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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 04 2014 14:54 lichter wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 14:51 Titusmaster6 wrote:On July 04 2014 08:08 arb wrote:
So I met this Asian girl online earlier today, after a bit of talking(mostly me asking questions about Asian culture to compare to what this other girl i know told me) she asks to text/kik or whatever.
beat around the bush and find out shes single. How long does one wait before asking someone out to do something? It seems like she's at least interested in learning more about you so go for it! gl Also this is dumb but what does kik stand for? Kik is a messenger app
Thanks. I need to get with the times...
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On July 04 2014 10:38 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 09:03 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:59 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 08:58 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:37 IgnE wrote:
Sounds like she shot you down. Best move on with your life then. I didnt ask her if she wanted one, i just kinda asked if she was single, cause in general its weird for me to talk to someone who is in a relationship(exact words) to which she said, no but shes not looking for one but is kinda looking to hang out and stuff so idk. Then later she said that it's a far drive. Perhaps you got cockblocked by logistics. Well she also said she doesnt have a car later if tht means anything. I mean its not like ive been "omg we should totally hang out" infact i havent really mentioned it, i brought up distance when she said where she lived, its closer to an hour i guess depending on if you go the speed limit or not, which id ont usually so its not as long of a drive for me. If she isnt interested then its whatever i guess lol. If she is still talking to you (particularly initiating conversations) chances are she was embarrassed or whatever about not having a car, and she wants to be picked up. But she may also just want to be picked up so she can find a guy who will run errands for/with her. Ass, gas or grass was always my motto. Not completely literally, but if she is looking for a ride and not a relationship she better have more than some insight on Asian culture to offer (unless thats enough for you?). But if she is only responding when you text and would go days/weeks without talking otherwise, I'd say don't waste your time.
She wanted to call me on the phone to tell me that her fiance had died a couple months ago(made me feel like a total fucking douche for asking if she was single) told me not tow orry about me asking bc there was no way i coulda known.
She told me she enjoyed talking to me, liked my accent and said i seemed liek a nice guy though.
But the whole fiance thing bothers me :<
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Oof damn. Rough times bro.
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Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that.
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On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that.
I facepalmed. Then I lol'ed
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On July 04 2014 16:01 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 10:38 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 09:03 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:59 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 08:58 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:37 IgnE wrote:
Sounds like she shot you down. Best move on with your life then. I didnt ask her if she wanted one, i just kinda asked if she was single, cause in general its weird for me to talk to someone who is in a relationship(exact words) to which she said, no but shes not looking for one but is kinda looking to hang out and stuff so idk. Then later she said that it's a far drive. Perhaps you got cockblocked by logistics. Well she also said she doesnt have a car later if tht means anything. I mean its not like ive been "omg we should totally hang out" infact i havent really mentioned it, i brought up distance when she said where she lived, its closer to an hour i guess depending on if you go the speed limit or not, which id ont usually so its not as long of a drive for me. If she isnt interested then its whatever i guess lol. If she is still talking to you (particularly initiating conversations) chances are she was embarrassed or whatever about not having a car, and she wants to be picked up. But she may also just want to be picked up so she can find a guy who will run errands for/with her. Ass, gas or grass was always my motto. Not completely literally, but if she is looking for a ride and not a relationship she better have more than some insight on Asian culture to offer (unless thats enough for you?). But if she is only responding when you text and would go days/weeks without talking otherwise, I'd say don't waste your time. She wanted to call me on the phone to tell me that her fiance had died a couple months ago(made me feel like a total fucking douche for asking if she was single) told me not tow orry about me asking bc there was no way i coulda known. She told me she enjoyed talking to me, liked my accent and said i seemed liek a nice guy though. But the whole fiance thing bothers me :<
Ok, you need to verify that fiance story asaply.
If a couple of months is all it takes for her to move on from a man that she wanted to marry, it speaks a lot about her character.
On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that.
You gotta make sure that the bf physically tell you that he is fine with the arrangement.
As you've said, women are sneaky. Who are you to know that she isn't saying these things to be with you and for her bf to be jealous seeing her with someone else? Then he'll get pissed off and guess who is he going to latch on first? You could potentially getting both emotionally and physically injured for this girl.
Moral of the storiesAlways verify a girl's story. Don't trust a girl blindly.
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On July 04 2014 23:03 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 16:01 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 10:38 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 09:03 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:59 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 08:58 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:37 IgnE wrote:
Sounds like she shot you down. Best move on with your life then. I didnt ask her if she wanted one, i just kinda asked if she was single, cause in general its weird for me to talk to someone who is in a relationship(exact words) to which she said, no but shes not looking for one but is kinda looking to hang out and stuff so idk. Then later she said that it's a far drive. Perhaps you got cockblocked by logistics. Well she also said she doesnt have a car later if tht means anything. I mean its not like ive been "omg we should totally hang out" infact i havent really mentioned it, i brought up distance when she said where she lived, its closer to an hour i guess depending on if you go the speed limit or not, which id ont usually so its not as long of a drive for me. If she isnt interested then its whatever i guess lol. If she is still talking to you (particularly initiating conversations) chances are she was embarrassed or whatever about not having a car, and she wants to be picked up. But she may also just want to be picked up so she can find a guy who will run errands for/with her. Ass, gas or grass was always my motto. Not completely literally, but if she is looking for a ride and not a relationship she better have more than some insight on Asian culture to offer (unless thats enough for you?). But if she is only responding when you text and would go days/weeks without talking otherwise, I'd say don't waste your time. She wanted to call me on the phone to tell me that her fiance had died a couple months ago(made me feel like a total fucking douche for asking if she was single) told me not tow orry about me asking bc there was no way i coulda known. She told me she enjoyed talking to me, liked my accent and said i seemed liek a nice guy though. But the whole fiance thing bothers me :< Ok, you need to verify that fiance story asaply. If a couple of months is all it takes for her to move on from a man that she wanted to marry, it speaks a lot about her character. Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. You gotta make sure that the bf physically tell you that he is fine with the arrangement. As you've said, women are sneaky. Who are you to know that she isn't saying these things to be with you and for her bf to be jealous seeing her with someone else? Then he'll get pissed off and guess who is he going to latch on first? You could potentially getting both emotionally and physically injured for this girl. Moral of the storiesAlways verify a girl's story. Don't trust a girl blindly.
I dunno she wasnt really over it, she said she feels bad inside and has days where shes just like really down and shit and that if she ever just didnt talk to me she was having one of those times.
either way i felt real fucking bad
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On July 04 2014 23:10 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 23:03 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 16:01 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 10:38 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 09:03 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:59 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 08:58 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:37 IgnE wrote:
Sounds like she shot you down. Best move on with your life then. I didnt ask her if she wanted one, i just kinda asked if she was single, cause in general its weird for me to talk to someone who is in a relationship(exact words) to which she said, no but shes not looking for one but is kinda looking to hang out and stuff so idk. Then later she said that it's a far drive. Perhaps you got cockblocked by logistics. Well she also said she doesnt have a car later if tht means anything. I mean its not like ive been "omg we should totally hang out" infact i havent really mentioned it, i brought up distance when she said where she lived, its closer to an hour i guess depending on if you go the speed limit or not, which id ont usually so its not as long of a drive for me. If she isnt interested then its whatever i guess lol. If she is still talking to you (particularly initiating conversations) chances are she was embarrassed or whatever about not having a car, and she wants to be picked up. But she may also just want to be picked up so she can find a guy who will run errands for/with her. Ass, gas or grass was always my motto. Not completely literally, but if she is looking for a ride and not a relationship she better have more than some insight on Asian culture to offer (unless thats enough for you?). But if she is only responding when you text and would go days/weeks without talking otherwise, I'd say don't waste your time. She wanted to call me on the phone to tell me that her fiance had died a couple months ago(made me feel like a total fucking douche for asking if she was single) told me not tow orry about me asking bc there was no way i coulda known. She told me she enjoyed talking to me, liked my accent and said i seemed liek a nice guy though. But the whole fiance thing bothers me :< Ok, you need to verify that fiance story asaply. If a couple of months is all it takes for her to move on from a man that she wanted to marry, it speaks a lot about her character. On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. You gotta make sure that the bf physically tell you that he is fine with the arrangement. As you've said, women are sneaky. Who are you to know that she isn't saying these things to be with you and for her bf to be jealous seeing her with someone else? Then he'll get pissed off and guess who is he going to latch on first? You could potentially getting both emotionally and physically injured for this girl. Moral of the storiesAlways verify a girl's story. Don't trust a girl blindly. I dunno she wasnt really over it, she said she feels bad inside and has days where shes just like really down and shit and that if she ever just didnt talk to me she was having one of those times. either way i felt real fucking bad
Well listen, do you intent to marry this girl or not? Do you think she is worth it? That's the question.
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On July 04 2014 23:19 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 23:10 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 23:03 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 16:01 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 10:38 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 09:03 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:59 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 08:58 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:37 IgnE wrote:
Sounds like she shot you down. Best move on with your life then. I didnt ask her if she wanted one, i just kinda asked if she was single, cause in general its weird for me to talk to someone who is in a relationship(exact words) to which she said, no but shes not looking for one but is kinda looking to hang out and stuff so idk. Then later she said that it's a far drive. Perhaps you got cockblocked by logistics. Well she also said she doesnt have a car later if tht means anything. I mean its not like ive been "omg we should totally hang out" infact i havent really mentioned it, i brought up distance when she said where she lived, its closer to an hour i guess depending on if you go the speed limit or not, which id ont usually so its not as long of a drive for me. If she isnt interested then its whatever i guess lol. If she is still talking to you (particularly initiating conversations) chances are she was embarrassed or whatever about not having a car, and she wants to be picked up. But she may also just want to be picked up so she can find a guy who will run errands for/with her. Ass, gas or grass was always my motto. Not completely literally, but if she is looking for a ride and not a relationship she better have more than some insight on Asian culture to offer (unless thats enough for you?). But if she is only responding when you text and would go days/weeks without talking otherwise, I'd say don't waste your time. She wanted to call me on the phone to tell me that her fiance had died a couple months ago(made me feel like a total fucking douche for asking if she was single) told me not tow orry about me asking bc there was no way i coulda known. She told me she enjoyed talking to me, liked my accent and said i seemed liek a nice guy though. But the whole fiance thing bothers me :< Ok, you need to verify that fiance story asaply. If a couple of months is all it takes for her to move on from a man that she wanted to marry, it speaks a lot about her character. On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. You gotta make sure that the bf physically tell you that he is fine with the arrangement. As you've said, women are sneaky. Who are you to know that she isn't saying these things to be with you and for her bf to be jealous seeing her with someone else? Then he'll get pissed off and guess who is he going to latch on first? You could potentially getting both emotionally and physically injured for this girl. Moral of the storiesAlways verify a girl's story. Don't trust a girl blindly. I dunno she wasnt really over it, she said she feels bad inside and has days where shes just like really down and shit and that if she ever just didnt talk to me she was having one of those times. either way i felt real fucking bad Well listen, do you intent to marry this girl or not? Do you think she is worth it? That's the question.
I dont know I havent talked to her long enough lol. I'm just off because ive never met someone with that kinda situation tbh. I am just seeing where shit goes atm.
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On July 05 2014 02:46 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 23:19 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 23:10 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 23:03 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 16:01 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 10:38 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 09:03 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:59 Xiphos wrote:On July 04 2014 08:58 arb wrote:On July 04 2014 08:37 IgnE wrote:
Sounds like she shot you down. Best move on with your life then. I didnt ask her if she wanted one, i just kinda asked if she was single, cause in general its weird for me to talk to someone who is in a relationship(exact words) to which she said, no but shes not looking for one but is kinda looking to hang out and stuff so idk. Then later she said that it's a far drive. Perhaps you got cockblocked by logistics. Well she also said she doesnt have a car later if tht means anything. I mean its not like ive been "omg we should totally hang out" infact i havent really mentioned it, i brought up distance when she said where she lived, its closer to an hour i guess depending on if you go the speed limit or not, which id ont usually so its not as long of a drive for me. If she isnt interested then its whatever i guess lol. If she is still talking to you (particularly initiating conversations) chances are she was embarrassed or whatever about not having a car, and she wants to be picked up. But she may also just want to be picked up so she can find a guy who will run errands for/with her. Ass, gas or grass was always my motto. Not completely literally, but if she is looking for a ride and not a relationship she better have more than some insight on Asian culture to offer (unless thats enough for you?). But if she is only responding when you text and would go days/weeks without talking otherwise, I'd say don't waste your time. She wanted to call me on the phone to tell me that her fiance had died a couple months ago(made me feel like a total fucking douche for asking if she was single) told me not tow orry about me asking bc there was no way i coulda known. She told me she enjoyed talking to me, liked my accent and said i seemed liek a nice guy though. But the whole fiance thing bothers me :< Ok, you need to verify that fiance story asaply. If a couple of months is all it takes for her to move on from a man that she wanted to marry, it speaks a lot about her character. On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. You gotta make sure that the bf physically tell you that he is fine with the arrangement. As you've said, women are sneaky. Who are you to know that she isn't saying these things to be with you and for her bf to be jealous seeing her with someone else? Then he'll get pissed off and guess who is he going to latch on first? You could potentially getting both emotionally and physically injured for this girl. Moral of the storiesAlways verify a girl's story. Don't trust a girl blindly. I dunno she wasnt really over it, she said she feels bad inside and has days where shes just like really down and shit and that if she ever just didnt talk to me she was having one of those times. either way i felt real fucking bad Well listen, do you intent to marry this girl or not? Do you think she is worth it? That's the question. I dont know I havent talked to her long enough lol. I'm just off because ive never met someone with that kinda situation tbh. I am just seeing where shit goes atm.
Ah, I just don't want to see any man wasting a colossus amount of time on a girl where there is plenty of fishes out there.
Because it did occurred to me personally and it still irks me to this very day.
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On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that.
Thank you good sir. Yeah sounded about right. This girl is certainly sneaky. Sounds like she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship yet so I wouldn't think of it as much more than a potential friend with benefits, unless you wouldn't mind being in her 'boyfriends' situation here.
I personally wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship with her. In America I would expect her to go pretty wild when she turned 21 but in Italy I don't think you guys have the same type of problems with alcohol and reaching legal age so I suppose that's a positive.
What I would probably do (because I'm a little evil that way) is get whatever you can/want out of it and when she loses your interest I would set her up to come to the party and get exposed for what she is. However I pretty much never burn a 'connect' bridge so maybe not. I just have some empathy for the guy she is seemingly using. She doesn't sound particularly slick though so at least some of it is on him for being intentionally oblivious (he could be a jerk too for all I know or it could be one of those out of sight out of mind type of 'open' relationships[doesn't want the embarrassment of friends seeing his girl with another guy but could even be into that kind of thing]). She did invite you to stop by unexpectedly (the jog by my house) which fits the 'I want to make him jealous/he's ok with it' explanation. She could also be setting up a transition (is the house hers, her bf's, or both?) If it was his she could be trying to secure her next place. (He could be fed up with her sketchiness).
Whatever the case she certainly isn't ready for anything serious, just enjoy the ride and don't let her get you all caught up in the emotions of it.
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On July 05 2014 03:15 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. Thank you good sir. Yeah sounded about right. This girl is certainly sneaky. Sounds like she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship yet so I wouldn't think of it as much more than a potential friend with benefits, unless you wouldn't mind being in her 'boyfriends' situation here. I personally wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship with her. In America I would expect her to go pretty wild when she turned 21 but in Italy I don't think you guys have the same type of problems with alcohol and reaching legal age so I suppose that's a positive. What I would probably do (because I'm a little evil that way) is get whatever you can/want out of it and when she loses your interest I would set her up to come to the party and get exposed for what she is. However I pretty much never burn a 'connect' bridge so maybe not. I just have some empathy for the guy she is seemingly using. She doesn't sound particularly slick though so at least some of it is on him for being intentionally oblivious (he could be a jerk too for all I know or it could be one of those out of sight out of mind type of 'open' relationships[doesn't want the embarrassment of friends seeing his girl with another guy but could even be into that kind of thing]). She did invite you to stop by unexpectedly (the jog by my house) which fits the 'I want to make him jealous/he's ok with it' explanation. She could also be setting up a transition (is the house hers, her bf's, or both?) If it was his she could be trying to secure her next place. (He could be fed up with her sketchiness). Whatever the case she certainly isn't ready for anything serious, just enjoy the ride and don't let her get you all caught up in the emotions of it.
You guys care so much about me  thanks!
Actually, I don't really care about her bf. I don't think she wants to leave him because she just returned home from an holiday with him (lel). Alcohol is 16+ here, so she isn't going to get any crazy. Anyway, I don't want to be with her (I simply rationalized and I'm perfectly fine with how it is), so I'll just enjoy it as much as I can. I don't want to help her boyfriend because he is a super jerk, in fact I would glady punch him in that pig face. We play in different bands and he is always acting superior while he's a joke...
No benefits from exposing her.
Now for another of the SoSexy's random questions: how do you guys deal with girls you like to have sex with but feel ashamed to show in public? I know some crazy good girls in bed, but little physical details make me nervous about going to a pub with them or similar stuff :/
I'm a beast I know 
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Netherlands6192 Posts
Oh boy
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On July 05 2014 03:26 SoSexy wrote:Show nested quote +On July 05 2014 03:15 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. Thank you good sir. Yeah sounded about right. This girl is certainly sneaky. Sounds like she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship yet so I wouldn't think of it as much more than a potential friend with benefits, unless you wouldn't mind being in her 'boyfriends' situation here. I personally wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship with her. In America I would expect her to go pretty wild when she turned 21 but in Italy I don't think you guys have the same type of problems with alcohol and reaching legal age so I suppose that's a positive. What I would probably do (because I'm a little evil that way) is get whatever you can/want out of it and when she loses your interest I would set her up to come to the party and get exposed for what she is. However I pretty much never burn a 'connect' bridge so maybe not. I just have some empathy for the guy she is seemingly using. She doesn't sound particularly slick though so at least some of it is on him for being intentionally oblivious (he could be a jerk too for all I know or it could be one of those out of sight out of mind type of 'open' relationships[doesn't want the embarrassment of friends seeing his girl with another guy but could even be into that kind of thing]). She did invite you to stop by unexpectedly (the jog by my house) which fits the 'I want to make him jealous/he's ok with it' explanation. She could also be setting up a transition (is the house hers, her bf's, or both?) If it was his she could be trying to secure her next place. (He could be fed up with her sketchiness). Whatever the case she certainly isn't ready for anything serious, just enjoy the ride and don't let her get you all caught up in the emotions of it. You guys care so much about me thanks! Actually, I don't really care about her bf. I don't think she wants to leave him because she just returned home from an holiday with him (lel). Alcohol is 16+ here, so she isn't going to get any crazy. Anyway, I don't want to be with her (I simply rationalized and I'm perfectly fine with how it is), so I'll just enjoy it as much as I can. I don't want to help her boyfriend because he is a super jerk, in fact I would glady punch him in that pig face. We play in different bands and he is always acting superior while he's a joke... No benefits from exposing her. Now for another of the SoSexy's random questions: how do you guys deal with girls you like to have sex with but feel ashamed to show in public? I know some crazy good girls in bed, but little physical details make me nervous about going to a pub with them or similar stuff :/ I'm a beast I know
I'm going to assume Dravernor was reacting to this and I concur.
If you like the girl, then you shouldn't be ashamed of being with her in public. And honestly if your friends are so superficial that they will give you shit for being with a girl who has "little physical details", or for that matter, big physical details, then honestly, you need better friends.
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On July 05 2014 03:26 SoSexy wrote:Show nested quote +On July 05 2014 03:15 GreenHorizons wrote:On July 04 2014 16:56 SoSexy wrote:
Remember the girl who sells me pot? The one who told me that she is in an open relationship with her bf and we can meet to have sex?
Yesterday night I contacted her and she told me 'I don't have any but we can meet anyway'. Of course I did, but the funny part comes after. I told her about pool parties that I throw every week and invited her to one. Her reply was 'That'd be awesome! But I need to be sure that noone there knows my boyfriend'
Open relationship? Lol...women are so sneaky. I owe a beer to the guy who predicted that. Thank you good sir. Yeah sounded about right. This girl is certainly sneaky. Sounds like she isn't mature enough for a serious relationship yet so I wouldn't think of it as much more than a potential friend with benefits, unless you wouldn't mind being in her 'boyfriends' situation here. I personally wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship with her. In America I would expect her to go pretty wild when she turned 21 but in Italy I don't think you guys have the same type of problems with alcohol and reaching legal age so I suppose that's a positive. What I would probably do (because I'm a little evil that way) is get whatever you can/want out of it and when she loses your interest I would set her up to come to the party and get exposed for what she is. However I pretty much never burn a 'connect' bridge so maybe not. I just have some empathy for the guy she is seemingly using. She doesn't sound particularly slick though so at least some of it is on him for being intentionally oblivious (he could be a jerk too for all I know or it could be one of those out of sight out of mind type of 'open' relationships[doesn't want the embarrassment of friends seeing his girl with another guy but could even be into that kind of thing]). She did invite you to stop by unexpectedly (the jog by my house) which fits the 'I want to make him jealous/he's ok with it' explanation. She could also be setting up a transition (is the house hers, her bf's, or both?) If it was his she could be trying to secure her next place. (He could be fed up with her sketchiness). Whatever the case she certainly isn't ready for anything serious, just enjoy the ride and don't let her get you all caught up in the emotions of it. You guys care so much about me thanks! Actually, I don't really care about her bf. I don't think she wants to leave him because she just returned home from an holiday with him (lel). Alcohol is 16+ here, so she isn't going to get any crazy. Anyway, I don't want to be with her (I simply rationalized and I'm perfectly fine with how it is), so I'll just enjoy it as much as I can. I don't want to help her boyfriend because he is a super jerk, in fact I would glady punch him in that pig face. We play in different bands and he is always acting superior while he's a joke... No benefits from exposing her. Now for another of the SoSexy's random questions: how do you guys deal with girls you like to have sex with but feel ashamed to show in public? I know some crazy good girls in bed, but little physical details make me nervous about going to a pub with them or similar stuff :/ I'm a beast I know
Yeah ok sounds about right. If anything in my younger years I would of probably done something to use it to embarrass him (especially because he's on his high horse) but your lack of interest in such tactics speaks well of you.
As for your new question, it doesn't so much, but I'm not super judgmental. Personality can go a long way, bro's are bro's and if you aren't trying to have a serious/exclusive relationship with girls like that, it's presumably just some slight ribbing.
I wouldn't worry too much about it especially if they are there without a girl at all. I would probably say something like "Unless you want your girlfriend Palmala to be taking care of my urges, I'd appreciate you minding your own damn business about where I get my jollies"
And if they have a girl I would probably say something like "Yeah she may be 'fat, cross-eyed, have a lisp, etc.. but she does things with me that would make your girlfriend leave you just for mentioning.
If they were being particularly judgmental I would just return fire until they backed off, or my personal favorite, when the girl knows how to deal with jerks like that I just let her loose on them, (unless it's one of my friends who doesn't know when to quit) in which case I would just let her know they are angry because they have tiny penises and they take it out on women.
Of course this comes with the disclaimer that they should know the nature of the relationship as well as you do. The 'sex girls with flaws' should know what you think and if they don't mind the arrangement that's on them.
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Thanks again! But I wasn't referring to friends but to the general public. I think I'm just afraid of something like 'beautiful girls see you with ugly ones, so they'll stay away' but this doesn't even make sense LOL
Lesson learned:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/jCeLRtv.jpg)
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On June 23 2014 17:11 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 08:47 sluggaslamoo wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:
So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef.
I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster?
If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Legally she's an adult no? There's nothing wrong with acting off attraction that's completely normal. You know yourself better than anyone else, if you are the kind of person that gets hurt over relationships, then its best to just be really direct and open with her before you get invested. If you can handle break ups easily and you are really confident then you could play it as you go. If you are scared of "ruining the chance" because you think things are going amazingly with this hot girl and you don't wanna screw it up then I would be wary. This is exactly the kind of mentality that will get you super invested and then not work out. I want to just emphasise this because of the bolded part. You know nothing about her, saying that she already ticks all the boxes means you are giving her attributes that don't exist or can't possibly know yet, possibly because of her looks. She can't possibly "tick all the boxes" until you know a lot more about her. Take off the rose tinted glasses and see her for who she is, have valid reasons for getting into a relationship with her. Its just if your drivers are mostly external it can cause you a lot of pain when things don't work out. In the end she's just a girl, nothing separates her from the rest of them, she's not special and there's nothing to say that you won't meet a better person in the future. As long as you have your life worked out and you know exactly what you want, and you know when to let things go if you don't connect, then there is nothing to be worried about. This is what I would do (I'm not you so I'm not saying this is the best way). Make sure to not just come out of the blue, give her some time to prepare. In the middle of a chat during the day say something like "hey what are you doing after work? I'd like to talk to you about something" at a really comfortable time, then play it off and continue your fun chat like you've normally been doing. If she's busy just say ok and keep talking, move on, try again later, if she says she's got time then there's probably something going on. Then come that time start chatting with her, talk anything interesting about your day, exaggerate it! tell her some amazing story that happened or whatever. Then you could be really direct look straight at her in the eyes and say (and try to be as slow and casual as possible, don't blurt it out) "Yeah so I find you really attractive, I think you feel the same way about me, and was wondering if you wanted to hang out". She will either say no sorry or yes, this is good because you don't get invested and get hurt in the future, or you both are "in the know" and you can escalate quickly without trouble. No matter how she responds keep talking, it will make both of you feel better and not make the situation weird. Once you start dating, escalating wise I found its just better to save the trouble and get everything out the door for me. Tell her what you like, your lifestyle and what you are about, what you are looking for, find how you can fulfill each others needs, e.g sex, going out and enjoyment, what you find attractive, etc (same for her). Obviously not like an interview manner, but I try to get the bases covered early because the longer the relationship goes the harder these questions are for her to answer. And if you don't match up just let it go and find someone else that fits you better. Or you can be indirect and play games and take the rollercoaster ride of not knowing where each other are at, either works it depends on you and the girl, really its up to you. Maybe "she ticks all my boxes" was phrased poorly. What I meant to say was, A lot of the character traits and interests she displayed are ones I find attractive. I realise that I know next to nothing about her and that we've only been chatting for a bit. There's no real pedestal or investment so far, though I have been prone to do that in the past. I think the way I feel about the age difference is keeping that at bay at the moment. Thanks for your other advice on asking her out. I'm working with her again today so the least I can do today is flirt back. I'll be on holiday for a week after that so we'll see what happens when I get back. Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:+ Show Spoiler +So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls  ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."? Yeah she's legal, and no my work won't really be affected. I could avoid her if I wanted to, and we don't exactly work together on a daily basis anyway. So her attitude towards me won't really change my work. There is no real policies regarding dating so that too shouldn't be a problem. I'm not so sure on the attitude of other more direct colleagues if they hear I've been hitting on an 18 year old though... I agree that I don't want to regret and think "what if". I also don't really think I shouldn't be trying to get something going with her, I just think I need a bit of time to get used to the idea. I'll see what I can get accomplished working with her today.
So here I am again, the guy who was interested in his 18 year old colleague.
I have had some time to think about the situation and let it sink in. Went on holiday for a bit. Came back realising that life is too short to chicken out of everything.
So now that I've realised I want to make work o fit, the question is how.
Chance of just happening to stumble upon some 1 on 1 time with her at work is really slim. Our schedules are too different, we never start or end work at around the same times and our regular work schedule only allowes for short few second interactions at a time, while surrounded by colleagues. So either I really awkwardly go "so uh can I talk to you in private for a bit", making this completely awkward for both of us if she were to say no. Not to mention my other colleagues. I could call/text her, but she hasn't given me her number (it's on the work schedule so I can get it), but it's probably better to do this shit in person. It seems like I'd be hoping for a miracle to happen to find some time alone with her (and while being able to get it into the normal flow of conversation), or put myself into a very uncomfortable position (I'm notoriously bad at this).
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On July 05 2014 08:18 Mikau wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 17:11 Mikau wrote:On June 23 2014 08:47 sluggaslamoo wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:
So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef.
I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster?
If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Legally she's an adult no? There's nothing wrong with acting off attraction that's completely normal. You know yourself better than anyone else, if you are the kind of person that gets hurt over relationships, then its best to just be really direct and open with her before you get invested. If you can handle break ups easily and you are really confident then you could play it as you go. If you are scared of "ruining the chance" because you think things are going amazingly with this hot girl and you don't wanna screw it up then I would be wary. This is exactly the kind of mentality that will get you super invested and then not work out. I want to just emphasise this because of the bolded part. You know nothing about her, saying that she already ticks all the boxes means you are giving her attributes that don't exist or can't possibly know yet, possibly because of her looks. She can't possibly "tick all the boxes" until you know a lot more about her. Take off the rose tinted glasses and see her for who she is, have valid reasons for getting into a relationship with her. Its just if your drivers are mostly external it can cause you a lot of pain when things don't work out. In the end she's just a girl, nothing separates her from the rest of them, she's not special and there's nothing to say that you won't meet a better person in the future. As long as you have your life worked out and you know exactly what you want, and you know when to let things go if you don't connect, then there is nothing to be worried about. This is what I would do (I'm not you so I'm not saying this is the best way). Make sure to not just come out of the blue, give her some time to prepare. In the middle of a chat during the day say something like "hey what are you doing after work? I'd like to talk to you about something" at a really comfortable time, then play it off and continue your fun chat like you've normally been doing. If she's busy just say ok and keep talking, move on, try again later, if she says she's got time then there's probably something going on. Then come that time start chatting with her, talk anything interesting about your day, exaggerate it! tell her some amazing story that happened or whatever. Then you could be really direct look straight at her in the eyes and say (and try to be as slow and casual as possible, don't blurt it out) "Yeah so I find you really attractive, I think you feel the same way about me, and was wondering if you wanted to hang out". She will either say no sorry or yes, this is good because you don't get invested and get hurt in the future, or you both are "in the know" and you can escalate quickly without trouble. No matter how she responds keep talking, it will make both of you feel better and not make the situation weird. Once you start dating, escalating wise I found its just better to save the trouble and get everything out the door for me. Tell her what you like, your lifestyle and what you are about, what you are looking for, find how you can fulfill each others needs, e.g sex, going out and enjoyment, what you find attractive, etc (same for her). Obviously not like an interview manner, but I try to get the bases covered early because the longer the relationship goes the harder these questions are for her to answer. And if you don't match up just let it go and find someone else that fits you better. Or you can be indirect and play games and take the rollercoaster ride of not knowing where each other are at, either works it depends on you and the girl, really its up to you. Maybe "she ticks all my boxes" was phrased poorly. What I meant to say was, A lot of the character traits and interests she displayed are ones I find attractive. I realise that I know next to nothing about her and that we've only been chatting for a bit. There's no real pedestal or investment so far, though I have been prone to do that in the past. I think the way I feel about the age difference is keeping that at bay at the moment. Thanks for your other advice on asking her out. I'm working with her again today so the least I can do today is flirt back. I'll be on holiday for a week after that so we'll see what happens when I get back. On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:+ Show Spoiler +So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."? Yeah she's legal, and no my work won't really be affected. I could avoid her if I wanted to, and we don't exactly work together on a daily basis anyway. So her attitude towards me won't really change my work. There is no real policies regarding dating so that too shouldn't be a problem. I'm not so sure on the attitude of other more direct colleagues if they hear I've been hitting on an 18 year old though... I agree that I don't want to regret and think "what if". I also don't really think I shouldn't be trying to get something going with her, I just think I need a bit of time to get used to the idea. I'll see what I can get accomplished working with her today. So here I am again, the guy who was interested in his 18 year old colleague. I have had some time to think about the situation and let it sink in. Went on holiday for a bit. Came back realising that life is too short to chicken out of everything. So now that I've realised I want to make work o fit, the question is how. Chance of just happening to stumble upon some 1 on 1 time with her at work is really slim. Our schedules are too different, we never start or end work at around the same times and our regular work schedule only allowes for short few second interactions at a time, while surrounded by colleagues. So either I really awkwardly go "so uh can I talk to you in private for a bit", making this completely awkward for both of us if she were to say no. Not to mention my other colleagues. I could call/text her, but she hasn't given me her number (it's on the work schedule so I can get it), but it's probably better to do this shit in person. It seems like I'd be hoping for a miracle to happen to find some time alone with her (and while being able to get it into the normal flow of conversation), or put myself into a very uncomfortable position (I'm notoriously bad at this).
Any chance you can catch her after work or before? I do think it's relatively creepy to call or text her for a date if you've never called or texted her before, but if it's truly impossible to catch her for a second at work, maybe you could ease into phone communication if you first call or text her about something related to work? This is going off your previous post where you said she acts flirty towards you, so clearly you guys communicate well in person (and therefore I think texting her wouldn't be really weird, because you two aren't strangers).
I think the best solution would be to ask her when she's being flirty towards you. You're just flirting back  Ask her out for coffee or lunch or to a movie or whatever it is you both enjoy to do. Asking the question only takes ten seconds
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just broke up... gonna suck it up with good friends and insane amount of work out as usual... really liked that one though.
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EPT
