Edit: ZOMG spotlighted! Thanks TL higher-up people! <3 <3
Last week I was at a family reunion with everyone on my mom's side. Being the tremendous Starcraft II nerds we are, my brother and I took this opportunity to draw our cousins into this most engrossing of game titles ^^
Of course, we got a lot of complaints from the stodgy adults, who wanted us to spend time "outdoors," as stodgy adults are wont to want (we were at a lakehouse in Pennsylvania somewhere).
Don't get me wrong: I enjoy canoeing and Ultimate Frisbee and so on. However, I thought it was unfair that people like my mother could expect us to spend all our time on their favorite activities while turning up their noses at mine.
So I got my mom and my aunt to agree to a best-of-one Starcraft II grudge match.
The following pair of ten-minute videos tells the story of this epic, ground-shaking game.
After all, if Day[9]'s Funday Mondays have taught us anything, it is that hardly anything is more fun than watching jaw-droppingly horrible people play Starcraft II. And no one -- NO ONE -- is worse at video games than my mother.
She went into this game with NO prior computer game experience, let alone Starcraft experience. Same deal for my aunt. They had no inkling of strategy, no mouse precision to speak of -- not even an idea of their objective in the game! Without someone to help them along, they probably would have taken an hour to send their drones to mine.
With this in mind, my brother and I consented to allow our cousins to lend their 5 days of Starcraft II knowledge to the combatants. What ensued was either a wildly hilarious or an excruciatingly agonizing 25 Blizzard minutes of Terran vs Terran, depending on how you look at it.
Part One:
Part Two:
Parts of the videos are a bit dry, but if you stick around long enough to catch the climactic battle at the 15 minute mark (Blizzard Time), you will be glad you did.
This is the face of true noobery. Think of it as an experiment in terrible, terrible Starcraft II play. Not to mention terrible advice from coaches with only the flimsiest of comprehension when it comes to this beautiful, enigmatic E-Sport. I thought that by sharing this video, I might be able to remind us just how hard a game Starcraft II really is. There's a lot of talk going around about it being easy, especially compared to Brood War, but for people like my cousins and my mother, it might as well be quantum physics.
So even if you're in the bottom of the bronze league, you may take solace in the following fact: you could kick my mom's ass any day of the week. Hell, YOUR mom could probably kick my mom's ass. The very easy AI could beat her with half its transistors tied behind its back.
Chin up, Nooby Tuesday participants. Starcraft II is a hard game. I promise.
Anyway, love you guys. <3 <3 <3
+ Show Spoiler +
For those wondering about the dedication in the second video: My brother and I - our proudest moment!