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Hey guys.
I have a big dilemma, well its not a well defined dilemma per se, but its rather my complicated life situation and the fact that I almost can't feel love. Let me elaborate:
I moved to this new town in Sweden to study this fall. I broke up with my last girlfriend in March this year and have had some sexual encounters since then.
Anyways, being Im 26, I get some sort of age panic thing going on and become sort of desperate to meet a new girl. So I met this girl through a friend here. I like her style alot and she is cool. I like spending time with her. But like, I dunno how you should feel when your in love, I just dont know. Everyone tells you differently; someone says it's when you get these intense feelings for someone, someone else is more like "its like when you like someone". I dunno.
Anyways, I am also a superficial son of a bitch, and this girl I've met...well I have broken up with her 2 times already...also I told her that she looks much better with her makeup on (kill me). I dunno, she can be very pretty with makeup and yea, but without...not attractive to me.
Also, when I'm with her I sometimes panic when we're like watching a movie just the 2 of us and start to think of all the other girls out there and that maybe Im wasting my time on a girl I don't love enough. Speaking of love, many people say "you will know when you love someone". So I guess I don't love her then, since I am doubting or even discussing this on TL.net.
Please don't laugh at this or at me, cuz its a serious matter, and I know my typing is kind of confused, but it's just because I don't really know what my problem is.
As I said, there are lots of girls I see and meet who I think are very hot, and its like, when I'm with this girl I always think of what I'm missing, and how I could be with the girl of my dreams maybe if I would have looked around more.
I tend to take girls who like me, and not the other way around that much, cuz like Im too much of a wuss to go for the really hot girl whos eyes just blow me away.
Also, when I brake up with the girl I've been seeing this fall, I panic after a few days not talking to her. Then I proceed to do everything to get her back. And when I succeed and convince her I need her and like her, I just go numb again and don't want her.
By the way, I hate hurting people, and this makes me feel really bad...
Sometimes I feel like I don't take others people feelings or relationsships to others as seriously as I should and then I hate myself, thinking I'm some sociopath who just use people and I get really sad.
So basically, this girl loves me and I like her, but I have no feelings per se. There are alot of girls in this town...then again I would miss her if I left her. But the thought of just being with her for years makes me panic. It doesn't feel perfect, ya know? Its not the one...why won't I fall in love?
What should I do?
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United Kingdom10597 Posts
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On November 10 2005 03:36 NewYorkHardCore wrote:
What should I do?
A big hint would be to grow some balls and be a man. See, then you would realise you are clinging to false intentions due to your perception of desperation. At the same time you would realise if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. None of this faggy love bullshit, start making a decision about what you want.
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stop being a shallow pussy
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You're too desperate. Stop trying so hard and when you aren't looking, the girl will come to you. Trust me, I was just like you a couple months ago.
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Well normally I would just call you a superfiscial son of a btich but I'll also point out that you're only 26 and if you feel like being that way, you've still got a solid 5 years ahead of you!
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You'll know it when you're in love with someone, you can't just go search for it. You'll know what love is when you experience it, believe me.
ps You don't love her, hell Im doubting you're even heterosexual after reading that. :D Maybe you'll love her in time (I doubt it, but anything is possible.) but make up your mind already.
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On November 10 2005 06:17 Frits wrote:
You'll know it when you're in love with someone, you can't just go search for it. You'll know what love is when you experience it, believe me.
ps You don't love her, hell Im doubting you're even heterosexual after reading that. :D Maybe you'll love her in time (I doubt it, but anything is possible.) but make up your mind already.
I was actually thinking the same the thing.
Maybe you just havn't found the right kind of girl though. How does she treat you?
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you should probably just take it easy. try living without serious relationships for a while to see if you really are better of in one than you are without one. If you are involved with this girl without really liking her, you will just end up hurting both of you, especially her, much more than is neccesary. Of course its not that easy to do this, but from a general point of view this would probably be the best thing for both of you in the long run 
What town btw? 
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The only way your going to meet a nice girl is to stop looking for one. Be friends first.
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Braavos36400 Posts
On November 10 2005 06:42 {CC}StealthBlue wrote:
The only way your going to meet a nice girl is to stop looking for one. Be friends first.
this is actually the worst way to get a date
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yap, you'll get stuck in the friendszone ;D
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One of these days im going to give this forum to somethingawful
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Youll never get stuck in the friend zone, you just lurk there for a bit, like Hold position Lurkers.
If you release at the right time, it will be messy.
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Braavos36400 Posts
wow, that friend zone / hold lurker metaphor was pure MADNEZZ
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On November 10 2005 07:40 Hot_Bid wrote:
wow, that friend zone / hold lurker metaphor was pure MADNEZZ
Nontheless very true.
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haha, hot_bid
dont be a creep, madnezz.
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First, stop being shallow. Second, break up with this girl. Third, go out and date people if you're feeling that "oh-shit-I'm-getting-older-without-love" panic. Eventually you'll meet someone and you will know when you're in love/love them.
I used to be pretty shallow as well, but then I met a girl who at first I thought was just "okay-looking," but then I fell in love with everything else about her and wow, I think she's the hottest thing on the planet now. It made me realize that love has nothing to do with how good-looking people are. Not real love, at least.
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Uhhh that's some early midlife crisis.
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On November 10 2005 07:48 ZaplinG wrote:
haha, hot_bid
dont be a creep, madnezz.
To be more serious, i think its easier to find someone you care about and more likely have a longer and better relationship if you either know the person very well before you get more involved, or if you meet her because of some friends.
That takes away a part of the nervous first chat to see if she got something you like, like humour and so on., And as someone said earlier in this thread, if shes your friends friend, she probably is a Ok girl.
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EPT
