EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 918
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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ZerOCoolSC2
9062 Posts
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sertas
Sweden890 Posts
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RuskiPanda
United States2906 Posts
Been with current gf about 7 months. Some background, half LDR because she's still in college but only an hour away, so we meet on weekends and such. This will probably sound somewhat trivial (and likely is) but the past week or so she's dropped using pet names and saying love you in texts, bar some heart emojis. No fights or anything, but I know from what she's told me that it's been a pretty rough week at school so that could play into it? Just wondering if I should keep giving her space and let it go or broach the topic and see if anything is up? I know this sounds incredibly needy and I'm always working on that. I shouldn't need pet names or the like for validation. But I'd still rather not get blindsided if it's a sign she's feeling lukewarm. LDR aspect should end when she graduates this year. Thanks | ||
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farvacola
United States18866 Posts
On March 17 2017 00:57 ZerOCoolSC2 wrote: I don't know if I fully understand what you mean. Explain? To put it one way, addiction to drugs like meth, crack, or heroin figures into the life arc of a person in a profound and all-encompassing manner. In other words, this woman will be an addict until she dies, regardless of how many times she recovers. Relatedly, long-term recovery almost always ends up being contingent on one factor above all else, that factor being the presence of at least one other person who will ALWAYS be there to both support and keep an addict in check. With that in mind, you are going to have to do your best to figure out whether you actually want to sign up for 5, 10, 20, 30 years of what will end up being a perpetual fight with addiction. Every day this woman stays with you and on the edge of relapse is another day that she isn't open to finding someone who will likely have far less to give up in terms of future possibilities. Add in the reliance of this woman's children and it should be clear to you that its either the rest of your life or cut her lose; pretending otherwise only makes things worse. Oddly enough, my experience tells me that the above analysis is also the same one appropriate when faced with close relationships outside romance, family included. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On March 17 2017 04:38 sertas wrote: so guys im trying tinder but im having 0 success, i liked about 1500 girls and 0 of them liked back. Im not terrible looking im about average i would say but any dating is absoluetely not happening. The best success was in the beggining i got like 3 girls in 200 to like back, but 2 of them didnt reply and one removed me before i could message. What the hell am i doing wrong? 1. Your pictures are not good enough. 2. Your bio is not good enough. Tinder is 95% about pictures. Get better pictures and it will be easier, and when you do start matching, be unique. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On March 17 2017 04:38 sertas wrote: so guys im trying tinder but im having 0 success, i liked about 1500 girls and 0 of them liked back. Im not terrible looking im about average i would say but any dating is absoluetely not happening. The best success was in the beggining i got like 3 girls in 200 to like back, but 2 of them didnt reply and one removed me before i could message. What the hell am i doing wrong? If you feel comfortable with it, can you post your pictures/bio here (spoilered if you want or whatever)? It's hard to know what's wrong, but usually if you're not getting matches it's because your pictures aren't good enough. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On March 17 2017 04:46 RuskiPanda wrote: Hey guys, looking for some advice. Been with current gf about 7 months. Some background, half LDR because she's still in college but only an hour away, so we meet on weekends and such. This will probably sound somewhat trivial (and likely is) but the past week or so she's dropped using pet names and saying love you in texts, bar some heart emojis. No fights or anything, but I know from what she's told me that it's been a pretty rough week at school so that could play into it? Just wondering if I should keep giving her space and let it go or broach the topic and see if anything is up? I know this sounds incredibly needy and I'm always working on that. I shouldn't need pet names or the like for validation. But I'd still rather not get blindsided if it's a sign she's feeling lukewarm. LDR aspect should end when she graduates this year. Thanks Yeah seems like you're getting worked up about nothing from my point of view. Maybe wait a few more days then ask her whats up? | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On March 17 2017 04:46 RuskiPanda wrote: Hey guys, looking for some advice. Been with current gf about 7 months. Some background, half LDR because she's still in college but only an hour away, so we meet on weekends and such. This will probably sound somewhat trivial (and likely is) but the past week or so she's dropped using pet names and saying love you in texts, bar some heart emojis. No fights or anything, but I know from what she's told me that it's been a pretty rough week at school so that could play into it? Just wondering if I should keep giving her space and let it go or broach the topic and see if anything is up? I know this sounds incredibly needy and I'm always working on that. I shouldn't need pet names or the like for validation. But I'd still rather not get blindsided if it's a sign she's feeling lukewarm. LDR aspect should end when she graduates this year. Thanks You could ask her out (taking her out on a date when she's free and isn't too stressed could be nice for her, and if you know it's been rough even asking if she's doing okay with stuff could help. I'd think that for a student, sometimes you have a rough few assignments or shit is taking longer than you originally thought, so you power through it (and decrease how much you hang out with people). -From a student | ||
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sertas
Sweden890 Posts
On March 17 2017 05:31 Dark_Chill wrote: If you feel comfortable with it, can you post your pictures/bio here (spoilered if you want or whatever)? It's hard to know what's wrong, but usually if you're not getting matches it's because your pictures aren't good enough. ok grim truth inc but ive tried these ones: https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfY https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfj https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfK | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On March 17 2017 06:29 sertas wrote: https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfY https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfj https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfK Yep yep yep. Short explanation. Get better pictures. Longer more honest critique according to me: First picture. Can barely see your face. Random hoodie, you look like you are 17 years old. Second picture. Still a hoodie. Your pants look something look a little bland. Sun right in your face makes you look pale. Your hair isn't styled. Third picture. Slightly awkward pose. Great smile! Shirt is way to tight. Skip shirts with quirky text. Really boring "background". | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On March 17 2017 06:47 bloodwhore~ wrote: Yep yep yep. Short explanation. Get better pictures. Longer more honest critique according to me: First picture. Can barely see your face. Random hoodie, you look like you are 17 years old. Second picture. Still a hoodie. Your pants look something look a little bland. Sun right in your face makes you look pale. Your hair isn't styled. Third picture. Slightly awkward pose. Great smile! Shirt is way to tight. Skip shirts with quirky text. Really boring "background". Pretty much agreed. You could neaten up super quickly: get a little bit of stylish clothing and get a good haircut. Neither of those need to be crazy changes. On fashion: cut out the baggy clothes, cut out the super tight shirts. Buy some nice, comfortable clothes. For example, check out this guide. And on the hair front: you have plenty to work with. Look through the fashions and see if you like any of them. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Regarding the pictures I agree with bloodwhore. My first thought was that a picture on the outside on a sunny, cloudless day, shot diagonally from your left hand side (in front of ye), showing only the upper body and alot of blue sky with you wearing sunglasses and a basecap might fit you well. On another note: Today at the Pub I kinda wanted to flirt with the waitress but felt bad for it because I'm committed. There would never have been any followup but maybe grabbing a coffee or alike for conversation, still I felt bad even thinking about it. I think I have some issues... How do you guys fare with such a situation. For a little context, LDR at the moment but we have a shared flat where she lives at the moment. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18387 Posts
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sertas
Sweden890 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On March 17 2017 07:18 sertas wrote: thx for the tips guys. Gonna take a break from tinder and fix these things mentioned then try again Ok apart from these grooming tips which I totally agree with here is what you do. You need only three pics. They should be (and in this order!): 1) A clear shot of your face, up until perhaps your waist. Look friendly but don't be grinning like an idiot either. The point here is to look friendly/approachable. 2) A pic of you doing something social. Think a picture of you and two friends at an event where you were dressed sharply. Point is to show you're not a social retard. Social acceptence. If possible, make it a professional picture where you show your career/business side. 3) pic 3 should be you doing an activity you like. If you have a particularly nice body you can show off a bit without making it too much. An example would be rock climbing action shot (where you still look good) And as for your description, be brief. Point out some likeable things. For example I simply state my nationality, industry, and heigth. Yes that sounds superficial but girls are brutal in their swiping. BTW this advice is based on my personal experience and that of guys who by now have "met" hundreds of girls from Tinder. Also don't worry about superficiality, if you try to be deep and find the love of your life by being super specific you are only gonna shoot yourself in the foot. Even a sexdate can lead up to something real. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On March 17 2017 06:29 sertas wrote: ok grim truth inc but ive tried these ones: https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfY https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfj https://anonimag.es/image/JT9hkfK The first picture has a bad angle on you (you're looking down) but is the most interesting one of them all. Taken from a bit too far I guess. I think the second picture is probably your best, but it's still just you not doing much of anything. Legs are a bit too baggy though. Third shirt is tight, nothing really happening. Fun shirt text can be hit or miss, so up to you to keep it or not. For a good tinder "formula", think about it like this: what am I showing to people. You ideally want: - 3-4 pics all showing you clearly (don't need too many pics where they're taking too long to peruse, all pics where they can see you, specifically your face, well) - All pics should have something going on. Photos of you doing an activity (biking, rock climbing, etc) are really good because they can say things about you and seem more dynamic and interesting. Ex. one person I saw on Tinder had a photo of them apple-picking. It stood out and made the person seem a bit more outgoing and such. - A photo with a few friends. Seems counter-intuitive since you want people to see you, but groups tend to look more enjoyable than alone. The idea behind success on Tinder is using pics and profile to make yourself look more attractive, interesting and desirable. Fashion, a good camera, personal grooming and scenarios all help to make you stand out. Your bio should be pretty quick. Ones that make people laugh are usually the best, because it's the easiest positive response to elicit (you're not going to get a stranger to love you with a few sentences). Don't do the horrible/cheesy pickup lines, seriously no one likes them. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On March 17 2017 05:33 bloodwhore~ wrote: Yeah seems like you're getting worked up about nothing from my point of view. Maybe wait a few more days then ask her whats up? Man I was just like you when I was younger. Not fast to really like a girl but if it happened I often felt the neediness which ofcourse comes down to insecurity. Be disciplined enough to not let it control you too much. Even if it eats you up inside just keep your pokerface. However. I do think that part of the reason you feel this neediness is because much like me youre a empathic person. Over years of dating drama I have learned that many times if your gut tells you something is off yet you have a hard time rationalizing it, you are probably picking up a subtle vibe and therefore you are probably right. I personally think it's not a good sign that after 7 months of dating she distances herself from you rather than the other way around when she's under pressure. Personally in your position I would try to be supportive but if she doesnt react well to your good intentions then I would just put down the phone and let her be the one going after you. | ||
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 17 2017 10:20 B.I.G. wrote: Man I was just like you when I was younger. Not fast to really like a girl but if it happened I often felt the neediness which ofcourse comes down to insecurity. Be disciplined enough to not let it control you too much. Even if it eats you up inside just keep your pokerface. However. I do think that part of the reason you feel this neediness is because much like me youre a empathic person. Over years of dating drama I have learned that many times if your gut tells you something is off yet you have a hard time rationalizing it, you are probably picking up a subtle vibe and therefore you are probably right. I personally think it's not a good sign that after 7 months of dating she distances herself from you rather than the other way around when she's under pressure. Personally in your position I would try to be supportive but if she doesnt react well to your good intentions then I would just put down the phone and let her be the one going after you. It's perfectly natural, crap loads of couple break up at the 6 month mark or it becomes clear they will - it's right about the initial spike of hormones returns back to normal, they think they lost the spark, or they were not right for each other in the first place and break up. When that happens girls start going more distant, and men sense that and get the tendency that they need to do something to get her back. Where the right thing to do is always the opposite, either accept the nature of your relationship changed -or what I prefer - let her wonder about you, re-create those hormone spikes by creating withdrawal, give her the space for that. And his situation is really perfect, it becomes very hard when you live together for example. All he has to do is just stop all contact during the week, work hard on his life purpose etc. And just schedule when they meet over the weekend in one phone call to set it up, telling her you can't wait to see her and hear all about her school (in person!) And watch what happens | ||
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
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