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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On April 18 2017 05:30 Plansix wrote: This post should be pinned at the top of the thread until the heat death of the universe. We are basically animals. My gf says I'm her "animalito" (something like a male dog) cause I always want to have sex, eat and nap together. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On April 17 2017 23:25 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Well first of all, no one should be punching anyone else on a whim. And I agree with you that she shouldn't be flirting with other guys. It sounds like she's into playing games with you to tease you and force you to do something. I'm not a fan of either person constantly testing another person and stepping over lines just for self-assurance, because I find that to be correlated to a lack of trust and honesty. I'd much rather communicate with her in private, so that I'm "emotionally displaying" to only her. My fiancee and I are both capable of getting a little jealous from time to time, and we talk it over whenever it happens and everything turns out okay, because transparency and communication and trust are important to a successful relationship. It's certainly a false dichotomy to think that either you take a swing at any guy who says Hi to your girl or you nonchalantly let any guy do anything with your girl. Fortunately, it hasn't happened yet, but my fiancee knows that if she was starting to get cornered by another guy where she couldn't casually move away or her friends weren't around to pull her away, I would step in... not to fight the guy, but to only focus on her, kiss her, and take her away from the situation. The guy isn't the one who's important to me. (It also helps that she wears her engagement ring lol.) Well obviously I don't think being overly violent is a good trait, I was just making an example. What I'm speaking to I guess is cultural difference. I'm originally from the Netherlands but I attended an international university and by now have lived in several places abroad for about 5 years now. As such I have befriended and dated girls from quite a few very different countries, continents, and cultures. Although I can by now see many patterns in what women expect from men I can also see easily as many differences. Point is that flirting isn't always meant as manipulation (I'm pretty sure I recall guys like lemon even actively advocating it), sex doesn't always carry the same weight or significance, and showing jealousy isn't always seen as a sign of weakness or neediness but rather one of passion. The infamous "shit-testing" that woman do is really a thing and not something that is exclusive to the shrewd and manipulative. It actually makes sense for a lady to kind of test the waters of a potential long term partner to make sure he can handle challenging situations. Your approach is one that sounds a lot like a "nordic" (for lack of a better term) approach where calmness and communocation is key. This is also what I lean to naturally. My current gf is definitely guilty of poking and prodding a bit and even throwing the occassional shit my way. A few weeks ago we attended an opening party which lots of people from all over town attended. When we went back home she complained that she didn't like the fact that she saw someone she used to date there and how it made this town feel too small. I told her not to worry because I actually saw two girls I used to date there (wasn't even bullshitting). She started asking me all about them and I swear to god it drove her nuts that I honestly couldn't care less about the guy she saw. But again, I know that there are other ways to go about this stuff as well, and I think it's healthy to either mix it into your repetoire a bit (without changing who you really are ofcourse) or at least be aware of it. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
It's more about myself - every time she'd come late I'd feel shitty and disrespected, give off that vibe and it'd be overall bad for the date. Where it was my choice to just whine but wait every time regardless but basically not act on what I was saying, making myself feel miserable and feel like I lack integrity. That's like staying in an unhappy relationship without taking steps to improve and honest communication and then whine you got cheated on Or complain you can't find a meaningful relationship when you're not willing to put in the effort to find one, yes communication is important but your actions and integrity are even more We've been dating for over two years and I always from time to time tell her how I appreciate her coming on time or letting me know always as I know she needs to put in the effort | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On April 18 2017 11:15 GoTuNk! wrote: We are basically animals. My gf says I'm her "animalito" (something like a male dog) cause I always want to have sex, eat and nap together. That's all romantic relationships are basically - basic needs take that away and you have a deep strong meaningful friendship and you don't need a woman or man whatever floats your boat for that Many people are greedy fucks and want both at the same time like me when I actually commit  | ||
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Velr
Switzerland10989 Posts
Kinda on a bad "time", totally drunk wrote a girl i had sex with and after got to know that she has 2 children and a husband.... But well, was drunk, and she responded kinda immediatly... Still horny... dude... help? should i stay or should i go. i know the answer.. but.. fuck the answer? fuck. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On April 19 2017 05:31 Velr wrote: So... Kinda on a bad "time", totally drunk wrote a girl i had sex with and after got to know that she has 2 children and a husband.... But well, was drunk, and she responded kinda immediatly... Still horny... dude... help? should i stay or should i go. i know the answer.. but.. fuck the answer? fuck. No, and tell the husband so he doesn't waste away his life with a cheater :D? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
I went to Meet up about early dating psychology And boy is dating hard for women past 30 let me tell you | ||
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Lssfs234
United States9 Posts
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
On April 19 2017 06:13 LemOn wrote: Lol I went to Meet up about early dating psychology And boy is dating hard for women past 30 let me tell you can you elaborate | ||
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Shield
Bulgaria4824 Posts
On April 19 2017 06:49 Lssfs234 wrote: If the husband is enjoying (married) life, all is well. What the fuck? Did you just support a cheater? | ||
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Lssfs234
United States9 Posts
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Deleted User 173346
16169 Posts
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KwarK
United States44440 Posts
On April 19 2017 08:11 Lssfs234 wrote: I don't know how you were raised or how you see the world but if you ask me sex is just a fun recreational activity for consenting adults. Not that I would hit it myself - I appreciate my drama-free life too much for that. Consent isn't consent without knowledge. If the wife is obtaining the continued consent of the husband through deliberate deceit then that consent is invalid. | ||
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Lssfs234
United States9 Posts
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KwarK
United States44440 Posts
On April 19 2017 12:14 Lssfs234 wrote: Are we using consent in the same sense here? When I wrote consent I meant willingly as opposed to forced. Surely, you dont mean to say you think the wife is raping the husbond? If he's having unprotected sex with her on the implied condition of monogamy and she's fucking a bunch of other dudes then I can't really see how it could possibly be argued that consent exists for that. There is no material difference between lying about something to obtain sex you wouldn't otherwise be able to obtain and knowingly withholding important information to obtain sex. Obviously if you don't know your omission is important then there's no mens rea but with fucking other people in a monogamous relationship I think it's pretty clear that it'd be relevant. But I didn't specifically mean sexual consent either way (although it's super fucking rapey to have sex with someone who you know would not want to have sex with you if they had full information). She's taking his time, his money, his affection etc which may be given due to flawed consent. The fact that he's not resisting due to deception doesn't change that. If you found $50 on the floor and asked if anyone had dropped it and I immediately lied and said "yeah, I was looking for that" then I've still stolen $50 when you give it to me. The fact that you gave it to me doesn't change that, your intent wasn't to donate $50 to me, the intent was directly tied to the false claim that I made. This is the same. TLDR: People who care about consent don't cheat (polyamory is fine and not cheating). If you see something, say something. | ||
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Karis Vas Ryaar
United States4396 Posts
On April 19 2017 10:27 plasmidghost wrote: Is it normal for your partner to want to spend time away from you? Also, is it right for people with autism to date? I feel like the burden I've put on my girlfriend is really unfair to her and it's caused her to become incredibly mad at me to where she doesn't want to talk to me for a while well first of all as someone also with Autism I don't see how it's wrong. If you're not compatible your not compatible. I'd say just sit down with her and discuss it when you're both calm and emphasize your working on improving yourself and then decide what you think the best thing to do is. It works a lot better if you think of it as just a personality trait or eccentricity. Also try to avoid making your girlfriend feel guilty if you do bring it up. | ||
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Deleted User 173346
16169 Posts
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Karis Vas Ryaar
United States4396 Posts
On April 19 2017 14:18 plasmidghost wrote: She got really mad at me and didn't state why and I had to talk to one of her friends to find out what all she is mad at me for, among other things, she says I'm too clingy and that I don't pay enough attention to her (not sure how that works out), that I focus on my computer more than I do her when I'm with her (which I do to try to not be clingy and overbearing on her), that I don't surprise her with anything (which she never told me she wanted me to do) and that I rely too much on my parents (which I have been working on). I am both very depressed and quite pissed off at her for doing this. I told her numerous times during our relationship that it is nearly impossible for me to pick up on what she really wants without her directly telling me, yet she just decides to take a break without even telling me why or what I need to do to become a better boyfriend, despite her knowing full well my emotional issues. Honestly, I feel like if I talk to her, I'm going to end up calling her something to the effect of a heartless cunt, because that's what she's been acting like. I asked quite a few of my friends and her friends if it was selfish of me to want to have my feelings considered and they all said no, so it's her who's being selfish. yeah I didn't really know you're situation so I was talking genrally. In that case yeah sounds like it's not going to work out. sorry to hear it. All you can really do is give it your best effort and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. And if they want you to turn into somebody else obviously that's not how a relationship should work. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
I know that makes me sound like an asshole and personally I have never cheated and if someone asked me if they are wrong for cheating on their SO I will certainly tell them yes, but unless you are in a relationship with me or someone close to me it's not my concern. | ||
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Deleted User 173346
16169 Posts
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