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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18382 Posts
On March 30 2017 02:57 Skynx wrote: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/476761-looking-for-a-greencard-marriage Wait wait wait WHAT? LOL. Best part is that the thread was only just closed? It was left in blogs for 2 years before mods figured out that it should be locked? Anyway #freesixstrings (I don't like the dickmcfanny incarnation). | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
On April 07 2017 09:28 B.I.G. wrote: My lady has started buying me clothes and literally topped 1000 dollars in a month already. Who ever said dating has to COST money? ;p Just wait until it's your joint bank account in a couple years | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On April 07 2017 13:20 dravernor wrote: Just wait until it's your joint bank account in a couple years Is there such a thing as a pre-prenup? | ||
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pebble444
Italy2503 Posts
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ApatheticSchizoid
Canada85 Posts
She was a long time friend that I found by chance and we knew each other for a couple of years before we started dating. The first few months I actually remembered that it can actually be fun to hang around with someone else and honestly I loved that part. We skyped nearly ever day for an hour or two during the weekdays and maybe an extra hour or two on the weekends. Maybe we just talked to each other too much, well from my point of view anyways. We usually text a little during the morning and the afternoon depending on my sleep schedule. Nice little thoughtful messages to wake up to and such. I work nights and I'd even split up my sleep schedule on the days when she got home early to sneak in a quick skype call which to an insomniac isn't easy. As of two months ago, things started to get worse. More and more fights started to pop up about things that were important in the moment. We just got more and more out of sync it was starting to become a problem that both of us were noticing. We'd even stopped doing some of things we used to do. I stopped trying to be awake for an hour when she got home early to skype. The texting wasn't as frequent even though we skyped most nights. Lately I had stopped reading her to sleep since I just wasn't ever in the mood to. The fights got bigger and bigger the past month. It got to the point where we'd cancel things we planned because we just weren't in the mood to talk to each other. The past three weekends were bad. The first one the two of us had a fight about canceling plans that we made. I forget what it was since it wasn't what I was focused on. The second weekend we were just so out of sync. It was very very very noticeable and it just ruined the weekend. So this week we planned a date night to help get us back on track. We picked out something to watch that neither us would ever watch, but we both thought it was interesting and could be fun as well as a few other small things. Friday I don't get a lot of sleep, but I set an alarm for a good time and force myself awake since we planned the date night. We text a bit as I'm waking up and I noticed she sent me a messages on different platforms asking where I was. I made a small joke that it was a bit annoying, but I liked them. Well that went over like a sack of potatoes. There was just no talking to her at that point and we pushed date night to tonight, but I have some reservations about the whole idea after how well the night before went, but let's call that a premonition. Saturday I make sure to sleep early by staying awake far longer then I should. I took care of some errands, but I made sure I'd be home an hour or two before we should start. The time comes and I haven't gotten a text from her in like 2 hours, but I figured she was running late. So I open up hearthstone and a video to distract myself. An hour goes by, still nothing from her. Another hour goes by, still nothing. It takes a total of a little over 3 hours when we should have started until I get a text from her that she fell asleep. She gave me no excuse as to why or how. She was perfectly fine. Let's not forget that she has to get up Sunday since she made plans. I just don't know what to do. It's like any attempt we make to rectify the situation only makes it worse. I do love her and it makes it hard to take it out of the equation. I'm just not sure if that's enough or if our problems will only get worse. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On April 09 2017 15:31 ApatheticSchizoid wrote: I've been in a long distance relationship for the past 5 months, but things just aren't working anymore. It may just appear so to me however or perhaps my judgment is clouded. Never figured I'd write on here, but I guess I was wrong. Oh and let me say this now, being with me is not easy due to me being a schizoid and the two of us were well aware of this before things got started. She was a long time friend that I found by chance and we knew each other for a couple of years before we started dating. The first few months I actually remembered that it can actually be fun to hang around with someone else and honestly I loved that part. We skyped nearly ever day for an hour or two during the weekdays and maybe an extra hour or two on the weekends. Maybe we just talked to each other too much, well from my point of view anyways. We usually text a little during the morning and the afternoon depending on my sleep schedule. Nice little thoughtful messages to wake up to and such. I work nights and I'd even split up my sleep schedule on the days when she got home early to sneak in a quick skype call which to an insomniac isn't easy. As of two months ago, things started to get worse. More and more fights started to pop up about things that were important in the moment. We just got more and more out of sync it was starting to become a problem that both of us were noticing. We'd even stopped doing some of things we used to do. I stopped trying to be awake for an hour when she got home early to skype. The texting wasn't as frequent even though we skyped most nights. Lately I had stopped reading her to sleep since I just wasn't ever in the mood to. The fights got bigger and bigger the past month. It got to the point where we'd cancel things we planned because we just weren't in the mood to talk to each other. The past three weekends were bad. The first one the two of us had a fight about canceling plans that we made. I forget what it was since it wasn't what I was focused on. The second weekend we were just so out of sync. It was very very very noticeable and it just ruined the weekend. So this week we planned a date night to help get us back on track. We picked out something to watch that neither us would ever watch, but we both thought it was interesting and could be fun as well as a few other small things. Friday I don't get a lot of sleep, but I set an alarm for a good time and force myself awake since we planned the date night. We text a bit as I'm waking up and I noticed she sent me a messages on different platforms asking where I was. I made a small joke that it was a bit annoying, but I liked them. Well that went over like a sack of potatoes. There was just no talking to her at that point and we pushed date night to tonight, but I have some reservations about the whole idea after how well the night before went, but let's call that a premonition. Saturday I make sure to sleep early by staying awake far longer then I should. I took care of some errands, but I made sure I'd be home an hour or two before we should start. The time comes and I haven't gotten a text from her in like 2 hours, but I figured she was running late. So I open up hearthstone and a video to distract myself. An hour goes by, still nothing from her. Another hour goes by, still nothing. It takes a total of a little over 3 hours when we should have started until I get a text from her that she fell asleep. She gave me no excuse as to why or how. She was perfectly fine. Let's not forget that she has to get up Sunday since she made plans. I just don't know what to do. It's like any attempt we make to rectify the situation only makes it worse. I do love her and it makes it hard to take it out of the equation. I'm just not sure if that's enough or if our problems will only get worse. Feels like there is a lot of communication going wrong via text here. How often do you actually see each other? | ||
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ZerOCoolSC2
9062 Posts
On April 09 2017 15:31 ApatheticSchizoid wrote: I've been in a long distance relationship for the past 5 months, but things just aren't working anymore. It may just appear so to me however or perhaps my judgment is clouded. Never figured I'd write on here, but I guess I was wrong. Oh and let me say this now, being with me is not easy due to me being a schizoid and the two of us were well aware of this before things got started. She was a long time friend that I found by chance and we knew each other for a couple of years before we started dating. The first few months I actually remembered that it can actually be fun to hang around with someone else and honestly I loved that part. We skyped nearly ever day for an hour or two during the weekdays and maybe an extra hour or two on the weekends. Maybe we just talked to each other too much, well from my point of view anyways. We usually text a little during the morning and the afternoon depending on my sleep schedule. Nice little thoughtful messages to wake up to and such. I work nights and I'd even split up my sleep schedule on the days when she got home early to sneak in a quick skype call which to an insomniac isn't easy. As of two months ago, things started to get worse. More and more fights started to pop up about things that were important in the moment. We just got more and more out of sync it was starting to become a problem that both of us were noticing. We'd even stopped doing some of things we used to do. I stopped trying to be awake for an hour when she got home early to skype. The texting wasn't as frequent even though we skyped most nights. Lately I had stopped reading her to sleep since I just wasn't ever in the mood to. The fights got bigger and bigger the past month. It got to the point where we'd cancel things we planned because we just weren't in the mood to talk to each other. The past three weekends were bad. The first one the two of us had a fight about canceling plans that we made. I forget what it was since it wasn't what I was focused on. The second weekend we were just so out of sync. It was very very very noticeable and it just ruined the weekend. So this week we planned a date night to help get us back on track. We picked out something to watch that neither us would ever watch, but we both thought it was interesting and could be fun as well as a few other small things. Friday I don't get a lot of sleep, but I set an alarm for a good time and force myself awake since we planned the date night. We text a bit as I'm waking up and I noticed she sent me a messages on different platforms asking where I was. I made a small joke that it was a bit annoying, but I liked them. Well that went over like a sack of potatoes. There was just no talking to her at that point and we pushed date night to tonight, but I have some reservations about the whole idea after how well the night before went, but let's call that a premonition. Saturday I make sure to sleep early by staying awake far longer then I should. I took care of some errands, but I made sure I'd be home an hour or two before we should start. The time comes and I haven't gotten a text from her in like 2 hours, but I figured she was running late. So I open up hearthstone and a video to distract myself. An hour goes by, still nothing from her. Another hour goes by, still nothing. It takes a total of a little over 3 hours when we should have started until I get a text from her that she fell asleep. She gave me no excuse as to why or how. She was perfectly fine. Let's not forget that she has to get up Sunday since she made plans. I just don't know what to do. It's like any attempt we make to rectify the situation only makes it worse. I do love her and it makes it hard to take it out of the equation. I'm just not sure if that's enough or if our problems will only get worse. Long distance doesn't work very well for a lot of people. Some people can tough it out and make it work. If you two are/were going to eventually try to be together, physically, then you should try and make that a point in the relationship. I've had those where I would be gone but as soon as I was there, in person, we were fantastic. Distance can't take the place of being with a person in the flesh. In those moments, you see how much you really care about each other. And if things will work out. My advice would be, if possible, fly out to her for a few days to a week. Or have her come to you. This way you can see that you two are real and you can see if you really want to be together. It also gives you an excuse to show her how much you care besides Skype and changing your sleeping schedule. | ||
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
I was actually thinking about it and if it's longer than 3 months with little physical contact I'd just not make any promises as to exclusivity. Also yeah, so much contact -clear mistake, no way you could've kept it up in the long run 1-3 Skype calls/week with some of texts in the middle seem more than enough to me | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that. | ||
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ApatheticSchizoid
Canada85 Posts
We have plans to see each other this summer or slightly after that when things calm down a bit. I'll be done with school and hopefully I'll have a new job by then. Over her Christmas break we'll be spending around a month together. Plans can change, but it seems like a safe one. The lack of physical contact doesn't really bother me as much as it seems to other people. That's not saying that I wouldn't mind spending a week with her right now, but it's hard. Dropping everything just to fly out to see her. I feel like if we make it to the summer, things will be alright. | ||
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ZerOCoolSC2
9062 Posts
If you and your girl have a semi-good thing working, then stick with it and try to deduce where the sync left off. I'm learning this the hard way it seems. But you know, mother and women issues kind of make me skeptical about long distance relationships. ***not related to above. I went and saw my ex this past week. Only stayed a day because I had to travel again. We talked and we got the air cleared up. We're still talking and working things out, but it's definitely touch and go. Had a wonderful night together and her girls like me, so I'm seeing some progress. But still, she's still non-responsive to some important things that matter to me. I'll update when something happens. But as of right now, I'm considering myself open to other options and not going to commit 100% just yet*** | ||
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pebble444
Italy2503 Posts
In my experience, when you meet someone important, the first monets like two or three months are very wonderfull and pleasent, and then it becomes complicated and problems arise. If they are worked out, then it becomes balanced beetwen solving problems and and enjoying time togheter... Say after 6 months to a year; and then after two years togheter, you get to the root causes of issues togheter, and if you solve those, you are in a very good position to spend the rest of your life or your main chunc of it togheter... there are situational things and all of course. The three things one can do is, work on your own issues, work on issues that are related to the other person, and respect and accept the other person as they are. Its a take or leave, you should accept who the other person is and there way of acting in life, and if you have a problem with it, you should make them aware that its a problem for you in a gentle matter, but you vannot expect them to change, it must come from them. Bear in mind that most people in a relationship do not want to resolve the root cause of the problem, but want to ignore it and keep going trying to have a good, supportive and haappy time. But, if you take the time and effort to work on things, and the other person does to, that haponess becomes a reality, and with it you learn to accept the other things that the other person does, rather than judjing them and resenting them. For example, when i have an appointment with my her, and she falls asleep, it used to annoy me and i would see it as a lack of respect towards my time and schedule. I used to get angry and frustrated, and it would make me wary of setting up new timeframes. Now when this happens, i empathize with her and whats going on, and instead of just trying to distract myself, i take some time accepting that i might not see her that night or talk to her, i may have to wait for a couple of days or hours, and devolve this new free time to a passion or hobby that i have, like taking care of cactuses in my case, something that is as meaningfull to me as talking to her, not something to just pass the time. Its hard, but if i just contact my deep feelings i know that everything is okay with us most of the time. When these problems surface its a true sign of maturity and willingness to be responsable. Its a process and it takes time and effort, but the rewards are well worth it imo. Do something to deeply calm you down when it becomes too much, and then act from that space of peace and clarity. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Bro | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
On April 11 2017 09:21 B.I.G. wrote: If your girl bails on you you are resigned to taking care of cactuses? Bro Way better than cutting oneself. It's super helpful in life to find an activity that just calms you down and you enjoy thoroughly. It might sound ridiculous but I find it not to be so. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18382 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
I actually really minded when my girlfriend was always 5-15 mins late to dates in the beginning without letting me know when she knew she'll be late, I just told her straight that it shows respect when you come on time and I'd like her to do that. But also that it's up to her that she comes on time and it's up to me to wait for her... on not. So next time she when she didn't arrive on time I just left as we had a booking ready, turns out she was just 3 minutes late but then spent half an hour gong through the city trying to find the place I told her to meet me at, got lost in the process, called her friends for directions, came in fuming like a locomotive. . . And now she's actually rarely late and when she is she texts calls profuse apologies beforehand :D | ||
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