EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 920
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
It's just that, in my experience, if you want to be treated with kindness and like a human being, don't date a self-proclaimed feminist. If I had a large movement that applauded every shitty thing I did under the guise of 'empowerment', chances are, I would treat people like shit as well. I want to be on even footing with the girls I date, not find myself in an 'everything goes' situation because, as a man, I'm the Feindbild. Especially if you use online dating, that's quite easy to filter for. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Being cheated on is a shitty experience but if it happens to you in more than one relationship you might want to consider if there is something you are doing that isn't really helping. Be it a shitty choice in women or something else. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
On March 20 2017 18:18 DickMcFanny wrote: I wouldn't even know where to meet women who AREN'T emancipated. That's not the point. It's just that, in my experience, if you want to be treated with kindness and like a human being, don't date a self-proclaimed feminist. If I had a large movement that applauded every shitty thing I did under the guise of 'empowerment', chances are, I would treat people like shit as well. I want to be on even footing with the girls I date, not find myself in an 'everything goes' situation because, as a man, I'm the Feindbild. Especially if you use online dating, that's quite easy to filter for. Ok, then we simply should agree to disagree here. Feminism, to me and my partner, is about equality and respect and that should be the basis for every kind of relationship. To you it obviously is something different. | ||
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
I'm just saying, if you're part of an ideology that is eager to make excuses for you and dehumanize the cheated on party, such behaviour is easier to come to piece with, I would imagine. Like whenever a girl admits to cheating / perpetrating domestic abuse / hurting men in any way, the comments from feminists are always 'You go girl!' or 'Good on you, smashing the patriarchy'. Because in feminist dogma, acting like a cunt is like being in some sort of resistance movement. On March 20 2017 19:10 Artisreal wrote: Feminism, to me and my partner, is about equality and respect and that should be the basis for every kind of relationship. To you it obviously is something different. Man, that i would be on board with. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 20 2017 19:01 B.I.G. wrote: Using feminism or empowerment w/e as an excuse for shitty behavior simply means you are a shitty person. The part of Lemon's post I agree with is that men aren't as helpless in relationships as some people make it sound. Being cheated on is a shitty experience but if it happens to you in more than one relationship you might want to consider if there is something you are doing that isn't really helping. Be it a shitty choice in women or something else. Well I see every failed relationship as a blessing, the last one really changed my life to the better in many ways forever. Taking responsibility doesn't mean beating yourself up as many people seem to assume - there's just things you couldn't have known, experiences you didn't have. What is important is to learn from them, so you don't repeat your mistakes and that won't happen by shifting blame or playing the victim. That goes to openness (like 99% of the time a person cheats on you there's lack of honesty in the relationship), how you communicate, who you choose to be with in the first place etc. Because unlike with family you really are completely responsible for the relationships you have when it comes to lovers and partners. e.g. there's no way I'd have such a great relationship with my current girlfriend if I didn't have those experiences, including being elaborately cheated on | ||
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Also in my experience the lady is usually the "nagger" in a relationship, as in pushing a bit too improve yourself ("you should eat healthier" kinda thing), while the man is usually more accepting. What do you guys think? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Because these days you can find any type of girls - male like dominant ones, or the ones that will be feminine/submissive who are still a solid majority in my experience. As long as there's polarity it's all good. I think example here's Waffelz - when I first saw him posting I thought he must be a girl because the things he does/says etc. He should embrace that and get a "masculine" lady in my opinion  And it's easily possible in this day and age | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On March 23 2017 17:48 LemOn wrote: I don't think you need to concern yourself with that, what's more important is to realize who you really are and want to be deep down, what gets you excited and then own it/accept co sequences of repelling a lot of women that aren't compatible while trying to get past the burden of your upbringing and what you see in culture/movies (mostly bullshit) Because these days you can find any type of girls - male like dominant ones, or the ones that will be feminine/submissive who are still a solid majority in my experience. As long as there's polarity it's all good. I think example here's Waffelz - when I first saw him posting I thought he must be a girl because the things he does/says etc. He should embrace that and get a "masculine" lady in my opinion And it's easily possible in this day and age You should abstain from trying to analyse me. I occasionally value your input / ideas, but especially when it comes to dating/relationships I feel like our views or at least the rationalising behind it are just too different for both of us to ever get an accurate understanding of each other. As far as I am concerned, we are two very opposite kind of weirdos/extremes in this thread, too distant from one another to make befitting assertion of other. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Also, the question about the man/woman role wasn't because I'm worried about what I should do (what I do naturally seems to work just fine) but more of a food for thought subject. This thread is obviously full of young guys who lack guidance (to a certain extent me included) and I think people can benefit from eachothers shared experiences. I for example had to learn most of this shit by trial and error and especially when I was younger I really could've used some more advice. Seriously if I think about how ignorant I was (and probably still am) in my teens and early twenties it almost makes me laugh. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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Aesthetician
20 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On March 23 2017 09:36 B.I.G. wrote: How do you guys see the roles of men and women in relationships? To me it seems that regardless of the dynamics in your relationship couples tend to fall into certain roles. You could argue that this is because that's what people see from other couples when growing up but I think it runs even deeper than that. For example even if the lady has the more succesfull and higher paid career she will often still look for caretaker / provider qualities in a man. Also in my experience the lady is usually the "nagger" in a relationship, as in pushing a bit too improve yourself ("you should eat healthier" kinda thing), while the man is usually more accepting. What do you guys think? My GF and I are fairly progressive, so we try to keep things even between us. I do make more so I pay slightly more often for dates, but other than that we break it down fairly. She is more active in terms of getting us to do activities for dates, whereas I'm more active in terms of hobbies. She mostly watches Netflix and I read, play DnD, program, work out, etc. We're going to Iceland in October and I left all of the planning up to her, because she was really enjoying planning it. She also is pushing me to go out and do more activities. I am definitely the one more focused on improving myself. I don't generally nag her, though. EDIT: We also spend a fair bit of time arguing about politics and social stuff. We're relatively close on most things, but we don't line up perfectly, and she is well-educated and fairly well-informed so it's usually interesting to hear her opinions. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 24 2017 08:18 Ghostcom wrote: A lot of relationship-stuff requires trial and error to be learned. After all it is a highly personal thing with huge variance. Well yeah but thing is you are getting (mostly really terrible) advice and conditioning every single day through TV shows, adverts, generally from society so most people get stuck in mediocre relationships or complicate stuff, repeat same mistakes over and over. I do think it's important to educate yourself from sources you choose, just to counteract the bullshit media feeds you constantly. e.g. I've taken a year where it was my priority figuring this stuff out, tried many women read books, listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts and went out there practising because finding what works with that knowledge because what I knew before then was just really bad. Mostly because I learned from my parents that just had no clue what they were doing, couldn't even and TV shows like how I met your mother. Funny story, before I realised who I really am, what are my values and what I want them to me I always sympathised with Ted. And now when I look at the show he seems like such a scumbag horrible person. And non self-aware romantic movies seem borderline retarded like 90% of the time it'd go like *one honest conversation* * plot over* | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
My personal recommendation is to get to know someone as yourself. Bullshit and lies are something you'll have to put up with for a long time if things get serious, and will very likely make you and your SO unhappy in the long run. Unless you're happy living a lie, but that'll get tiring I'm sure. Anyway. I was going toward this conclusion: asses the other person and observe their reactions to things. That'll tell you all you need to know about how to deal with them. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
As a general rule, it's a terrible idea to make generalizations about anything, but it's especially terrible with dating. I don't know how you can post such ridiculous statements about 'the fundamental nature of women' and feel ok about it. | ||
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farvacola
United States18876 Posts
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
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farvacola
United States18876 Posts
That'd be why the best response to "hey guys, blah blah blah what should I say to this girl" is almost always, "dude, you are in a far better position to make that judgment than anyone on this forum, stop hiding and go find out yourself." | ||
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