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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On April 11 2017 16:48 Acrofales wrote: Wait. Cactuses need taking care of? Don't they just sit in a pot looking pretty for all eternity? My gf killed multiple of them somehow, I also had no clue that's even possible :D | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On April 11 2017 18:23 LemOn wrote: That sounds horrible when you set everything up and she doesn't show up at all. I actually really minded when my girlfriend was always 5-15 mins late to dates in the beginning without letting me know when she knew she'll be late, I just told her straight that it shows respect when you come on time and I'd like her to do that. But also that it's up to her that she comes on time and it's up to me to wait for her... on not. So next time she when she didn't arrive on time I just left as we had a booking ready, turns out she was just 3 minutes late but then spent half an hour gong through the city trying to find the place I told her to meet me at, got lost in the process, called her friends for directions, came in fuming like a locomotive. . . And now she's actually rarely late and when she is she texts calls profuse apologies beforehand :D This, you should not tolerate bullshit from anyone, but specially your gf. I can't even imagine my gf being late without letting me know, unless she was in a car accident or something. Same for picking up calls or texting. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Another reason to have at it buddies. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On April 12 2017 14:16 B.I.G. wrote: You know I've been interviewing for a lot of jobs lately and I've found that the things I've learned from going on dates (especially blind dates) are quite useful if you have a job interview with a stranger. Being questioned by 3 people at once feels like a breeze after being grilled by entire groups of girlfriends. Another reason to have at it buddies. I often think the same thing. Way easier to talk and the pressure is a lot easier to deal with as well! | ||
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pebble444
Italy2503 Posts
If you have one cactus, you just water it every two weeks in winter, every week in summer, and transplant it once a year or less. It requires hardly any attention. But when you have many it changes. And your always adding and taking away. I travel very much, so i cannot keep other kinds of plants, which require daily attention. Remember the next time you see a big cactus, that someone has taken care of it during the years, the ones in boxes i mean. Usually seeds from cactuses grow 1 in 40.000 in the wild. Bear in mind that these are plants that are native to extremly harsh conditions, where even humans could not survive without water technology system. For example, all the water in phoenix arizona comes from 100 miles away, from the colorado river, and is brought to there with pipes. Does this answer your question? | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18291 Posts
 It's nice when they flower, though. | ||
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KungKras
Sweden484 Posts
On January 21 2017 16:55 B.I.G. wrote: Am I the only one here who thinks that Kungras has gotten himself in a bit of an unhealthy mindset? Seriously man sounds like you are giving yourself an unnecissarily hard time here. Ive had girlfriends when I was a teenager and didnt stay with them to see them grow up. And I never even consideres that as something you could experience as having missed out. Life is not some soap opera where the lovers grow up and old together man and thats ok... If you meet a 30+ girl you really like then don't sabotage yourself with this borderline delusional mindset. It wouldn't be the first time I've gotten into an unhealthy mindset about something. But what I was saying wasn't that I needed to grow old with someone. Rather, it's when I hear people talk about someone they dated when they were younger, I get reminded that I had... nothing. It makes my life feel unnatural. Like I'm worse than most other people. Also, the more time it takes for me to find someone, the bigger the experience gap between us will be. She will have gone through countless partners and know exactly what she wants out of a relationship and life. While I would be taking my first steps into uncharted territory and possibly have no clue what I need. Thinking about it just... bothers me. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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raNazUra
United States10 Posts
On April 17 2017 08:01 KungKras wrote: It wouldn't be the first time I've gotten into an unhealthy mindset about something. But what I was saying wasn't that I needed to grow old with someone. Rather, it's when I hear people talk about someone they dated when they were younger, I get reminded that I had... nothing. It makes my life feel unnatural. Like I'm worse than most other people. Also, the more time it takes for me to find someone, the bigger the experience gap between us will be. She will have gone through countless partners and know exactly what she wants out of a relationship and life. While I would be taking my first steps into uncharted territory and possibly have no clue what I need. Thinking about it just... bothers me. I'd just like to chip in a bit of encouragement in regards to this. I didn't date at all through my teenage years and early 20s, whereas my now-wife had pretty much the opposite experience, dating a bunch of guys. When we first started dating, yeah it was a little bit weird with us having very different experiences, but it was far from insurmountable. As long as you're both willing to communicate (including the more important part of communication, listening), it's fine. Just wanted to say as someone who used to be in a similar-ish situation, try not to stress out about it. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
What helped me immensely to become the partner I am was fucking things up with others, reflecting and realizing my mistakes. And, very important, see my then fling not blow up about my actions. That really impressed me. If you want to make it work, you both know each others limitations and experience and as long as honest communication happens you're fine. Accept your mistakes and instead of avoiding the action that caused it, think/talk about what the underlying thought process was that made you do it in the first place and move on from there. Bring a good partner isn't hard. Finding out what to do and how is. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On another note, what experience do you guys have with the ladies in your life " secretly longing" for what I would call emotional displays? What I mean by that is for example ever so often (read: very rarely) show you're a bit jealous by dragging her away from a conversation with another guy that's becoming a bit too flirty for comfort? I ask because I know the rational answer is that she shouldn't flirt with other guys and you shouldn't let it get to you but time and again I see how women do like seeing how their man is "willing to go so far for her". My best friend is the kinda dude that gets pissed and starts punching people and even though she " disapproves" I know she loves that shit and loves herself a borderline bad boy. Then you also have the relationships where the guy takes the keeping it cool and never letting it get to him so far she starts wondering how much he actually cares. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45925 Posts
On April 17 2017 21:17 bloodwhore~ wrote: I didn't start dating until I was 21, I personally didn't really feel I was behind. I most likely was a bit, but catching up wasn't very difficult. Still don't have any "real relationship experience", but I hardly believe it will be any more annoying or hard than living with my old folks and sister. Could you clarify what you mean, because if you don't have any real relationship experience, how could you also say that it wasn't hard to catch up to everyone? Unless you're assuming that no one else at your age has relationship experience (which is false, obviously), how could you have been all caught up without actually having any experience? Also, living with a significant other is quite different than living with your parents! There's a lot more nuance than just "There exists some other person in this house with me, and that's all the context I need" If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium5159 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45925 Posts
On April 17 2017 23:13 B.I.G. wrote: The only thing I'd say i learned from dating for 10 years or so (and general interaction with women) is learning how to handle some situations. A recent example would be where my gf and her roommate were talking about dieting or something and the roommate decided to involve me by asking "don't you think she gained weight?". I just smiled and left the room. Not touching that one. On another note, what experience do you guys have with the ladies in your life " secretly longing" for what I would call emotional displays? What I mean by that is for example ever so often (read: very rarely) show you're a bit jealous by dragging her away from a conversation with another guy that's becoming a bit too flirty for comfort? I ask because I know the rational answer is that she shouldn't flirt with other guys and you shouldn't let it get to you but time and again I see how women do like seeing how their man is "willing to go so far for her". My best friend is the kinda dude that gets pissed and starts punching people and even though she " disapproves" I know she loves that shit and loves herself a borderline bad boy. Then you also have the relationships where the guy takes the keeping it cool and never letting it get to him so far she starts wondering how much he actually cares. Well first of all, no one should be punching anyone else on a whim. And I agree with you that she shouldn't be flirting with other guys. It sounds like she's into playing games with you to tease you and force you to do something. I'm not a fan of either person constantly testing another person and stepping over lines just for self-assurance, because I find that to be correlated to a lack of trust and honesty. I'd much rather communicate with her in private, so that I'm "emotionally displaying" to only her. My fiancee and I are both capable of getting a little jealous from time to time, and we talk it over whenever it happens and everything turns out okay, because transparency and communication and trust are important to a successful relationship. It's certainly a false dichotomy to think that either you take a swing at any guy who says Hi to your girl or you nonchalantly let any guy do anything with your girl. Fortunately, it hasn't happened yet, but my fiancee knows that if she was starting to get cornered by another guy where she couldn't casually move away or her friends weren't around to pull her away, I would step in... not to fight the guy, but to only focus on her, kiss her, and take her away from the situation. The guy isn't the one who's important to me. (It also helps that she wears her engagement ring lol.) | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On April 11 2017 18:23 LemOn wrote: That sounds horrible when you set everything up and she doesn't show up at all. I actually really minded when my girlfriend was always 5-15 mins late to dates in the beginning without letting me know when she knew she'll be late, I just told her straight that it shows respect when you come on time and I'd like her to do that. But also that it's up to her that she comes on time and it's up to me to wait for her... on not. So next time she when she didn't arrive on time I just left as we had a booking ready, turns out she was just 3 minutes late but then spent half an hour gong through the city trying to find the place I told her to meet me at, got lost in the process, called her friends for directions, came in fuming like a locomotive. . . And now she's actually rarely late and when she is she texts calls profuse apologies beforehand :D you disciplined her well. | ||
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On April 17 2017 23:15 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Could you clarify what you mean, because if you don't have any real relationship experience, how could you also say that it wasn't hard to catch up to everyone? Unless you're assuming that no one else at your age has relationship experience (which is false, obviously), how could you have been all caught up without actually having any experience? Also, living with a significant other is quite different than living with your parents! There's a lot more nuance than just "There exists some other person in this house with me, and that's all the context I need" If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? Yeah I see how it was confusing, I was refering to dating. Of course, it was more of a joke since I think my parents used to nag a lot, and my sister was a pain often as well. I notice that I want to live alone as soon as I get home, like this weekend for example. Sister thinks she is center of attention even though she is two years older, parents need help with everything. God damn, feels good to be travelling home. I'm 24! | ||
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
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Plansix
United States60190 Posts
On April 18 2017 01:16 farvacola wrote: Here's a tip: the more your interactions with a significant other look like iterations of a Pavlovian experiment, the more likely it is that you'll eventually get treated like a dog by the other party. This post should be pinned at the top of the thread until the heat death of the universe. | ||
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