EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 967
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
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SoSexy
Italy3725 Posts
So maybe we are not from Mars and Venus but we are definitely not from the same country. For example, the so called 'good girl syndrome' is a phenomenon that does not appear with this extension in male. How many girls have you met that kept on going with a assholish boyfriend, with everyone around them saying he is trouble? Then they get cheated, he makes a corny promise and she goes back to him? Now, how many guys do you know in the reverse position? This syndrome might have its basis in childhood - on this purpose, I suggest you to take a look at a book called 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwood. The first chapters explain in detail how this attitude might stem from trauma in childhood caused by certain characteristics of parents. For example, alcoholic father on which you have no power as a child -> girl will tend to look for alcoholic partners in order to correct them and resolve the childhood trauma. The author argues that males tend to behave differently and resolve this conflict in self-realization of hobbies, careers and personal goals rather than focusing on 'healing' the partner. | ||
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45816 Posts
On April 24 2018 16:24 SoSexy wrote: Apart from rare exceptions, women usually act on feelings rather than rationality. Perhaps women, on average, may be more emotional than men, but the idea that they pretty much always act irrationally and emotionally is complete bullshit. I guess that kind of mindset acts as a great defense mechanism for people who never want to take any responsibility for their own shortcomings though. Anyone can come up with anecdotes about how a girl (or guy) seemed to arbitrarily ghost someone who was interested in them, and perhaps it would be a more educational data point if they explained their rationale for leaving, but just because they drop off the face of the earth doesn't mean that they were being irrational or too emotional in their decision. | ||
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SoSexy
Italy3725 Posts
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45816 Posts
On April 24 2018 22:18 SoSexy wrote: We agree. Women on average are more emotional. 'Just because they drop off the face of the earth doesn't mean they were being irrational' - it is precisely that? Anyone who ghosts someone they showed interest in without explaining is being irrational. I don't care what you are going through - if you care at least a little bit about someone, you will find the 10 seconds it takes to write 'it's a bad period for me'. I agree that it would be the respectful thing to do, especially once mutual interest is established. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18285 Posts
On April 24 2018 22:18 SoSexy wrote: We agree. Women on average are more emotional. 'Just because they drop off the face of the earth doesn't mean they were being irrational' - it is precisely that? Anyone who ghosts someone they showed interest in without explaining is being irrational. I don't care what you are going through - if you care at least a little bit about someone, you will find the 10 seconds it takes to write 'it's a bad period for me'. You'd first have to establish a definition of rationality. From an economic (game-theoretic) point of view it is highly rational to just drop all contact: why waste time (ergo money) writing a message to tell someone you're not interested in pursuing a relationship? She surely has better things to do with her time than assuage some angsty courter's doubts about whether the relationship has a future. Writing pointless messages to calm emotions would, in fact, be the irrational thing to do from an economic perspective. | ||
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SoSexy
Italy3725 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain18285 Posts
On April 24 2018 23:09 SoSexy wrote: Acrofales, has it ever crossed your mind that maybe applying economics to dating is exactly (one of) the problem(s)? Hey, I'm not the one claiming girls act irrationally... | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
On April 24 2018 22:46 Acrofales wrote: You'd first have to establish a definition of rationality. From an economic (game-theoretic) point of view it is highly rational to just drop all contact: why waste time (ergo money) writing a message to tell someone you're not interested in pursuing a relationship? She surely has better things to do with her time than assuage some angsty courter's doubts about whether the relationship has a future. Writing pointless messages to calm emotions would, in fact, be the irrational thing to do from an economic perspective. Dude this is such a bad post when it's applied to dating. It's more applicable to business in my opinion. --- Those of you who had continuous conversations on Tinder, how did you start conversation? I usually try to say hi and ask a question about their hobbies or photos that I found interesting, but sometimes they don't even reply to that. I'm not interested in being a 100% meme guy just to entertain them though. | ||
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
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KR_4EVR
316 Posts
Obtain IP address previous boyfriend. Proceed DDOS mask plant malware obtain photo if harddisk. Real question ask her show picture print. Elegant reply hidden scheme light reply materialist. Score assign either raise lower previous. Add log prospective bank account. Repeat process on ancestor ash compare value. Base logic keep or not continue. | ||
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TheFish7
United States2824 Posts
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On April 25 2018 05:11 sc-darkness wrote: Dude this is such a bad post when it's applied to dating. It's more applicable to business in my opinion. --- Those of you who had continuous conversations on Tinder, how did you start conversation? I usually try to say hi and ask a question about their hobbies or photos that I found interesting, but sometimes they don't even reply to that. I'm not interested in being a 100% meme guy just to entertain them though. why are you trying to have "continuous conversations" on tinder? | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I honestly do not believe that it was like that for her point of view. It was probably more along the lines of "He doesn't seem very interesting, lets talk a bit and see if he comes around.". He didn't and she ghosts. Ghosting is honestly the norm on tinder. Did you at least go on a couple of dates with the girl before she ghosted or did you just talk on tinder? If you met I can understand that you are annoyed, I think it is disrespectful as well. I do however think they do it because a lot of guys flip their shit getting rejected. | ||
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sc-darkness
856 Posts
On April 25 2018 09:47 IgnE wrote: why are you trying to have "continuous conversations" on tinder? Well, more than 2-3 messages. On April 25 2018 14:40 bloodwhore~ wrote: I don't know why you are so angry about women ghosting on tinder. "She was interested then she just randomly ghosts!?!?!?" I honestly do not believe that it was like that for her point of view. It was probably more along the lines of "He doesn't seem very interesting, lets talk a bit and see if he comes around.". He didn't and she ghosts. Ghosting is honestly the norm on tinder. Did you at least go on a couple of dates with the girl before she ghosted or did you just talk on tinder? If you met I can understand that you are annoyed, I think it is disrespectful as well. I do however think they do it because a lot of guys flip their shit getting rejected. Well, apart from those girls' photos, I don't find anything interesting about them either. If anti-social girls like that think ghosting is fine, then I'm surely happy in the long-term to avoid them. The problem is lack of effort from their part to continue conversation. I might be the one to start it but it's too much weight to keep it going and keep them interested. They have to do something more than upload a few photos and wait. Honestly, one of my biggest problems with Tinder is that it doesn't show when they were last online, so I know if I can just safely unmatch someone. If they're not interested, that's fine, but it's a waste of time for me if I have no idea whether it's time to unmatch them or wait for them to appear online. If you go to work rather than just being a student, you'll understand. | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On April 25 2018 15:14 sc-darkness wrote: Well, more than 2-3 messages. Well, apart from those girls' photos, I don't find anything interesting about them either. If anti-social girls like that think ghosting is fine, then I'm surely happy in the long-term to avoid them. The problem is lack of effort from their part to continue conversation. I might be the one to start it but it's too much weight to keep it going and keep them interested. They have to do something more than upload a few photos and wait. Honestly, one of my biggest problems with Tinder is that it doesn't show when they were last online, so I know if I can just safely unmatch someone. If they're not interested, that's fine, but it's a waste of time for me if I have no idea whether it's time to unmatch them or wait for them to appear online. If you go to work rather than just being a student, you'll understand. I'm pretty sure, insecure guys like you are the reason why there is no "Last Online" function. Because nothing is worse than "I saw you were online, why you didn't answer me! mimimi!". But hey, I can understand girls, if they decide to ghost on the 27th "Hi - Hi - How are you today?" conversation a day. I guess, if I was in their position, I would quick bind the answers to my F-keys, but that's not what most girls tend to do. Tinder is a very simple "make yourself interesting with a picture and maximum two lines of text" game. And from all you are posting here it is obvious that you aren't very good at this game. Crying about people not seeing your great values won't change anything about it. Fix your presentation and initiation or lose. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
Ghosting is a dick move regardless of who does it. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
On April 24 2018 19:24 SoSexy wrote: Ok, sorry if I sounded aggressive then. I am against the 'all X are like that' - there are always exceptions. I am in favour of '70/80/90% of X are like that' because the same patterns repeat over and over again and they are observable. So maybe we are not from Mars and Venus but we are definitely not from the same country. For example, the so called 'good girl syndrome' is a phenomenon that does not appear with this extension in male. How many girls have you met that kept on going with a assholish boyfriend, with everyone around them saying he is trouble? Then they get cheated, he makes a corny promise and she goes back to him? Now, how many guys do you know in the reverse position? This syndrome might have its basis in childhood - on this purpose, I suggest you to take a look at a book called 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwood. The first chapters explain in detail how this attitude might stem from trauma in childhood caused by certain characteristics of parents. For example, alcoholic father on which you have no power as a child -> girl will tend to look for alcoholic partners in order to correct them and resolve the childhood trauma. The author argues that males tend to behave differently and resolve this conflict in self-realization of hobbies, careers and personal goals rather than focusing on 'healing' the partner. Haha, no sweat man. Written communication can sound a lot more brusque without the oral/visual cues usually present when face to face. Personally I'm not a fan of explaining behaviour on a gender basis. That is not because I consider them inadequate or false, for that judgement I simply don't know enough about them, but mainly because it is so poorly reflected in my personal experience, solely judging from what you covered in your post. Even though I've had an unpleasant dismissal that I still don't really understand where it came from, read: what I did wrong, I've also had my fair share of fuckups and have been treated rather kindly. Your example of shit boyfriend and naive girl isn't present in my memories. Maybe during school but that's more than a decade ago for me. I also don't see the other example of women looking for someone to replicate traumatic experiences with as their partner in my circles. So I'm kinda lost on this whole psychology business. I've fared rather well not trying to predict dating behaviour and always went with my feelings. That does hurt sometimes but that's life. If anyone here wants to be successful on tinder I'd suggest taking bloodwhore's offer of helping out with the profile and I'm sure he's gonna give some tips how to approach people with taking into account the little information in their profile. | ||
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