EPTit's cuddle with intent = crime
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 513
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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xM(Z
Romania5296 Posts
it's cuddle with intent = crime | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
On July 04 2014 01:14 Adrian_mx wrote: I meant seeing a stranger in your household, being a male wouldnt you grab him and throw him out ? I know where Im from alot of brothers/dads would do so. 19 isnt an adult tbh.. 21 is. So you aren't an adult when you can vote? Is alcohol really the determinator? | ||
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25968 Posts
On July 03 2014 17:01 SixStrings wrote: Thanks for taking me seriously and not just piling on how much I suck / how I just want to brag. Why would I brag about how miserable I am? That's pathetic. I realise I'm doing it wrong, but I'm just now sure how or where else I am supposed to be looking. There are girls with at least some common interested at my uni, but I'm hesitant to ask any of them out, because that could spell disaster. If it were just a job I'd be fine, but I have this gut feeling that this isn't a good idea. The other idea I had was to be a bit more outgoing with my music, look for people to jam with again. But other than that, I just want to find out where the nerd girls are at. I always had the best time with them. You can be a talentless fuck, if you're in a band of even moderate notability locally you're set. In the serious, my best friend is very like you. Gets a hell of a lot of casual pussy, has good game but rarely finds anyone he considers relationship material. Met a girl and has been moving towards a proper relationship with her as he's really into her, met them together the other night actually was lovely. I can usually see through his BS flirting routines but with her there's a genuine mutual warmth and it's nice to see. I'm very much in a similar boat as you, only without the sex, nobody of interest has entered my radar. I would say just relax a bit, it's something that's hard to actively find without a large time investment, almost all of my friends and my partners have been spontaneous random meetings, or introductions via shared friends. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25968 Posts
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Grumbels
Netherlands7031 Posts
On July 04 2014 05:44 Wombat_NI wrote: Also if this thread ever gets closed I'm going to be sad, so much entertainment. The ethics of spooning, squattingcassanova's tales, and lots of useful advice. Did you catch that squattingcassanova was one of the favored pick-up artists of Elliot Rodger (he killed some people in the USA and left a deluded manifesto) ? His youtube channel was one of the few he subscribed to. I admitted to having talked to sq.c on some forum and I tried to defend him from association with a mass murderer, and I was immediately branded with suspicion. o.o On-topic, I think it's a bit annoying that some things sound very eloquent when you say them out loud, but unbearably pretentious and long-winded when you use them as basis for an email. I was trying to reiterate & expand on some things I told someone when we were discussing seeing each other next academic year and what sounded perfectly fine in person now reads like it's the start to a Victorian-era love letter - so I had to delete it and start over. :/ | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25968 Posts
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Grumbels
Netherlands7031 Posts
On July 04 2014 06:11 Wombat_NI wrote: At least in fairness you deleted it and started over rather than sending something you might not be happy with tonally. Yeah, but I need to write something appropriate before tomorrow, so I need to come up with something that sounds more off-handed and casual, more concise, while still conveying the same general message. (some long-winded notion of natural development of relationships and future potential as applied to our situation) The main problem is that I don't know how she'll react to overanalytical letters, which I tend to naturally drift to as a person, so it would be better if she didn't mind those to begin with. :o | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25968 Posts
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GreenHorizons
United States23446 Posts
On July 04 2014 06:23 Grumbels wrote: Yeah, but I need to write something appropriate before tomorrow, so I need to come up with something that sounds more off-handed and casual, more concise, while still conveying the same general message. (some long-winded notion of natural development of relationships and future potential as applied to our situation) The main problem is that I don't know how she'll react to overanalytical letters, which I tend to naturally drift to as a person, so it would be better if she didn't mind those to begin with. :o Not a great solution but it may help: Give yourself a word limit. Think about objectively how many words it should take to express your point and cap it right around that. shouldn't take more than 100-250 words (not sure exactly what you are trying to say) I used to have the same problem with essays that I was interested in, so I would hard cap myself and fiddle with it like a tweet to get as much as I was trying to say into it while still making sense. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7031 Posts
On July 04 2014 06:29 GreenHorizons wrote: Not a great solution but it may help: Give yourself a word limit. Think about objectively how many words it should take to express your point and cap it right around that. shouldn't take more than 100-250 words (not sure exactly what you are trying to say) I used to have the same problem with essays that I was interested in, so I would hard cap myself and fiddle with it like a tweet to get as much as I was trying to say into it while still making sense. I once wrote a program to check my MSN/Windows Live history for the ratio of words sent vs words received for various contacts, and without exception I would always use at least two times as many words. I think I'm a very sick person. >.> | ||
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urboss
Austria1223 Posts
On July 03 2014 06:59 SixStrings wrote: The internet has really failed me. I think it was you guys who advocated that stupid numbers game and it has gotten me pretty much nowhere. After my 'breakup' in January, I went into full #yoloswag mode, got a Tinder and OKCupid profile, made myself talk to every girl I fancied (except the ones I with whom I go to class) and now I'm out of ideas. This is where your stupid numbers game leads to, and I fond it only appropriate to express my frustration in numbers: -24 first dates -22 first intercourses -10 or so second intercourses -1 girl I like -0 mutual 'likages' -0 new friends -0 progress towards a meaningful relationship whatsoever. This isn't working. I'm unhappy, I feel alone and I don't feel that when I'm focussing on myself I'm cultivating a very likable person. I thought of writing the one girl I like a letter and ask her to meet me again, but I wouldn't really now what to write. 'Hey, I've met a bunch of girls are you're my favourite of the lot, want to go exclusive?' If you are bragging about a 90% success rate, you have to at least let us know how you do that! | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18106 Posts
On July 04 2014 01:30 GreenHorizons wrote: If she was say 15 and you the brother was like 17 most of us probably would of, it's mostly a maturity thing. Also if the guy seemed unusually sketchy (like you walked in on them preparing drugs[not pot]) or was like 25+ and she was a minor I think those are times some of the more aggressive guys would of gone uncle Phil on his ass or worse. As it is, she is an adult who just broke the house rules of the place she is staying. So if this guy seemed reasonably sketchy getting him out without violence was probably the best course of action. If he seemed like just a shy guy that wasn't ready to 'meet the family' You probably could of just had her introduce you after the incident or have him leave until he was ready to meet at least you. If she wants privacy or privilege that goes beyond your family house she needs to get her own. From a internal family perspective I'd probably call you a tattle/snitch and tell you to ease up out my business. I'm sure she has turned a blind eye to plenty you have done throughout your lives (or maybe snitchin is a family thing ;P) so I hope you at least didn't go out of your way to try to get her in trouble for it. EDIT: Keep in mind you are going to hear from a disproportionate amount of people who go out of their way to avoid legitimate confrontation in a place like this. I'm just flabbergasted by how many people are comfortable with the idea of having an unannounced stranger in their house. This is the kind of incident where if I was his friend and my parents found out I'd be in trouble for not saying something. Just like if I brought guests my parents didn't know into their house when they were gone and my friend knew, my parents would be almost as mad at them for not stopping me as they would be at me. Further more his parents would be more mad at him than my parents were at me because he knowingly participating in breaking house rules of another family. Finally if my parents knew I was cuddling in some girls bed (at her parents house) and I hadn't introduced myself to anyone in their family they would be livid. Because they know what it feels like on the other side of the situation. I remember as far back as 3rd grade going to a girls (parents) house and it being expected that if I wanted to go in that I had to meet her parents or at least an older sibling until they got home. In my opinion it has little to do with age, and everything to do with respect and trust. 19 y.o.'s consistently make poor assessments of people, it seems totally reasonable to expect anyone she wants to be in my house (potentially unsupervised) should have the courage if not expect to meet the owner/parents. Hell thinking about it, we had the same rules at the house I stayed at in college. You couldn't just bring anyone you wanted in the house whenever you wanted. At least 1/2 of the house had to approve of guests (meaning they were at least introduced) that were going to be around when people were sleeping/away. Man you guys who are fine with having a stranger in your house just because she brought him there either live in places I can only imagine, or you guys are just the luckiest SOB's on the planet for not getting taken advantage of. On a completely unrelated note, any of you trusting people have sisters with bad judgment and a house full of electronics? Given the new information about the situation, I think Adrian_mx handled the situation fine. I would probably have been an obnoxious twat and gotten myself introduced. I also agree with the above from GreenHorizons. You don't resort to violence with adults, but you also don't just accept random strangers walking around the house. Sister should at least have warned and preferably introduced. As for college house: we had no such rules ever... that's pretty restricted. Where dI'd you take one-night-stands? | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7031 Posts
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GreenHorizons
United States23446 Posts
On July 04 2014 06:44 Acrofales wrote: Given the new information about the situation, I think Adrian_mx handled the situation fine. I would probably have been an obnoxious twat and gotten myself introduced. I also agree with the above from GreenHorizons. You don't resort to violence with adults, but you also don't just accept random strangers walking around the house. Sister should at least have warned and preferably introduced. As for college house: we had no such rules ever... that's pretty restricted. Where dI'd you take one-night-stands? Yeah at minimum a warning is appropriate (presuming at least she knew them for a bit and was generally responsible about the people she associated with) As for the college place it wasn't super strictly enforced, plus it wasn't THAT big of a school so it was more about having a face and name if anything ended up missing/broken or whatever (It wasn't like we had to process them for a 3 day background check just to put em in the bed). I always tried to go to their place anyway, if I didn't plan on more than a one night stand I wasn't trying to have her know where I sleep lol. It was mostly just to keep the sketchier roommates from bringing whoever they wanted over when no one else was there. Most of us could trust each others judgment it was more for the revolving types who got accepted for financial reasons. As I don't know this guys sister, she could fall anywhere on the 'judgment' scale making different reactions more or less appropriate. For instance if she was a junkie trying to get clean, a strange man in the house is very different than if she was the perfect attendance, honor role, math club type or somewhere in between. Whether she 'sneaked' him in or they just didn't happen to cross paths kinda makes a difference too. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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GreenHorizons
United States23446 Posts
On July 04 2014 07:21 WarSame wrote: Having read GreenHorizon's post I would like to back that up as probably the best answer. However, I am curious how you would handle it if they were getting their spoon or bang on. Ok so as for cuddle/bang it's hard to say exactly for sure. All the other things would impact the spectrum of reaction but I guess the primary new aspect would be whether it was an explicit 'no sex/cuddle' zone and/or she sneaked him in etc. Really family expectations and such play a role here too, as to what types of behavior are acceptable and what would be way over the line. Sex in a parents house is one of those things that swings in and out of acceptability based on a variety of factors. My personal reaction would of been probably not coming in unexpectedly as she is an adult. (unless it was a sneak and I thought she was being hurt or something) Otherwise I would of just knocked and let her know I needed to talk to her and she should tell him to go (I'm not a stickler for stuff like this though really, so I'd give them the chance to make it good (short introduction) and go back to whatever is appropriate with consideration.) If she was like the more obnoxious sisters (like wouldn't respond or come out and talk or tell him to leave etc...)I've known (not my own)... I would of let him know that she needed to come and talk to me/introduce us and that he should encourage her to do so. I would do it in a stern but not explicitly threatening manner. If that didn't resolve the issue (they are both being presumably disrespectful to family/house expectations) That's when I would consider escalating to demanding resolution. If at this point they still aren't showing the appropriate respect then as far as I'm concerned the guy is an unidentified trespasser and a jerk so whatever it takes within reason and the law I would consider at my disposal for resolution. Of course this is me now... At the maturity level (regarding conflict management) I was at around say 18 (I have friends that are still there [they are over 30 now] but have kids and otherwise make me feel like a teenager maturity wise) I probably would of skipped straight to the italicized part. But that's also at least partly because if it was my sister, she would of known exactly what was wrong with what she was doing and that my reaction would be contextually pretty reasonable. I was never the type to beat up guys for pursuing a little sister, but if they physically or mentally abused (not just emotional drama) them best believe I wasn't waiting for some 'justice system' to sort it out. I come from a place where "The cops are coming!" was a warning to victims and perps alike of increasing threats, not an assurance of impending safety/resolution. | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
beat around the bush and find out shes single. How long does one wait before asking someone out to do something? | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
On July 04 2014 08:17 IgnE wrote: Why wait? Be direct and open. She said coming to where i live(which is about 40~ mins away) would probably be a bit far, so im mostly just judging my chances at the moment | ||
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