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Need advice 
There's this girl I sort of like at work. I say "sort of" because I don't really know her past having met her around and sometimes chatting in the corridors.
In December, after crossing her one day, I wrote her to ask if we should get a coffee together, and she replied proposing a drink out instead (seems good right?)
There was no follow up because both of us we were too busy with work / travels / other stuff.
I wrote her again in January, 1 week ago, but no answer - how should I take it?
(clearly not a good sign  but it seems strange not to answer given we work in the same place)
p.s. it' a huge workplace with thousands of people and we don't work in the same field / department, so it's not a situation where we would be working together..
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Nothing to gain from asking her again. All you can hope for is running into her at work and re-sparking whatever there was. Gotta strike the iron while it's hot in general. Women tend to forget how you made them feel when they accepted the date and lose interest.
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Yes, I think you're 100% right , thanks
I've actually gone out with an other girl in the meantime (during this week), and it seems to be going well - went on 2 dates so far, lunch and drinks
and if I'll meet the other one again I'll try to see what's what
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ahahaha I asked a girl if she wanted to get coffee, her response (txt message) was "yeah, we can get be friend coffee".
Deserves a Nobel Prize in Literature!
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On January 29 2018 11:15 Mordanis wrote:
ahahaha I asked a girl if she wanted to get coffee, her response (txt message) was "yeah, we can get be friend coffee".
Deserves a Nobel Prize in Literature!
Are you in Vietnam or something?
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How do you guys usually strike up a conversation with girls on the train (etc)?
I'm used to asking out women on tinder, at this point asking someone out on text is extremely easy. I've done it hundreds of times and I am not bothered by rejection in the slightest. I'm still very inexperienced with cold approaches though. Basically clueless on how to do it, a bit scared of rejection when its face to face.
I feel like everything I would open with on tinder would be absolutely insane to open with in real life.
Lets take the girl I had in mind. I see her once in a while on the train to the city. She used to go to the same high school as me. I had zero interaction with her then, we did do the same "show" though. So if I were to strike up a conversation with her it would go something like:
"Hey. Did you do the X show in Y high school?"
She will answer yes because the answer is yes.
"Ah, what are you up to nowadays? Do you work in the city?"
"Some random answer"
"Oh okay. Would you be interested in going on a date in the weekend?"
But it feels so fucking awkward.
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well once you both establish that you both went to the same school and did the same show, you can ask if she remembers you or if not just ask her what her lifes been like after high school.
just make small talk and slowly build it up over a few meetings. diving straight into "lets go on a date" is definitely awkward and 100% creepy.
if the small talk works out well then you can ask her next time to meet at a location that isnt the train. this isnt even a cold approach tbh, you already know the girl and she could already know you. theres such an obvious and easy starting point that you can just naturally work from
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On February 06 2018 15:40 bloodwhore~ wrote:
How do you guys usually strike up a conversation with girls on the train (etc)?
I'm used to asking out women on tinder, at this point asking someone out on text is extremely easy. I've done it hundreds of times and I am not bothered by rejection in the slightest. I'm still very inexperienced with cold approaches though. Basically clueless on how to do it, a bit scared of rejection when its face to face.
I feel like everything I would open with on tinder would be absolutely insane to open with in real life.
Lets take the girl I had in mind. I see her once in a while on the train to the city. She used to go to the same high school as me. I had zero interaction with her then, we did do the same "show" though. So if I were to strike up a conversation with her it would go something like:
"Hey. Did you do the X show in Y high school?"
She will answer yes because the answer is yes.
"Ah, what are you up to nowadays? Do you work in the city?"
"Some random answer"
"Oh okay. Would you be interested in going on a date in the weekend?"
But it feels so fucking awkward.
This would be setting yourself up for failure in my opinion. People commuting generally wants to be left the hell alone, unless you're already familiar with them. You can try to strike a conversation if you feel like (Although quickly cut it if it gets awkward. Remember a conversation is a two way street. If it get's awkward, it's likely the other person isn't interested in continuing it), and over time get familiar with her enough to ask her out, but attempting to do any such a thing on the first try will 99.9% of the time be met with a no
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The thing is that people know what to expect on tinder, whereas in real life, interactions with strangers are less about dating. This is a possibility of course, nonetheless I, personally, would go with the small talk approach of Mr evil, find out if I might like to meet that person again and whether that's mutual and continue from there.
I'm having slight difficulties to discern between meeting again because talking was nice and going on a date.
I guess the way it is decided or how you approached the question.
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On February 06 2018 17:15 Excludos wrote:Show nested quote +On February 06 2018 15:40 bloodwhore~ wrote:
How do you guys usually strike up a conversation with girls on the train (etc)?
I'm used to asking out women on tinder, at this point asking someone out on text is extremely easy. I've done it hundreds of times and I am not bothered by rejection in the slightest. I'm still very inexperienced with cold approaches though. Basically clueless on how to do it, a bit scared of rejection when its face to face.
I feel like everything I would open with on tinder would be absolutely insane to open with in real life.
Lets take the girl I had in mind. I see her once in a while on the train to the city. She used to go to the same high school as me. I had zero interaction with her then, we did do the same "show" though. So if I were to strike up a conversation with her it would go something like:
"Hey. Did you do the X show in Y high school?"
She will answer yes because the answer is yes.
"Ah, what are you up to nowadays? Do you work in the city?"
"Some random answer"
"Oh okay. Would you be interested in going on a date in the weekend?"
But it feels so fucking awkward. This would be setting yourself up for failure in my opinion. People commuting generally wants to be left the hell alone, unless you're already familiar with them. You can try to strike a conversation if you feel like (Although quickly cut it if it gets awkward. Remember a conversation is a two way street. If it get's awkward, it's likely the other person isn't interested in continuing it), and over time get familiar with her enough to ask her out, but attempting to do any such a thing on the first try will 99.9% of the time be met with a no
I disagree with the first part. The second is essentially what evilfatshit said, and I agree with that advice. But ppl commuting don't want to be left alone, they're usually bored. If an interesting person strikes up a conversation that's a great way of breaking the monotony of the daily commute. The problem is that most ppl who randomly start conversations are weirdos who you don't want to talk with, so you need an in. It's not like a bar, where people go with the intention to meet other people. But it's not like most ppl are aversive to talking on public transport: there often just isn't anything to talk about. Bloodwhore comes prepared, he has an initial topic, so most of the hard part is done! He can approach her with "hey, I think you were in XYZ show with me at high school, wasn't that fun?" and take the smalltalk from there.
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Go talk to her 10 min before you arrive at your or her station. Just "run into her" and start a conversation like they teach you as a kid "hi I'm bloodwhore, who are you?" Or something like "didn't we go to school together?" And if any interest on her side after a few questions she should at least slightly start conversing as well. If not then "oh here's my stop, by now!". Most importantly is to be polite yet shameless. If you show you find it awkward as hell it's gonna get awkward for her as well. Make it feel natural " ofcourse im coming over for a chat why wouldn't I? ".
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Yeah you're probably right. Easing into it is probably better. But god damn, that would not be my choice of method . Would much rather just rip the band aid of fast as fuck.
On February 06 2018 15:46 evilfatsh1t wrote:
well once you both establish that you both went to the same school and did the same show, you can ask if she remembers you or if not just ask her what her lifes been like after high school.
I don't think I've ever said a word to her before. So, asking her if she remembers me would just be strange I think. In the end of high school both of us were in the same "play" thing for other students. So I could possibly relate to that, other than that I don't think talking about high school is very relevant.
Feels like saying something like "I think you're cute and I'd like to get to know you." would be a better alternative. However, I'm not sure I could pull it off smoothly.
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United States15275 Posts
On February 06 2018 15:40 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I'm used to asking out women on tinder, at this point asking someone out on text is extremely easy. I've done it hundreds of times and I am not bothered by rejection in the slightest. I'm still very inexperienced with cold approaches though. Basically clueless on how to do it, a bit scared of rejection when its face to face.
It is much easier to interact on Tinder because it can be distilled to an algorithmic set of moves. Everyone knows what everyone else is on there for, and it ain't an enduring connection. Online, it's also easier to disassociate from failure.
The key to cold approaching is to put yourself in a state where the outcome feels irrelevant (not that it is irrelevant, just decoupling investment in the result), calibrating yourself to match the environment, and conversing without a dedicated endpoint.
On February 06 2018 15:40 bloodwhore~ wrote:
So if I were to strike up a conversation with her it would go something like:
"Hey. Did you do the X show in Y high school?"
She will answer yes because the answer is yes.
"Ah, what are you up to nowadays? Do you work in the city?"
"Some random answer"
"Oh okay. Would you be interested in going on a date in the weekend?"
But it feels so fucking awkward.
You're overthinking the process.
1. There is no guarantee she will correctly answer the first question. Her response will not be based on historical fact, but her emotional security and interest in that moment. If she feels uncomfortable she'll lie to your face simply to expedite the end of the interaction.
2. The interaction is way too rushed. This is a casual encounter, not a prelude to hooking up. Why are you assuming that your opener will lead to a later date, or that you really want to set aside time with some stranger? You don't think she'll sniff out your true intentions in the first 5 seconds?
3. There is no reason to execute your program like a genial Hal9000. You can't know for certain how she'll respond to anything you say, no matter how carefully it's couched or how confident you are in its validity. At best this original plan makes you seem tone-deaf and socially impaired.
Cold approach isn't some Machiavellian conceit. Just go up and say hi without disguising your intent.
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On February 06 2018 15:40 bloodwhore~ wrote:
How do you guys usually strike up a conversation with girls on the train (etc)?
I'm used to asking out women on tinder, at this point asking someone out on text is extremely easy. I've done it hundreds of times and I am not bothered by rejection in the slightest. I'm still very inexperienced with cold approaches though. Basically clueless on how to do it, a bit scared of rejection when its face to face.
I feel like everything I would open with on tinder would be absolutely insane to open with in real life.
Lets take the girl I had in mind. I see her once in a while on the train to the city. She used to go to the same high school as me. I had zero interaction with her then, we did do the same "show" though. So if I were to strike up a conversation with her it would go something like:
"Hey. Did you do the X show in Y high school?"
She will answer yes because the answer is yes.
"Ah, what are you up to nowadays? Do you work in the city?"
"Some random answer"
"Oh okay. Would you be interested in going on a date in the weekend?"
But it feels so fucking awkward.
Hello, bloodwhore~.
For what it's worth, my dad met my mom on a subway. He was travelling with his best friend, and they were speaking to each other in Italian. He started the conversation with her by asking if she knew what language they were speaking. She guessed correctly and from there they talked about where they were heading. She was going to meet up with one of her girlfriends to go to a club, and he was on his way to a restaurant with his friend. After a little more small talk, he asked if she wanted to meet up later, and she accepted. As he was leaving, my mom realized she gave him incorrect contact information. They struggled to hold the doors open as she gave him the right info. The rest is history.
Obviously you don't have to start a conversation by speaking another language. You just have to start with a question that gives her a chance to interact with you. Since you both went to the same school and engaged in some of the same activities, you can ask her if she was the one in so-and-so play, or who went to so-and-so high school, etc. If she responds to your questions with one-worded answers or doesn't look at you or smile, it implies one of four things: (1) she has a boyfriend, (2) she's not interested in you, (3) she's shy, or (4) there are circumstances in her life that prevent her from interacting with you. In any case, you'll want to move on and find someone else.
In my own experience I've found that trying to think too far in advance about what to talk about makes things awkward. It's best to just let the conversation flow naturally and talk about things as they come up. In other words, just be in the moment. If you have something you want to talk about, then keep it in the back of your mind in case the conversation ever stalls and you or her can't think of what to say.
Also, not every question is a yes-or-no question even if it seems like it. For example, I was at the grocery store this one time and sardines were on sale, so I bought a lot of them. At the checkout there was this girl cashier I had never seen before. After about 10 seconds of no talking I asked her if she liked sardines playfully, and she went on for about a minute talking about how she loved sardines and that way back when she was little her grandpa used to serve them with crackers and olive oil.
I hope this helps you out. Just know that as long as you don't start a conversation unusually, it would be unreasonable on her end to give you anything but a reasonable response. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shalashaska_123
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Sigh almost sent valentines flowers to a girl who lives an ocean away from me. So glad I cleared my mind and concluded that it’s just not a good idea.
Time for lots of heavy drinking this weekend. Cheers
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On February 06 2018 15:40 bloodwhore~ wrote:
How do you guys usually strike up a conversation with girls on the train (etc)?
I'm used to asking out women on tinder, at this point asking someone out on text is extremely easy. I've done it hundreds of times and I am not bothered by rejection in the slightest. I'm still very inexperienced with cold approaches though. Basically clueless on how to do it, a bit scared of rejection when its face to face.
I feel like everything I would open with on tinder would be absolutely insane to open with in real life.
Lets take the girl I had in mind. I see her once in a while on the train to the city. She used to go to the same high school as me. I had zero interaction with her then, we did do the same "show" though. So if I were to strike up a conversation with her it would go something like:
"Hey. Did you do the X show in Y high school?"
She will answer yes because the answer is yes.
"Ah, what are you up to nowadays? Do you work in the city?"
"Some random answer"
"Oh okay. Would you be interested in going on a date in the weekend?"
But it feels so fucking awkward.
Talk to her with the intent that you want to just be friends and the rest will happen organically. If you let it be known that you wanna date her off the bat then you’re already telegraphing that you want to have sex with her (obv u do, but that’s the tinder approach). Asking a girl out the old fashioned way is about courting her: getting to know her and making a genuine connection.
I personally find sex tenfold better when it’s with someone you legitimately like rather than some chick you schedule smash appointments with. But this is just my opinion from experience.
As for tips on how to approach her and converse: my strategy is to just talk to her like she’s a dude. Talk about sports, games, food w/e comes to mind. You’ll strike up stuff in common eventually, and the rest is history.
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On February 13 2018 18:12 Emnjay808 wrote:
Sigh almost sent valentines flowers to a girl who lives an ocean away from me. So glad I cleared my mind and concluded that it’s just not a good idea.
Time for lots of heavy drinking this weekend. Cheers
In the same boat, tho only half a country away instead of an entire ocean. I don't think she's willing to either move or start a long range, and while I think she knows I'm interested, she's comfortable being friends if I'm not aggresively pursuing it. So while I really want to, it's just a bad idea.
I'll join you on your heavy drinking idea instead! Yay!
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On February 13 2018 18:12 Emnjay808 wrote:
So glad I cleared my mind and concluded that it’s just not a good idea.
He means he jerked off.
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this is pretty hilarious. Anthony Robbins is one of these late night info-mercial guys.. but he is actually pretty good.
+ Show Spoiler +
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Isn't Tony Robbins the guy that Tom Cruise's character in Magnolia was based on?
IMO having one of your main tenets in a talk be "women don't really mean what they say" is a super fucking dangerous. Just saying that in a talk where you have hundreds of people present is awful.
To elaborate a bit more on what Robbins is talking about, like... I am definitely guilty of doing this, but it's not because I don't mean what I say or because I'm some kind of crafty, masterful liar who's trying to trick my partner into doing something I want to do.
It has more to do with downplaying my own needs and wants than it does with being disingenuous. On a long ride, I might feel like I could probably use the bathroom and grab a drink if we stopped, but if my partner doesn't need to stop for a piss and grab something to drink, I'm not interested in going through the hassle of getting off the interstate, finding a station with a bathroom that looks clean, etc. because my needs/wants aren't urgent enough to derail. Does that make sense?
Also:
How do you guys usually strike up a conversation with girls on the train (etc)?
Don't. Public transit is not the way to meet women. My facebook feed is filled with women in LA, NY, DC, London, Singapore, Chicago, etc. with women who complain weekly about the weirdo they encountered while trying to get to or from work. Women get bothered all the time on public transit and they don't generally like it.
Caveat: Is she wearing a TL shirt? Then it's okay to say "Hey, I'm on TL too - did you see the last whatever tournament? So and so killed it." That kind of interaction is organic and demonstrates that there's some kind of common interest and you're not just some random asshole like all the other random assholes trying to rub her thigh, get her number, or just leering at her.
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EPT
