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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On June 20 2014 01:43 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2014 01:22 JoeCool wrote:On June 17 2014 06:52 JoeCool wrote:Thank you guys, never expected so much comments! On June 16 2014 20:22 quetzy wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:
...Deeds are better than words.
Uhh, you have a lot to learn about girls. I know it maybe shouldn't be this way, and it's changing slowly, but many girls still want the man to act/lead. They will do the word part, and often even without any actual words. It's up to you to act based on the signals you catch. Specific to your case, the very fact that she wanted to talk to you and explain makes her as direct as you can wish someone to be (already more than many others, men or women, are). Yes, it took her time, but she wanted to open up to you, and it was obviously not easy for her. Instead of appreciating it and being a, well, human being, I have to say you were acting rather butthurt with "there's nothing to talk about". Yes there is. Be happy you found a girl that actually wants to say how she feels! Just lighten up a bit, hear her out, and then see what you want to do. And good luck man! Edit: just read the whole history of you two... Sounds like she just panicked that time when you tried to kiss her. When you say you "terminated the contact", you probably did come across as angry to her (which was completely unnecessary btw). She probably spent the month between being happy that you like her, and angry at herself for possibly blowing it. It took some courage on her part to approach you, respect that. In any case, seems things are going well now so that's good  (I would still ask her what she wanted to "explain", just in case there was something else on her mind) Thank you for your comment! The reason why I said that deeds are better than words is simple and you probably know it since you read the story. After she refused my dating suggestions two times and still sent me messages like "I´ve been thinking of you all day long" I felt like these were nothing but empty phrases... And when she "refused" to kiss me I sent her a message asking whether I was wrong about the whole situation and since she did not answer I felt like it would be the best thing to "move on". Maybe I came across angry but what else was I supposed to do? And yeah... it seems things are going well. On June 16 2014 21:22 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Joe, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Basically what you're doing at the moment is EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're sort of cold-shouldering her, and that is making her madly attracted to you. The second you start being very nice to her and doing the explaining and talking part, she probably gets scared of that she might have to commit and she will probably bail out. So even if you want more of her, want to fall in love and get married etc, HOLD OFF WITH "THE TALK". You want to gradually move to that territory, and not make her do a full emotional 180 since that is something that scares the shit out of her. Eventhough it might feel wrong for you, as if you're being an emotionally void asshole that is only leading her on, all you're doing is letting her safely get used to expanding the relationship. Take it easy but steadily. Be VERY careful of explanations and everything. If "it" happens, it happens anyway. And no amount of rational communication will help you when hormones should be doing the work. Yeah from my personal experience this leads to nothing. I did it once. From that point on that girl was still dating me for a couple of months including making out and such things. But she was... different? And as our "relationship" ended she told me exactly what you said. She was scared. On June 16 2014 23:59 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:On June 16 2014 07:53 Zooper31 wrote:On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science. EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going. The reason why I did not want to talk is pretty simple; If she is interested in me she could just kiss me, propose a date or do sth similar => Deeds are better than words. And if she is not interested in me (for whatever reason) there is no need to talk. I don´t need her to tell me that she´s still in love with her ex bf or sth like that. I´m not beeing a dick here but that´s just from my experience. The last part (continue on how things are going) sounds fine though, that is what I´m planning to do. I´ll give her a call this evening and ask her out for thursday. That´s a holiday here in Ger. If she refuses, I might ask what is/was wrong because then we´re basically at the same point like four weeks ago => Signs of interest and still too afraid to date/have sex. 1) It's your job to start a sexual relationship, it's her job to define it. Initiating a kiss or making a date happen are your jobs early on in the relationship. Man up, take responsibility. 2) Stop pretending that she's not interested. She clearly is, it's your job to take it to the next level. Take responsibility. 3) "If she refuses to date me I'll ask what's wrong" is a horrible frame of mind. You're basing your decision on her choices which, again, means you're trying to shove responsibility onto her. It's random pressure and drama that will get you nowhere. Have a life, don't base yours around hers. If she's afraid of something it's your job to handle it. Be empathetic. I appreciate your comment! 1) That´s what I did. All the time. I asked her out and I tried to kiss her. 2) Yeah right now it seems like she is but four weeks ago it was more like she was interested as long as I was far away but as soon as I came closer (dating & kissing) ... well the attraction was gone. 3) True! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met her today for a couple of mins (at work) and asked her out for dinner on thursday, she agreed. So we´re going to have a dinner together. Mexican or Sushi ... I haven´t decided yet but I told her that I´ll contact her in the following days. We´ll see what happens. Thanks again for all the comments! Aaaaand she did not appear for our date. Like I said, on monday she agreed to have dinner with me on thursday. On tuesday I went to the restaurant and made a reservation for two persons; that´s what I also texted her on tuesday afternoon. On wednesday I wrote that I´ll pick her up at about 5.30 she just has to tell me where. Not a single response and about thirty mins ago I had to cancel the reservation. Since she did not respond until this morning I got a bad feeling and spent the whole day at a lake with some friends, still hoping she might call/text me. Well, now that I´m home and alone I´m kinda ... sad?! :-/ Unpleasant feeling. Ok if she ditched you, really you have the right to be pissed at her. Be angry with her and "let her go". She probably has reasons, but any decent person would just tell you in time why she couldnt make it.
Yep I was/am angry with her. The next day (at work) she came to me, asked whether I´m pissed at her and said that she understands my anger. But also added that she did not agree 100% to my proposal. Which might be true but still she could´ve told me earlier that she has no time on thursday (or does not want to). I said that it doesn´t matter to which she replied that it does. Well ... since I did not talk to her - besides the usual stuff from work - she left after a couple of mins.
During my break on saturday she came to me and started touching me again (also under my shirt). This was reasons enough for me to ask wtf this whole thing was/is about. I told her that she should make up her mind. And asked why she rejects my proposals although she seemingly wants me.
What followed were the usual phrases; "I don´t think that this will work out because you are a student..., I don´t want a relationship right now..., ...,"
Again I told her to make up her mind, if she wants me she should get her shit together. And if she does not then theres no more touching/hugging/kissing. Ever. According to her this would be - and I qutote - "[...]almost impossible[...]" for her, so she would like to give "it" - "it" in this case is an affair where we meet here and there - a try. Although she mentioned that she is scared if one of us wants more or this won´t work out and such things ... basically because here and there we work together (until Februrary).
Then I made the mistake to respond to her kisses and so we made out ... a little.
Now comes the kicker: Suddenly she opened my belt and wanted to give me a BJ, in my "office". I stopped her since I felt that this was going too far and there was lots of stuff going on in my store. But man I´m (still) confused. O_o
She stayed a little longer and told me that she´ll ask me out - no she won´t - next monday. Four hours later she asked me via sms what I´m doing and sent me a picture of herself.
On June 20 2014 05:23 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2014 01:22 JoeCool wrote:On June 17 2014 06:52 JoeCool wrote:Thank you guys, never expected so much comments! On June 16 2014 20:22 quetzy wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:
...Deeds are better than words.
Uhh, you have a lot to learn about girls. I know it maybe shouldn't be this way, and it's changing slowly, but many girls still want the man to act/lead. They will do the word part, and often even without any actual words. It's up to you to act based on the signals you catch. Specific to your case, the very fact that she wanted to talk to you and explain makes her as direct as you can wish someone to be (already more than many others, men or women, are). Yes, it took her time, but she wanted to open up to you, and it was obviously not easy for her. Instead of appreciating it and being a, well, human being, I have to say you were acting rather butthurt with "there's nothing to talk about". Yes there is. Be happy you found a girl that actually wants to say how she feels! Just lighten up a bit, hear her out, and then see what you want to do. And good luck man! Edit: just read the whole history of you two... Sounds like she just panicked that time when you tried to kiss her. When you say you "terminated the contact", you probably did come across as angry to her (which was completely unnecessary btw). She probably spent the month between being happy that you like her, and angry at herself for possibly blowing it. It took some courage on her part to approach you, respect that. In any case, seems things are going well now so that's good (I would still ask her what she wanted to "explain", just in case there was something else on her mind) Thank you for your comment! The reason why I said that deeds are better than words is simple and you probably know it since you read the story. After she refused my dating suggestions two times and still sent me messages like "I´ve been thinking of you all day long" I felt like these were nothing but empty phrases... And when she "refused" to kiss me I sent her a message asking whether I was wrong about the whole situation and since she did not answer I felt like it would be the best thing to "move on". Maybe I came across angry but what else was I supposed to do? And yeah... it seems things are going well. On June 16 2014 21:22 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Joe, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Basically what you're doing at the moment is EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're sort of cold-shouldering her, and that is making her madly attracted to you. The second you start being very nice to her and doing the explaining and talking part, she probably gets scared of that she might have to commit and she will probably bail out. So even if you want more of her, want to fall in love and get married etc, HOLD OFF WITH "THE TALK". You want to gradually move to that territory, and not make her do a full emotional 180 since that is something that scares the shit out of her. Eventhough it might feel wrong for you, as if you're being an emotionally void asshole that is only leading her on, all you're doing is letting her safely get used to expanding the relationship. Take it easy but steadily. Be VERY careful of explanations and everything. If "it" happens, it happens anyway. And no amount of rational communication will help you when hormones should be doing the work. Yeah from my personal experience this leads to nothing. I did it once. From that point on that girl was still dating me for a couple of months including making out and such things. But she was... different? And as our "relationship" ended she told me exactly what you said. She was scared. On June 16 2014 23:59 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:On June 16 2014 07:53 Zooper31 wrote:On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science. EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going. The reason why I did not want to talk is pretty simple; If she is interested in me she could just kiss me, propose a date or do sth similar => Deeds are better than words. And if she is not interested in me (for whatever reason) there is no need to talk. I don´t need her to tell me that she´s still in love with her ex bf or sth like that. I´m not beeing a dick here but that´s just from my experience. The last part (continue on how things are going) sounds fine though, that is what I´m planning to do. I´ll give her a call this evening and ask her out for thursday. That´s a holiday here in Ger. If she refuses, I might ask what is/was wrong because then we´re basically at the same point like four weeks ago => Signs of interest and still too afraid to date/have sex. 1) It's your job to start a sexual relationship, it's her job to define it. Initiating a kiss or making a date happen are your jobs early on in the relationship. Man up, take responsibility. 2) Stop pretending that she's not interested. She clearly is, it's your job to take it to the next level. Take responsibility. 3) "If she refuses to date me I'll ask what's wrong" is a horrible frame of mind. You're basing your decision on her choices which, again, means you're trying to shove responsibility onto her. It's random pressure and drama that will get you nowhere. Have a life, don't base yours around hers. If she's afraid of something it's your job to handle it. Be empathetic. I appreciate your comment! 1) That´s what I did. All the time. I asked her out and I tried to kiss her. 2) Yeah right now it seems like she is but four weeks ago it was more like she was interested as long as I was far away but as soon as I came closer (dating & kissing) ... well the attraction was gone. 3) True! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met her today for a couple of mins (at work) and asked her out for dinner on thursday, she agreed. So we´re going to have a dinner together. Mexican or Sushi ... I haven´t decided yet but I told her that I´ll contact her in the following days. We´ll see what happens. Thanks again for all the comments! Aaaaand she did not appear for our date. Like I said, on monday she agreed to have dinner with me on thursday. On tuesday I went to the restaurant and made a reservation for two persons; that´s what I also texted her on tuesday afternoon. On wednesday I wrote that I´ll pick her up at about 5.30 she just has to tell me where. Not a single response and about thirty mins ago I had to cancel the reservation. Since she did not respond until this morning I got a bad feeling and spent the whole day at a lake with some friends, still hoping she might call/text me. Well, now that I´m home and alone I´m kinda ... sad?! :-/ Unpleasant feeling. Edit: 8.50 pm Received a message "Sorry ...  have been to france with my parents all day long, just came back. What are you doing?" Next. In an ideal world you'd have a buddy, female buddy or woman you're interested in (from worst to best obv) that you can call an hour or two before your reservation and ask if they want to go out to dinner that evening. That also allows for the good ol' "Oh, I had an awesome dinner with xyz, what did you do?" which is pretty much the only way to bounce back these kind of things easily.
Yeah that would have been an option... you´re right! Like I said I spent the whole day at a lake with a couple of friends which was also fine for me.
Besides; public viewing is a great opportunity to meet new people. There was a huge event yesterday evening when germany was playing, since no one but me wanted to go there I went there alone, met a buddy from my lectures and he introduced me to a couple of other guys/gals. I missed the opportunity to get to know one of the girls better, she was smiling towards me couple of times, but I guess that we´ll meet again on thursday for the match between Ger and USA. Still it has been a great evening.
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@sixstrings: is this the girl who you got pregnant and her dad forced her to have an abortion? Or the girl who you had phone her boyfriend while giving you a blow job? If 8th pit is EITHER of these girls, my advice is to move on; you'vê done enough damage. If it's someone new, you should quote your old posts or summarize or something if you really want feedback.
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On June 23 2014 02:41 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2014 01:43 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:On June 20 2014 01:22 JoeCool wrote:On June 17 2014 06:52 JoeCool wrote:Thank you guys, never expected so much comments! On June 16 2014 20:22 quetzy wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:
...Deeds are better than words.
Uhh, you have a lot to learn about girls. I know it maybe shouldn't be this way, and it's changing slowly, but many girls still want the man to act/lead. They will do the word part, and often even without any actual words. It's up to you to act based on the signals you catch. Specific to your case, the very fact that she wanted to talk to you and explain makes her as direct as you can wish someone to be (already more than many others, men or women, are). Yes, it took her time, but she wanted to open up to you, and it was obviously not easy for her. Instead of appreciating it and being a, well, human being, I have to say you were acting rather butthurt with "there's nothing to talk about". Yes there is. Be happy you found a girl that actually wants to say how she feels! Just lighten up a bit, hear her out, and then see what you want to do. And good luck man! Edit: just read the whole history of you two... Sounds like she just panicked that time when you tried to kiss her. When you say you "terminated the contact", you probably did come across as angry to her (which was completely unnecessary btw). She probably spent the month between being happy that you like her, and angry at herself for possibly blowing it. It took some courage on her part to approach you, respect that. In any case, seems things are going well now so that's good (I would still ask her what she wanted to "explain", just in case there was something else on her mind) Thank you for your comment! The reason why I said that deeds are better than words is simple and you probably know it since you read the story. After she refused my dating suggestions two times and still sent me messages like "I´ve been thinking of you all day long" I felt like these were nothing but empty phrases... And when she "refused" to kiss me I sent her a message asking whether I was wrong about the whole situation and since she did not answer I felt like it would be the best thing to "move on". Maybe I came across angry but what else was I supposed to do? And yeah... it seems things are going well. On June 16 2014 21:22 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Joe, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Basically what you're doing at the moment is EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're sort of cold-shouldering her, and that is making her madly attracted to you. The second you start being very nice to her and doing the explaining and talking part, she probably gets scared of that she might have to commit and she will probably bail out. So even if you want more of her, want to fall in love and get married etc, HOLD OFF WITH "THE TALK". You want to gradually move to that territory, and not make her do a full emotional 180 since that is something that scares the shit out of her. Eventhough it might feel wrong for you, as if you're being an emotionally void asshole that is only leading her on, all you're doing is letting her safely get used to expanding the relationship. Take it easy but steadily. Be VERY careful of explanations and everything. If "it" happens, it happens anyway. And no amount of rational communication will help you when hormones should be doing the work. Yeah from my personal experience this leads to nothing. I did it once. From that point on that girl was still dating me for a couple of months including making out and such things. But she was... different? And as our "relationship" ended she told me exactly what you said. She was scared. On June 16 2014 23:59 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:On June 16 2014 07:53 Zooper31 wrote:On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science. EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going. The reason why I did not want to talk is pretty simple; If she is interested in me she could just kiss me, propose a date or do sth similar => Deeds are better than words. And if she is not interested in me (for whatever reason) there is no need to talk. I don´t need her to tell me that she´s still in love with her ex bf or sth like that. I´m not beeing a dick here but that´s just from my experience. The last part (continue on how things are going) sounds fine though, that is what I´m planning to do. I´ll give her a call this evening and ask her out for thursday. That´s a holiday here in Ger. If she refuses, I might ask what is/was wrong because then we´re basically at the same point like four weeks ago => Signs of interest and still too afraid to date/have sex. 1) It's your job to start a sexual relationship, it's her job to define it. Initiating a kiss or making a date happen are your jobs early on in the relationship. Man up, take responsibility. 2) Stop pretending that she's not interested. She clearly is, it's your job to take it to the next level. Take responsibility. 3) "If she refuses to date me I'll ask what's wrong" is a horrible frame of mind. You're basing your decision on her choices which, again, means you're trying to shove responsibility onto her. It's random pressure and drama that will get you nowhere. Have a life, don't base yours around hers. If she's afraid of something it's your job to handle it. Be empathetic. I appreciate your comment! 1) That´s what I did. All the time. I asked her out and I tried to kiss her. 2) Yeah right now it seems like she is but four weeks ago it was more like she was interested as long as I was far away but as soon as I came closer (dating & kissing) ... well the attraction was gone. 3) True! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met her today for a couple of mins (at work) and asked her out for dinner on thursday, she agreed. So we´re going to have a dinner together. Mexican or Sushi ... I haven´t decided yet but I told her that I´ll contact her in the following days. We´ll see what happens. Thanks again for all the comments! Aaaaand she did not appear for our date. Like I said, on monday she agreed to have dinner with me on thursday. On tuesday I went to the restaurant and made a reservation for two persons; that´s what I also texted her on tuesday afternoon. On wednesday I wrote that I´ll pick her up at about 5.30 she just has to tell me where. Not a single response and about thirty mins ago I had to cancel the reservation. Since she did not respond until this morning I got a bad feeling and spent the whole day at a lake with some friends, still hoping she might call/text me. Well, now that I´m home and alone I´m kinda ... sad?! :-/ Unpleasant feeling. Ok if she ditched you, really you have the right to be pissed at her. Be angry with her and "let her go". She probably has reasons, but any decent person would just tell you in time why she couldnt make it. Yep I was/am angry with her. The next day (at work) she came to me, asked whether I´m pissed at her and said that she understands my anger. But also added that she did not agree 100% to my proposal. Which might be true but still she could´ve told me earlier that she has no time on thursday (or does not want to). I said that it doesn´t matter to which she replied that it does. Well ... since I did not talk to her - besides the usual stuff from work - she left after a couple of mins. During my break on saturday she came to me and started touching me again (also under my shirt). This was reasons enough for me to ask wtf this whole thing was/is about. I told her that she should make up her mind. And asked why she rejects my proposals although she seemingly wants me. What followed were the usual phrases; "I don´t think that this will work out because you are a student..., I don´t want a relationship right now..., ...," Again I told her to make up her mind, if she wants me she should get her shit together. And if she does not then theres no more touching/hugging/kissing. Ever. According to her this would be - and I qutote - "[...]almost impossible[...]" for her, so she would like to give "it" - "it" in this case is an affair where we meet here and there - a try. Although she mentioned that she is scared if one of us wants more or this won´t work out and such things ... basically because here and there we work together (until Februrary). Then I made the mistake to respond to her kisses and so we made out ... a little. Now comes the kicker: Suddenly she opened my belt and wanted to give me a BJ, in my "office". I stopped her since I felt that this was going too far and there was lots of stuff going on in my store. But man I´m (still) confused. O_o She stayed a little longer and told me that she´ll ask me out - no she won´t - next monday. Four hours later she asked me via sms what I´m doing and sent me a picture of herself. Show nested quote +On June 20 2014 05:23 r.Evo wrote:On June 20 2014 01:22 JoeCool wrote:On June 17 2014 06:52 JoeCool wrote:Thank you guys, never expected so much comments! On June 16 2014 20:22 quetzy wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:
...Deeds are better than words.
Uhh, you have a lot to learn about girls. I know it maybe shouldn't be this way, and it's changing slowly, but many girls still want the man to act/lead. They will do the word part, and often even without any actual words. It's up to you to act based on the signals you catch. Specific to your case, the very fact that she wanted to talk to you and explain makes her as direct as you can wish someone to be (already more than many others, men or women, are). Yes, it took her time, but she wanted to open up to you, and it was obviously not easy for her. Instead of appreciating it and being a, well, human being, I have to say you were acting rather butthurt with "there's nothing to talk about". Yes there is. Be happy you found a girl that actually wants to say how she feels! Just lighten up a bit, hear her out, and then see what you want to do. And good luck man! Edit: just read the whole history of you two... Sounds like she just panicked that time when you tried to kiss her. When you say you "terminated the contact", you probably did come across as angry to her (which was completely unnecessary btw). She probably spent the month between being happy that you like her, and angry at herself for possibly blowing it. It took some courage on her part to approach you, respect that. In any case, seems things are going well now so that's good (I would still ask her what she wanted to "explain", just in case there was something else on her mind) Thank you for your comment! The reason why I said that deeds are better than words is simple and you probably know it since you read the story. After she refused my dating suggestions two times and still sent me messages like "I´ve been thinking of you all day long" I felt like these were nothing but empty phrases... And when she "refused" to kiss me I sent her a message asking whether I was wrong about the whole situation and since she did not answer I felt like it would be the best thing to "move on". Maybe I came across angry but what else was I supposed to do? And yeah... it seems things are going well. On June 16 2014 21:22 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Joe, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Basically what you're doing at the moment is EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're sort of cold-shouldering her, and that is making her madly attracted to you. The second you start being very nice to her and doing the explaining and talking part, she probably gets scared of that she might have to commit and she will probably bail out. So even if you want more of her, want to fall in love and get married etc, HOLD OFF WITH "THE TALK". You want to gradually move to that territory, and not make her do a full emotional 180 since that is something that scares the shit out of her. Eventhough it might feel wrong for you, as if you're being an emotionally void asshole that is only leading her on, all you're doing is letting her safely get used to expanding the relationship. Take it easy but steadily. Be VERY careful of explanations and everything. If "it" happens, it happens anyway. And no amount of rational communication will help you when hormones should be doing the work. Yeah from my personal experience this leads to nothing. I did it once. From that point on that girl was still dating me for a couple of months including making out and such things. But she was... different? And as our "relationship" ended she told me exactly what you said. She was scared. On June 16 2014 23:59 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:On June 16 2014 07:53 Zooper31 wrote:On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science. EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going. The reason why I did not want to talk is pretty simple; If she is interested in me she could just kiss me, propose a date or do sth similar => Deeds are better than words. And if she is not interested in me (for whatever reason) there is no need to talk. I don´t need her to tell me that she´s still in love with her ex bf or sth like that. I´m not beeing a dick here but that´s just from my experience. The last part (continue on how things are going) sounds fine though, that is what I´m planning to do. I´ll give her a call this evening and ask her out for thursday. That´s a holiday here in Ger. If she refuses, I might ask what is/was wrong because then we´re basically at the same point like four weeks ago => Signs of interest and still too afraid to date/have sex. 1) It's your job to start a sexual relationship, it's her job to define it. Initiating a kiss or making a date happen are your jobs early on in the relationship. Man up, take responsibility. 2) Stop pretending that she's not interested. She clearly is, it's your job to take it to the next level. Take responsibility. 3) "If she refuses to date me I'll ask what's wrong" is a horrible frame of mind. You're basing your decision on her choices which, again, means you're trying to shove responsibility onto her. It's random pressure and drama that will get you nowhere. Have a life, don't base yours around hers. If she's afraid of something it's your job to handle it. Be empathetic. I appreciate your comment! 1) That´s what I did. All the time. I asked her out and I tried to kiss her. 2) Yeah right now it seems like she is but four weeks ago it was more like she was interested as long as I was far away but as soon as I came closer (dating & kissing) ... well the attraction was gone. 3) True! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met her today for a couple of mins (at work) and asked her out for dinner on thursday, she agreed. So we´re going to have a dinner together. Mexican or Sushi ... I haven´t decided yet but I told her that I´ll contact her in the following days. We´ll see what happens. Thanks again for all the comments! Aaaaand she did not appear for our date. Like I said, on monday she agreed to have dinner with me on thursday. On tuesday I went to the restaurant and made a reservation for two persons; that´s what I also texted her on tuesday afternoon. On wednesday I wrote that I´ll pick her up at about 5.30 she just has to tell me where. Not a single response and about thirty mins ago I had to cancel the reservation. Since she did not respond until this morning I got a bad feeling and spent the whole day at a lake with some friends, still hoping she might call/text me. Well, now that I´m home and alone I´m kinda ... sad?! :-/ Unpleasant feeling. Edit: 8.50 pm Received a message "Sorry ... have been to france with my parents all day long, just came back. What are you doing?" Next. In an ideal world you'd have a buddy, female buddy or woman you're interested in (from worst to best obv) that you can call an hour or two before your reservation and ask if they want to go out to dinner that evening. That also allows for the good ol' "Oh, I had an awesome dinner with xyz, what did you do?" which is pretty much the only way to bounce back these kind of things easily. Yeah that would have been an option... you´re right! Like I said I spent the whole day at a lake with a couple of friends which was also fine for me. Besides; public viewing is a great opportunity to meet new people. There was a huge event yesterday evening when germany was playing, since no one but me wanted to go there I went there alone, met a buddy from my lectures and he introduced me to a couple of other guys/gals. I missed the opportunity to get to know one of the girls better, she was smiling towards me couple of times, but I guess that we´ll meet again on thursday for the match between Ger and USA. Still it has been a great evening.
Yeah basically it just seems like she has no boundaries, she's always looking for a cheap thrill and her decisions are completely based on her emotions. With these kinds of girls its best not to actually plan anything and just go with the flow.
There's nothing to be confused about except for the fact that it doesn't make logical sense, there's a saying, you cannot fix something with logic that wasn't put there by logic in the first place.
The guys she blows off are the ones that do get affected, they start worrying and getting needy, its like a really powerful instinctive test that she doesn't even realise she's doing. If anything she's looking for someone with very strong boundaries (the opposite of her), but this is really easy to fuck up when you think about it too much. You've done alright so far in this department anywho.
e.g this.
This was reasons enough for me to ask wtf this whole thing was/is about. I told her that she should make up her mind.
Again I told her to make up her mind, if she wants me she should get her shit together. And if she does not then theres no more touching/hugging/kissing.
This is boundary setting, I think she likes it and it plays into her whole fantasy.
What followed were the usual phrases; "I don´t think that this will work out because you are a student..., I don´t want a relationship right now..., ...,"
and I qutote - "[...]almost impossible[...]" for her, so she would like to give "it" - "it" in this case is an affair where we meet here and there - a try. Although she mentioned that she is scared if one of us wants more or this won´t work out and such things ... basically because here and there we work together (until Februrary).
Speaking of fantasies that's basically what is going on here, the anxiety of getting with someone she shouldn't be with seems to turn her on. Telling her that "this isn't right" and that she shouldn't be doing it is exactly what is causing her to want to do it. She wants you to set a boundary and then she wants to break it as if she were defying her parents. Seems like an open and shut case to me.
Being your type don't expect to be in any proper relationship with her. Don't expect her to come to any sort of date or anything like that, she will just abandon it at the drop of a hat.
If you don't like playing games its best to go with someone who also doesn't like to screw around like this, its really a game, a dumb game if you ask me, but... sex... There are girls that aren't into this kind of stuff and make more sense. If you want to get into a relationship it would be better to find someone that doesn't fuck with you.
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On June 23 2014 02:41 JoeCool wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2014 01:43 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:On June 20 2014 01:22 JoeCool wrote:On June 17 2014 06:52 JoeCool wrote:Thank you guys, never expected so much comments! On June 16 2014 20:22 quetzy wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:
...Deeds are better than words.
Uhh, you have a lot to learn about girls. I know it maybe shouldn't be this way, and it's changing slowly, but many girls still want the man to act/lead. They will do the word part, and often even without any actual words. It's up to you to act based on the signals you catch. Specific to your case, the very fact that she wanted to talk to you and explain makes her as direct as you can wish someone to be (already more than many others, men or women, are). Yes, it took her time, but she wanted to open up to you, and it was obviously not easy for her. Instead of appreciating it and being a, well, human being, I have to say you were acting rather butthurt with "there's nothing to talk about". Yes there is. Be happy you found a girl that actually wants to say how she feels! Just lighten up a bit, hear her out, and then see what you want to do. And good luck man! Edit: just read the whole history of you two... Sounds like she just panicked that time when you tried to kiss her. When you say you "terminated the contact", you probably did come across as angry to her (which was completely unnecessary btw). She probably spent the month between being happy that you like her, and angry at herself for possibly blowing it. It took some courage on her part to approach you, respect that. In any case, seems things are going well now so that's good (I would still ask her what she wanted to "explain", just in case there was something else on her mind) Thank you for your comment! The reason why I said that deeds are better than words is simple and you probably know it since you read the story. After she refused my dating suggestions two times and still sent me messages like "I´ve been thinking of you all day long" I felt like these were nothing but empty phrases... And when she "refused" to kiss me I sent her a message asking whether I was wrong about the whole situation and since she did not answer I felt like it would be the best thing to "move on". Maybe I came across angry but what else was I supposed to do? And yeah... it seems things are going well. On June 16 2014 21:22 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Joe, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Basically what you're doing at the moment is EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're sort of cold-shouldering her, and that is making her madly attracted to you. The second you start being very nice to her and doing the explaining and talking part, she probably gets scared of that she might have to commit and she will probably bail out. So even if you want more of her, want to fall in love and get married etc, HOLD OFF WITH "THE TALK". You want to gradually move to that territory, and not make her do a full emotional 180 since that is something that scares the shit out of her. Eventhough it might feel wrong for you, as if you're being an emotionally void asshole that is only leading her on, all you're doing is letting her safely get used to expanding the relationship. Take it easy but steadily. Be VERY careful of explanations and everything. If "it" happens, it happens anyway. And no amount of rational communication will help you when hormones should be doing the work. Yeah from my personal experience this leads to nothing. I did it once. From that point on that girl was still dating me for a couple of months including making out and such things. But she was... different? And as our "relationship" ended she told me exactly what you said. She was scared. On June 16 2014 23:59 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:On June 16 2014 07:53 Zooper31 wrote:On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science. EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going. The reason why I did not want to talk is pretty simple; If she is interested in me she could just kiss me, propose a date or do sth similar => Deeds are better than words. And if she is not interested in me (for whatever reason) there is no need to talk. I don´t need her to tell me that she´s still in love with her ex bf or sth like that. I´m not beeing a dick here but that´s just from my experience. The last part (continue on how things are going) sounds fine though, that is what I´m planning to do. I´ll give her a call this evening and ask her out for thursday. That´s a holiday here in Ger. If she refuses, I might ask what is/was wrong because then we´re basically at the same point like four weeks ago => Signs of interest and still too afraid to date/have sex. 1) It's your job to start a sexual relationship, it's her job to define it. Initiating a kiss or making a date happen are your jobs early on in the relationship. Man up, take responsibility. 2) Stop pretending that she's not interested. She clearly is, it's your job to take it to the next level. Take responsibility. 3) "If she refuses to date me I'll ask what's wrong" is a horrible frame of mind. You're basing your decision on her choices which, again, means you're trying to shove responsibility onto her. It's random pressure and drama that will get you nowhere. Have a life, don't base yours around hers. If she's afraid of something it's your job to handle it. Be empathetic. I appreciate your comment! 1) That´s what I did. All the time. I asked her out and I tried to kiss her. 2) Yeah right now it seems like she is but four weeks ago it was more like she was interested as long as I was far away but as soon as I came closer (dating & kissing) ... well the attraction was gone. 3) True! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met her today for a couple of mins (at work) and asked her out for dinner on thursday, she agreed. So we´re going to have a dinner together. Mexican or Sushi ... I haven´t decided yet but I told her that I´ll contact her in the following days. We´ll see what happens. Thanks again for all the comments! Aaaaand she did not appear for our date. Like I said, on monday she agreed to have dinner with me on thursday. On tuesday I went to the restaurant and made a reservation for two persons; that´s what I also texted her on tuesday afternoon. On wednesday I wrote that I´ll pick her up at about 5.30 she just has to tell me where. Not a single response and about thirty mins ago I had to cancel the reservation. Since she did not respond until this morning I got a bad feeling and spent the whole day at a lake with some friends, still hoping she might call/text me. Well, now that I´m home and alone I´m kinda ... sad?! :-/ Unpleasant feeling. Ok if she ditched you, really you have the right to be pissed at her. Be angry with her and "let her go". She probably has reasons, but any decent person would just tell you in time why she couldnt make it. Yep I was/am angry with her. The next day (at work) she came to me, asked whether I´m pissed at her and said that she understands my anger. But also added that she did not agree 100% to my proposal. Which might be true but still she could´ve told me earlier that she has no time on thursday (or does not want to). I said that it doesn´t matter to which she replied that it does. Well ... since I did not talk to her - besides the usual stuff from work - she left after a couple of mins. During my break on saturday she came to me and started touching me again (also under my shirt). This was reasons enough for me to ask wtf this whole thing was/is about. I told her that she should make up her mind. And asked why she rejects my proposals although she seemingly wants me. What followed were the usual phrases; "I don´t think that this will work out because you are a student..., I don´t want a relationship right now..., ...," Again I told her to make up her mind, if she wants me she should get her shit together. And if she does not then theres no more touching/hugging/kissing. Ever. According to her this would be - and I qutote - "[...]almost impossible[...]" for her, so she would like to give "it" - "it" in this case is an affair where we meet here and there - a try. Although she mentioned that she is scared if one of us wants more or this won´t work out and such things ... basically because here and there we work together (until Februrary). Then I made the mistake to respond to her kisses and so we made out ... a little. Now comes the kicker: Suddenly she opened my belt and wanted to give me a BJ, in my "office". I stopped her since I felt that this was going too far and there was lots of stuff going on in my store. But man I´m (still) confused. O_o She stayed a little longer and told me that she´ll ask me out - no she won´t - next monday. Four hours later she asked me via sms what I´m doing and sent me a picture of herself. Show nested quote +On June 20 2014 05:23 r.Evo wrote:On June 20 2014 01:22 JoeCool wrote:On June 17 2014 06:52 JoeCool wrote:Thank you guys, never expected so much comments! On June 16 2014 20:22 quetzy wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:
...Deeds are better than words.
Uhh, you have a lot to learn about girls. I know it maybe shouldn't be this way, and it's changing slowly, but many girls still want the man to act/lead. They will do the word part, and often even without any actual words. It's up to you to act based on the signals you catch. Specific to your case, the very fact that she wanted to talk to you and explain makes her as direct as you can wish someone to be (already more than many others, men or women, are). Yes, it took her time, but she wanted to open up to you, and it was obviously not easy for her. Instead of appreciating it and being a, well, human being, I have to say you were acting rather butthurt with "there's nothing to talk about". Yes there is. Be happy you found a girl that actually wants to say how she feels! Just lighten up a bit, hear her out, and then see what you want to do. And good luck man! Edit: just read the whole history of you two... Sounds like she just panicked that time when you tried to kiss her. When you say you "terminated the contact", you probably did come across as angry to her (which was completely unnecessary btw). She probably spent the month between being happy that you like her, and angry at herself for possibly blowing it. It took some courage on her part to approach you, respect that. In any case, seems things are going well now so that's good (I would still ask her what she wanted to "explain", just in case there was something else on her mind) Thank you for your comment! The reason why I said that deeds are better than words is simple and you probably know it since you read the story. After she refused my dating suggestions two times and still sent me messages like "I´ve been thinking of you all day long" I felt like these were nothing but empty phrases... And when she "refused" to kiss me I sent her a message asking whether I was wrong about the whole situation and since she did not answer I felt like it would be the best thing to "move on". Maybe I came across angry but what else was I supposed to do? And yeah... it seems things are going well. On June 16 2014 21:22 Slayers_Red.Cracker wrote:
Joe, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. Basically what you're doing at the moment is EXACTLY what you should be doing. You're sort of cold-shouldering her, and that is making her madly attracted to you. The second you start being very nice to her and doing the explaining and talking part, she probably gets scared of that she might have to commit and she will probably bail out. So even if you want more of her, want to fall in love and get married etc, HOLD OFF WITH "THE TALK". You want to gradually move to that territory, and not make her do a full emotional 180 since that is something that scares the shit out of her. Eventhough it might feel wrong for you, as if you're being an emotionally void asshole that is only leading her on, all you're doing is letting her safely get used to expanding the relationship. Take it easy but steadily. Be VERY careful of explanations and everything. If "it" happens, it happens anyway. And no amount of rational communication will help you when hormones should be doing the work. Yeah from my personal experience this leads to nothing. I did it once. From that point on that girl was still dating me for a couple of months including making out and such things. But she was... different? And as our "relationship" ended she told me exactly what you said. She was scared. On June 16 2014 23:59 r.Evo wrote:On June 16 2014 16:12 JoeCool wrote:On June 16 2014 07:53 Zooper31 wrote:On June 16 2014 07:14 Belisarius wrote:On June 16 2014 00:38 JoeCool wrote:
Four weeks ago I tried to kiss my co-worker because I felt that she was interested in me. Some of you might remember the (long) story. She refused and from that point on I terminated our contact.
This friday I saw her for the first time since four weeks and guess what? She asked me whether I had some time because she wants to explain this situation to me, hopes that I´m not angry with her and also added that I was right when I assumed that she was interested. Since talking about such things is pretty pointless (imo) I said that I´m fine and don´t feel that it´s necessary to talk. Later on she grabbed me from behind and kissed my neck. Then I left.
Yesterday she gave me a massage, started cuddling multiple times, ran her finger through my hair and asked whether she was allowed to give me a kiss on my scrag aaaannnndddd ... after multiple attempts to kiss me, we made out (no sex but lots of kissing).
I´m pretty confused right now. ...you would be a lot less confused if you had actually let her tell you what was going on... that's not exactly rocket science. EXACTLY! Somehow she was interested in you in the past but couldn't act on it or wasn't prepared for it. Now she's still interested but now can handle things and wants more. Just ask her what she wanted to explain that one time and just move on and continue on with how things are going. The reason why I did not want to talk is pretty simple; If she is interested in me she could just kiss me, propose a date or do sth similar => Deeds are better than words. And if she is not interested in me (for whatever reason) there is no need to talk. I don´t need her to tell me that she´s still in love with her ex bf or sth like that. I´m not beeing a dick here but that´s just from my experience. The last part (continue on how things are going) sounds fine though, that is what I´m planning to do. I´ll give her a call this evening and ask her out for thursday. That´s a holiday here in Ger. If she refuses, I might ask what is/was wrong because then we´re basically at the same point like four weeks ago => Signs of interest and still too afraid to date/have sex. 1) It's your job to start a sexual relationship, it's her job to define it. Initiating a kiss or making a date happen are your jobs early on in the relationship. Man up, take responsibility. 2) Stop pretending that she's not interested. She clearly is, it's your job to take it to the next level. Take responsibility. 3) "If she refuses to date me I'll ask what's wrong" is a horrible frame of mind. You're basing your decision on her choices which, again, means you're trying to shove responsibility onto her. It's random pressure and drama that will get you nowhere. Have a life, don't base yours around hers. If she's afraid of something it's your job to handle it. Be empathetic. I appreciate your comment! 1) That´s what I did. All the time. I asked her out and I tried to kiss her. 2) Yeah right now it seems like she is but four weeks ago it was more like she was interested as long as I was far away but as soon as I came closer (dating & kissing) ... well the attraction was gone. 3) True! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I met her today for a couple of mins (at work) and asked her out for dinner on thursday, she agreed. So we´re going to have a dinner together. Mexican or Sushi ... I haven´t decided yet but I told her that I´ll contact her in the following days. We´ll see what happens. Thanks again for all the comments! Aaaaand she did not appear for our date. Like I said, on monday she agreed to have dinner with me on thursday. On tuesday I went to the restaurant and made a reservation for two persons; that´s what I also texted her on tuesday afternoon. On wednesday I wrote that I´ll pick her up at about 5.30 she just has to tell me where. Not a single response and about thirty mins ago I had to cancel the reservation. Since she did not respond until this morning I got a bad feeling and spent the whole day at a lake with some friends, still hoping she might call/text me. Well, now that I´m home and alone I´m kinda ... sad?! :-/ Unpleasant feeling. Edit: 8.50 pm Received a message "Sorry ... have been to france with my parents all day long, just came back. What are you doing?" Next. In an ideal world you'd have a buddy, female buddy or woman you're interested in (from worst to best obv) that you can call an hour or two before your reservation and ask if they want to go out to dinner that evening. That also allows for the good ol' "Oh, I had an awesome dinner with xyz, what did you do?" which is pretty much the only way to bounce back these kind of things easily. Yeah that would have been an option... you´re right! Like I said I spent the whole day at a lake with a couple of friends which was also fine for me. Besides; public viewing is a great opportunity to meet new people. There was a huge event yesterday evening when germany was playing, since no one but me wanted to go there I went there alone, met a buddy from my lectures and he introduced me to a couple of other guys/gals. I missed the opportunity to get to know one of the girls better, she was smiling towards me couple of times, but I guess that we´ll meet again on thursday for the match between Ger and USA. Still it has been a great evening.
I say you just have sex with her occasionally and pursue other things
no reason to fuck around with a bitch that is just going to lead you on tbh
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So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef.
I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls  )
If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear?
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On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:
So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef.
I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster?
If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear?
Legally she's an adult no?
There's nothing wrong with acting off attraction that's completely normal.
You know yourself better than anyone else, if you are the kind of person that gets hurt over relationships, then its best to just be really direct and open with her before you get invested. If you can handle break ups easily and you are really confident then you could play it as you go.
If you are scared of "ruining the chance" because you think things are going amazingly with this hot girl and you don't wanna screw it up then I would be wary. This is exactly the kind of mentality that will get you super invested and then not work out.
I want to just emphasise this because of the bolded part. You know nothing about her, saying that she already ticks all the boxes means you are giving her attributes that don't exist or can't possibly know yet, possibly because of her looks. She can't possibly "tick all the boxes" until you know a lot more about her.
Take off the rose tinted glasses and see her for who she is, have valid reasons for getting into a relationship with her. Its just if your drivers are mostly external it can cause you a lot of pain when things don't work out. In the end she's just a girl, nothing separates her from the rest of them, she's not special and there's nothing to say that you won't meet a better person in the future.
As long as you have your life worked out and you know exactly what you want, and you know when to let things go if you don't connect, then there is nothing to be worried about.
This is what I would do (I'm not you so I'm not saying this is the best way). Make sure to not just come out of the blue, give her some time to prepare. In the middle of a chat during the day say something like "hey what are you doing after work? I'd like to talk to you about something" at a really comfortable time, then play it off and continue your fun chat like you've normally been doing. If she's busy just say ok and keep talking, move on, try again later, if she says she's got time then there's probably something going on.
Then come that time start chatting with her, talk anything interesting about your day, exaggerate it! tell her some amazing story that happened or whatever.
Then you could be really direct look straight at her in the eyes and say (and try to be as slow and casual as possible, don't blurt it out) "Yeah so I find you really attractive, I think you feel the same way about me, and was wondering if you wanted to hang out". She will either say no sorry or yes, this is good because you don't get invested and get hurt in the future, or you both are "in the know" and you can escalate quickly without trouble. No matter how she responds keep talking, it will make both of you feel better and not make the situation weird.
Once you start dating, escalating wise I found its just better to save the trouble and get everything out the door for me. Tell her what you like, your lifestyle and what you are about, what you are looking for, find how you can fulfill each others needs, e.g sex, going out and enjoyment, what you find attractive, etc (same for her). Obviously not like an interview manner, but I try to get the bases covered early because the longer the relationship goes the harder these questions are for her to answer. And if you don't match up just let it go and find someone else that fits you better.
Or you can be indirect and play games and take the rollercoaster ride of not knowing where each other are at, either works it depends on you and the girl, really its up to you.
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On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most.
Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective.
And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way.
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On a side note, can we avoid using sexist language like bitch or slut?
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After talking to Lichter about this thread, what he wrote was that even though my intentions were pure, it was how straightforward I was in writing them. I apologize that my basic philosophies of dating may "scare away nerds in need". So from now on, instead of being brutally honest about calling the situation as it is, I'm going to try my absolute best to sugarcoat my posts here with the utmost positivity.
+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 09:40 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most. Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective. And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way.
W/ Slug's situation, is that he have already been with many beautiful women sexually and now that he is bored with them, the "novelty" wears off and wants to try something completely different. Although yes, you are absolutely right on the money with how a girl have to some form of physical attraction in the first place (as it is usually the first thing men look in a girl) so you are willing to converse with her initially and then later appreciate her interior complexity.
On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear?
Huh, well there are many factors at play here.
First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated.
Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all!
Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves.
By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."?
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On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:After talking to Lichter about this thread, what he wrote was that even though my intentions were pure, it was how straightforward I was in writing them. I apologize that my basic philosophies of dating may "scare away nerds in need". So from now on, instead of being brutally honest about calling the situation as it is, I'm going to try my absolute best to sugarcoat my posts here with the utmost positivity. + Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 09:40 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most. Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective. And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way. W/ Slug's situation, is that he have already been with many beautiful women sexually and now that he is bored with them, the "novelty" wears off and wants to try something completely different. Although yes, you are absolutely right on the money with how a girl have to some form of physical attraction in the first place (as it is usually the first thing men look in a girl) so you are willing to converse with her initially and then later appreciate her interior complexity. Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."?
You don't need to treat us like retards and you don't need to sugarcoat your posts. You needed to change the way of thinking you had about women. That's why you got temp banned/warned.
Anyway this post was fine and is pretty much normal good advice.
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On June 23 2014 11:39 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:After talking to Lichter about this thread, what he wrote was that even though my intentions were pure, it was how straightforward I was in writing them. I apologize that my basic philosophies of dating may "scare away nerds in need". So from now on, instead of being brutally honest about calling the situation as it is, I'm going to try my absolute best to sugarcoat my posts here with the utmost positivity. + Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 09:40 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most. Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective. And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way. W/ Slug's situation, is that he have already been with many beautiful women sexually and now that he is bored with them, the "novelty" wears off and wants to try something completely different. Although yes, you are absolutely right on the money with how a girl have to some form of physical attraction in the first place (as it is usually the first thing men look in a girl) so you are willing to converse with her initially and then later appreciate her interior complexity. On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."? You don't need to treat us like retards and you don't need to sugarcoat your posts. You needed to change the way of thinking you had about women. That's why you got temp banned/warned. Anyway this post was fine and is pretty much normal good advice.
What, treating the ladies with respect is bad now? What a sexist post you have here.
If you want to continue this convo, please use the PM function. Don't fucking clog up this thread please.
Btw appreciate the compliment on my advice.
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On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:After talking to Lichter about this thread, what he wrote was that even though my intentions were pure, it was how straightforward I was in writing them. I apologize that my basic philosophies of dating may "scare away nerds in need". So from now on, instead of being brutally honest about calling the situation as it is, I'm going to try my absolute best to sugarcoat my posts here with the utmost positivity. + Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 09:40 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most. Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective. And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way. W/ Slug's situation, is that he have already been with many beautiful women sexually and now that he is bored with them, the "novelty" wears off and wants to try something completely different. Although yes, you are absolutely right on the money with how a girl have to some form of physical attraction in the first place (as it is usually the first thing men look in a girl) so you are willing to converse with her initially and then later appreciate her interior complexity. Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."?
Err lets not get the wrong idea here. I'm not saying I've been with lots of beautiful women. However once I had a relationship with an absolute stunner I realised that looks are way overrated. It was a novelty. In the end the relationship feels no different except for some external ego boosting factor.
Its not about trying something different or that looks don't matter, its just that for someone who hasn't been there before they tend to overrate looks way too much and be way too envious of guys that are.
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On June 23 2014 11:48 sluggaslamoo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 11:39 Zooper31 wrote:On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:After talking to Lichter about this thread, what he wrote was that even though my intentions were pure, it was how straightforward I was in writing them. I apologize that my basic philosophies of dating may "scare away nerds in need". So from now on, instead of being brutally honest about calling the situation as it is, I'm going to try my absolute best to sugarcoat my posts here with the utmost positivity. + Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 09:40 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most. Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective. And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way. W/ Slug's situation, is that he have already been with many beautiful women sexually and now that he is bored with them, the "novelty" wears off and wants to try something completely different. Although yes, you are absolutely right on the money with how a girl have to some form of physical attraction in the first place (as it is usually the first thing men look in a girl) so you are willing to converse with her initially and then later appreciate her interior complexity. On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."? You don't need to treat us like retards and you don't need to sugarcoat your posts. You needed to change the way of thinking you had about women. That's why you got temp banned/warned. Anyway this post was fine and is pretty much normal good advice. Err lets not get the wrong idea here. I'm not saying I've been with lots of beautiful women. However once I had a relationship with an absolute stunner I realised that looks are way overrated. It was a novelty. Its not about trying something different or that looks don't matter, its just that for someone who hasn't been there before they tend to overrate looks way too much and be way too envious of guys that are.
"realised that looks are way overrated."
Not saying none "stunners" don't have beautiful interior but that's complete understood in an economical standpoint. If a girl can get by just by her physical beauty, she will most likely won't develop much of her personality.
"its just that for someone who hasn't been there before they tend to overrate looks way too much and be way too envious of guys that are."
And I don't blame them at all. After all looks do matter.
Yes and for the guys on this thread, sometime looks can be quite deceiving so you have further examine her interior. If her personality is very nasty, she is very much likely to be a bad mother and I'm sure that most of us here want the person they are currently dating to be a candidate of the mother of our child(ren). And when our child(ren) isn't/aren't raised properly, it certainly doesn't help our general wellness.
Don't just judge a book by its cover!
On June 23 2014 11:42 Xiphos wrote:
What, treating the ladies with respect is bad now? What a sexist post you have here.
If you want to continue this convo, please use the PM function. Don't fucking clog up this thread please.
Btw appreciate the compliment on my advice.
On June 23 2014 13:39 Zooper31 wrote:
No clue what you're talking about tbh, said nothing remotely close to what you described but I'm not gonna start that discussion up again.
*sigh*
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On June 23 2014 11:42 Xiphos wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 11:39 Zooper31 wrote:On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:After talking to Lichter about this thread, what he wrote was that even though my intentions were pure, it was how straightforward I was in writing them. I apologize that my basic philosophies of dating may "scare away nerds in need". So from now on, instead of being brutally honest about calling the situation as it is, I'm going to try my absolute best to sugarcoat my posts here with the utmost positivity. + Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 09:40 NewSunshine wrote:Show nested quote +On June 22 2014 12:42 sluggaslamoo wrote:On June 22 2014 07:22 NewSunshine wrote:On June 21 2014 13:07 sluggaslamoo wrote:
I know the guy was temp banned but I just wanna re-iterate, science or not, from my own personal experience hot girls can actually appear "ugly" after a while and won't turn you on at all, while girls that I have found not as attractive at first become really "hot" after getting to know them. Its actually a really strange sensation the first time you can be face to face with a really photogenic girl and feel absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I used to be very envious of guys with hot girlfriends, but once you've been there the novelty fades away fast and you stop being so obsessed with appearance.
Maybe I'm ignoring the "science" (I don't really care), and not everyone is like me, this is just from personal experience. What's happening is you're forming an attraction to someone that goes beyond appearances, how their personality meshes with yours. However, people are referring to physical attractiveness as a novelty, I feel superficiality is a more accurate term, since it reflects this phenomenon of attraction. There's what's on the surface, but when you get deeper you start finding a lot more substance, and that's what becomes important. If you have amazing chemistry with a gorgeous woman, because I guess you're the luckiest guy in the world or sth, her appearances shouldn't wear off like a novelty, it's just that what's beyond that is more important for a meaningful relationship, for meaningful connections and bonding. Generally it's the more emotionally mature that can appreciate this, those who are less so tend to fool around for the fun of it. Liking a girl purely for her looks is superficial, although I don't blame any guy for doing this as we are mostly all born this way. I don't think chasing girls who are good looking is superficial though, we at least need some preliminary filters otherwise we wouldn't have time to do anything else. If she's just really pretty and has a nice personality and you like her partly because you think she's gorgeous I don't have a problem with that either. The novelty is basing your choices on looks rather than "fit" because you haven't been with a hot girl before and having that fuck yeah I have a hot gf ego factor. Its really about the fantasy of having someone who looks better than Charlize Theron and being envious. I just wanted to say that a girl who you connect with will appear visibly hotter, rather than someone with popstar looks who you don't as much. So if you ever had a choice between one or the other, always go with the one who you connect with most. Well, there's more than one phase in the process of attraction, it usually starts with the superficial bringing you in, then the deeper personality traits are what keep you there. It's not perfectly distinct, sometimes an attraction is formed between personalities from the beginning, and it's usually a mix of the two aspects at any stage, but it's like any other commitment you make, with anything. You size it up first, in one way or another, then figure if it's right, and whether you want to stick with it. It may not always be for the right reasons, either, it takes a mature mind with some perspective. And if someone maintained an entire relationship with someone just on the basis of looks, I might call that relationship a novelty, yeah. And I don't disagree with your point btw, I couldn't agree more, I'm just going a bit into why it seems to work that way. W/ Slug's situation, is that he have already been with many beautiful women sexually and now that he is bored with them, the "novelty" wears off and wants to try something completely different. Although yes, you are absolutely right on the money with how a girl have to some form of physical attraction in the first place (as it is usually the first thing men look in a girl) so you are willing to converse with her initially and then later appreciate her interior complexity. On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."? You don't need to treat us like retards and you don't need to sugarcoat your posts. You needed to change the way of thinking you had about women. That's why you got temp banned/warned. Anyway this post was fine and is pretty much normal good advice. What, treating the ladies with respect is bad now? What a sexist post you have here. If you want to continue this convo, please use the PM function. Don't fucking clog up this thread please. Btw appreciate the compliment on my advice.
No clue what you're talking about tbh, said nothing remotely close to what you described but I'm not gonna start that discussion up again.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
Read the extended mod note.
No more derails. Doesn't matter who's right, who I agree with, or who started it. Move to blogs or PMs if you want to discuss things that aren't direct dating advice or dating stories.
Clean up this this thread, or I will.
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On June 23 2014 08:47 sluggaslamoo wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:
So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef.
I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster?
If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Legally she's an adult no? There's nothing wrong with acting off attraction that's completely normal. You know yourself better than anyone else, if you are the kind of person that gets hurt over relationships, then its best to just be really direct and open with her before you get invested. If you can handle break ups easily and you are really confident then you could play it as you go. If you are scared of "ruining the chance" because you think things are going amazingly with this hot girl and you don't wanna screw it up then I would be wary. This is exactly the kind of mentality that will get you super invested and then not work out. I want to just emphasise this because of the bolded part. You know nothing about her, saying that she already ticks all the boxes means you are giving her attributes that don't exist or can't possibly know yet, possibly because of her looks. She can't possibly "tick all the boxes" until you know a lot more about her. Take off the rose tinted glasses and see her for who she is, have valid reasons for getting into a relationship with her. Its just if your drivers are mostly external it can cause you a lot of pain when things don't work out. In the end she's just a girl, nothing separates her from the rest of them, she's not special and there's nothing to say that you won't meet a better person in the future. As long as you have your life worked out and you know exactly what you want, and you know when to let things go if you don't connect, then there is nothing to be worried about. This is what I would do (I'm not you so I'm not saying this is the best way). Make sure to not just come out of the blue, give her some time to prepare. In the middle of a chat during the day say something like "hey what are you doing after work? I'd like to talk to you about something" at a really comfortable time, then play it off and continue your fun chat like you've normally been doing. If she's busy just say ok and keep talking, move on, try again later, if she says she's got time then there's probably something going on. Then come that time start chatting with her, talk anything interesting about your day, exaggerate it! tell her some amazing story that happened or whatever. Then you could be really direct look straight at her in the eyes and say (and try to be as slow and casual as possible, don't blurt it out) "Yeah so I find you really attractive, I think you feel the same way about me, and was wondering if you wanted to hang out". She will either say no sorry or yes, this is good because you don't get invested and get hurt in the future, or you both are "in the know" and you can escalate quickly without trouble. No matter how she responds keep talking, it will make both of you feel better and not make the situation weird. Once you start dating, escalating wise I found its just better to save the trouble and get everything out the door for me. Tell her what you like, your lifestyle and what you are about, what you are looking for, find how you can fulfill each others needs, e.g sex, going out and enjoyment, what you find attractive, etc (same for her). Obviously not like an interview manner, but I try to get the bases covered early because the longer the relationship goes the harder these questions are for her to answer. And if you don't match up just let it go and find someone else that fits you better. Or you can be indirect and play games and take the rollercoaster ride of not knowing where each other are at, either works it depends on you and the girl, really its up to you.
Maybe "she ticks all my boxes" was phrased poorly. What I meant to say was, A lot of the character traits and interests she displayed are ones I find attractive. I realise that I know next to nothing about her and that we've only been chatting for a bit. There's no real pedestal or investment so far, though I have been prone to do that in the past. I think the way I feel about the age difference is keeping that at bay at the moment.
Thanks for your other advice on asking her out. I'm working with her again today so the least I can do today is flirt back. I'll be on holiday for a week after that so we'll see what happens when I get back.
On June 23 2014 11:35 Xiphos wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On June 23 2014 08:07 Mikau wrote:+ Show Spoiler +So there's a girl I'm interested in. She is amazingly hot and ticks all my boxes. Lately she's been acting really flirty with me (touching me, laughing at jokes I'm pretty sure weren't funny, acting all sad when I was leaving among other things). The problem is she's 18 years old to my 25, and she's a colleague of mine. She's a waitress, I'm a chef. I feel like a bit of a perv for being attracted to her but I am attracted to her. I'll only be working with her for another 2 months, after that I'm going back to uni. Regardless, would you guys agree with an assessment that acting on my attraction would be a recipe for disaster? (don't shit where you eat, don't hit on barely legal girls ) If not, how do I escalate anything without becoming the company pedobear? Huh, well there are many factors at play here. First off all, we need to look at some logistical factors. Will your work be effected by the pursuit of this girl? Atm, I only care about your wellness, so if there are any policies regarding forging relationships b/w employees. And even though, you will be out there in 2 months, I hate to your work getting prematurely terminated. Under the assumption that your job placement won't be affected, is it legally to date her? Which appears to be positive through http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#Netherlands. So if it is legal to date her, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all! Personally, I treat women with respect so by the fact that she is acting really flirty with you is a sign that she WANTS you to flirt back. By denying her advances, you are unconsciously saying that she ain't good for you, this will perhaps make her lose self-esteems and really not showing the necessary respect that she deserves. By all means, you should go for it! Later on, you may never see this girl again due to moving, careers, or just general life obstacles. Will you really live the rest of your life in regret of thinking about "what if..."?
Yeah she's legal, and no my work won't really be affected. I could avoid her if I wanted to, and we don't exactly work together on a daily basis anyway. So her attitude towards me won't really change my work. There is no real policies regarding dating so that too shouldn't be a problem.
I'm not so sure on the attitude of other more direct colleagues if they hear I've been hitting on an 18 year old though...
I agree that I don't want to regret and think "what if". I also don't really think I shouldn't be trying to get something going with her, I just think I need a bit of time to get used to the idea. I'll see what I can get accomplished working with her today.
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I think I like a girl that's a housemate with one of my friends.
I think I should ask him if it's alright if I ask her out and then try to find some time alone with her. Only seen her twice when my friends play magic and she comes by the kitchen to talk but she seems really cool. Like someone I would get along with.
My first issue will be trying to get her alone for a second. I'll try to pet my friend's cats. I mean I'll still be in earshot of my friends. This is going to be a bit embarrassing.
Then I need to also have some plans. I like food. Maybe a food thing.
She's into board games but if we play board games we won't be alone. Also I want to make sure my other friend doesn't like her first. Bro code. Also into halloween stuff I think since she baked a clay tombstone for something. I should ask her about that. Hopefully Zombie walk is coming up soon? I could get a video game she liked but I don't think video games are a good date since there's little opportunity to talk.
I'll get the game though. Cuz it sounds fun and it'll give me something to talk about.
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On June 23 2014 22:51 obesechicken13 wrote:
I think I like a girl that's a housemate with one of my friends.
I think I should ask him if it's alright if I ask her out and then try to find some time alone with her. Only seen her twice when my friends play magic and she comes by the kitchen to talk but she seems really cool. Like someone I would get along with.
My first issue will be trying to get her alone for a second. I'll try to pet my friend's cats. I mean I'll still be in earshot of my friends. This is going to be a bit embarrassing.
Then I need to also have some plans. I like food. Maybe a food thing.
She's into board games but if we play board games we won't be alone. Also I want to make sure my other friend doesn't like her first. Bro code. Also into halloween stuff I think since she baked a clay tombstone for something. I should ask her about that. Hopefully Zombie walk is coming up soon? I could get a video game she liked but I don't think video games are a good date since there's little opportunity to talk.
I'll get the game though. Cuz it sounds fun and it'll give me something to talk about.
how old are you?
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On June 23 2014 23:23 SoSexy wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 22:51 obesechicken13 wrote:
I think I like a girl that's a housemate with one of my friends.
I think I should ask him if it's alright if I ask her out and then try to find some time alone with her. Only seen her twice when my friends play magic and she comes by the kitchen to talk but she seems really cool. Like someone I would get along with.
My first issue will be trying to get her alone for a second. I'll try to pet my friend's cats. I mean I'll still be in earshot of my friends. This is going to be a bit embarrassing.
Then I need to also have some plans. I like food. Maybe a food thing.
She's into board games but if we play board games we won't be alone. Also I want to make sure my other friend doesn't like her first. Bro code. Also into halloween stuff I think since she baked a clay tombstone for something. I should ask her about that. Hopefully Zombie walk is coming up soon? I could get a video game she liked but I don't think video games are a good date since there's little opportunity to talk.
I'll get the game though. Cuz it sounds fun and it'll give me something to talk about. how old are you?
13 by maturity
23 by revolutions around the sun
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On June 23 2014 23:34 obesechicken13 wrote:Show nested quote +On June 23 2014 23:23 SoSexy wrote:On June 23 2014 22:51 obesechicken13 wrote:
I think I like a girl that's a housemate with one of my friends.
I think I should ask him if it's alright if I ask her out and then try to find some time alone with her. Only seen her twice when my friends play magic and she comes by the kitchen to talk but she seems really cool. Like someone I would get along with.
My first issue will be trying to get her alone for a second. I'll try to pet my friend's cats. I mean I'll still be in earshot of my friends. This is going to be a bit embarrassing.
Then I need to also have some plans. I like food. Maybe a food thing.
She's into board games but if we play board games we won't be alone. Also I want to make sure my other friend doesn't like her first. Bro code. Also into halloween stuff I think since she baked a clay tombstone for something. I should ask her about that. Hopefully Zombie walk is coming up soon? I could get a video game she liked but I don't think video games are a good date since there's little opportunity to talk.
I'll get the game though. Cuz it sounds fun and it'll give me something to talk about. how old are you? 13 by maturity 23 by revolutions around the sun
I think you should just go up to her and ask her out. Keep it simple bro!
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EPT
