investigations. Second, banned from walmart nationwide? Really? Am I going to try and walk into a Walmart and see Mutumbo telling me to my face "No No No"? I don't think so. I informed her of the circumstances, sure I was stopped for allegedly shoplifting, questioned, finger printed to see if I had a record, and go to court. Upon the first appearance, its dropped and nothing more. Go figure. More bullshit lies from my ex.
Remember those two paragraphs? Here is where it comes in. My mother went to a appointment with my ex in 2009 and during that appointment found out that my ex tested positive for HSV2 (Genital Herpes). I was furious. I literally told my mother on the phone "Are you fucking serious?" So I get tested and go figure, I don't have HSV2, HSV1, Chlaymdia, HIV, Hep-A, Hep-B, Syphillis, nothing, absolutely clean. So where the fuck did you get it? I'm not a stupid person, but you were surely messing around with some nasty you know what.
I sent the investigator over 110MB of text message conversations showing how neglectful my ex is. Talking about how my daughter is playing with a bag of trash and glass in it and she cut her hand. Ok why was she playing with it? Talking about how she cant take her to a appointment 10 minutes away but can go to seattle for her other child? Makes no sense? I sent her over 100 pictures of bruises on her body, 3 hospital records, 2 audio recordings of my ex-wife being verbally abusive towards me and my daughter, military regulations to show she supposedly had options if she was being abused, work logs and schedules and records from my mother who supervised my ex for 6 months.
So right now, I'm in a state of limbo waiting for the determination of custody. Do I have any faith that I'm going to get custody? Absolutely no I don't because this system is so biased it's not even funny. No one wants to do anything for anyone other than the woman. As you can see its very far and few between anyone helping my situation because I am the father. I'm supposedly always the abusive one. How many fathers can you name in the past 2-3 years that have made the news for hurting/killing their children? I can only think of one and that was that Texas Judge who beat his daughter on webcam. How many woman can you name? Casey Anthony, the nanny from new york who killed 2 kids, a mother in Florida who killed all 4 kids, a mother in South/North Carolina killed her 2 kids and injured her husband, a mother in Florida who killed her 4 kids, and a mother who killed her 3 kids and posting a scan of her unborn child on facebook before doing it in Suffolk, VA.
What do people not understand? This biased attitude that a man cannot be a single parent and succeed is disgraceful. Women are just as capable if not more capable of killing someone than a man is. This isn't the 50s where Men do everything. Look at it the past few years. More women are committing these types of crimes then ever before. People need to step the fuck up and realize this and literally fight for equal rights as it has happened once before. Men deserve to be treated fairly just as women are, especially with children.
So what have I honestly learned about the whole situation or any advice for others going through a divorce?
¤ Take notes on everything that happens. Dates, times, incidents everything.
¤ Always have a 3rd party with you to verify your whereabouts just in-case.
¤ Keep your work schedules.
¤ Keep every single text message.
¤ Keep every cell phone/landline bill with a detailed print out of dates/times/# called
¤ Be prepared to deal with alot of bogus crap
¤ Don't throw away anything that you believe may help you. If you have any doubt if it'll be helpful, keep it!
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CA10824 Posts
wow i'm sorry to hear about your situation. that really sucks. hope things work out for you!
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I think your blog would have been better if you just left it at "The legal system". It's not just divorces, I'm sure you are aware now, that the legal system itself is very flawed, but it's just so big, what really can be done to change it?
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I believe having one big publicity avenue of a divorce that shows everything laid out from the initial claims, to showing evidence that it was false, showing that the legal system and the courts do nothing even when they know with the evidence that this shit was going on and was going on and they still sided with the mother would make a huge blast to the legal system.
Imagine seeing that. You will have numerous news agencies both local and national getting involved. You'd have people like Nancy Grace who was also a attorney and a huge advocate for cases like these to have whats right be done make a stand and a input on it.
I just don't see how anyone especially a figure who takes a oath to do whats right, not do whats right when they see whats going on is wrong.
That is like me for example or any other military member, we took a oath to protect and defend this country from foreign or domestic threats. What is stopping me from doing that? My pride? My oath? My determination? My maturity? My integrity? What if I choose to not go to work anymore? Sure I'll find myself in jail but you know what, that is one less person doing whats right? Will that have a adverse affect on the mission or the military? Military no, mission yes, especially for what I do.
People need to realize their personal vendetta's need not to be brought into someone elses case and the right thing despite what you personally believe needs to be done.
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Your situation is truly heartbreaking. I hope things turn out well for you and your daughter
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I don't typically advocate Reddit, but that story is definitely going to gain a lot more attention there.
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On May 28 2013 06:54 Torte de Lini wrote:
holy shit.
x2
Because of this ordeal, I quit SC2 beta hots when I was on back to back GM seasons from August to December 2012 then just couldn't deal with the emotional and mental aspect of it all anymore. It was affecting me on duty, getting me paperwork, it was affecting my financial situation (still does to an extent), but most of all took away all of my time.
Just glad that I'm able to come back playing, and playing strong I am. Took me 4 hours to get back up to 800+ Masters on Korea with ease.
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Here is what happened the night of the harassment. I was going to take a shower, it was 730pm, my security buzzer goes off, i go look out the window and dont recognize the individual so I ignore it. Go take my shower, takes about 10 minutes, buzzer goes off again, I go check the window and it is the same person. I ignore it because I don't know who it is. Ok, they drive off. I get on my ps3 play some black ops for a few hours. 930pm rolls around and the dude comes back yet again buzzing. I answer the buzzer and ask who is it? Guy tells me his name is Jeff from Pierce County Superior Court with papers to serve, are you Aaron? I said I dont know any Jeff or anything about papers. He asked again if I was Aaron. I said dont know and its 930pm at night you need to leave or I'll call the cops. He said go ahead I'll wait right here. So I walk off, then he starts buzzing my buzzer repeatedly being annoying. I leave my apartment and go to the door. I open and ask what is your problem. He again asks if I'm Aaron. I said Aaron who? He in turn said Aaron Tibaa cant prounounce it. I said no I am not Aaron Tibaa cant pronounce it sorry. He asked if that was my car, I said which one? He pointed to my car however he did not make it clear he was talking about my car. I said no. He said that isn't your mitsubishi? I said nope because we have 3 mitsubishi's by where I park. I told him at this point I felt threatened and he said i didn't threaten you. I informed him you do not need to make a threat to feel threatened. I told him I have mace (showed it to him) and said if you do not leave I'll spray you in the face. He goes I have back up (waves his hand) another guy gets out of the car. At this point I try to shut the door because that is a threatening move. He tries to stop me and steps over the threshold with his body. I force him out of the way with the door by gradually letting it loose and slamming it into his shoulder. I get it shut, he says he's calling the cops for bodily harm. I flipped him off with both fingers and said go ahead mother fucker. So he does, no one comes out to investigate or report. End of that. Until 1230am when the desk sergeant calls me and hooks me up with a harassment report because he went back and looked at everything and noticed I called in reporting harassment against the individual.
Here is the newspaper article of the one occurrence of being harassed at my residence. (March 19th)
+ Show Spoiler +
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Well, from what I can see, this is a pretty bad situation. I have a few statements I want to make.
First, were there any warning signs from your ex wife that she was going to be like this? Did she seem normal while you were dating her? Marriage is a powerful legal binding, and if you hastily got married to her, it can end up like what is happening right now.
There are also two reasons why the courts may be favoring your wife. They are as follows:
1. One reason why the system may be favoring the wife is because she is the one receiving alimony. You made the money for your family. Your opportunity cost was you gave up caring for your daughter. Your ex wife was technically the stay at home mom, and her opportunity cost is her career opportunity and potential future income. The stay at home spouse does this in order to take care of the children (common sense). As such, she gave up a huge part of her potential lifetime earnings. Moreover, since your wife is divorced, it is difficult for her to support herself with a well paying job that she could have received if she worked outside of the home. After all, it takes a long time to work up the corporate ladder, and it gets harder the older you get. Alimony rectifies this issue by giving the child caretaker an income to make up for her potential lost earnings.
2. Continuing with this logic from point 1, the courts generally believe that if the women receives alimony and takes care of the children, the children may have a better childhood. You have said yourself numerous times throughout the article that you work a 12 hour shift. The courts may believe that you will be unable to help raise your daughter because you are always away working. Your ex wife would be home and could take care of her, and she could support the daughter with the alimony received from your earnings.
Now, with these statements in mind, do I believe the courts general interpretation on this issue is correct interpretation in this case? No, I do not believe this is right because your ex wife has hit and abused your child. But, the courts cannot tell fact from fiction because they probably hear these things all the time. That is why it is hard for the courts to decide who to choose. Moreover, you are probably giving a slightly biased account, since you did gloss over material like your shoplifting crime.
Overall, I feel really bad for you. It is just a same that you realized that your wife was a reliable partner too late, and you now have to deal with the consequences. I wish you the best of luck.
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thats really fucked up right there man
i sincerely and truly hope you get custody of your daughter, you seem like a reasonable and devoted father.
and i sincerely and truly hope that bitch your ex-wife gets what she deserves.
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Holy shit indeed. Thanks for your service and I really hope you get your daughter. The whole system was built to do nothing but help the women in these situations. The fact that CPS told you that they weren't going to investigate completely blows my mind.
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I just finalized my divorce 2 weeks ago. We met in the Army and a lot of what you said kind of applies to me. But wow.... I thought I had it bad. I really hope you win. My custody battle should be cake compared to all that. Deepest sympathy for you man.
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There weren't any general warning signs until after being in Florida when she didn't want to do anything whatsoever. It has been documented by the state that she is more than capable of working full-time however chooses not too on her own accord.
Was she ordered alimony? Yes however I do not pay her that amount solely because of the budget that is entailed. It is unfeasible for me too and it has already been ruled by a judge that I am not in contempt for not paying her. (Double jeopardy saves my ass here).
I do pay child support automatically from my paycheck so no worries with that one and I'm not going to deny my child that. Her mother will because she uses that money on her own personal needs and gains before my daughters.
Shoplifting charge - I was stopped at the door, physically escorted to a room where I was confined, questioned, and finger printed (I have heard two aspects on this, that is is allowed and that is not allowed without being read rights I which I was not but its in the past). I answered all questions asked, didnt resist in any way and complied with their requests. I appeared in court in regards to the matter where it was dropped upon the first appearance and was never posted onto my record based on review of the video feed showed I was not the culprit.
With the shifts, I am getting out of the military on medical aspects from a car accident that I was involved in last year, and before that occurs, I already have a family care plan that has been written and setup for full-time with custody. I have numerous avenues to ensure my daughter is taken care of whether I am working a 8 hour day shift, a 12 hour day shift, a 8 hour evening shift, a 8 hour night shift or a 12 hour night shift. I have on-base daycare that is open from 6am to 7pm, I have a few close friends around me who are more than happy to help, and I have my parents across the country who are willing to help and aid in any aspect necessary.
I understand the court "hears the same shit" all day long, but when you provide evidence and it isn't reviewed and it is detrimental to the safety of a child, that is wrong. When I give a judge evidence such as CPS records and Mental Health records that dictate she openly admitted to committing this crime and she in turn says "I didnt do this, Aaron is lying and I'll swear under oath". Why dont you review the material? That is perjury. That's a maximum of $15k and 15 years in prison. And she's batting a 1000 with perjury going with 3 counts of it, not to mention has one count of Insurance Fraud that is going to be popping up against her as well.
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Man this sucks. Sorry to hear...
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United States9941 Posts
sorry to hear that  i hope you get justice soon and bring justice upon that horrible woman.
yeah the judicial system is extremely flawed. and in general, government and state organizations are very irresponsible, as seen from how the CPS acted. thats terrible, 3 times they did not respond to you. you should sue them as well.
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That "batting a 1000" is an accurate metaphor for the situation. Its from baseball where the batting average (how many time you get on base compared to not when you are up to bat) is expressed in a decimal calculation. A good batting average is .300 or called "batting 300) so in this case when he says shes "batting 1000) that means shes hitting everything and not getting out.
Just trying to help our eurobros.
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Sorry to hear.. What a crazy story, I wish the best for you and your child.
It seems you aren't only dealing with your ex wife but also her whole cult group or something. WTF
I was expecting to read about the financial compensation is high for the female but wow this is messed up
You can also try to threaten for suing the department if you think they weren't doing anything logically, in hong Kong it would work or at least force them to do something
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On May 28 2013 08:24 ETisME wrote:
Sorry to hear.. What a crazy story, I wish the best for you and your child.
It seems you aren't only dealing with your ex wife but also her whole cult group or something. WTF
I was expecting to read about the financial compensation is high for the female but wow this is messed up
You can also try to threaten for suing the department if you think they weren't doing anything logically, in hong Kong it would work or at least force them to do something
I already told the state rep through email that they didnt respond with any action and because of that I am going to go public with the issue. I've already discussed pressing charges against CPS for not acting with my attorney and she also advised that we can go after the initial judge as well for not reviewing submitted evidence that would have made a determination at a earlier stage.
It's just a waiting game right now and it is definitely a long grueling terrible game to wait through.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/7706hG7.jpg)
