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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 13 2012 21:20 probob wrote:
Im in the mood to tell my story.
It all begins in the 12th grade of highschool where I met this girl who looked really beautiful and I wanted to date her.
People in my class told me that she has a boyfriend since 7th grade but they have some problems.
So I talk to her shes into me and we met at her place and have sex. Basically she tolds me she never had sex before with the other guy because it didnt work out. The other guy gets told what happened and is mad like hell, tells other people he wants to stab me and other crazy stuff like that. She turned out to be psycho and controlling too, so im in the middle of their weird relationship problems. 2 month later I see this even more beautiful asian girl in my class. We talk a little and became friends first. We then went to a party and this one drunk friend of mine keeps hugging her and lifting her up carrying her around stuff like that and I noticed that I get so mad jelous although I have no right to be jelous for a girl im not even with. So i tell her exactly that. We started going out and a few weeks later I dump the psycho girl for her.
That was 2007. Since then Im with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now and were very happy. But other people told me that the guy never got back with the first girl and got depressed over that and now never goes out and chills at home getting drunk all day.
So what do you say TL? Is it my fault that this guy is so fucked or is it his own?
Not your fault, she was attracted to you, you were attracted to her. It was time for him to move on. The girl might not be the full reason why hes not going out though, might be more personal issues your friends may not know about.
So my dilemma is a bit long, but I'll shorten it a bit. Me and this girl hooked up a few times, but she would do small things that would annoy me. We live in residence at University so every time someone knocked on the door she would pretty much throw me off her and pretend we were never even touching each other and invite the person in, and have 30-40 minute conversation with them while I was there. Also, I told my friends about her, but she never told anyone about me. I would try to make as much time for her as I could and I never felt she was doing the same for me.
During winter break she broke her phone so we didn't talk much, so I thought of those previously mentioned things and came to the conclusion that I was a 'back up' plan in case she didn't have anything better to do. Obviously I may have jumped the gun going to that conclusion, but I though a lot about her during the break, and was effecting my break. The best way to get over her was to stop thinking of her, becoming less attached to her. When we came back I was kind of ignoring her a bit because I was pretty upset about the whole situation and how she treated me. I told some of my female friends about the situation and they agreed she treated me pretty badly.
Last week when I was drunk she wanted to 'talk'. She had a guy over the night before so I figured it was about that, but she asked me if I was mad at her. So I pretty much told her everything mentioned above, then there was an awkward silence so I left.
The next day we talked, and she told me she really liked me and can't express her feelings very well, she then passed me a letter that pretty much expressed everything she felt for me but she couldn't say, explained everything I had mentioned above and told me that 'she was extremely lucky to have ever met me and she feels very bad she treated me that way'.
Now I feel like shit, because not only did I jump the gun on the conclusion I was a 'last minute thing', but that now my attraction for her isn't there anymore. I had lost it over the break when I attempted to get over her. Now I'm not sure what to do really, she told she was gonna give me some space but I promised I would talk to her soon but don;t know what to say.
tl;dr Thought the girl I liked was using me as a back up plan but turns out she likes me and now I'm not attracted to her because I tried to get over her.
/rant
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Seriously I started laughing out loud here at work due to SaSe's post..... Everyone was look at me with eyes saying "what's so funny"... But this one would be hard to explain  .
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On December 08 2011 02:30 SaSe wrote:
Met a girl in Korea, she asked what I was doing I said progamer. She said "wow I play terran". I grabbed her hand, looked into her eyes and said "this is never gonna work". Then I left.
Hahaha this is too good xD
I actually got the balls to ask a girl out thanks to some post in TL that said something like "You cannot fear them. They are also human being with fears and insecurities just like you", and a few more posts like that. I asked her to go for a drink and chat. We had a great first day together and been dating for like 3 months now, pretty cool.
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Dating is all about finding a person that completes u and not a beaultiful one
btw is the xbox controller guy highly ranked (i actually commented only for that) ?
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Dating is a funny thing. I had 3 seperate ~1 week relationships (if you can call them that haha) in high school. Im a very particular person, and I have very diverse interrests. It made it hard to find someone that was smart, fun and exciting enough to truly care about. I gave up on relationships for a while, and just decided to enjoy high school and university and not look for anything serious. Then all of a sudden, one of my friends from the previous 4 years started to interrest me toward the end of grade 12. Our highschool had a skiing/snowboardign program where we would go out 5 or 6 times a year. She wanted to learn how to snowboard and I offered to teach her. Lets just say when youre learning how to snowboard you spend a lot of time extremely tired, on your ass. It gave us a chance to talk a lot 1 on 1, and I decided to go for it and ask her out.
We've now been together for 6 years, are engaged and getting married in 6 months. Relationships are all about the person youre with. I didnt change anything in my approach in any of the 4 relationships, and 3 failed miserably and 1 succeeded (major understatement). Best thing to do is explore options if youre interrested, be yourself, have standards, be open, and when the right person is there, everything just kind of clicks.
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Engaged. But in my younger days... i got pretty good at getting into girls nickers.
The secret is. Stand confident, be confident (no need for over confidence). Maintain the sexual threat.
Without sexual threat.. you are just praying the girl you are after doesnt get much attention from other men. OR you are EXTREMELY good looking, in which case you cool anyways.
Girls have to know that you want shag them silly, basically. I dont mean enter a room and just tell a bird, 'i want to bone you.'. No (although this has worked for me more than a handful of times). Something as totally simple as telling a girl shes gorgeous works... but dont be wierd with it. Give her a kiss when you meet, tell her shes looking sexy/gorgeous/beauuuuutiful with a big ass smile on your face. But dont wait for a reply, tell her that shit and move on. You dont want her thinking youre doting.
GOD I MISS chasing women.
MAINTAIN SEXUAL THREAT _subtly_. If there is 1 ounce of attraction, her name is notched onto your bed post.
Gl hf
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On January 13 2012 21:36 ParaSit3 wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On January 13 2012 21:20 probob wrote:
Im in the mood to tell my story.
It all begins in the 12th grade of highschool where I met this girl who looked really beautiful and I wanted to date her.
People in my class told me that she has a boyfriend since 7th grade but they have some problems.
So I talk to her shes into me and we met at her place and have sex. Basically she tolds me she never had sex before with the other guy because it didnt work out. The other guy gets told what happened and is mad like hell, tells other people he wants to stab me and other crazy stuff like that. She turned out to be psycho and controlling too, so im in the middle of their weird relationship problems. 2 month later I see this even more beautiful asian girl in my class. We talk a little and became friends first. We then went to a party and this one drunk friend of mine keeps hugging her and lifting her up carrying her around stuff like that and I noticed that I get so mad jelous although I have no right to be jelous for a girl im not even with. So i tell her exactly that. We started going out and a few weeks later I dump the psycho girl for her.
That was 2007. Since then Im with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now and were very happy. But other people told me that the guy never got back with the first girl and got depressed over that and now never goes out and chills at home getting drunk all day.
So what do you say TL? Is it my fault that this guy is so fucked or is it his own?
Not your fault, she was attracted to you, you were attracted to her. It was time for him to move on. The girl might not be the full reason why hes not going out though, might be more personal issues your friends may not know about. So my dilemma is a bit long, but I'll shorten it a bit. Me and this girl hooked up a few times, but she would do small things that would annoy me. We live in residence at University so every time someone knocked on the door she would pretty much throw me off her and pretend we were never even touching each other and invite the person in, and have 30-40 minute conversation with them while I was there. Also, I told my friends about her, but she never told anyone about me. I would try to make as much time for her as I could and I never felt she was doing the same for me. During winter break she broke her phone so we didn't talk much, so I thought of those previously mentioned things and came to the conclusion that I was a 'back up' plan in case she didn't have anything better to do. Obviously I may have jumped the gun going to that conclusion, but I though a lot about her during the break, and was effecting my break. The best way to get over her was to stop thinking of her, becoming less attached to her. When we came back I was kind of ignoring her a bit because I was pretty upset about the whole situation and how she treated me. I told some of my female friends about the situation and they agreed she treated me pretty badly. Last week when I was drunk she wanted to 'talk'. She had a guy over the night before so I figured it was about that, but she asked me if I was mad at her. So I pretty much told her everything mentioned above, then there was an awkward silence so I left. The next day we talked, and she told me she really liked me and can't express her feelings very well, she then passed me a letter that pretty much expressed everything she felt for me but she couldn't say, explained everything I had mentioned above and told me that 'she was extremely lucky to have ever met me and she feels very bad she treated me that way'. Now I feel like shit, because not only did I jump the gun on the conclusion I was a 'last minute thing', but that now my attraction for her isn't there anymore. I had lost it over the break when I attempted to get over her. Now I'm not sure what to do really, she told she was gonna give me some space but I promised I would talk to her soon but don;t know what to say. tl;dr Thought the girl I liked was using me as a back up plan but turns out she likes me and now I'm not attracted to her because I tried to get over her. /rant
This is really complicated. I agree that she treated you badly, especially not standing up for you and denying your realtionship really hurts. But she may have seen what she misses out on and changed her mind. On the other hand she may use you again. You need to try to find out her true motivation.
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My luck? Non-existent. My last two dates were horrible. The first girl gave me the impression of a depressive (which i'll do anything to avoid) while the second was a puritan and boring.
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This is going to be a serious wall of text.
In Jan 2011 our company was visited by a team of consultants that stayed for three months. Each team had a specific consultant that would liaise with the manager (me) and work day to day with a team member to improve processes and the like. Lean it's called. It's 90% garbage.
Anyway the consultant assigned to my team was a possibly the most beautiful girl I've ever met in person. I don't mean like a hot chic that you would see a few of in a club acting like a slut or some that's 'cute' she was just so beautiful, huge brown eyes and beautiful hair, body that all the guys would talk about whenever she left the room.
Anyway the team member she was meant to work day to day with was not that helpful or competent and she couldn't stand that (she was the Lean expert from Toyota and a Mensa member to boot) so she started asking me for things instead. I am helpful, competent and confident. She did like that. After a few weeks the apartment she was staying in has a boiler fault (rented, she lived in Brussels and was over here for the consultancy) and she has to stay locally at a hotel. As she isn't leaving the area I ask if she fancies going for a drink. She says yes, off we go, and I spend the next three hours listening to this genious talk about her extremely privelidged background, how rich her family is, how she is paid more than all the other consultants etc etc etc. My brain switches off and I just stare at those eyes. I get home and tell my flatmate I have spent the evening with the most beautiful and most narcissistic human being I have ever met.
A couple of weeks later a friend has a birthday meal and it's literally 5 minutes from her flat (replete with now functioning boiler by this stage). Boyed by drinks I text her after we've eaten asking if she wants to join us. She does. She arrives in a cocktail dress and looks absurdly good. I am aware that I'm out of my depth but press on regardless. I ask if she wants to hit a bar after, she does, we talk about going to a club, but decide in the doorway it's too noisy to talk.
"We can go back to my place and drink a bottle of wine" she says, "but we're not having sex".
We go, we drink, we talk (a conversation this time, rather than a monologue). She explains that she is 4 months out of a 4 year relationship and damaged goods. She says "Nico, you have blonde hair and blue eyes" and stares at me. We go to bed. We don't have sex.
The next day I am obviously duty bound to leave, but she asks if I want to wander round London with her and her friend. I'm surprised, but I say yes. Her friend is also surprised. We have a great day, a really great day and I'm starting to wonder quite what's going on. We have more dates, we become an item. It is all a massive secret because of work, but I think she kind of likes it. Brushing past each other in meetings and such. I am sure we're not as subtle as we think. I don't care.
After the first month or so things start to not quite fit. She still is massively narcissistic, she is always the victim despite the upbringing she spent so long talking about. She is demanding and rude, not specifically to me but generally in her interactions. She never orders her own food in restaurants because "my father would never allow me talk to the waiting staff in Turkey."
I stare in to those big brown eyes and ignore the fact she is the kind of girl I have spent my whole life, up to the grand old age of 30 heaping scorn upon.
At the end of the 3 months we go on holiday to Thailand. It is the single best holiday I've had and the most amazing place I've ever seen. We have sex on a sand bank as the sun sets out in the shallow sea in the private bay of our 5* boutique hotel. We fight. She says things like "If we live together and I want personal space you will have to leave the house and stay in a hotel" and "I have a better job than you, but I want to have children, so you will have to give yours up." It's not a discussion, it's just her expectation. I know we are doomed, it can never work.
I will tell the next 4 months hopefully a little quicker than the first.
She has left the country now, returned to Brussels. We visit on weekends and such but there is no way to make it a shorter journey than a good 8 hours, sometimes 10. The spectre of her ex looms large, she has to keep in touch because he is the only person there she trusts to help her find the right house to buy. I endure a couple of months of the 'we're buying a house' saga. The 'we' being her and the ex of course. It hurts a lot. We fight more, we discuss breaking up, we do break up, we get back together, the writing is on the wall.
We go to Paris. She locks her phone in the hotel safe and doesn't tell me the PIN. The phone never leaves her hand so I know something is up. I am awake until 4am before I get up and go to the safe, it is the same pin as her bank card. I check the phone and the picture on it is her ex, I am heartbroken and furious.
The next day I tell her I haven't slept but not why. We're go to Disneyland and I don't want to ruin the day. I am due to return to England the next day and she will stay in Paris for work. I plan to tell her when I depart that I am done and we are finished. Half way through that day she makes another stupid comment, pulls another stupid face at me and I explode. Imagine me standing in the middle of Disneyland going literally berserk. I take the hotel key and leave her stood there. She returns later, packs and leaves the hotel without a word. We've never spoken since. The idea of her cheating is something I've thought about, but on balance it would not be worth the time effort and arguements that went in to that period of time, we would have just broken up. I just think she never really honestly moved on in the first place.
So what was the point of this absolutely certified tl;dr? Well if you did read it hopefully two things stood out.
1, She was mind bendingly hot.
2, She was not a good person and totally wrong for me and I knew it.
I would say that it was the most destructive relationship of my life, the fights were huge. The hurt was huge. Protect yourself, listen to yourself, don't have an ego that wont let you leave someone that it the envy of all your friends even though you know you should. A person will age and hell after a few months most of the time she just looked like any other girl to me. What's inside people will count when you need it to. Whether you're young and stupid or older and stupid (like me) make principles, opinions and morals what matter to you and you will have a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
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Just had dinner with this hot girl, but I think i'm getting friendzoned, so I just ate the chocolate I bought for her. HAHAHA
IF YA HAVIN GURL PROBLUMS AH FEEL BAD 4 YOU SUN
AH GOT NEJN-NEJN PROBLUMS BUD A BISH AIN WUN
hit me
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On January 13 2012 21:20 probob wrote:
Im in the mood to tell my story.
It all begins in the 12th grade of highschool where I met this girl who looked really beautiful and I wanted to date her.
People in my class told me that she has a boyfriend since 7th grade but they have some problems.
So I talk to her shes into me and we met at her place and have sex. Basically she tolds me she never had sex before with the other guy because it didnt work out. The other guy gets told what happened and is mad like hell, tells other people he wants to stab me and other crazy stuff like that. She turned out to be psycho and controlling too, so im in the middle of their weird relationship problems. 2 month later I see this even more beautiful asian girl in my class. We talk a little and became friends first. We then went to a party and this one drunk friend of mine keeps hugging her and lifting her up carrying her around stuff like that and I noticed that I get so mad jelous although I have no right to be jelous for a girl im not even with. So i tell her exactly that. We started going out and a few weeks later I dump the psycho girl for her.
That was 2007. Since then Im with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now and were very happy. But other people told me that the guy never got back with the first girl and got depressed over that and now never goes out and chills at home getting drunk all day.
So what do you say TL? Is it my fault that this guy is so fucked or is it his own?
ofc its his fault... hes just a puss and needs to get over it.
kinda weird that girl had a relationship with that guy for 4 years and never had sex with him but went to bed with you instantly.
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On January 13 2012 22:46 Nallen wrote:
So what was the point of this absolutely certified tl;dr? Well if you did read it hopefully two things stood out.
1, She was mind bendingly hot.
2, She was not a good person and totally wrong for me and I knew it.
^^ that about sums up where I'm at right now. drives me insane when we're out in public but when we get back... I could never say no to her 
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everyone, since they all left me.
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On January 13 2012 22:57 TiCHEN wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On January 13 2012 21:20 probob wrote:
Im in the mood to tell my story.
It all begins in the 12th grade of highschool where I met this girl who looked really beautiful and I wanted to date her.
People in my class told me that she has a boyfriend since 7th grade but they have some problems.
So I talk to her shes into me and we met at her place and have sex. Basically she tolds me she never had sex before with the other guy because it didnt work out. The other guy gets told what happened and is mad like hell, tells other people he wants to stab me and other crazy stuff like that. She turned out to be psycho and controlling too, so im in the middle of their weird relationship problems. 2 month later I see this even more beautiful asian girl in my class. We talk a little and became friends first. We then went to a party and this one drunk friend of mine keeps hugging her and lifting her up carrying her around stuff like that and I noticed that I get so mad jelous although I have no right to be jelous for a girl im not even with. So i tell her exactly that. We started going out and a few weeks later I dump the psycho girl for her.
That was 2007. Since then Im with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now and were very happy. But other people told me that the guy never got back with the first girl and got depressed over that and now never goes out and chills at home getting drunk all day.
So what do you say TL? Is it my fault that this guy is so fucked or is it his own? ofc its his fault... hes just a puss and needs to get over it. kinda weird that girl had a relationship with that guy for 4 years and never had sex with him but went to bed with you instantly.
yeah i found that to be weird too, but she said they tried and it didnt work out, whatever that means ^^
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Interesting situation I am in that I think might fit this thread pretty well. So there are three characters in this story, myself, my current best friend, and a cute/smart/happy girl we both know. So my best friend is recently out of a relationship that he is taking forever to get over (girl was really weird but super cute so he thinks he can't do any better). I wanted to help him get over his relationship by pointing out girls that seem interested in him that he should try to pursue, one of these being the third character in this story (the cute girl one). So I have been trying to facilitate that for awhile but he had seemed too attached to his ex to make any moves. I myself haven't really had the desire to date anyone for awhile for many reasons, but after getting to know this girl a bit I realized I would like to try to date her. Problem is.. now my best friend seems interested in her again and now I find myself in a weird situation.
What to do what to do, do I really want to compete with my best friend for a girl? Being my nice self I'll probably back off and find someone else, but I swear this cute girls seems much more interested in me. What does TL think?
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On January 14 2012 01:09 Neo.NEt wrote:Show nested quote +On January 13 2012 22:46 Nallen wrote:
So what was the point of this absolutely certified tl;dr? Well if you did read it hopefully two things stood out.
1, She was mind bendingly hot.
2, She was not a good person and totally wrong for me and I knew it.
^^ that about sums up where I'm at right now. drives me insane when we're out in public but when we get back... I could never say no to her
Fuck yourself over a little now and avoid getting fucked over in a big way later, trust me!
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Long story short, known this girl since grade 7, you could pretty much say I was deep in the friendzone, but I always had a thing for her despite not necessarily going for her at all times. Come late high school we sort of drifted apart a bit, and then come university we essentially stopped talking and went our separate ways.
Here I am now in 4th year of university, go home for xmas break, randomly meet up with her and we hit it off and hook up and turns out we pretty much click completely and we're a perfect match. Eeeexcept we now go to university 6 hours apart lol Oh and she's my best friends ex of 3 years.
my life lol
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Silly straight people. . Really interesting stories in here! Loved reading them.
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Never had a girlfriend.
Had a crush on a girl when I was like 4, but then she moved away. When she moved back 10 years later, she was emo :X
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On January 14 2012 01:40 YouGotNothin wrote:What to do what to do, do I really want to compete with my best friend for a girl? Being my nice self I'll probably back off and find someone else, but I swear this cute girls seems much more interested in me. What does TL think?
You're his best friend too, just say to him "hey are you really interested in that girl because you seemed totally uninterested and we've been chatting and I'm really getting on with her". Don't just flat out compete, that will fuck everyone over.
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EPT
