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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 26 2018 03:57 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2018 03:51 sc-darkness wrote:On July 26 2018 03:47 L_Master wrote:On July 26 2018 02:48 MarcoJ wrote:
How is that deleting and remaking your account thing working?
I mean, whats the benefit? Resets matches and moves you to top of que. You get far more matches though first 24 hours or so than you do later. It might also helped to reset your ELO. On July 26 2018 03:06 Excludos wrote:On July 26 2018 03:00 sc-darkness wrote:On July 26 2018 02:48 MarcoJ wrote:
How is that deleting and remaking your account thing working?
I mean, whats the benefit? Beginner's luck or something like that for the first 12-48 hours (or maybe less). This is when your ELO is probably calculated. Sort of like placement matches in StarCraft 2. At that period, you're likely to get more matches at once than usual, but you shouldn't swipe left/right I think. How are you going to get matches if you don't swipe? Do you just do nothing for the first 48 except wait, and then start swiping to see who you match with? No reason not to swipe. Just don't blindly right swipe all as that tanks your ELO and gets you shown to less people. I don't see how the swipe thing is harmless to your rating. Check this:
A combination of % of people who like you as a whole…
…% of the people you like who like you back (“are you playing within your league?”)…
…and those people’s own rating. A person with a higher rating than your own liking you carries more weight than one with a lower rating liking you (like getting more points for defeating a higher ranking team in a ranked tournament).
Link: https://www.swipehelper.com/2016/11/16/tinder-algorithm/So if you like people, they have to like you back for your ELO to stay nice. If you like more people than you get liked back, then you're lowering your ELO, no? So that's why I think if you do nothing for 12 hours is better, and it's some nice break from Tinder as well to re-evaluate your game. It's up to you. Yea that is true but the idea is that people of around a certain ELO are going to like you. Whether you wait or not, they are still going to like you or not like you. You can't know this ahead of time, and you can't know who the matches are that will like you. What this is designed to prevent is some average looking dude with shitty pics being hyper selective and only swiping the top 1% of girls to try and jack his ELO up. If you wait 12 hours, it might say you have 25 likes, but you don't know who those people are...so you're going to swipe on girls you find attractive to you. Going from the second you make an account, same thing: you're going to swipe girls you find attractive. I can't see how anonymous likes would change my swiping behavior. I do like to wait a decent period though, probably around 8-12 hours, to build up likes when trying new pictures for some sort of comparison. If I started an account and in 8 hours got 3+ likes, and then I use a difference set of pictures and get 25+ likes in 8 hours I can be pretty sure the new pictures are working better. If you just swipe from the start those likes don't get a chance to build.
I think at this point we don't know enough about Tinder's algorithm to see who is right. Too bad it's not official but maybe it's to prevent competitors from copying it.
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On July 26 2018 04:10 sc-darkness wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2018 03:57 L_Master wrote:On July 26 2018 03:51 sc-darkness wrote:On July 26 2018 03:47 L_Master wrote:On July 26 2018 02:48 MarcoJ wrote:
How is that deleting and remaking your account thing working?
I mean, whats the benefit? Resets matches and moves you to top of que. You get far more matches though first 24 hours or so than you do later. It might also helped to reset your ELO. On July 26 2018 03:06 Excludos wrote:On July 26 2018 03:00 sc-darkness wrote:On July 26 2018 02:48 MarcoJ wrote:
How is that deleting and remaking your account thing working?
I mean, whats the benefit? Beginner's luck or something like that for the first 12-48 hours (or maybe less). This is when your ELO is probably calculated. Sort of like placement matches in StarCraft 2. At that period, you're likely to get more matches at once than usual, but you shouldn't swipe left/right I think. How are you going to get matches if you don't swipe? Do you just do nothing for the first 48 except wait, and then start swiping to see who you match with? No reason not to swipe. Just don't blindly right swipe all as that tanks your ELO and gets you shown to less people. I don't see how the swipe thing is harmless to your rating. Check this:
A combination of % of people who like you as a whole…
…% of the people you like who like you back (“are you playing within your league?”)…
…and those people’s own rating. A person with a higher rating than your own liking you carries more weight than one with a lower rating liking you (like getting more points for defeating a higher ranking team in a ranked tournament).
Link: https://www.swipehelper.com/2016/11/16/tinder-algorithm/So if you like people, they have to like you back for your ELO to stay nice. If you like more people than you get liked back, then you're lowering your ELO, no? So that's why I think if you do nothing for 12 hours is better, and it's some nice break from Tinder as well to re-evaluate your game. It's up to you. Yea that is true but the idea is that people of around a certain ELO are going to like you. Whether you wait or not, they are still going to like you or not like you. You can't know this ahead of time, and you can't know who the matches are that will like you. What this is designed to prevent is some average looking dude with shitty pics being hyper selective and only swiping the top 1% of girls to try and jack his ELO up. If you wait 12 hours, it might say you have 25 likes, but you don't know who those people are...so you're going to swipe on girls you find attractive to you. Going from the second you make an account, same thing: you're going to swipe girls you find attractive. I can't see how anonymous likes would change my swiping behavior. I do like to wait a decent period though, probably around 8-12 hours, to build up likes when trying new pictures for some sort of comparison. If I started an account and in 8 hours got 3+ likes, and then I use a difference set of pictures and get 25+ likes in 8 hours I can be pretty sure the new pictures are working better. If you just swipe from the start those likes don't get a chance to build. I think at this point we don't know enough about Tinder's algorithm to see who is right. Too bad it's not official but maybe it's to prevent competitors from copying it.
Probably to prevent people from doing exactly what we're doing right now; gaming the system 
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Would be Curious tout know the ratio of man/women on Tinder . Tell me if i amour totaly wrong but Trying tout "game" the systeme its tout make girls to see your profile and giving you more chance even if u are avg . But considering its just to easy to switch to the next profile i dont think Its gonna help u that Much . The Girl must like you no ? If u have hobbies or way to interact with people IRL . I think you have way better chance cause she doesnt have 1k plus msg from man already to Read or skip u.
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On July 26 2018 04:51 TheBrochette wrote:
Would be Curious tout know the ratio of man/women on Tinder . Tell me if i amour totaly wrong but Trying tout "game" the systeme its tout make girls to see your profile and giving you more chance even if u are avg . But considering its just to easy to switch to the next profile i dont think Its gonna help u that Much . The Girl must like you no ? If u have hobbies or way to interact with people IRL . I think you have way better chance cause she doesnt have 1k plus msg from man already to Read or skip u.
As of 2016 at least, Tinder was 50/50 male female. As for the rest I'm not sure exactly what you're asking. Gaming the system is about getting as many matches as possible with preferably good looking women, not just about how many who sees your profile. What happens after that is entirely up to how good your pickup skills are. Sure, you won't get girls if you can't converse, but you can't talk at all if you don't get matches.
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On July 25 2018 21:44 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On July 25 2018 13:03 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 25 2018 11:43 Epishade wrote:After being together for four years, my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago  She wanted kids, but I didn't. She said she couldn't stay in a relationship where she didn't see a future with me, so she ended it. Whenever I asked about moving and finding a place to live together, she was always hesitant about it, but only a little bit before we broke up did she tell me she wouldn't move in or marry someone who was deadset against having kids. I'm so broken right now. This was the person I shared the past 4 years of my life with. We talked on Facebook almost every day for hours and shared our lives with each other. We were each other's first everything. Never lived together, but I feel like my life is empty without her in it now. Every day when 7 to 8 at night rolls around, I just get so depressed I can't tell her how my day was today, or share with her some funny pictures I saw, or ask her about her day like I always do. I messaged her earlier today asking if there was any chance she might reconsider our break up, but it ended up leading to a fight and we left on bad terms, with her removing me as a friend on Facebook. I feel like, a week from now, I'm still going to be hoping I see a message from her saying she's reconsidered and wants to get back together, but I don't feel like that's realistic anymore . I've never been so depressed before. I have all of her pictures she's sent me and she's smiling in each one, and it pains me to think of all the good times we had... and now she probably never wants to speak to me again. Just looking at them makes my throat heavy, and I can't bring myself to delete them. Just writing this is making me relive all the memories we made together and I'm getting tears in my eyes. I wish there was something I could do. I wonder if I'll ever find someone again who I loved as much as my girlfriend. It's hard to think I'll ever meet someone else who I can feel as comfortable talking to and sharing my life with as I did her. That's my biggest fear... the gf just moved across the country to move in with me, and i'm been leaning more so on the I don't know when/if I will want children. We've talked about it and she has told me that she needs a family to be happy, and I've countered with I won't have kid's unless I know I want them. We will see how things shape up in 9 months when we need to renew the lease but atm i'm not very optimistic unless my views on kids change. Why do you not want kids? You two look like quite the ideal pairing on Facebook, though how you can tolerate that much Coldplay fandom is beyond me
Hahah, you have to respect the passion lol. We've gone to 3 Coldplay concerts together and in two of them she knew enough trivia when talking to a roadie to get us upgraded from nosebleeds to front row.
I think it's more of being on the fence, I travel 100% of the time for work and I don't have any time to do all of the things I want to do. If having kids is like this I can't imagine doing this for all these years. I still want to travel a ton and I'd like to take off a lot of time to go backpacking/travelling. Kids and having pets for me is something that watching them the odd weekend is more than enough for me. I don't feel the desire to have kids, and if I did have them would be like early 30's where she would be more 27/28
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On July 26 2018 01:16 bloodwhore~ wrote:
As for the deleting and remaking. I don't think you should do it too often. I get surges like every 4-5 days or so.
I just did it because my account was basically stagnant for a year. For example, I left swiped through everyone in my area just to see if I recognized anyone and when it finished it still showed me as having people who had right swiped me. It'd be kinda awkward to match someone and then they don't remember swiping you 6 months ago. The resetting to get shown more thing is just a perk to me and I was curious to see whether or not I had done good changes to my account compared to how it used to be.
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I was away from the city I live in (more than Tinder's default limit of 50 miles/80 km), came back and started getting likes as if I made a new account. That or it's my new photos. Either way, I suspect that Tinder's algorithm also does something when your location changes. That probably makes sense because you're like a new person at a new location. I just didn't realise it until now.
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On July 26 2018 12:09 Ben... wrote:
I just did it because my account was basically stagnant for a year. For example, I left swiped through everyone in my area just to see if I recognized anyone and when it finished it still showed me as having people who had right swiped me. It'd be kinda awkward to match someone and then they don't remember swiping you 6 months ago. The resetting to get shown more thing is just a perk to me and I was curious to see whether or not I had done good changes to my account compared to how it used to be.
For sure, I'm not saying you should never do it. Once a year is not often. I'd say every 2nd month - that is often. If you have to reset your account 6 times a month to meet people, then your problem is 100% your pictures, not some obscure ELO algorithm.
On July 26 2018 14:56 sc-darkness wrote:
I was away from the city I live in (more than Tinder's default limit of 50 miles/80 km), came back and started getting likes as if I made a new account. That or it's my new photos. Either way, I suspect that Tinder's algorithm also does something when your location changes. That probably makes sense because you're like a new person at a new location. I just didn't realise it until now.
It absolutely does. Moving every once in a while is good.
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On July 26 2018 09:36 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 25 2018 21:44 farvacola wrote:On July 25 2018 13:03 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On July 25 2018 11:43 Epishade wrote:After being together for four years, my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago She wanted kids, but I didn't. She said she couldn't stay in a relationship where she didn't see a future with me, so she ended it. Whenever I asked about moving and finding a place to live together, she was always hesitant about it, but only a little bit before we broke up did she tell me she wouldn't move in or marry someone who was deadset against having kids. I'm so broken right now. This was the person I shared the past 4 years of my life with. We talked on Facebook almost every day for hours and shared our lives with each other. We were each other's first everything. Never lived together, but I feel like my life is empty without her in it now. Every day when 7 to 8 at night rolls around, I just get so depressed I can't tell her how my day was today, or share with her some funny pictures I saw, or ask her about her day like I always do. I messaged her earlier today asking if there was any chance she might reconsider our break up, but it ended up leading to a fight and we left on bad terms, with her removing me as a friend on Facebook. I feel like, a week from now, I'm still going to be hoping I see a message from her saying she's reconsidered and wants to get back together, but I don't feel like that's realistic anymore . I've never been so depressed before. I have all of her pictures she's sent me and she's smiling in each one, and it pains me to think of all the good times we had... and now she probably never wants to speak to me again. Just looking at them makes my throat heavy, and I can't bring myself to delete them. Just writing this is making me relive all the memories we made together and I'm getting tears in my eyes. I wish there was something I could do. I wonder if I'll ever find someone again who I loved as much as my girlfriend. It's hard to think I'll ever meet someone else who I can feel as comfortable talking to and sharing my life with as I did her. That's my biggest fear... the gf just moved across the country to move in with me, and i'm been leaning more so on the I don't know when/if I will want children. We've talked about it and she has told me that she needs a family to be happy, and I've countered with I won't have kid's unless I know I want them. We will see how things shape up in 9 months when we need to renew the lease but atm i'm not very optimistic unless my views on kids change. Why do you not want kids? You two look like quite the ideal pairing on Facebook, though how you can tolerate that much Coldplay fandom is beyond me Hahah, you have to respect the passion lol. We've gone to 3 Coldplay concerts together and in two of them she knew enough trivia when talking to a roadie to get us upgraded from nosebleeds to front row. I think it's more of being on the fence, I travel 100% of the time for work and I don't have any time to do all of the things I want to do. If having kids is like this I can't imagine doing this for all these years. I still want to travel a ton and I'd like to take off a lot of time to go backpacking/travelling. Kids and having pets for me is something that watching them the odd weekend is more than enough for me. I don't feel the desire to have kids, and if I did have them would be like early 30's where she would be more 27/28
Yeah, the kids question is a tough one, though I guess I'd stress that you don't need to make up your mind yet. If she says she thinks you should, well, then you may have an issue.
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So I found a girl with common interests in OKCupid (which seems to be better then tinder, which I don't know if it even works anymore). We chat a lot about stuff in common for a couple of days and she seemed to be invested in the conversations. I asked her out on a date, but she said that she was on a trip right now for a couple of days, but she said she liked the idea. So I was like alrighty then... we could go out when you are back, after that we continued chating about stuff like normal. And today I opened the app and she was gone with the wind, as my hopes crashed on the ground, never to chat with her again... (a made up Berserk reference) which made me look dump (I already am used to it)...
So I normally start thinking where did I go wrong...?
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she met someone else she likes
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On July 29 2018 07:06 raga4ka wrote:
So I found a girl with common interests in OKCupid (which seems to be better then tinder, which I don't know if it even works anymore). We chat a lot about stuff in common for a couple of days and she seemed to be invested in the conversations. I asked her out on a date, but she said that she was on a trip right now for a couple of days, but she said she liked the idea. So I was like alrighty then... we could go out when you are back, after that we continued chating about stuff like normal. And today I opened the app and she was gone with the wind, as my hopes crashed on the ground, never to chat with her again... (a made up Berserk reference) which made me look dump (I already am used to it)...
So I normally start thinking where did I go wrong...?
OKCupid can be buggy. I had one girl disappear randomly, but when I went to her profile I could still access our conversation and the page said we liked each other.
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I can’t believe I’m that dude justifying/rationalizing that its okay to date girls 10 years your age. I have no idea how I got here but the older, single women get, the more baggage they carry with them. And I’m just not equipped to deal with that shit. Like being a baby mama or just severely emotionally unstable.
Now it kinda makes me wonder what kinda baggage men my age would carry as well. I wonder when I’ll start experiencing ED or some crazy shit like that. I can’t even fathom the thought.
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On July 29 2018 09:12 Emnjay808 wrote:
I can’t believe I’m that dude justifying/rationalizing that its okay to date girls 10 years your age. I have no idea how I got here but the older, single women get, the more baggage they carry with them. And I’m just not equipped to deal with that shit. Like being a baby mama or just severely emotionally unstable.
Now it kinda makes me wonder what kinda baggage men my age would carry as well. I wonder when I’ll start experiencing ED or some crazy shit like that. I can’t even fathom the thought.
Maybe it just works better for you. You might be very immature for your age …
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I might be, which might be a cause for alarm. Lots of girls I’ve invested interest has kids and I just have an emotional wall on trying to connect with them. I know I can’t force it but it also doesn’t come naturally to me as well. I LOVE babies and kids but when it comes to this situation it’s just something else.
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United Kingdom13775 Posts
Women with kids tend to be quite hard to get along with on a romantic level, I agree - even if I do know exceptions. At best it involves being able to be invested in both the woman and the kid, a task in and of itself, but often it involves additional levels of drama and/or twisted priorities that really just fuck up the desire to have anything to do with them, to such an extent that unless I have a good reason to act otherwise I generally don't bother. On the other hand just about every girl I've known who is significantly younger than me is like a child, with whom it's quite hard to make any useful headway.
What age range are we talking, though? 10 years younger probably implies that you're in your 30s, or at least quite close to it.
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im turning 30 this year. generally ive been dating 19 y/o + for the last 2 years or so.
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And you can't find women who are in their mid twenties and don't have a child?
I'm 28 and I can't imagine myself dating a 19 year old.
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On July 29 2018 09:12 Emnjay808 wrote:
I can’t believe I’m that dude justifying/rationalizing that its okay to date girls 10 years your age. I have no idea how I got here but the older, single women get, the more baggage they carry with them. And I’m just not equipped to deal with that shit. Like being a baby mama or just severely emotionally unstable.
Now it kinda makes me wonder what kinda baggage men my age would carry as well. I wonder when I’ll start experiencing ED or some crazy shit like that. I can’t even fathom the thought.
My girlfriend is 19 y/o and is among the most mature woman I know. I'm 27.
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Regardless of age I'd consider 3/4 of woman I know complete psychos, and like 1/3 the man at least lol.
Tons of people are really crazy, I always wonder how they manage to even work.
I would avoid single mothers unless you are really old/with a kid.
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Haha, I thought I was too old for 19-year-old girls when I'm 26. Having said that, I can't stand too childish behaviour, so it matters how mature they are.
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EPT
