I've read everything in this thread twice now over the last 2 days. I thought I'd edit/post this to summarize what I'm getting from this thread, and also, for some closure and maybe something that may be nice to read. If you don't like this for whatever reason, you can "don't judge me, LOVE ME!!!!" (glaex)
So there's like, this separation between physiological depression and social depression. Physiological depression is pretty much very serious and is like manic bipolar stuff which really requires a pill and professional attention. social depression, aka, contant blues is less pressing and can be treated through modifying my lifestyle.
I think/hope it's social depression/blues, albiet maybe something I should look into tackling since it's having a negative impact that's preventing me from doing things. This is based on the fact th... hahaha, the first topic under GENERAL is "i hate condoms." hahah! i'm gotta read that after this. uhm, NEways. This is based on the fact that I think this is somewhat under my control. If behavioral changes don't help me out, I'll go ahead and talk to a doctor.
1) I should set up a schedule that I follow. The closest thing that I have to this right now is my planner, but somedays when I have less work, my "habit" falls apart. I'll try forcing myself to go to sleep around 8-9ish and wake up 7ish every day. I'll try to get a set procedure for everything I do. My food supply is getting kinda low but that's ok. I've promised friends like, billions of times go drive to chinatown to shop and i keep not following through. I should organize my living space too.
2) exercise more regularly. I exercise, but i should set up a time to do it regularly. I think waking up at 7 to train with a friend will be kinda fun and he's been bugging me to do it. i'll try 2-3 times a week for 1-2 hours every morning should help me get on the right foot. I'll eat my supplements again. I stopped a year ago, i dunno why. It shoudl help maybe.
3) Get social support. GF would be great, and it might end up leading to there. I feel like most of the guy friends I know are boarish. GIRL = grinning in real life. right now, have a lot of girl "space" friends who maybe i can just keep in teh "friend" zone so they don't feel weirded out when they're giving me pep talks. My training partner though (guy) is pretty cool. Youth group people are awesome so I'll talk to them more. ^_^. Yup, there are a lot of studys correlating social support to good life and longer life and stuff. I think there should be at least a bit of causal in there.
4) If this stuff doesnt help me feel better in a few months, I'll talk to a doctor. ^_^
For the stuff mentioned about getting a definate purpose in life for better motivation, I've done that. Besides when I'm feeling down, most people who know me would say I have my act extremely together. I think one of the reasons why I get bad sometimes is because the goal I've set for myself in life is pretty close along the hard/impossible border. Granted that's the zone where I want to be, so the issue is just approaching it better without getting all upset and wanting to just give up.
So NEways, glaex "don't judge me, LOVE ME!!!!", your post is wonderful, it really made my lol though I'm in the library so tried not to too much. I'm happy for each of your posts. Travis did PM me to MSN him, and a lot of other people PMed me too all of whom I love now (not in a creepy way).
Hi everyone. Mani, feel free to delete this post if you so feel. I feel like there isn't anyone I can talk to so I'm posting this the only place where I know people might read it and maybe help ^_^;. People in classes aren't close friends. People I do extracurricular work with are extremely status and image focused; not really an option to talk about a topic like this w/ them.
I have serious bouts of depression. 1-2 times a week. Basically, I oscillate between really angry/frustrated or really really sad. I can't get myself to get up or do anything. When I'm fine, I'm extremely productive, but when I get into the bad mood, I wont do anything and don't feel like sleeping or studying or hanging out with people or anything.
I've talked to doctors, but they just suggest taking some stupid pill which first, is expensive, and secondly, I don't want to be on a pill for the rest of my life. That's not how I want to live. I get exercise fine. My GPA is relaly good. My extracurriculars are a bit on the risky/dreamer projects side, but no admission officers or anyone for that matter will bemoan me for that.
I've been sitting in front of the comp reading reddit.com and tlnet for about 5 hours now. it's 5am. I have class at 7pm. Good thing i finished my homework earlier because if I didn't, I wouldn't have done it =P. I broke my cell phone again. Just had a bout of rage, dunno where it came from. threw it agains the wall (it was closed) broke it into 5 pieces. I can't find the 5th piece. My room is kinda torn up too.
If I keep on going like this, I'm going to do something rash eventually, I know it. I've already done some stupid things, but I think, unless I get this worked out, I'm gonna end up dropping out of college, or just disappearing from everyone (again), or maybe worse.
I'm writing here because you people might know where I'm coming from. Has anyone here had seriously, like, issues like this, and what did you do to help make it better? I don't want prescriptions or shit like that. I'm fucking broke as it is and I don't want my parents dishing out any more money. I just... dunno. Maybe there's something obvious that I'm missing. ^____^;; if you are still reading, I hope you'll reply and help out a brother in need. hehe
you may have a chemical imbalance. try the pill. it really works for some people. insurance should help, if not, talk to your doctor, he can certainly help with samples and stuff. good luck
I'm looking at this youtube video. . does anyone know the song at the end? man, i really want to learn it on the piano and sing it for a girl someday. hahaha XD.
btw. I really don't want to do anything involving a pill, at least not until I exaust every other alternative first. they're expensive and i don't want my parents to know, and i don't have a job either. many thanks !!! Travis you're awesome! ^_^ <3
edit: not the "always on your side". at the end, there's another song something like "rain rain go away... etc. special version."
It might be the weather too. Some people's mood according to the weather and the seasons. And everyone goes through the same phase in life when they feel they are just living and are depressed. Try to find things that make you happy. Like hobbies and stuff or try new things out like sports or a club or learn an instrument. Will get your mind off.
Too bad travis responded privatly becaus eI would had been interested as this really is pretty much my case too.
lllcodelll what helps me very much is to get the basic right. You need to have the basic routines ok before you can get better. Do a list of your basic activities and set up some sort of ritual out of it. In the morning, get up, get a shower, shave, make your bed, clean the room. Eat a good breakfast, have a fixed wake up time. If you go to sleep too late then wake up ealier until you start to feel sleepy at night. When your alarm clock rings, jump right out of bed. Dont go first to your computer check teamliquid.
Basicly after doing all this you will start feeling better about yourself and you will think more clearly and you will feel like you have more time on your hands.
Then you should keep it up. After one week start adding stuff to your program, like go run 30 min each day (always fixed time). Get new clothes, add one night in the week you will go out in bar (try friday, its cool)
Also before starting this make a biiiiig cleanup of you room, dishes etc.
To make you feel even less bored, when you go shopping, make a rule you dont buy any ready made food and you dont buy the same food you have already bough on that week.
Some easy changes to make and you will get more color to your life and a healthy background!
i once spent many hours helping this girl out with her depression i'd always call and make sure she felt better, one day i had severe depression and i asked for her help but she said she was too busy and again she fucked me off the next day. ever since then i will take revenge on the world, nah not really but i realised if you're naturally depressed over such simple things just take a good long look at yourself and picture someone in a worse scenario like a gosu guy playing a noob with heaps of obs only to lose embarassingly to a 4pool etc.. O:
I liked 0x64 post Having a stable day is good. Also i dont know if you have, but get a girlfriend can help too. It's nice because then you have someone you can talk too about evrything instead of your parents for example. The best thing really ( atleast i think so) is too have friends and people who care about you around you. And i mean real friends then.. not just people you sit with in class. But people you can talk to about your problems. But if you feel you dont have any real friends then you need to get up and out.Try new things, diffrent sports, get invovled in school activeties, go out in town. Try to be with people as much as you can. And getting a job can also help.. takes your mind off the things that troubles you, and you meet new people at work. But ofc this may not apply to evryone. I dont think taking pills will help you.. You need people around you that care about you and want to help.
I have had some girlfriends in the past that had serious problems with depression and other things that made them very sad sometimes. And i think that they emerged stronger because i was there for them during these periodes. And belive me it was some very fucked up shit. And i think it really helped ..atleast sometimes that they could talk to me about their problems.
man u are really fucked up. you need some faith, so your life will not be "pointless" you may join the church or go back china as a english teacher, that will help you.
I have a friend who is really depressed. She has to take anti-depressants. I personally think it's a load of crap, since depression is non-existant in Korea. I think it's just a social thing. (Of course, I never tell her this).
The thing is, many friends get depressed (along with me) because of the sheer difficulty of school: studying hard, exams, getting bad scores. I always cook for my friends after a hard week so that we can hang out and be happy.
But this particular friend with her chronic depression.... she does not like such things. When I see friends trudging along, I usually bump into them and cheer them up, making them smile even when they don't want to. But this friend tells me to leave her alone, because it frustrates her to be laughing when she's sad. Since she gets really angry if I persist, I have to back off.
The difference between her and non-depressed friends is that she wants to be alone and marinate in her sadness. If I get depressed, I try to get out and exercise so my mind and body is distracted. However, if I stay inside and alone, my sadness just grows.
That's why depression is so large in the US. The US alone has the most "clinically depressed" people in the world.
You just need friends to rely on. People you can talk to and hang out with to make you feel better. Don't go to a mental health clinic. Talking to some stranger about your problems is ridiculous.
On October 24 2006 06:32 Way wrote: is it your looks maybe :\? not being mean just wondering if that's a factor, because ugly/fat people tend to have low self-esteem
if it is... plastic surgery is out of the question, but look on the bright side :-o... i ll get back to you in a bit
Really to me ugly/fat people tend to have higher self-esteem cause they realize looks isnt everything.
edit. and i usually think church wouldn't help depression. It might even make you more.
This isn't really advice, but here's how it went for me... I had people I would hang with at school but no real friends (I'd never even been to their houses or even talked to them on the phone). I was picked on at school by pretty much everyone and then demoralized at home my asshole (ex navy drill sgt) stepdad. My mother was utterly incompitent as a parent and my father lived far away until he died of a drug overdose when I was 13. I was pretty much either frustrated or crushingly depressed all the time. Sometimes I'd punch holes in the walls untill I broke my hand punching the front door, I went to juvi for vandalizing/theft, and sometimes would slowly walk across busy streets at night dressed in black just to see if the cars get out of my way as well as other stupid shit. Pretty much I thought my life was miserable in every way and didn't want to live.
This went on from when I my best friend moved away in the 5th grade (however old that is) until I discovered weed at 12-13 or so. I had no friends and no1 liked me so I got horribly ripped off the first few times buying, but it was worth it. I never really liked getting blazed out of my mind, but when I was feeling down I'd smoke a tiny bit of weed, like half a hit or so, and that would distract me enough from my own frustration/misery enough to do homework/fall asleep/eat. As an added bonus I would feel a bit numb/out of it the next day. I know you're against pills/drugs, but looking back this may have saved my life. Of course prescribed meds avoids some of the downsides such as legal remifications etc. Antidepressants may have been a better option, dunno never tried them, but at that time I wouldn't consider them because of pride and because weed seemed so much "cooler" and because I didn't want anyone to know how pathetic my life was
Then I met a girl who changed my life. Her life was so much worse than mine, and yet she cared about other people and had this great(horribly twisted) sense of humor. And when I say her life was worse than mine I mean she: cut herself, didn't know who her father was, adopted at age 5, was molested by only dad she knew, mom found out and ended up in an asylum after breakdown, etc. I listed to her problems which no1 else could handle (her best friend stopped talking to her after she told him what had happened) and she helped my self esteem in a big way (having a cute popular girl pay attention and be nice to you is huge when your a total geek and have no friends). My problems didn't seem so big compared to hers and just the act of being there for someone else also helped me feel like I was doing something that mattered.
Over the next few years my depression faded away completely and I was truly happy for the first time in my life. Of course the relationship ended up failing, and I became depressed again, but having gone through it once it didn't have the same power over me any more. I knew that if I had acually killed myself like I had wanted to, I never would have had that experience, and even though everything seemed so utterly hopeless now, that didn't mean things would stay that way forever. So I got over that depression too and after all the dust cleared, I realised I had gained a ton of confidence and self respect. And people can sense that, I make friends easily and have several really close friends now and getting women also became easy. Not that my life is perfect or anything, it definately isn't, but I'm pretty thankful to be living it
EPT
Having a stable day is good. Also i dont know if you have, but get a girlfriend can help too. It's nice because then you have someone you can talk too about evrything instead of your parents for example. The best thing really ( atleast i think so) is too have friends and people who care about you around you. And i mean real friends then.. not just people you sit with in class. But people you can talk to about your problems. But if you feel you dont have any real friends then you need to get up and out.Try new things, diffrent sports, get invovled in school activeties, go out in town. Try to be with people as much as you can. And getting a job can also help.. takes your mind off the things that troubles you, and you meet new people at work. But ofc this may not apply to evryone. I dont think taking pills will help you.. You need people around you that care about you and want to help.
