We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On June 24 2014 03:43 SixStrings wrote: Just be honest, and don't do anything drastic you might regret later.
If you know you're attracted to a girl but don't want a relationship, just tell her exactly that.
The worst thing that can happen is that you won't see her again, no harm done. The best thing that can happen is that you find a friends with benefit type situation that lasts until you find someone you really like, or she does.
The only thing you shouldn't do is to lie about your intentions or pretend you're interested in a relationship when all you want is her delicious booty.
The way I see it:
Sex with a girl you love > regular sex with a girl you find only physically attractive > random one night stands > having a wank.
Wtf, I think you should apologize to the wank.
Agreed. Random one night stands are pretty shit.
Tell me straight-facedly that you'd prefer having a wank over having sex with an eager girl, even if it's just once, and I'll call you a liar.
A good old-fashioned wank doesn't have any drama, bullshit, or moral bankruptcies involved, so... I'm a liar?
Wait how does a one night stand necessarily have those things?
The third thing is probably the most common. I value my relationships with women, so I don't see much appeal in using somebody once and throwing her away for someone else to pick up, I think that's the mark of someone who doesn't really know what they want. And just spending time to yourself - doesn't have to be a wank - keeps your head free and clear of the other two.
Using somebody once? Moral bankruptcies?
Jesus fuck, can't you guys even imagine that there are girls out there who like sex and don't mind having a passionate night with a stranger? You can have a one-night-stand without lying to a girl, giving her drugs, manipulating her, raping her or even drinking with her. Stop making me out to be a borderline rapist because I prefer a woman's embrace over my own bony fingers.
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
On June 24 2014 03:43 SixStrings wrote: Just be honest, and don't do anything drastic you might regret later.
If you know you're attracted to a girl but don't want a relationship, just tell her exactly that.
The worst thing that can happen is that you won't see her again, no harm done. The best thing that can happen is that you find a friends with benefit type situation that lasts until you find someone you really like, or she does.
The only thing you shouldn't do is to lie about your intentions or pretend you're interested in a relationship when all you want is her delicious booty.
The way I see it:
Sex with a girl you love > regular sex with a girl you find only physically attractive > random one night stands > having a wank.
Wtf, I think you should apologize to the wank.
Agreed. Random one night stands are pretty shit.
Tell me straight-facedly that you'd prefer having a wank over having sex with an eager girl, even if it's just once, and I'll call you a liar.
A good old-fashioned wank doesn't have any drama, bullshit, or moral bankruptcies involved, so... I'm a liar?
Wait how does a one night stand necessarily have those things?
The third thing is probably the most common. I value my relationships with women, so I don't see much appeal in using somebody once and throwing her away for someone else to pick up, I think that's the mark of someone who doesn't really know what they want. And just spending time to yourself - doesn't have to be a wank - keeps your head free and clear of the other two.
What's morally bankrupt about a one-night stand? It's sexist of you to think that the woman is always 'thrown away' as if a woman can't knowingly enter a one-night stand without some kind of agenda to get something more out of it.
yeah he's just talking nonsense. Sweeping, unfounded generalisations.
On June 24 2014 03:43 SixStrings wrote: Just be honest, and don't do anything drastic you might regret later.
If you know you're attracted to a girl but don't want a relationship, just tell her exactly that.
The worst thing that can happen is that you won't see her again, no harm done. The best thing that can happen is that you find a friends with benefit type situation that lasts until you find someone you really like, or she does.
The only thing you shouldn't do is to lie about your intentions or pretend you're interested in a relationship when all you want is her delicious booty.
The way I see it:
Sex with a girl you love > regular sex with a girl you find only physically attractive > random one night stands > having a wank.
Wtf, I think you should apologize to the wank.
Agreed. Random one night stands are pretty shit.
Tell me straight-facedly that you'd prefer having a wank over having sex with an eager girl, even if it's just once, and I'll call you a liar.
A good old-fashioned wank doesn't have any drama, bullshit, or moral bankruptcies involved, so... I'm a liar?
Wait how does a one night stand necessarily have those things?
The third thing is probably the most common. I value my relationships with women, so I don't see much appeal in using somebody once and throwing her away for someone else to pick up, I think that's the mark of someone who doesn't really know what they want. And just spending time to yourself - doesn't have to be a wank - keeps your head free and clear of the other two.
The difference in perspective is exclusively framing. To be more precise the difference is that you're choosing to frame it in a negative light while the opposite is also easily possible. Sure, technically you can interpret a one night stand as "using somebody once to fulfill your own desires" but personally for example I interpret it as "enjoying a great night with somebody I connected with".
Neither value system is inherently "better" but one is inherently more positive. What you should consider thinking about is whether your negative mindset stops you from having awesome positive experiences with other people. In general when in doubt it's a good idea for most people to choose the positive outlook since it encourages finding experiences you wouldn't have otherwise. If you ask me the possibility of a positive outcome and figuring out new things is almost always worth enough to give it a try.
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
Hell yeah.
The only thing to keep in mind is that you should be honest about her and yourself. If you're sexually attracted, act like it. If you're not, then don't. If you pretend something that's not the case it won't go well for too long.
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
You just described having a mate. Good for you!
I have to say i've only ever had 3 people i was 100% comfortable with upon meeting them, one id talked to forever we hung out and it was just natural, other id talked to since i was like 12(met over the internet lolol) went to see her and it was all cool. third i was super sexually attracted to(bc she was asian and that was my lifes dream at the time) ive went out with plenty of women but having something like that is rare.
The girl i'm dating is virgin and she is afraid of sex, so yesterday i went to my ex gf house and i did it. I feel a bit superficial. What should i say to this girl to make her feel confortable with this penetrating business?
On June 25 2014 00:16 SUINELLA wrote: The girl i'm dating is virgin and she is afraid of sex, so yesterday i went to my ex gf house and i did it. I feel a bit superficial. What should i say to this girl to make her feel confortable with this penetrating business?
tell her you wanna break up cause thats a scumbag thing to do
On June 25 2014 00:16 SUINELLA wrote: The girl i'm dating is virgin and she is afraid of sex, so yesterday i went to my ex gf house and i did it. I feel a bit superficial. What should i say to this girl to make her feel confortable with this penetrating business?
Break up with her instantly because she deserves better.
On June 25 2014 00:16 SUINELLA wrote: The girl i'm dating is virgin and she is afraid of sex, so yesterday i went to my ex gf house and i did it. I feel a bit superficial. What should i say to this girl to make her feel confortable with this penetrating business?
'Come on baby just the tip' is the standard phrase in this situation I believe xD.. But seriously just break up she probably would be better off losing her virginity to someone a bit more considerate.
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
You just described having a mate. Good for you!
I have to say i've only ever had 3 people i was 100% comfortable with upon meeting them, one id talked to forever we hung out and it was just natural, other id talked to since i was like 12(met over the internet lolol) went to see her and it was all cool. third i was super sexually attracted to(bc she was asian and that was my lifes dream at the time) ive went out with plenty of women but having something like that is rare.
you gotta act on that shit mang
Good idea, but we already are seeing eachother we told eachother we're going with the flow
On June 24 2014 16:10 Adrian_mx wrote: Hey boys, you ever hang out with a girl that youre so comfortable with and everything is just cool. Relaxed. Im seeing this girl, we work together, We hangout watch movies, go out, you know basic stuff. But whats different from anything ive ever been with is how comfortable i am with her, its just natural. We say the same things sometimes, we choose the same decisions, its just weird. And its also weird because Im not deeply into her like I would be with other women. Im attracted to her of course, Im happy its so chill. Ive never had this before lol
You just described having a mate. Good for you!
I have to say i've only ever had 3 people i was 100% comfortable with upon meeting them, one id talked to forever we hung out and it was just natural, other id talked to since i was like 12(met over the internet lolol) went to see her and it was all cool. third i was super sexually attracted to(bc she was asian and that was my lifes dream at the time) ive went out with plenty of women but having something like that is rare.
you gotta act on that shit mang
Good idea, but we already are seeing eachother we told eachother we're going with the flow
So I've been seeing this gal for the past 6 months who is a bit over 4 years older than me. We are intimate but don't consider ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend. She's more for 'expanding' our relationship, I'm for keeping it as is. I can see the difference in age between us (I'm late twenties, she's early thirties), and I'm bugged by the fact that I could easily be dating a girl that's 4 years younger than me.
Am I being weird adhering to these cultural tendencies (men tend to marry younger women, rather than older women)? If you were considering a girl for a serious relationship would it bother you that she was four years older than you?
I think it's kinda dumb that I'm ageing her like this, but like a lot of men most of my brain is located between my legs...
On June 25 2014 07:22 Mc wrote: So I've been seeing this gal for the past 6 months who is a bit over 4 years older than me. We are intimate but don't consider ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend. She's more for 'expanding' our relationship, I'm for keeping it as is. I can see the difference in age between us (I'm late twenties, she's early thirties), and I'm bugged by the fact that I could easily be dating a girl that's 4 years younger than me.
Am I being weird adhering to these cultural tendencies (men tend to marry younger women, rather than older women)? If you were considering a girl for a serious relationship would it bother you that she was four years older than you?
I think it's kinda dumb that I'm ageing her like this, but like a lot of men most of my brain is located between my legs...
4 years isnt that big of a difference lol, men like older women in my exp(atleast around here) if you dont want anything besides fucking you should tell her so she doesnt get the wrong idea, and if you decide you do maybe want something more then tell her now
On June 25 2014 00:16 SUINELLA wrote: The girl i'm dating is virgin and she is afraid of sex, so yesterday i went to my ex gf house and i did it. I feel a bit superficial. What should i say to this girl to make her feel confortable with this penetrating business?
'Come on baby just the tip' is the standard phrase in this situation I believe xD.. But seriously just break up she probably would be better off losing her virginity to someone a bit more considerate.
I realized my mistake and i told to my ex gf that we have to stop doing this and i blamed her, but she told me it was my fault because she didn't try to tempt me. I will try with the "tip" suggestion ^_^
EPT
