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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9234 Posts
Though I find the discussion about maturity incredibly important as it underscores how the same tree means so many different things to each and every one of us. And seeing and accepting that difference in perspective is also helpful for a good interpersonal relationship. Nobody was spoon fed pure truth. It's important to acknowledge that. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8614 Posts
On July 31 2018 13:42 IshinShishi wrote: A lot of young people from the past went blindly into wars, it wasn't really a well thought out decision. The thing about the past is that tradition and sets of rules were followed much much more strictly, and I don't think following the steps others set out for you without much question requires much maturity or wisdom, by comparison, millenials have access to much more information about anything and tend to ponder more about what they might do. i wasnt referring to wars actually. there is nothing mature about deciding be a soldier. it was conscripted. in my grandpas case, he had his first kid at 20? or so, and the 2nd kid about 2 years after. then the korean war hit and he fled from the north to south and set up a fishing business in his early 20s. had 4 more kids by the time he was in his early 30s and a wife who knew nothing but how to be a housewife. he did well enough in his business where he was awarded a presidential medal for it also. now im not even 30 yet, but if i was living in a country like that during the hardships there were with the war, poverty etc. and i had to raise 6 kids with a wife who knew nothing but how to cook and clean, id have a nervous breakdown. a massive issue with the younger generations is a reluctance or inability to take on responsibility. the older generations had no problem with that, whether it was "set out" for them or not. my grandpas story may be particularly difficult but i know that them having to deal with various emotional/social/financial responsibilities much earlier than we did was pretty universal, and i dare say they did a much better job at it. i can at least look at my parents and my uncles/aunts and say they turned out pretty well considering their circumstances at the time. nowadays parents arent vaccinating kids and think the earth is flat. yay evolution | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4703 Posts
There's a big difference when you're put in this situation and it's do or die or when you have the luxury not to and avoid everything. It's simply non-comparable. The things we have to take into account nowadays are so much more abstract it's not even funny. Your grandpa would probably have a nervous breakdown if he saw what early 20 people get bombarded with nowadays. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9234 Posts
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On August 01 2018 01:37 IgnE wrote: how hard is it to learn to cook and clean? over 10 years too? I'm not sure that those are things that you "learn" so much as you are either inclined to do them or you are not. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On August 01 2018 02:19 IgnE wrote: oh i misread his post anyway. i thought he said "with a wife who knew nothing about how to cook and clean." i dunno, if you have 6 kids those seem like pretty valuable skills to me Yes, "valuable" would be an understatement. Here's my pro tip for guys looking for someone more permanent when dating: find a woman who is frugal and can cook. If she has those two things down, then she very likely has the rest of her shit in order, too. | ||
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
On August 01 2018 03:42 xDaunt wrote: Yes, "valuable" would be an understatement. Here's my pro tip for guys looking for someone more permanent when dating: find a woman who is frugal and can cook. If she has those two things down, then she very likely has the rest of her shit in order, too. Despite how reductionist this is I have a hard time disagreeing. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On August 01 2018 03:42 xDaunt wrote: Yes, "valuable" would be an understatement. Here's my pro tip for guys looking for someone more permanent when dating: find a woman who is frugal and can cook. If she has those two things down, then she very likely has the rest of her shit in order, too. My gf loves to cook me protein bars. She is also extremely frugal to the point I make fun of her. I would add Ben Shapiro's have common values. | ||
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farvacola
United States18820 Posts
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On August 01 2018 03:56 farvacola wrote: You can replace cooking with some other skill if you yourself prefer to or enjoy cooking. Baking is a close proxy. Of the two things listed, I consider cooking to be the "replaceable" one. The frugality is absolutely necessary, however. | ||
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farvacola
United States18820 Posts
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
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VHbb
689 Posts
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On August 01 2018 04:22 LegalLord wrote: “Cooking” is a reasonable proxy for “good housemaking skills” which is a definite necessity. Eh, maybe. My wife is a superior cook, but is horrible at the rest of the house-making stuff. Cleaning, in particular, is not her thing. | ||
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
On August 01 2018 04:25 VHbb wrote: she also has to be good at ironing, cleaning the house and maybe a virgin? You can interpret it as sexist or something of the sort if you like, but we’re talking about someone you intend to share a house and finances with. These things matter a lot. And FWIW it definitely goes both ways. | ||
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farvacola
United States18820 Posts
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LegalLord
United Kingdom13775 Posts
On August 01 2018 04:41 farvacola wrote: So long as both parties are able and willing to contribute to what goes into a successful household, there shouldn't be an issue. Frugality and some financial common sense underpins the whole thing, but past that, there isn't a need to assign specific duties or kinds of tasks. That’s a great way to put it. Pretty much summarizes what I see as necessary in terms of “good housemaking skills.” | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4703 Posts
On July 31 2018 11:15 evilfatsh1t wrote: while ambition/life goals are definitely a factor in determining one's maturity, it is by no means the only criteria. im surprised most people associate maturity with this and this only (judging by their posts). Just want to reply on this real quickly. I use this as a strong indicator of maturity because you can extract basically everything else that can also be viewed as a parameter for maturity. You should be able to have perspective and perhaps a good set of (flexible) principles (depending on how your perspective changes), which entails you don't condemn everything right away and you're able to compromise. Emotional stability and being fluid in social interaction is basically what you need to have down in order to get to your goals. If you want a family, a career and a home to feel comfortable in (interpret those things as broadly as you can; different strokes and all that) you should get those down, no? They're basically justified means to an end. Also, to add to the latest piece of discussion; if you're someone that's a total workaholic and you find someone that wants to be a dedicated house wife that should still be a match made in heaven. But that doesn't mean you get to neglect her or anything because then she'll cheat on your ass! I think workaholics have tendencies to neglect their social responsibilities, which more often than not sours relationships in the end. But echoing everyone else and generalizing the above, being able to complement each other in house hold tasks (and other tasks obviously) will make it so much easier. (the workaholic and dedicated housewife are complementary imo) It's also super important to be with someone which has equal thresholds as you as in: the kitchen (only) needs to be this kind of dirty before it needs to be cleaned. Otherwise you'll have one person that feels inclined to start the cleaning (or do other stuff) all the time before the other has even considered that as being messy so you'll build a lot of frustration and tension between each other simply because your mental triggers (? don't really know how to describe this concept differently) are so different, which could be something that isn't necessarily malleable. | ||
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