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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Been in a relationship for about three months now. We're both currently in the same study abroad program for the semester and are going back to the states in a few weeks. She's 23 and I'm 20 so it's definitely a new experience on my part. I was too pussy to make a move on her after we first met cause I thought I'd never have a chance (I mean shit I was 19 at the time and she's very attractive) but something between us clicked and she started to come onto me hard. The sex is amazing and she's quite freaky/experienced when it comes down to trying weird stuff; I'm pretty sure she's done some crazy stuff in the past which I probably don't want to hear about but whatever, what's past is past.
Here's the kicker, when we first met I learned that she had a boyfriend back home of three years...and that she shared a damn apartment with him. She then went on to say about they've been having all sorts of problems and she was on the verge of breaking up with him. I was straight up with her and said I wouldn't get involved unless she broke things off with her boyfriend back home. For some reason I trusted her and she a few days later she told me she had a long skype conversation with her 'ex' and that they were finished. I said 'sweet' and we had a good time for about 2 months studying and hanging out together.
About 3 weeks ago, I started getting fishy feelings about her relationship with her now 'ex' boyfriend. We were once watching something on her computer when she checked her email and I noticed a new email from her 'ex' in the inbox. She explained to me that it was the first contact they had had in a while and that it wasn't anything serious, just 'withdrawal problems'. I took her for her word at the time but later decided to do some investigating on my own. I had done some baller facebook reconnaissance and noticed her boyfriend had set his profile pic to the two of them together.
To make a long story short I called her out on her bullshit and told her about my suspicions and she defended herself at first, but then broke down shortly after as she realized I know what was going on. She gave me some bullshit about stability and not wanting to risk her past relationship on something that just started, but if we both lived in the same city (I'm in Cali she's in Oregon) "she would definitely pick me". I said fuck it and left her room to collect my thoughts.
I don't know why I did it, but I decided to forgive her if she told the truth to her boyfriend and set things straight. I'm usually not one to forgive a betrayal such as this one, and it still angers me that she lied to my face, but for some reason I allowed myself to take the less traveled route and give her a second chance.
I'm not sure how I feel about the decision I made. It might have been because I wasn't ready to face a break up, maybe it was because I'm a spineless pussy and let this woman four years my senior take advantage of me. The hardest thing to overcome is how I feel about my own integrity, if I even know what that means anymore. It just doesn't seem right for me to let this happen. It seems like to should have yelled and shouted in her face and called her a lying bitch while watching her weep. But I managed to push all of those initial feelings away and decided to forgive.
Currently our relationship is going well. We spend a lot of time together and neither of us regret it. There have been minor clashes regarding maturity and whatnot, but that's a whole different story. And I must mention that the sex is incredible.
I know you guys probably think "wow this dude is a total bitch" or something along those lines, but I don't really care. I'm just glad I'm able to write this out on the 41st page of some Starcraft blog for some random netizens to glaze over with minor interest. I'm just glad I can finally put this out there. Thanks, TL.
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Been with the same girl since I was 16 mostly. I'm almost 23 now. We've split up a couple times and I was always easily able to find a girl to spend time with  . Pretty good I think 
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The best way to get over 1 woman is to get under 10 more.... Stay thirsty my friend...
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16, and having a great time with the new girlfriend. Been going out for a little over a month.
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It's so cold tonight
there are things I need to say
but I'm alone tonight
do I need you anyways
:'(
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disregard females, aquire currency
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On December 07 2011 21:56 Sm3agol wrote:
My dating luck is terrible, but I have an unusual situation at hand. I've been taking cello lessons for about a year and a half from a college student(music major/cello performance) that has now graduated. She's always been nice(of course, I'm paying her, lol) and we've gotten along fine, abiet, "professionally". Recently, she's been quite a bit nicer, and the texts we send to set up lessons/ask questions/etc have been getting a little more random and funny, not professional like before. I literally have zero idea whether she is dating anyone or not, she could be married for all I know...she almost definitely is not, but still, that's how far I've gone into asking her anything like that lol...). I kind of asked her out(City Symphony Performance), but that weekend she was really busy, and she really seemed to be kind of blowing me off, but this was quite a while before before she started being all random and such. The thing is, I don't want to be all weird and such, or ruin our "professional relationship" especially since we've known each other for over a year now, and I'd definitely like to keep taking lessons from her. I'm thinking about asking her out to another symphony performance in a few weeks, but a little more directly this time. But the thing is, if she's already dating someone, or is even engaged or married, I definitely don't want to ask her. Does TL have any ideas for a smooth way to find out any of that stuff? She has a facebook, and it doesn't say she's in a relationship or anything, but she hardly ever updates it, so i don't want to really trust that.
Something like 50 % of my freinds don't have a "relationship status" on their facebook (I think this is a little creepy when you are in a relationship). So I don't think that's any real indication of her not dating. But chances are she is not. The only way to find out is asking her. Maybe you could joke about your bad dating luck and casually slip in a "how a about you? how's your luck?".
Then there is stalking. Asking her friends (if you know any of them) is also a possibility, but I wouldn't recommend it since they would tell her you asked and that's would be embarassing. Just ask her.
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On October 09 2011 20:38 Plexa wrote:Show nested quote +On October 09 2011 19:08 Doraemon wrote:
only had 1 gf and will probably marry her...can't imagine myself going out there and looking for someone new if it had to be...just seems so difficult and wouldn't know where to start. lol  !
Exact same story, we were talking about kids, I was thinking about marrying her only thing is...she did leave me after 3 years. It's been 4 months now, but I still feel completely lost. Don't find any joy in anything anymore, don't like going out with friends, hate my job, totally don't want to go out and look for someone new, and don't know if I ever will for that matter. Really thought she was the one for me, then one day she just left without even elaborating why she left me. Only sporadically heard from her since, last time was over a month ago. I am LOST without her. Fucking don't understand any of it. Feel horrible, think about her every second of every day. I hope it gets better soon cause I don't know where the fuck I'm going anymore.
+ Show Spoiler +
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I once had a girlfriend. Then I took an arrow to the knee.
User was warned for this post
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On December 07 2011 23:40 Zuxo wrote:
I once had a girlfriend. Then I took an arrow to the knee.
I love you
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Been in a very long relationship, she got pregnant (our own fault, no need to tell me this) & we were.. 17. Now I'm not going to throw everything out here but to put it simple
< she got pregnant
< we lost our kid (miscarriage)
< she left
< she met someone
< this year she came back
< at the end of the day she turned out to be lying to everyone, cheating, she was still with the other guy when she came back & bla bla bla... she's not a part of my life anymore as she's not worth it, just that simple.
I had 2 more relationships like after she left the first time... went well but it just wasn't the same & yeah.. when we found out the truth we informed her family & friends involved.. & I'm fine on my own. I'm turning 20 in january & I still have a lot of years to go (or at least i hope so) & yeah.. I don't need a girlfriend, I don't even want one atm because I've been through a LOT of shit from the day I was born 'till now, for example: lost 2 brothers & my sister, my dad physically (not sexually) abused us daily & turned out to be cheating on our mother for years, we basicly ended up almost living on the streets, moved around from place to place but right now we're doing fine, we got a house, we get around financially ect...
I'll be going to uni (I had to quit school for quite a while because I basicly ended up in a depression where I lost 20 kg's after the whole girlfriend situation, now I'm like.. basicly I went from 70-75 to 50-55 & now I weigh about 60-65, so yeah.. Normally I would've had to do 3 more years in high school (5th, 6th & 7th) but I managed to only having to do 2 semesters in a school for adults & people who didn't get to finish their school(this year january - june & september - january/feb 2012 = graduating)..
I'll be studying philosophy & economics at uni & ofcourse it's going to be something I'll have to get used to at first but this is another reason why I don't really want/need a girlfriend atm.. I want to focus on my studies because I know how important it is & when you've almost lived on the streets you really really know how important it is to get a good job & how important money actually is.. So yeah.. 3 years bachelor &.. Well I heard they want to add another year to the masters so probably 2 years for my master.. So I'll be 25/26 when graduating.
I tend to somewhat adapt to my environment & the people around me so for a girl to really get to know me could be a pain in the ass but yeah.. I think I don't really like to show how I really am because of my past.. Might sound stupid but yeah, a girl would only really get to know me when we're having a good chat ect.. I don't hide my past from anyone because facts are facts & there's nothing I can do about it, anyways, right now what's keeping me happy is basicly knowing I got everything I need for now & I can go to uni & I'm looking forward to it so.. That's what's keeping me happy.
It's more than likely I will meet someone or will get in the mood for a relationship again sooner or later but only time can tell when & how.. No need to rush.
Though I must admit girls to tend to like me.. Or at least the girls who are in my taste like.. Don't know why but everyone thinks I got a very warm, kind, genuine personality & yeah... Girls tend to like me when they somewhat get to know me.
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I grew up in the Manchester area. Never had much luck with girls. i have always been reserved / slighty quiet and never wanted to ruin friendships by asking someone out.
School passed ... 0 Girls
I went to 6th Form .... 0 Girls (still plenty of time)
Went to Uni .. Got a date in my 2nd month. Totally screwed it up by trying to be friendly and chatty / interesting (which i succeeded in doing). But never actually making a move. We kept on being friends, but never quite knowing where we stood i didnt try again.
I eventually found a girl at the end of my 2nd year.
We had a good year together. I got my degree in physics and moved with my parents to the middle of nowhere aka the Isle of Anglesey. We had a good summer but then she had her year abroad for her degree.
After getting settled in abroad she found an internet cafe and we skyped... i was in the middle of a game of go and it was intense. she could tell i was not giving her my full attention and she started to cry. She ended the call.
I havent heard from her since but i know she's seeing someone else now. I was never sure if she was right for me so i didnt pursue he much. I figured when she got back to the UK we could meet and see where things went.
I now have a nice job which i enjoy, but its a small company and i work in a lab, and i still live in the middle of nowhere, far away from my friends and i haven't seen a single candidate for the position of Mrs Rye.
My advice to all.
DONT BE AN IDIOT LIKE ME.
Friendships may not last. I can honestly say i regret not asking girls out. I've been embarrassed many times (mainly my own fault), i have also been rejected by some of the few girls I did actually ask out. It doesn't feel nice, but the pain of those experiences is nowhere near the pain of regret i feel now.
Next time you see that friend you want to ask out, or a random stranger, just do it, you CAN still be friends if it doesnt work or she if she says no.
Name: Rye
Sex: Male
Age: 26
Weight: 67Kg (since this seems to matter)
Status: Single
Area: Isle of Anglesey / North Wales
Notes: Complete and utter idiot
*Wishes there was a TL Dating service, not that it would help someone living where i live.*
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Starcraft is more important.
But I've been really struggling to commit to a relationship lately...it's hard to find a girl that appreciates Starcraft
But I'm happy now 
She even cooks...
The key is to keep trying. My record is 4-38
Name: Ray
Sex: Male
Age: 17
Weight: 54kg (5'10)
Status: Half-Single
Area: US, California
Notes: Having fun
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On December 08 2011 00:18 Rye. wrote:
I grew up in the Manchester area. Never had much luck with girls. i have always been reserved / slighty quiet and never wanted to ruin friendships by asking someone out.
School passed ... 0 Girls
I went to 6th Form .... 0 Girls (still plenty of time)
Went to Uni .. Got a date in my 2nd month. Totally screwed it up by trying to be friendly and chatty / interesting (which i succeeded in doing). But never actually making a move. We kept on being friends, but never quite knowing where we stood i didnt try again.
I eventually found a girl at the end of my 2nd year.
We had a good year together. I got my degree in physics and moved with my parents to the middle of nowhere aka the Isle of Anglesey. We had a good summer but then she had her year abroad for her degree.
After getting settled in abroad she found an internet cafe and we skyped... i was in the middle of a game of go and it was intense. she could tell i was not giving her my full attention and she started to cry. She ended the call.
I havent heard from her since but i know she's seeing someone else now. I was never sure if she was right for me so i didnt pursue he much. I figured when she got back to the UK we could meet and see where things went.
I now have a nice job which i enjoy, but its a small company and i work in a lab, and i still live in the middle of nowhere, far away from my friends and i haven't seen a single candidate for the position of Mrs Rye.
My advice to all.
DONT BE AN IDIOT LIKE ME.
Friendships may not last. I can honestly say i regret not asking girls out. I've been embarrassed many times (mainly my own fault), i have also been rejected by some of the few girls I did actually ask out. It doesn't feel nice, but the pain of those experiences is nowhere near the pain of regret i feel now.
Next time you see that friend you want to ask out, or a random stranger, just do it, you CAN still be friends if it doesnt work or she if she says no.
Name: Rye
Sex: Male
Age: 26
Weight: 67Kg (since this seems to matter)
Status: Single
Area: Isle of Anglesey / North Wales
Notes: Complete and utter idiot
*Wishes there was a TL Dating service, not that it would help someone living where i live.*
Even though I'm 6/7 years younger than you, my advice to everyone is be yourself when you're like.. alone with someone. I tend to adapt to my environment & the people around me but when I'm alone with someone or like.. In a smaller group, people really will get to know the real me & that's what's important... Getting to know the real you & some people won't like it, others will... That's life & yeah... I know a lot of people who try to impress someone they like but most of the time it ends up going nowhere.
Just be yourself man, best advice anyone can give & eventually you will find someone who can appreciate everything about you & who basicly loves everything (or most of the things) about you. There's no perfect relationship, that's something I've experienced at first hand on more than one occasion.
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Agreed, be yourself.
But you do need to take the plunge.
Ray, you are correct. Starcraft is way more important. *obvious lie but wishes it was true*
Also, it just occured to me that i just advertised myself on a forum that is read by 99% sausage. Made my laugh.
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No luck at all. While some men have 2 or more girls. Life stinks
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I've been in 3 relationships in the last 5 years. Currently I am in my longest with my dearest, and most lovely girlfriend (just over a year now). Sure, we've had our rough moments for the first 8 months, but I took that as getting to know each other the hard way because no two people are alike and you both grew up differently. I'm really glad she doesn't dislike starcraft, but she doesn't like it. She was nice enough to buy me a Terran T-shirt as a thankyou for me helping paint her new room!
If I can give you any advice it would be this:
• Respect her (be nice, keep a filter, open doors for her even after a year etc)
• LISTEN TO HER (you have no idea how much girls yearn for you to listen)
• Love her (Comfort her, support her, hold her, keep her safe, warm her up, hold her just cuz you love her)
If you do these three things, a girl will give her heart to you and do a lot of wonderful, nice things for you, like bake your favorite dessert, give you appreciation notes, make you and her her profile picture on facebook, speak highly of you and defend you at her work if her co-workers say something mean about you, she'll want to make you lunch or dinner before you go to work (if you have an afternoon/evening job), and much more!
I can't say most, or all girls do this, but I'm speaking from my experiences and from those whom I've given advice to over the years. I know girls want to be respected by a gentleman. Pull her chair out, open the door for her first always (don't jump in the car and unlock her door on the inside), offer your jacket to her if she's cold, let her choose where to eat most of the time (if she says it doesn't matter, pick a place you both like). Above all, just listen to her and make eye contact with her while you do. Women translate "listening" as "making eye contact," so look her in the face when listening or talking to her.
Just be yourself. Girls are not looking for a macho, ripped guy (don't mistaken this for wanting to be protected). They're looking for a MAN who can understand them, listen to them, love them, and respect them for who they are.
If I have any more i'll post them.
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On December 07 2011 21:56 Sm3agol wrote:
My dating luck is terrible, but I have an unusual situation at hand. I've been taking cello lessons for about a year and a half from a college student(music major/cello performance) that has now graduated. She's always been nice(of course, I'm paying her, lol) and we've gotten along fine, abiet, "professionally". Recently, she's been quite a bit nicer, and the texts we send to set up lessons/ask questions/etc have been getting a little more random and funny, not professional like before. I literally have zero idea whether she is dating anyone or not, she could be married for all I know...she almost definitely is not, but still, that's how far I've gone into asking her anything like that lol...). I kind of asked her out(City Symphony Performance), but that weekend she was really busy, and she really seemed to be kind of blowing me off, but this was quite a while before before she started being all random and such. The thing is, I don't want to be all weird and such, or ruin our "professional relationship" especially since we've known each other for over a year now, and I'd definitely like to keep taking lessons from her. I'm thinking about asking her out to another symphony performance in a few weeks, but a little more directly this time. But the thing is, if she's already dating someone, or is even engaged or married, I definitely don't want to ask her. Does TL have any ideas for a smooth way to find out any of that stuff? She has a facebook, and it doesn't say she's in a relationship or anything, but she hardly ever updates it, so i don't want to really trust that.
Dude, just ask her out. Doesn't have to by symphony/music related. In fact, probably better if it's not, so that there's no ambiguity about it. Sounds like she's unattached. Girls usually insta-put their relationship statuses on FB if they're in one.
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Its not really on how lucky I am at getting dates, it's how I mess things up with bad decisions >.<
a couple years ago I started dating a good friend of mine for a while sure we had the random fights but it was nothing in the next day and it was just bad decision making imo that I left her and without knowing, a couple months afterwards, I started dating her best friend T.T long story short, dating her didn't last to long lol.. and now it seems since that "accident" if you wanna call it. I think I've run out of luck with dating. (that accident happened 3years ago). Since then, i've only had 2 dates that only went as far as a second date each. Relationship why u so complicated nowadays!
Edit: Still friends with the first girl of the story but not so sure if I should ask her back out (since we are still friends, but not sure if she'd still want to be with me since I dated her former best friend) >.>
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On December 07 2011 21:56 Sm3agol wrote:
My dating luck is terrible, but I have an unusual situation at hand. I've been taking cello lessons for about a year and a half from a college student(music major/cello performance) that has now graduated. She's always been nice(of course, I'm paying her, lol) and we've gotten along fine, abiet, "professionally". Recently, she's been quite a bit nicer, and the texts we send to set up lessons/ask questions/etc have been getting a little more random and funny, not professional like before. I literally have zero idea whether she is dating anyone or not, she could be married for all I know...she almost definitely is not, but still, that's how far I've gone into asking her anything like that lol...). I kind of asked her out(City Symphony Performance), but that weekend she was really busy, and she really seemed to be kind of blowing me off, but this was quite a while before before she started being all random and such. The thing is, I don't want to be all weird and such, or ruin our "professional relationship" especially since we've known each other for over a year now, and I'd definitely like to keep taking lessons from her. I'm thinking about asking her out to another symphony performance in a few weeks, but a little more directly this time. But the thing is, if she's already dating someone, or is even engaged or married, I definitely don't want to ask her. Does TL have any ideas for a smooth way to find out any of that stuff? She has a facebook, and it doesn't say she's in a relationship or anything, but she hardly ever updates it, so i don't want to really trust that.
It's rather easy to tell if she's engaged or married - just look at her left ring finger.
Now, you're scared of rejection right? We all have to face it, but let me tell you something. I know a woman who talked to hundreds of other girls, and several female psychologists who say relationships are the #1 thing girls have the most questions about. These women have told me this:
"Most girls feel bad when they reject a guy, but they do it for their own good intentions. It's not that we want to reject every guy, it's just we're afraid, we're busy, we're in a relationship, or we're just not interested in dating in general at the moment. Every girl is different, so you have to keep looking and asking. But there was one thing that astonished me. Every girl said they appreciated the effort to be asked out; that they appreciate the fact they were noticed by a guy."
Yes, it's scary to ask a girl out. Believe me. Instead of using the word "chase" when going after a girl, I think the more proper term is to "notice" the girl. Girls like to be noticed. They like to see that we notice them out of all her friends, or any other girl around the school, church, campus, wherever.
Take your chances. The girl will either say yes or reject you (usually in a nice way). But my best advice concerning this would be to go up to her and say "hey, me and my friend are going to such and such, do you and your friend want to go with us?" Try group dating - or just hang out as friends... that way you get to know her and she'll feel less awkward that she's alone with a guy she's only hung out with once.
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EPT
